Chapter 14 #2
He looked so broken and all she wanted to do was fix the pain she’d caused him, but she was hurting so much that she wasn’t sure where to start.
‘It isn’t that. I’m so grateful every day that I’ve got you and the boys.
You’re more than I ever dreamt of, but I still can’t forgive her.
Mum should have spent her retirement years with both her daughters around, the boys should have had a doting auntie in their lives, and instead I don’t want them going anywhere near her, because I know the only person Briony is really capable of loving is herself and that if I let her into our lives, she’ll end up letting them down and hurting our boys.
Then you tell me you’ve gone to see her and I can’t help feeling terrified that she might be able to destroy my life for a second time, because this time the stakes are so much higher.
I shouldn’t have to wonder whether my husband might fall in love with my sister and decide he’d rather be with her than me. ’
‘You’d never have to do that, because there’s no one, not one single person in the entire world, that I’d rather be with than you, Bex.
You’re the bloody love of my life and there’s nothing you can do to change that.
Not even getting ridiculous ideas like this into your head and acting like a completely different person is going to change how I feel about you.
You’re stuck with me for life.’ Matt pulled her into his arms, holding her so tightly for a moment that she could barely breathe, and somehow, all of the tension she’d been holding in her body seemed to drain away.
He’d been right when he said she’d been acting like a completely different person since Briony had come back, one she barely recognised.
She was usually the first person to look for the upside to any situation and to try and give other people a reason to smile, even on the tough days.
She’d found it easy to be happy-go-lucky since Matt and the boys had come into her life, and in her old job at the school the staff and parents had often commented on her being like a ray of sunshine.
It was why she’d had no qualms about setting up the campsite and dealing with customers every day.
Lately though, it was as if she was a dark cloud, draining the energy out of herself and everyone else.
It wasn’t Briony putting a distance between her and Matt, it was Bex, and it had to stop.
‘Well, thank God for that and I’m so sorry for being such a nightmare.
’ Burying her face in his chest she saw something move out of the corner of her eye, but it was probably just Marge and Betty, returning to the comfort of their beds in front of the aga, now that the drama was over.
As long as she had Matt and the boys, everything was going to be okay and she really was being ridiculous, getting so worked up about Briony being back.
It would be over before she knew it and nothing bad was going to happen in the meantime.
‘We’ve looked everywhere and we can’t find him.’ Bex’s voice was so high it hurt. ‘I was just desperately hoping he might have decided to try and get himself to school under his own steam.’
‘I’m really sorry, Bex, but he’s not here.’ The worry in Rowan’s voice reflected the terror Bex was already feeling. ‘Let me come up and help you look. I’ll ask the new school secretary to call straight away if he turns up in the meantime.’
‘No, thank you so much for offering, but you can’t do that.
You’re pregnant and you’re needed at the school.
He’s probably just hiding out in one of the barns because he hasn’t done his homework or something.
It won’t be anything serious.’ She tried to say the final words as though she really believed them, but she couldn’t quell the fear in her heart.
Tom – her baby – seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth.
‘Tristan is bringing Ollie down and Matt’s gone out to do a sweep of the barns, and I’m going to check everywhere in the house again.’
‘You don’t think there’s any chance he could have got into one of the caravans you’re storing, do you?
’ Rowan’s words were like a lightbulb going on.
When they’d first advertised the campsite, they’d been approached by a family living in Essex, to ask if they could permanently store their caravans on site for a reduced fee.
They spent all the school holidays in the area, and it made sense to leave the caravans sited on a beautiful pitch and drive up each time, to save the stress of bringing them up such narrow roads.
The family consisted of three siblings, each with their own families and touring caravans, and it had seemed like a win-win to guarantee Bex and Tristan some regular income for the campsite right from the start.
‘Oh my God, you’re right. I need to have a look.
’ Tom had always had a fascination with campers and caravans, and Bex had often laughed about him being a chip off the old block.
