Chapter 13 #3
‘I want to. If you’ve got time to listen? I need to get it off my chest and I need you to know for sure that I’m not all bad.’
‘I told you, I already know that.’ He held eye contact with her for a moment and then nodded slowly. ‘Okay, you can tell me whatever you want to, but I don’t need to hear it to know it’s more complicated than it might seem.’
‘I think we might need tea for this.’ Briony indicated towards the table and gestured for Tristan to sit down, busying herself making the drinks and trying to work out how best to tell him what she wanted to say.
‘There you go.’ She was moving almost robotically, in an attempt to lessen the pain and avoid worsening her injury, as she set the tea and a plate of biscuits down in front of him.
She might be minimising her movements, but that didn’t prevent her from deciding to dive straight in to the story without any preamble.
‘I hated Liam from the start, and I knew he wasn’t good enough for Bex.
I could see how like our dad he was and the way he was around other women.
I’d heard rumours that he was cheating on her, but she wouldn’t listen to me and I was so scared of how badly he might mess up her life if she went through with marrying him.
For years we’d watched Mum struggling, working all the hours she could and parenting us on her own.
I didn’t want that for Bex, but she just couldn’t see it. ’
Briony paused for a moment and forced herself to look at Tristan, who was watching her intently.
There was no sign of judgement or disdain on his face, but she was nowhere near finished yet.
‘He started flirting with me and I felt sickened by it, but I decided to encourage it, to see how far he’d go and I soon realised he was more than willing to go all the way. ’
‘Oh God.’ Tristan grimaced and she had to look away before she could continue.
‘Yeah, it was awful, and I kept trying to tell Bex what sort of person he really was, but it was like she was blind to it and it felt as though I was watching a car crash unfold in slow motion. With the wedding just weeks away, I decided the only way I was ever going to make her believe me was to prove to her exactly what he was capable of. So I did everything I could to make him fall for me, flattered him and told him he was too good for Bex, dressed and acted provocatively around him, even giving him photos that promised what was to come. I dangled a carrot to make him fall for me in a way that would make him willing to risk what he had with Bex, and even to walk away from their future altogether. Time was running out before the wedding, so I had to go a step further and start to get physical, but I never slept with him.’
‘Okay.’ She could hear the doubt in Tristan’s voice and for some reason it was incredibly important to her to try and dispel that.
She needed someone to believe her, and she wasn’t sure that her mum or Ken really did, even though she’d told them the whole story.
She could hardly blame them, because they’d witnessed first-hand the pain her actions had caused Bex, and it must have been very hard for them to get their heads around what she’d done.
There’d been things she’d held back from them too, about how alike Liam and her father were, and how she hadn’t wanted Bex to repeat their mother’s mistakes.
She’d been worried that hearing that would hurt Donna too much, but she didn’t need to hold back with Tristan.
‘I had to make him want me enough to believe I was worth losing Bex for. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and every time he touched me it made my skin crawl, but I was sure it would be worth it.
When Bex caught us kissing, I had to let it play out and give Liam enough rope to hang himself, telling her that he was in love with me and that he wanted to call off the wedding.
I couldn’t tell her then and there it had all been an act on my part, because I was terrified he’d find a way to wiggle out of it if I did, or that in the heat of the moment she wouldn’t be able to see there was no other explanation that made any sense. ’
Briony steadied her breath for a moment, wishing for the millionth time that things had turned out the way she’d wanted them to.
Then she continued. ‘I had to let Bex believe I wanted to be with Liam, at least for long enough to make sure there was no chance of her forgiving him. I knew how humiliated she’d be about calling off the wedding so close to the day, and I was scared that might make her vulnerable enough to taking him back, if I revealed that this had all just been a honey trap.
So I had to wait until there was no possible road back, but by then it was too late and she wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say.
She cut me out of her life and who could blame her?
All I could do was hope that when the dust settled, she’d let me try to explain.
After she met Matt, I felt sure she’d eventually soften and realise that what I did saved her from something terrible and allowed her to find something wonderful instead, but her stance has never changed and now I don’t think it ever will. ’
‘I don’t think you should give up on it.
