Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
L iam
“I knew those guys were going to steer you astray," Luke says before hurling a bowling ball down the glossy lane. It nicks a single pin enough to take it out, yet Luke finesses a one-eighty and fist pumps like he got a strike.
"Steer me astray how ?” I challenge. “I didn't do anything because of them except read that…book." I resist the urge to call it a stupid book because I don't think it’s so stupid anymore. Sure, reading it empowered me to take positive steps in Ashley's direction, which has effectively backfired on me, but they were positive steps, nonetheless.
Luke grabs the ball once it jets through the chute and gets into a stance with his eyes set on the nine remaining pins.
“You only think they didn't have something to do with the whole Ashley thing,” he says, unmoving like a statue. “But why do you think they timed the book the way that they did?” He swings his arm back while taking three long strides and then thrusts the ball forward and down the lane.
It smacks the center pin square on, taking out three and leaving the rest standing on either side. I stare at the great divide as the bar comes down and wipes them all out. That divide symbolizes the recent split between Ashley and me, something I am still not willing to accept.
Sure, she blew up and took off. But it's not like she's going to do what she did last time—run off and marry some dentist that she’ll work for and dedicate the rest of her life to.
I stand up and make my way slowly to the array of bowling balls I picked out for today's game. Since the book I'm reading addresses unhealthy obsessions and superstitions triggered by negative events in one's life, I am forcing myself to not pick a favorite. To not think I'll shoot a better shot with one ball over the other. They weigh the same, they were made the same, it’s all in my technique.
I'm immediately drawn to the burgundy one, so I force myself to pick the green marbled one instead.
"You know what you need?" Luke says from behind. My body tenses in preparation, but I play it cool and wait for him to say whatever moronic thing he plans to say.
"You need to just go out there and date a whole bunch of women. Now's your chance to behave badly, make mistakes, and do stupid stuff. You got crapped on, brother, it’s your right. Heck, it's your duty!"
I grit my teeth and flare my nostrils as I suck in a breath that I pray will infuse me with patience. Luke hasn’t figured out that we’re adults now. Once you have a kid, you stop acting like a kid yourself. At least, you should.
I drop my arm, swing it back as I stride forward, then let the ball loose. I'm glaring at the spot I want it to hit. Just left of that central pin, and it does.
The pins explode in a splendor of spinning white.
"That's what I'm talking about," Luke cheers. "He's still got it, ladies! Take that, Ashley Chen."
My eyes bulge. "Dude, shut up.” I check over both shoulders, hating that anyone might've heard. “Don't say her name like that."
"So sensitive. That's your problem, you know? You and Blaine were always more sensitive than the rest of us. I just wish Blaine could've lived long enough to overcome it."
Luke is lucky that he doesn’t follow a different train of thought. One he's stumbled over before. I don't have the desire nor the power to rehabilitate Luke and his twisted ways of thinking and viewing the world.
Let him think I'm delusional; at least I’m trying to better myself. Still, I can't help but hear Luke's sentiment in my head. Take that, Ashley Chen.
It makes me remember the way I once set a goal—shortly after she got married—to get back at Ashley by living my best life. By being the best husband, the best dad, and having the best kids. And sure, the best house and the biggest bank account. Take that, Ashley Chen . See what you missed out on?
Of course, my love and devotion to Gabrielle and the kids became my real motive, but it was a thought I once had.
After signing the divorce papers, I was a wreck. I’d tried so hard for so long to make it work. To make things better. Ignoring Gabrielle’s bad behavior backfired; since she was never held accountable, she only got worse. And yes, so did my passive-aggressive behavior, something I can now admit to. We didn’t make each other better, but it’s possible we could have if we’d have gotten help sooner.
Still, I remember heading to the beach after signing the papers. I was still in my business suit, so I kicked off my shoes and socks, rolled the hems of my pants, and waded into the ocean. It was dark out, October as it was when the sun goes down early, and the air gets crisp. I lifted my chin to the sky and asked God what He wanted me to do now.
Or had He forgotten me?
The idea of being forgotten has haunted me since I saw this horrible show where a man's wife got amnesia and couldn't remember who he was. Couldn't recall the memories they’d made, the feelings of love they'd built over the years.
So, when Ashley and I got in that wreck, and the hospital told her parents to watch for signs of a concussion, I panicked. Sure, Ashley and I had only gone on four dates at the time, but I was already hooked.
I wondered, standing on the dark shore while the waves lapped my ankles and my feet sank lower into the sand, if Ashley Chen had forgotten me the way I’d forgotten her. If she was so entirely swept up by her own marriage and kids that she rarely ever thought back on those days. It was the first time I actually hoped that she had.
"Earth to Liam! Hey, can we get a doctor over here? I think we've lost him." Luke's ridiculous babblings pull me from my thoughts.
"What?"
"I said Jessica and Nellie want to go on a double date this weekend. You up for it?"
I shake my head. "No. Are you crazy?"
Luke pulls a cringe face and sucks air through his teeth. "Uh, oh, looks like Liam Hurt Heart is back in town, folks."
I narrow my eyes, hating that he's using things I confided in him against me. It’s a low blow, seeing that I was only trying to help him get out of his own stuck ways. Of course, that man needs an entirely different book. He needs a good old-fashioned encyclopedia-sized collection of books to help him make a change.
"Luke," I say calmly. “It’s been two days. Two days, okay?"
"Okay, okay," Luke says while rolling his shoulders back. He strides over and grabs the very ball I just got a strike with.
My fists clench. And yes, I have to tell myself not to snap at him because part of me thinks Marble Green is coated with my luck right now, but since I know better and since I am on a journey to improve whether Ashley wants me or not, I bite back the words.
Luke puts his magic spin on the ball and gets a strike. He spins to look at me and cocks a brow. "Lucky ball.”
A growl gets caught in my throat.
“Now,” Luke says, spreading his fingers out over the air vent. “I get what you're saying about it only being two days. So what if it had been two weeks? How long are you willing to put your heart on hold? Put your life on hold?"
I think about the upcoming weddings. Beau and Kirsten’s wedding is three weeks from today and, of course, Ashley agreed to be my date. I decide that if she doesn't come to the wedding, if I have to attend the event alone, I'll look for someone else to accompany me to Braxton and Maggie's wedding, which is the following month at a much larger venue, seeing that it's their first and hopefully— please, Lord —only marriage.
"If Ashley and I haven't reconciled in three weeks from now,” I say, “then I'll agree to go out with someone else after Beau's wedding."
Luke claps his hands and rubs his palms together like I just presented a challenge. "And I, my dashingly handsome twin, will have a hot double date lined up just for the occasion."
He doesn't say if Ashley doesn’t reach out. He doesn't even acknowledge the fact that there's a stipulation to this whole rule, and just for that, I want to smack him upside the head.
Instead, I spot my lucky ball as it shoots from the return and snatch it back up like it's my very claim on Ashley.
This time, I'm not so confident as I release it. I’m reluctant because I’ve already let go before.
I gulp, watching as it catches light in its fast path, moving closer to the edge the farther it goes.
Just before it can nick the farthest pin, it drops off-course with a clunk.
Superstition aside, I can't help but think it's a sign.