Chapter 18 #2
As it turned out, not even that had been a cause for any discord.
Ken had insisted that everyone ought to have the day off from cooking and he’d arranged to collect a full Sunday roast from one of the local pubs.
Donna had wrinkled her nose at the sight of the tin foil trays and Bex had to admit she’d wondered if the roast potatoes would be up to scratch, never mind the Yorkshire puddings, but it had been delicious.
More than that, it had been the company that had made it such a wonderful afternoon.
They’d all decided they needed a break before dessert, and Matt, Triss and Ken had taken the boys off for a walk to burn off a bit of energy and work up a renewed appetite, leaving Bex, Briony and their mum alone.
‘When I was about to go in for the operation, my biggest fear was that something would happen to you.’ Donna looked as if she was trying not to cry as she reached for Briony’s hand, and Bex swallowed against the huge lump in her throat at the thought of her mum being so scared, and just how close they’d both come to losing Briony.
‘I wanted to wish for a day like this, but I didn’t dare.
I promised God, or whoever was listening, that I’d never ask for anything again as long as you were okay, but this, today, just all of us together, has made me happier than you could ever imagine. ’
‘Oh, I think I can imagine it, because I feel the same way.’ Briony looked towards Bex, her other hand moving slightly in her direction, but then stopping, as if she was afraid to reach out and get rejected.
‘Me too.’ Bex put her hand over her sister’s, closing the circle by reaching towards their mother with her other hand.
It had been the three of them against the world for so long when they’d been growing up.
It didn’t need to be that way any more, they had so many other wonderful people in their lives, but if felt as if they could be that strong unit again one day in the not-too-distant future; the solid foundation they could always lean upon.
All they had to do was keep building on the progress they’d already made and not let anything or anyone come between them again.
Right now, Bex couldn’t imagine that ever happening, and she didn’t have the words to express just how grateful she was for this second chance.
All she could do was to squeeze her mother and sister’s hands and silently thank whatever force had brought them all back together.
Before Briony even moved into the farmhouse, Bex had decided that keeping the Liam-shaped skeleton locked in the closet was the only course of action.
There was no point raking over old ground and dragging up past hurt.
It couldn’t undo what had been done and it might even have set things back if Briony said anything to contradict the conclusions Bex had reached about her having had the best of intentions.
It was too much of a risk that could have derailed all the progress they’d made in getting their relationship back on track.
Their mother’s illness and Briony’s brush with mortality had undoubtedly been the catalyst Bex had needed to try again, but her boys had been the ingredients they needed to make so much progress in such a short time.
Sharing their memories with Henry, Ollie and Tom had reminded Bex of just how close she and Briony had been, and the huge amount of love there had been between them.
Yet despite how far they’d come in such a short time, Bex knew it was all still fragile and talking about what had happened with Liam was a sledgehammer they couldn’t afford to wield anywhere near their fresh start.
A couple of times Briony had tried to broach the subject again, but Bex had shut her down, telling her it was in the past and that it didn’t matter any more, because this was the life she was supposed to have.
It was true, Matt had been so right when he’d reminded her of that, and it was easy now to focus on how grateful she was that Briony’s actions had ended her engagement to Liam.
But talking about it again would have brought back her sister’s deceit, and that was the bit that would always hurt if she allowed herself to think about it.
She didn’t care about Liam one little bit, but she cared that her sister had been willing to do whatever it took to stop the wedding.
Bex didn’t want to know the details and part of her still couldn’t make sense of it, so it was easier not to think about it too deeply.
How could Briony risk her relationship with Bex even if she’d been convinced that she was doing it for the right reasons?
Bex could never have taken that kind of risk, because she’d always loved her little sister more than she could express, even in all those years of silence and the thought of losing her would have been far too unbearable.
She could admit that now, because she was no longer trying to convince herself and everyone else that she didn’t miss Briony.
A therapist would probably have told her it was unhealthy to keep Liam’s skeleton locked up, but she didn’t care.
It was working for them and, even though she might never fully be able to forget that it was lurking there somewhere, taking some of the shine off this second chance they’d been given, it was a hell of a lot better than risking her relationship with Briony again by going into the details of exactly what had happened.
Bex was scared that it would only take one unexpected revelation to tear them apart again and there was no way she was willing to jeopardise their reunion.
She just wished it didn’t all feel so fragile and complicated.
The boys adored their auntie, but they weren’t the only ones to be completely enamoured by her.
It was obvious Tristan had feelings for her too.
Lots of them, and Bex had no idea what to do about it.
‘I don’t think you should do anything about it.’ Rowan rested a cup of tea against her baby bump, which was far too round to provide the kind of shelf she needed. ‘They’re both fully grown adults and any kind of interference from you probably isn’t going to go well.’
Her friend’s tone was kindly and Bex knew she was right, but she was struggling to accept that she needed to let things play out.
‘I’m just worried because I’ve got a horrible feeling Tristan has fallen quite hard.
You know what Briony’s like. She’s never had a boyfriend who lasted more than a couple of months, even when we were younger.
Her lifestyle these days means she’s never in one place for any length of time.
I just don’t want him to get hurt, and I feel like I need to tell him what he’s getting into before he makes a move. ’
‘I do understand why you want to protect him.’ Rowan set her cup down on Bex’s kitchen table.
Sun was streaming through the windows, and summer seemed to have elbowed spring out of the way.
Life on the farm was getting busier and busier, and the campsite was also doing a roaring trade.
So managing to grab a cup of tea and a catch up with her best friend felt like a huge treat to Bex, especially as Rowan was so busy at school too.
Bex hadn’t wanted today to be all about her problems yet again, she’d leant on Rowan and her other friends more than enough over these past couple of months.
She’d wanted to talk excitedly about the baby, and what plans they could make for the summer holidays to entertain Bex’s boys and Rowan’s older children, but she couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom that gripped her every time she thought about Tristan and Briony becoming more than just friends.
‘You’re right, I do want to protect him.
Triss is like the brother I never had, but it isn’t even just that.
’ Bex breathed out slowly. ‘Briony is the sister I’ve finally got back again, after years of missing her more than I could let myself acknowledge.
I’m worried that if they get into this, and she decides it’s not for her, she’ll feel she has to disappear again.
Even if that doesn’t mean her breaking off contact completely, it’ll mean she’s back on the road, going who knows where for who knows how long.
She told me, before she found out Mum was ill, that she’d been planning on going to Europe for the summer and then Morrocco for the winter.
The boys will be devastated if she just takes off and we don’t know when we’ll see her again. ’
‘You’ll be devastated too.’ Rowan gave her a level look, not breaking eye contact until she finally nodded.
‘I don’t know if anything you do can really prevent someone getting hurt, but you could be honest with Tristan and tell him that you’re worried about how they’ll handle things if they start something that doesn’t work out.
Maybe they just need to be clear on that first. If they make a plan about how to handle the situation if things fizzle out, it might be far less dramatic than you’re imagining it to be. ’
‘Yes, and I’m probably just blowing it out of all proportion.
It might end before it’s even begun and I’ll just have wasted energy worrying about something that’s never going to happen.
It’s one of my superpowers!’ Bex laughed.
‘Talking of superpowers, I think you might have Elastigirl growing in there, the way elbows and knees keep suddenly appearing out of nowhere on your bump when the baby turns over.’
‘It feels more like Alien vs. Predator than a superhero scenario, but even if the baby has got tentacles, Nathan’s still going to think she’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen.’