Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
CARI
Max was behind the camera, less than five feet from me, while we got the final shots of the day. I didn’t know how I’d react being near Max, it was something Shirley and I talked about for the last few weeks. It was the first out-of-town job Ellie was trusting me on, and I wasn’t going to bail.
I mean, what would I have even said, ‘Sorry, the photographer is my ex, situationship, and it ended badly’?
So, I was being a grown up about it and having my feelings about it in therapy.
Shirley and I had gone through every possible reaction Max might have, and it made the whole experience a lot more manageable.
I had thought about telling River to give Max a heads-up, but then I thought better of it. She didn’t want to hear from me, and I wasn’t going to disturb that by getting our friends involved. Besides, I’d already gone through the worst-case scenarios.
When Max gave me an out and introduced herself, I was relieved. We could get through this without some big confrontation, and it was like the weight I’d been carrying around for weeks was finally lifted.
She looked the same as months ago, with short dark hair, a sharp jawline, and her warm brown eyes. I knew she wasn’t listening when I was first going over the schedule; her eyes were following my body, but her mind was racing.
I couldn’t tell at first if she was trying to get out of here with a good enough excuse or what. But when she laughed with me, I realized she might just be thinking about me.
I couldn’t blame her. I had tried to focus at first, but with her standing so close to me, all the old memories were flooding back. Her body spray, sandalwood, was sneaking in just like the memories. Thoughts of her body, our bodies, it was enough to send shivers down my spine.
I was doing my best to stay focused on work. I really like working for Ellie. She is fun and creative, and I have a lot I could learn from her.
At first, it was just the experience I was after, but lately, I have been thinking I could have a career in fashion. Maybe not designing, but managing models and helping out on shoots.
My eyes shift back to Max, dressed in all black as usual, bending to get the perfect shot. She is still sexy as hell, and I wonder how she’s been. It had taken everything not to ask, trying to maintain boundaries.
Shirley and I had gone through this; if Max asks or opens the door, I’m allowed to walk through.
But if she keeps it closed, then I should respect her boundaries no matter what I think she may or may not want.
I wasn’t reading body language or between the lines anymore.
If she didn’t voice it, I would need to keep my distance.
It’s frustrating for me to try to rewire my brain.
It’s like my first ‘therapy test’. I’d been practicing the skills for months, but besides my one run-in with Gus, I haven’t had another chance to use them.
Sure, I use my coping skills all the time.
But the boundaries I’ve learned and making sure I’m staying on my side of the tape?
Yeah, not something I’ve been looking forward to using.
So, I take a step away from Max and her sandalwood smell, hoping that might help a bit.
“Can I grab two more of those three in the bathroom? And then I’ll be done,” Max says, turning to me.
“Sure.” I nod, calling the models and dismissing the others.
The bathroom seemed like a weird spot for the photo until you saw the inside. Covered from wall to wall with writing, stickers, and posters, it’s the perfect space.
Max positions herself so she can take a photo without being accidentally seen in the mirrors.
The models are smiling, laughing, and following Max’s direction of having a fun night out with their friends.
It makes sense, fitting the vibe and somehow capturing the cliché of best friends drunkenly going to the bathroom together.
Despite there being only one toilet, their spending time laughing in the mirror.
I know Ellie will love the final results.
“Okay, we got it,” Max announces.
I dismiss the models and go to find Ellie. She’s sitting upstairs with one of the owners and her partner, Reese, and shoveling a quesadilla in her mouth. She smiles when she sees me.
“C! How did it go? I take it we’re done?” Her pink hair is tied up in a messy bun to keep from falling in the food.
“Yes, Max seems to have gotten everything, and I can dismiss the models if that’s okay with you?” I ask.
“Of course. Thank you so much for today, great job.” Ellie isn’t short on handing out praise, something I thrive on.
I’m headed back downstairs when I hear her call my name. “Can you check out the raw shots Max took? I want to make sure they’re usable, and if not, we can reshoot some things tomorrow. I have a few Zoom meetings to get to back at the hotel.”
“Uh, sure. Now?” I ask uneasily, not knowing how Max will feel about us sticking around alone.
“Yes, we can take more tomorrow, but if we don’t need the space, I’d love to let the public back in,” Ellie explains.
“Of course.” I nod.
Walking down the stairs, I take a deep breath before approaching Max. She’s packing up her things, but her camera is still out. All the models seem to have already disappeared. I check the back room to make sure they know they can go home and thank them for the day. Then I turn back to Max.
“Hey, so my boss would like it if we could take a look at the raw photos? Just to make sure you got what we need.” I try to sound casual and professional.
“Sure, no problem, is she coming down or…?” Max looks at the set of stairs.