Maybe once the transplant is over Bex will have the head space to talk about it again.
She and Matt were made for each other, and I can’t believe that hasn’t changed her perception of things.
I know it would for me if something bad happened, but it led to something amazing, and Bex is a such a good person.
I can’t believe she really holds hate in her heart; maybe it’s just a way of protecting herself from getting hurt again after what you went through as kids and what happened with Liam. ’
‘Maybe, or maybe I’m the exception to the rule and I’m the one person Bex is capable of truly hating. A lot of people would say I deserved it.’
‘Not if they heard the whole story. I wonder if—’ A knock on the door of the van cut Tristan off, and a voice called out.
‘Hi Briony, it’s Matt.’
‘Matt.’ She exchanged a look with Tristan and he shrugged, seeming every bit as surprised about the identity of the visitor as she was.
Jumping up, Briony pulled open the door and Matt gave her an apologetic smile.
‘Sorry to turn up unannounced, I just wanted to check whether there was anything you needed before you head to London.’
‘That’s so kind of you.’ She was still shell-shocked to see him there, but suddenly remembered her manners. ‘Do you want to come in? Tristan’s here already, drinking tea and eating all my biscuits.’ She’d hoped the light-hearted comment might lift any tension and it worked.
‘That sounds like my cousin.’ Matt laughed as he stepped inside. ‘Wow, it’s amazing in here, like an apartment on wheels. You’d never guess how nice it is from the outside.’
‘I’ll take that as a compliment… I think!
’ It was Briony’s turn to laugh and she still couldn’t believe Bex’s husband was here, let alone how comfortable she felt in his company.
It had been obvious from what her mother had told her that Matt was the polar opposite to Liam, but she’d have known that after a few moments in his company, even if her mother had never told her a thing about him.
‘Oh bloody hell, sorry.’ Matt slapped a hand against his forehead. ‘It was meant as a compliment I promise.’
‘Here why don’t you shove a biscuit in that big old mouth of yours, although you’ll have to take your foot out of it first.’ Tristan slid the plate across the table towards his cousin.
‘Can I get you a cup of tea or coffee, or maybe a beer?’ Briony asked, making Tristan raise his eyebrows.
‘How come I only got offered tea?’ He put on a mock offended tone and she shrugged.
‘I don’t want you getting too comfortable. I’ll never get rid of you.’
‘Yeah, we have that problem with Triss all the time.’ Matt gave his cousin a playful nudge and, as they all laughed, a warm glow enveloped Briony.
It reminded her what it was like to hang out with friends and family.
Then the thought hit her that if Bex had been there, they’d all have been acting so differently, if they were willing to speak to her at all.
‘So did you want a drink?’ The question sounded blunt even to her own ears, so it was no surprise when Matt declined the offer.
‘Thanks, but I can’t stay long. I was just checking the lambs in the top field, but I’ve got to get back to help Henry with his maths homework.
Me and Bex did rock, paper, scissors and I lost.’ He laughed again and Briony felt her heart contract with pain.
She’d have given anything to be able to help her nephew with his homework, but it was never going to happen.
As for having a child of her own one day, the prospect of that seemed to have slipped away too, but right now there was a question she needed to ask.
‘Does Bex know you’re here?’
‘No.’ The apologetic smile was back on Matt’s face. ‘But Tristan told us what happened to your ankle, and I wanted to see if there was anything you needed before you go away, given that you can’t drive, but I should have known Triss would look after you.’
‘He’s been very kind and it’s been lovely to see where you and Bex live, and the boys of course. I’ve imagined it lots of times, but it exceeded my expectations. It must be an amazing place for the boys to grow up, and Tom couldn’t stop telling me about all the animals.’
‘You’ve met Tom?’ Matt’s face gave nothing away, but his voice was strained and she could sense Tristan fidgeting uncomfortably out of the corner of her eye.
She’d probably said too much already, but she wasn’t going to lie.
It only made things worse. That was a lesson she’d learned a long time ago.
‘Yes and Ollie, but it’s okay, they had no idea who I am.’