If he wanted to hide out for some reason, it was a good bet that he might be there, seeing if he could get into one of the caravans and set himself up a little den.
‘I’ve got to go, Rowan, thank you so much. ’
‘Just call me when you find him.’
‘I will and thanks again.’ She wasn’t just thanking her friend for the idea of where to look for Tom, she was thanking Rowan for her choice of words too. She’d said ‘when you find him’, not ‘if’, and right now she needed to believe that more than anything.
When someone had knocked on the camper door, Briony had fully expected it to be Ken.
He’d changed his mind about an early start the night before, after Tristan had already taken Merlin, which had made her wish that she’d held on to her beloved dog until the morning.
She’d felt more alone than ever without the warmth of his solid, reassuring body lying next to her, and his gentle snoring was better than any white noise app she could have downloaded to her phone.
It was only half past eight when the knocking started, but Ken was clearly overthinking the drive to London.
So it wouldn’t have surprised her if he’d changed the time of departure again and shown up at half eight instead of half nine.
Except when she’d opened the door, it wasn’t Ken standing there, it was Tom.
‘I’m not supposed to be here and I’m going to have to leave my shoes outside ’cos they’re all covered in mud,’ he said, before barging in without invitation and plonking himself on to the sofa.
‘What do you mean you’re not supposed to be here?
’ Briony looked at her nephew, who was staring back at her, his hazel eyes seeming to assess every detail in front of him and something twisted in her heart again.
She was never going to get to know this child the way she should have done, or be the fun auntie he ran to for a bit of space when his parents were on his case about something.
She barely knew anything about him, what kind of games or TV shows he liked, which football team he supported, whether he even liked football, and suddenly she wanted to glean every detail she could, so she could lock the information up somewhere and come back to it when she needed to feel a connection to him.
This was a chance she would almost certainly never get again.
‘Mum doesn’t want me coming anywhere near you.
’ Tom narrowed his eyes and Briony tried not to gasp and give away just how much his words had affected her, but he wasn’t finished yet.
‘I know you’re her sister and that she doesn’t like you, but I don’t understand why.
You seem really nice to me, and it isn’t fair because we haven’t got an auntie.
Uncle Triss is great and he buys us a lot of sweets, but we’d get twice as many if we had an auntie, wouldn’t we? ’
‘You probably would.’ To Briony’s surprise, a smile was tugging at the corners of her mouth.
You couldn’t fault Tom’s logic, and he clearly knew exactly what he wanted out of life.
She’d have given anything to have a relationship with Bex’s sons, but she knew how carefully she had to tread – for their sake as much as anyone else’s.
‘You should listen to what your mum says, because she only ever wants the best for you.’
‘Then why is she stopping us from having an aunt? She said it’s because you only love yourself, but everyone loves me.
’ She wanted to cry and laugh at the same time, because it was true, she already loved Tom, and his brothers, despite the fact she barely knew them.
However, what Bex had said about her felt like a punch to the gut all the same, and part of her wanted to set Tom straight.
She could tell him everything, including just how much she’d sacrificed to try and save Bex from making the worst mistake she could possibly have made.
But that wasn’t a conversation for a child to ever be part of, and she didn’t want to make things between herself and Bex even worse than they already were, if that was even possible.
Instead, she took a deep breath, before saying something far more innocuous.
‘Would you like a drink? I’ve got orange juice, water, or tea and coffee?’
Tom wrinkled his nose. ‘Coffee tastes gross. Mum says you can’t drink it until you’re a grown up, but I’m never going to want to drink it.’
‘Come back to me when you’re in your thirties and need to be on the top of your game after about two hours’ sleep.’ Her comment was met with a blank look and she shook her head. ‘But you’re right, I’m being silly offering you coffee. How about some chocolate milk?’
‘That’s my favourite, but I didn’t think you’d have any ’cos you haven’t got any children.’