“She’s actually about to leave, but was hoping I could go through them with you. If that’s okay?” I ask hopefully. I can’t force a smile because all I feel is nerves, and Max’s face is unreadable.
“Yeah, okay.” Max nods. “Let me grab my laptop if you wanna pick a table, and I’ll pull up the photos.”
“Sure.” I purse my lips. I don’t want this to feel weird between us, even if it does. We are just two people looking over photos for my boss; it isn’t anything abnormal.
I pick a table in the middle of the room, not the couch against the wall that would most definitely lead to us hooking up. Even if I didn’t want to, Max was irresistible sometimes, and too often that’s how I ended up riding her face. It’s better to keep our distance to maintain professionalism.
“Okay, so I haven’t looked at these myself, but obviously I took them, and it seemed like we got some real winners,” Max says, pulling up the chair next to me and opening her laptop. She connects her camera, and we wait as the photos begin to upload.
“So, since we have a moment, I just wanted to apologize for my craziness last time we talked. I was going through a lot, and truthfully, I’m on meds now because my brain chemistry was just off in general.
But that doesn’t excuse my obsessive behavior and trying to change you when you so clearly didn’t want to be with me.
We have shared friends and now share careers, so I’d love to be able to put it in the past so it’s not weird,” I say, hoping Max understands.
“Are you okay?” she asks, and her response surprises me.
“I am, yeah. I went a little manic, lost my Instagram account, cut some bangs, and blacked out a bit. But it’s part of my mental illness.
I’m still in therapy, trying to help myself, but it’s a process.
It was important to me that if I saw you, I got the chance to apologize for everything,” I explain.
“I’m glad you’re okay now. I didn’t know, but I’m glad you’re getting help.” Max offers a half smile.
“Thanks,” I say quietly.
“I’m sorry too. It wasn’t all on you, I was a dick,” she says, and I laugh, accidentally interrupting her.
“It’s true, I was. I wish I had thought more about how my actions were affecting you.
I wasn’t ready for a relationship with anyone, but I never should’ve hooked up with you and led you on.
I cared for you a lot, but I wish I had been honest about not being ready.
It could’ve saved us both a lot of hurt, and I’m sorry,” Max says.
I’m quiet for a moment. I didn’t expect it; all this time, I thought it was all in my head.
That she didn’t like me at all, and I was pushing things that she didn’t even feel.
So, to hear that I was right all along is like a huge mental breakthrough.
I can understand not being ready or wanting a relationship, but knowing she at least cared and wanted me is enough.
“Thank you,” I say softly.
“I’m happy to move forward too. You’re right, we share way too many friends, and we might run into each other professionally, so let’s put the past in the past.” Max holds out her hand and I smile, shaking it lightly and ignoring the twinge of electricity I feel as she touches me.
It’s too familiar, but it’s not going to derail me this time. I need to keep my feelings in check.
The photos pop up a moment later, and Max starts flipping through them.
Some of them are practice shots, so she skips those, but the ones she stops on are amazing.
It absolutely captured the vibe Ellie wanted, and all of the models and clothes look fantastic.
Max managed to make sure the clothes look flattering while the models ate, talked, and hung out with their friends.
It looks natural, not too posed. It’s on Ellie’s brand and would be great social media content once I get the final files.
“Can I take a few behind-the-scenes shots of you showing me?” I ask. “Ellie loves it when we have that content to tease people.”
“For sure, just do me a favor and blur the photos a little? I don’t want everyone thinking this is the work I do.” Max chuckles.
“Of course. I was thinking even just your hands, the computer with a camera hooked up, and the bar in the background is enough.” I take a few shots, blurring the photo on the screen, and show Max.
“This looks good.” Max smiles. “You know I’m surprised to hear you’re not an influencer anymore.”
“Well, after I lost my account, I thought it might be time to start fresh. It took a while to find something I wanted. But actually, a friend of Gus’s works for Ellie so Gus thought to send me the application.
So far, I really enjoy it, I get to do all the behind-the-scenes of influencing I loved.
But I’m only in the spotlight when I want to be instead of having to be the main focus,” I explain.
“That makes sense, it’s cool.” Max smiles. “You seem happier.”
I pause. “I really am.”
“That’s great to hear, you deserve that.” Max squeezes my shoulder lightly and as if realizing what she did, just as quickly lets go and starts cleaning up.
“I should get going, but it was good to see you, Max.”
“You too, Cari.”
I didn’t know the next time I’d see Max, if I was even going to see her anytime soon. Maybe she was just being polite about everything else. But at least I now have closure. An apology and knowing that we were both at fault is more than I thought I’d ever get from her.