Chapter Fifteen
Connor sat on a stack of storage boxes in the office, straightening out the kinks in a new roll of cable with his nylon jaw pliers. He would have done it in the workshop, but he couldn’t help himself—where Sam was, he wanted to be.
Across from him at the front desk, Sam was clicking away on the computer.
Connor had been snatching furtive glances at the man for the past fifteen minutes.
While Sam had been friendly—if not a little flustered—when he’d arrived at work that morning, a series of phone calls had pulled him away, and they hadn’t had a chance to speak about the events of the previous evening.
Connor had stayed up most of the night thinking about it—not so much the complexity of their situation but the way Sam’s tongue had felt in his mouth.
Sam had pressed against him with an eagerness that made it difficult for Connor to think straight.
When he’d finally gotten up to leave, it felt like Sam had been torn from Connor’s body by force.
Connor’s hand stilled, and he stared at the cable between his fingers. Whatever happened, he regretted nothing. Kissing Sam had affirmed something he’d suspected for the longest time, and he felt lighter somehow, almost relieved.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
He glanced up to see Sam standing before him, his eyes fixed on Connor’s pliers and not his face.
“About what?” Connor quipped. “How long I’ve waited to kiss you?”
Sam looked at him curiously. “How long are we talking?”
“Since you wore those knee-high socks with shorts in tenth grade.”
“Oh.” Two smudges of scarlet appeared on Sam’s cheeks. “That is a long time.” The air crackled between them, and Connor realized he was holding his breath. “I wouldn’t want to make you wait that long again,” Sam murmured, and Connor watched, pulse quickening, as Sam bent to kiss him.
Connor opened his mouth, feeling a flood of heat fill his chest. He reached up to wrap a hand around the back of Sam’s neck and drew him close.
Sam’s breath hitched, and he deepened the kiss, one arm sliding around Connor’s back to grasp his shirt.
Sam’s lips were soft and pliant, and his mouth tasted of toothpaste.
Connor wanted to pull the man onto his lap and find out what the rest of him tasted like.
“Will you let me take you out?” he asked when they parted, reluctantly letting his hand drop from Sam’s neck.
“On a date?”
Connor nodded, and Sam stepped back, mulling it over. “I want to say yes, but I’m not sure about all this.” His forehead furrowed, and the excitement drained from his face. “Is it weird, with me working here?”
“If you’re uncomfortable about us working together, I understand. Just say the word.” Connor swallowed, hoping he wouldn’t. When Sam said nothing, Connor continued, emboldened. “It’s not that weird, though. I mean, we went to school together. I don’t really think of myself as your boss.”
“Technically, you are.”
“Right. And technically, you’re older by what, four months? So we’re both taking advantage.”
Sam let out a snort, then his expression turned solemn. “I don’t...” He fiddled with the sleeve of his cardigan. “I don’t have the best track record.”
Connor shrugged. “I don’t care about your track record.
” It was true. He didn’t give a shit about Sam’s history—dating or otherwise.
Besides, who was he to judge? “I’m grown up enough to handle myself, and I really like spending time with you.
So I guess all I want is to spend some time with you if you’re open to that.
We don’t have to call it anything if you don’t want to. ”
Sam shoved his hands into his pockets. “You don’t understand. I... struggle more than most people. I’m not sure I’m... you know, enough.”
Connor masked the jolt of concern. He saw some things he’d noticed in a new light—Sam’s self-deprecation, the lack of confidence. “You’re plenty. You’re more than enough. You’re just the right amount.”
“And you’re just saying that to get me to go out with you,” Sam shot back.
“That would be a bonus,” Connor said with a laugh. “Look, the only person you need to be enough for is yourself.”
“There’s the problem,” Sam muttered.
They fell silent as if at an impasse.
“We don’t need to figure it out right now,” Connor offered, not wanting to give up yet acknowledging Sam’s reluctance. The last thing he wanted was to push. “Fancy a walk to Jenny’s? I could use some coffee.”
Sam gave him a flash of that disarming smile, sweet and charming all at once. “Coffee, I can do.”
Sam held out the container of carrots to Matty, but he batted it away. Then Matty threw his head back and began to shriek. While Sam tried to quell a rising panic, Brian, beside him on the picnic blanket, remained unfazed.
“Four-year-old logic. He doesn’t like carrots today,” Brian announced. “Maybe he’ll like them tomorrow—it’s anyone’s guess.” He had Ellie propped up on his lap and was feeding her spoonfuls of green mush from a pouch.
It was Saturday, and they were at the park around the corner from Brian’s house.
The weather had proven decent enough to justify venturing outside for the kids’ afternoon snack.
Sure enough, several seconds later, Matty abandoned his tantrum and began following a duck as it waddled toward a nearby tree.
“Well, that’s a relief,” Sam said.
“Yeah, they’re surprisingly resilient. I spent the first couple of months after Matty was born convinced I’d scarred him for life.
I obsessed over everything. Did I pick him up fast enough when he cried?
Will he have attachment issues from being bottle fed?
In the end, I figured it’s such a crapshoot you can’t worry about that shit.
I know I’ll scar him somehow. Whether it’s the carrots or walking in on him with his girlfriend, only time will tell. ”
“You’ve been home full-time since Matty was born?”
Brian swiped at Ellie’s face with a wet wipe. “Yup. I was between jobs when Jules got pregnant, and then we kind of got used to me taking care of the baby once she went back to work, so I stayed on.”
“How’s that working out?”
Brian placed Ellie down on her back on the picnic blanket.
“It’s not the hardest thing I’ve done, but it’s close.
It’s also hilarious and crazy fun sometimes.
