Chapter Eleven #2
“Because you’re better than what I just saw, Lunar. You’re worth more than that treatment.” He steps away from me, walks over to the two-seater couch, and sits. Ryan and Matt look at us from the other side of the room, but I ignore them and walk over in front of Danger.
“Am I, though? I’m a club girl, Danger… that roughly translates to whore. I’m a stripper at a biker club, and I’ve spent the last four and a half years living with club men. I’m bound to be a little… worthless.”I turn, pacing away from him in defeat.
He stands up abruptly, reaching out grabbing my wrist, and turning me back to face him.
His face is scrunched, his breathing is rushed, and his complexion is turning red with his apparent anger.
“What the hell, Lunar? You’re so full of confidence that it oozes out of you, yet deep inside, right at your core, you feel like you’re worthless.
Jesus Christ, you don’t even know how amazing you are, and you let these bikers talk to you like you’re a piece of meat they can pound into and fuck every which way they want?
I mean, fuck! Techie’s a great guy, and I appreciate his help, but fuck me if I didn’t want to smash his fucking face in for the way he was talking to you.
And you just took it! You gave it back, sure.
But I see that you think this is all you are…
tits, ass, and a fucking hot body.” His hands slide onto my waist, pulling me closer to him with purpose, making my breath catch.
His hard glare makes my eyelids flutter.
“Lunar, that’s not all there is to you. Think of tonight, all that merch you sold.
You did that without your tits out, with all your clothes on, and without being overly sexual.
Hell, you sold our shit to women, so that tells me you’re good at other things than simply selling your body to the next guy who wants it. ”
My eyes widen, my heart racing. I feel like I need to defend myself, so I give him a little shove on his chest, pushing him away from me.
“Fuck you! You think you know me? You think you even pretend to know what I’ve been through?
This body is all I have,” I yell, my voice rising with anger and frustration.
He scoffs. “Bullshit! You have a brain, a really smart brain, and you could put it to good use if you wanted to.”
“You don’t understand who I am!”
He grabs my arms, pulling me to him again. “I understand you perfectly, Lunar. You’ve been this way for four and a half years… from your teens into adulthood. The bikers taught you how to be this way. But you’re so much smarter than they allow you to be.”
My shoulders slump, my eyes glistening as I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding. “I’m not smart, though,” I whisper.
“You are! You designed the merch. You sold it on your own. That was you, all you. No one can take that from you.”
Shaking my head, tears prick my eyes, and I blink them away. For so long, all I have felt, all I have ever been good at is sex and being sexual for men. My body is all I have—it’s my tool. My brain is something I never think about.
I don’t know how to do this.
It’s too damn hard.
“No, you’re wrong. I can’t be smart and sexy. There’s no such thing as both.”
He brings his hand up to my face and caresses my cheek. “Then be smart, Annalise.”
Hearing my name sends a shockwave through me.
I think back to the girl I was before the Satan Savages MC.
The girl who was that—just a girl. She wasn’t sexual, and men hadn’t corrupted her.
That Lunar was innocent until life took a wrong turn, and I chose to make sacrifices for my family.
Unfortunately, my body was what I had to give up in turn to help my mother and brother.
It was all on me, and no one forced me. The club has been good to me and my family, but the sacrifice I made at the time was huge.
I know no other way.
My eyes overflow with tears, and it’s all too much to handle as Danger looks into my eyes sympathetically and with understanding. His deep, dark eyes caress my soul, and I can’t take it.
I can’t take that he’s right.
I can’t take it that the place I thought was my home, my safe haven for the last four and a half years, is actually the place I want to escape from.
Yet, ironically, it’s also the place I’m going to run straight to.
I shake my head and swallow hard. Leaning into Danger’s hand, I take in his calmness and look into his eyes as my tears slide down my cheeks and mouth. “I’m sorry.”
He inhales sharply as I step back from him, his hand falling from my face as I turn and race as fast as I can out of the green room in search of Techie to get me the hell out of here.
I need to think.
Think about my life.
And I need to do it away from Danger and his mesmerizing eyes.
DANGER
Lunar turns and bolts out of the green room, tears flooding down her cheeks, and my instinct kicks in to run after her. My feet take two steps, but then I stop as my chest heaves, and I have to let her go.
She needs a moment to process.
I’ve said a lot of things that hit home.
I hope I haven’t fucked things up completely because she is amazing. She’s everything I said and more, and I’m not ready for our relationship, whatever state it is in, to end.
Was that a fight?
I’m not sure.
But I know I need to give her time to figure out what she needs and wants from her life.
After seeing how she is with the bikers, I don’t know how she can stand that life.
Sure, she’s grown up with it. But still, there’s being a doormat and being respected.
Even though she and Techie are friends, and I’m sure it was all in good fun, it felt disrespectful, and I hated every second of that conversation.
“So, ah… that was intense?” Ryan states, slapping my shoulder. “You okay?”
Turning to face him, I nod. “Yeah, just… fuck! I don’t know, man.”
“Look, I don’t want to be the bad guy here, but you and Lunar are getting close and quick. Do you think maybe you’re latching on to her because you’re missing someone else?”
My stomach twists and lurches. I haven’t given Ella one minute of time for a while now because all my thoughts have been about Lunar. She’s a distraction, but I still get twisted up when I think of Ella. So yes, I’m not over her, but I want to be, and surely, focusing on someone else isn’t bad.
“I know you’re worried, but this thing with Lunar isn’t serious.
Hell, she’s an Australian. We’ll return home after we’re done here, so there’s no chance of long-term.
Don’t worry. I’m not going to get in deep.
What happened with Ella won’t happen again…
ever. I’m not putting myself out there like that with anyone. Recoil is my number one. Always.”
Ryan nods. “Okay. I’m worried about you. I saw how easily you got swept up last time. I don’t want to lose you again.”
I give him a back-slap man hug. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. We’re best friends for life, Ry. I’m not abandoning you or the band… not for anything or anyone. We’re together, and in this, this time. We’re gonna make it and have our break with Luke.”
“Fucking hope so! Because I mean it, Danger, if you break the band up again, there’s no second chance.”
“Understood. I’m not fucking this up. Not for a girl, no fucking way.”