40. Chapter 40
Chapter forty
Robinson
That all snapped Robinson out of…whatever the fuck funk he’d been in. “The party?” He wants me to meet his friends?
“Yeah. Remember, you said—”
“I know. It worked for me.” Robinson looked Chuck up and down, and somehow, he seemed different. Maybe Robinson had been too caught up in his own stuff, but there was a slightly lighter air around Chuck. His shoulders seemed firmer. His eyes seemed brighter. His whole aura was just different. “You want me there?”
“Yeah. I know you have a schedule and all that, but if there’s time. You should be there. And I was going to talk to Eliza and see if she wanted to get some footage of it or something. But not if it means you wouldn’t be there.” He nodded, as if he’d just had that revelation. “Yeah. Ball’s in your court on that, but I want you there.”
“With your friends?”
That also looked like a revelation, the way Chuck’s eyes widened. Then he smiled. “Yeah. With my friends. I mean, I hope they’re still my friends. You’re not the only one I kind of fucked up with after Andrew died. Just the most recent victim.”
Robinson scooted the chair closer, trying to get a better look and feel of this whole thing. He stared at Chuck for a long time before finally saying anything else. “You’re…this is real, isn’t it?”
“Well yeah. Obviously. Are you drunk?” He cringed. “Sorry if that’s insensitive.”
“No. I mean…this isn’t just because you feel bad, is it?” All the work Robinson had put into staying separate and keeping himself safe after Chuck ran out of the hotel room, it all cracked, bits of those walls falling away. “You want to spend time with me.”
“I do.” Chuck sighed. “I am so sorry about the way everything happened. You didn’t deserve to have my baggage unloaded on you like that. But, if I can suggest a silver lining?”
Robinson nodded, feeling more chunks of his defenses falling away, and feeling that damnable hope start to blossom again. He was at the ready to shut it all down, but…he wanted to listen. He wanted to hear the right things and have everything work in his favor, just this once. He wanted to hold onto that hope for as long as he could manage. “Give me the silver lining.”
“I realized that I was holding myself back. I can’t keep hiding forever. Maybe if I was more present, I would have noticed my son was drinking behind my back. Maybe I would have modeled healthier coping mechanisms to get us all acclimated to living without him. And maybe I would have reached out to my friends sooner rather than later. Maybe I would have gotten my own shit together and I wouldn’t have hurt a good guy.” He reached across, palm up. “Suffice it to say, I owe you now. And if you’ll let me try, I’ll pay you back however I can for getting me past that hurdle.”
That hand was so inviting. Robinson’s every desire pushed him to grab it, but he hesitated. He still had somewhat of a functioning brain, not existing purely on emotions. There were a few chunks of masonry left to protect him, give him pause. “What’s the plan if you don’t feel like you can handle it? If I say yes and we try to be something more than a fling, and then shit goes south again?”
Chuck didn’t move his hand, but it took him a long while to respond. “I…don’t have one. All I can is promise that I’m going to do everything in my power to avoid hurting you again. And I can accept if that’s not a risk you’re willing to take on a long distance maybe relationship. No hard feelings, you’re still welcome to come and forage food at the party.” He flexed his fingers slightly, but his hand remained at the ready. “I’ll miss you, but I’ll be okay.”
Chunks of rubble crashed away from Robinson’s walls. He couldn’t pinpoint one thing that dealt the final blow, that brought down his defenses. But in that moment, alone with Chuck again in the hotel room where things had gone south, he snatched Chuck’s hand, feeling the soft skin. “One more try.”
Chuck smiled wide, dimples cutting into his cheeks, and Robinson wasn’t sure he’d seen Chuck’s smile so big since he got there. He brought his other hand around and grabbed Robinson’s. “I’m going to make the most of it. At the very least, if this ends up not working out, I want us to part on good terms.” He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to Robinson’s fingers. “But I really hope that’s not the way it works out. I’d like to visit Washington some time.”
Robinson added his other hand into the mix, then wheeled himself closer until he was just a foot away. “So that’s all this is, huh? An excuse to travel?”
“Of course. My dastardly plan all along was to convince you to fall for me so I could go see the Space Needle.”
“Well, sucks to be you. I live in the mountains, not in Seattle.”
“Damn.” Chuck shrugged. “You make a good consolation prize.”
They stayed that way a few more seconds, then Chuck carefully extricated his hands from the knot. “I would stay and…you know.” His eyes flicked toward the bed. “But I have a drunk kiddo in the other room.”
Robinson nodded. “You want me to talk to Jake, see if I can borrow a drill for you to run next to his ear in the morning?”
Chuck snorted. “I think not. I’ll give him a pass on this one, since I feel responsible.” He moved toward the door, but stopped with his hand on the knob. “But the party. It’s scheduled for after the wrap-up on the house. I know you’ll be there for that, but if you could stay…I’ll have a fancy new bedroom and they boys will be distracted by all their new stuff.”
Robinson nodded, feeling a bit of tension in his chest. They were trying, and some stupid part of Robinson’s brain convinced him that trying meant it wasn’t natural and wasn’t meant to be.
But he was actually able to shut that voice up. There was nothing wrong with trying. “I’ll be there with bells on.”
Chuck nodded. “And hopefully not much else.”
Then he left, and Robinson may have danced around a little bit. He needed some outlet for his excitement. Going to have to tell Mason. And probably break this to the other guys. But if some razzing from the others was the worst he had to put up with, he could cope.
And I need to see if I can find a place that sells bells .