And fuck, things move fast. I feel lucky to get the time with them.
My dad was super hands-off. Never had much of a relationship with the man.
So I appreciate the chance for a do-over. ”
Sam watched Ellie kick her little legs like a swimmer on dry land. “That’s amazing, Brian.”
Brian shrugged. “Anyway, I’m sure when you texted to ask if we could hang, you weren’t expecting the full daddy experience.”
“It’s all good. I’m honored to be part of your entourage.”
Sam had felt bad after ignoring Brian’s message about trivia, and then life had gotten busy, and they were well overdue for their proposed catch-up.
Even after spending the better part of his life in Oakdale, there were so few people in town he would count as friends, and Brian had been generous enough to include Sam in his circle and make him feel welcome.
“What’s new with you?” Brian asked. “I may have been hallucinating, but I could’ve sworn I saw your sister at Jim’s the other night, buying Fiji water.”
His sister’s impromptu visit had ended as abruptly as it had begun.
She’d feigned a work commitment and left the following day.
Her excuse had barely registered with Sam, who’d come home from Connor’s that evening in a daze and escaped to his room at the first opportunity, pleading exhaustion.
Georgia’s sudden exit came as no surprise.
She liked to be the center of attention, and Sam had stopped playing the role of adoring brother years ago.
“Yeah, she was only in town for like a day.”
“That’s weird.”
Sam made a face. “She’s weird.” He reached down to tickle Ellie’s palm, and she latched onto his finger with her tiny hand.
“How’s the job? I’ve always wondered what Finnis is like to work with.” Brian leaned forward with a conspiratorial gleam in his eye. “I bet he’s bossy. The whole chill demeanor is just an act.”
Sam was immediately set upon by thoughts of Connor’s soft lips, the smell of him—fresh and earthy—and the way he kept his eyes open when he kissed Sam as though not wanting to miss a second.
Sam had to use every ounce of his self-control not to blush.
“He’s been great, actually. Really patient, especially with the technical stuff. ”
Patient was an understatement. After the night at Connor’s apartment, he and Connor hadn’t quite landed on how to navigate the sudden change in their relationship.
It was Sam’s fault; he kept tripping himself up, running hot and cold.
One minute, they’d be discussing rescheduling a job, and the next, Sam would have Connor pressed against the desk.
Not that Sam didn’t want to be with Connor, but he hadn’t expected to be back here so soon.
What had once been familiar territory now seemed pitted with obstacles, and Sam had a bad habit of falling headfirst. Just look where that had left him.
He was trying to relearn how to do better for himself.
“Interesting,” Brian observed. “That guy’s a real stumper.”
“How so?”
“I don’t know. Like, he’s a bunch of different people at the same time.”
Sam stilled. He thought of the longing behind Connor’s question when he’d walked Sam home after the football game: “What’s life like for us out there?” He couldn’t imagine how hard it was for Connor to have to hide in plain sight.
“It’s been a real eye-opener,” Sam said, feeling the need to change the subject. “Seeing him in action. The trades don’t get nearly enough credit.”
“Tell me about it. Our bathroom sprang a leak, and the plumber I called had this laser-detection device that looked straight out of a Mission Impossible movie. He was crazy smart—Matty!” Brian called out to his son, who’d followed the duck down to the edge of the small pond and was leaning in precariously.
“Back here, buddy. We’re not going for a swim today. ”
“I’ll grab him.” Sam got up and guided the little boy back to the picnic blanket, where he appeared to change his mind about the carrots and began cramming them into his mouth.
“Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” Brian said and leaned over to adjust Ellie’s knitted hat.
“I mean, it’s not like I planned on answering phones for a living,” Sam scoffed, suddenly self-conscious. He recalled the incredulous look on his sister’s face and the spike of embarrassment he’d felt. “I had something bigger in mind.”
Brian gave a shrug. “I didn’t plan on changing diapers for a living. Bigger, better, whatever.” Matty got up and began collecting handfuls of fallen orange leaves and crunching them to smithereens under his shoes. “Can I ask, are you still writing?”
Sam looked at Brian quizzically.
“Screenplays and stuff,” Brian said.
Sam let out a short laugh. “No, I don’t do that anymore.”
“Pity. I’ve been working on a graphic novel for a few years now. It’s nice to have a little project ticking along in the background, even if the rest of my life doesn’t look like how I imagined. It’s my way of keeping the dream alive.”
Sam couldn’t remember the last time he’d been inspired to do something just for himself.
“I was hunting around in the attic the other day and came across this...” Brian reached into the diaper bag by his feet and pulled out a ratty pile of stapled pages. “Thought it might make for a fun trip down memory lane.”
Sam took the pile from Brian with a wry smile. “I can’t believe you still have this.” He flicked through their old screenplay, which Sam had typed up on his family’s PC and printed during multiple trips to his dad’s office. “This is ridiculous.”
“It’s actually pretty mint. We had some out-there ideas for a bunch of kids. Anyway, working on something creative helped me when I was going through a hard time.”
Sam prickled defensively. “What makes you think I’m having a hard time?”
“From what I gather, you gave up an awesome job in the big city and moved back here to live with your parents. No judgment, but that sounds like a tough stretch to me.” Brian’s expression softened. “It’s cool, man. I’ve been there. Life’s full of setbacks.”
Sam stared out at the ducks circling the pond. It wasn’t a setback—it was a wipeout.
On the picnic blanket, Ellie gave a little gurgle, turned her head to one side, and proceeded to spit up the green mush Brian had fed her only minutes before.
“Thar she blows!” Brian cried out in a pirate’s voice, and Matty hopped up and down with delight, giggling hysterically.