Chapter 7
7
A soft gasp made DP turn around, his fingers frozen on the controller.
Chaaru stood behind the island, her eyes full of such longing that his heart kicked. The silk robe she wore hung loose at her neck, revealing the white lace of her top. Dark shadows cradled her eyes.
Tenderness filled him at how tired she looked. The last thing she needed was for him to heap his ‘feelings’ on her. He swallowed, disappointment making him feel small. Not that he could have said much to her with Kaasi here.
“Hey, Char?” he said, when she didn’t move for a whole five minutes. “You okay?”
She blinked and nodded, her gaze sweeping over his features with that same greed and urgency he understood well.
Kaasi paused the game and turned around. “Hey Mom! Wanna game with us for a bit?”
As she walked around the couch, the robe parted to show off her thick thighs clad in shorts.
DP looked away, helpless against the fresh desire pouring through him. He bit off a groan as a new realization hit him. What he’d done earlier had cemented her deeper in his bones. Until now, loving her had been a passive act, like breathing. Now, he’d turned it into something with fangs and teeth and its own demands.
“I should get going,” he said, pushing to his knees. A litany he had sung all evening. Was this going to be the rest of their lives?
“No, don’t rush out on my account,” Chaaru said without meeting his eyes. “I just came down to say good night.”
“Yeah, stay. Please, DP,” Kaasi said, thumping DP’s shoulder. His warm brown eyes, so much like his mom’s, shone with eager affection. “Been a while since we hung out.”
“Yes, well, junior year in college is taking it out of you, huh?” DP said, ruffling his hair.
There was pure joy in knowing that he’d played a small part in how Chaaru’s son had turned out. But it also made him wonder if mentoring Kaasi had just been another way he’d been clinging to the margins of her life.
The thought left a sour taste in his mouth.
No, his attraction to Chaaru and his affection for Kaasi were two separate things. Though, everything suddenly felt like a gray area, muddied by all that he’d buried for years.
“Some classes have been extremely challenging, yes. But I have it better than most of my friends,” Kaasi said, leaning back against the couch and laying his head in his mother’s lap. “Mom cooks for me, stays up to keep me company when I study.” He grinned sheepishly and in that beautiful smile, DP saw Chaaru again. “Hate to admit that she even does my laundry once in a while.” He held up his hand, palm out, as if to forestall DP’s lecture. “I know that’s not what you taught me, but I think she does it for the general wellbeing of the world. My clothes and I can become quite the ripe nuisance after a week.”
All of them laughed.
“Get this, DP.” Kaasi’s gaze flicked toward his mom, an easy smile stretching his mouth. “She set me up with this guy last month who’s the son of a client and he’s a good one. And my friends wonder why I don’t move out.”
“Your mom’s quite the talent at matchmaking,” DP said, an edge creeping into his tone. “She’s forever setting me up with the perfect woman too.”
Chaaru’s chin tilted in his direction, eyes wide. Something arced between them, but DP was damned if he knew what it was.
She thumped Kaasi’s shoulders good-naturedly. “As long as you focus on landing that internship, it’s all good. Did you let DP eat a morsel of the biryani?”
“I told him I’d already eaten, but DP insisted,” Kaasi said, smacking his lips. “His fault for offering me food. He knows I can’t say no.”
DP said he didn’t mind. He could feel Chaaru’s gaze on the nape of his neck, as surely as if she were running her fingers over him. “How did the interview for the internship go?” he asked Kaasi. “Did prepping with my friend help?”
“I killed it, yes,” Kaasi said, pumping his fist in the air. “He really helped me articulate my answers. Boosted my confidence when he said my concepts were solid. The second interview got scheduled in the first week of the new year.” Kaasi patted DP’s shoulder. “Thanks so much for putting me in touch with him.”
“Not a problem,” DP said.
Chaaru looked up from her phone, frowning. “Kaasi, why do I have a message from Shanti that you canceled your Christmas skiing trip with them?”
Kaasi frowned. “I don’t want to spend my Christmas break with them.” Before Chaaru could say something, he added, “Ever again,” in a small voice.
DP frowned. For as long as he remembered, Kaasi had spent one week of Christmas break with Chaaru’s older sister’s family. While she herself wasn’t close with Shanti, she’d always encouraged Kaasi to spend time with his cousins and grandparents who lived in SFO. He also knew that it was out of guilt that she couldn’t afford to take Kaasi on those expensive vacations herself, that it had grated on her self-respect to accept her sister’s help. Which Shanti always served up with a side of judgment and unwanted advice.
But for Kaasi, Chaaru swallowed it all.
“Why? What happened?” she said, sudden tension radiating from her.
The mention of her older sister, like the rest of her family, was a painful trigger for her. The passive-aggressive arguments persuading her to go back to Ravi the first time she had left him, the barely veiled threats about not supporting her if she did, even painting doom-filled scenarios about how Kaasi would turn out without a father.
Then there was the lying to extended family and friends about Chaaru’s business because it embarrassed them to admit that she was a ‘glorified maid’.
God, just remembering it made him burn with anger. Chaaru had had no other choice but to distance herself.
When DP got to his feet, fighting the urge to gather Chaaru in his arms, Kaasi stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “Stay, DP. Mom’s so less…”
He paused when his mother raised a brow, her mouth pursed.
“What? This is a serious issue,” Kaasi said, sounding defensive. “You only ever listen to him or Mona aunty, and I need backup on this.”
“Sounds ominous,” DP said, settling on the arm of the couch, though he wasn’t sure if it could withstand his bulk. Immediately, Chaaru’s scent filled his nostrils and longing flooded his entire being.
God, there was so much history between them, so many minuscule, meaningful moments. Was it wrong to want to cross the last step and have more?
Kaasi gathered their bowls and glasses, deposited them on the island and then came back to stand in front of them, his jaw tight with resolve.
From the different angle, it was startling to see how much the young man was beginning to favor his dad, in looks and even mannerisms. Especially the way he carried himself and charmed anyone in the vicinity, just like Ravi had. But the resemblance stopped there, thank God. Where Ravi had been all empty charm and roiling insecurities beneath, Kaasi was kind and sweet.
“Okay, kiddo,” Chaaru said, fidgeting on the couch, her voice betraying a hint of nervousness. “Let’s hear it so DP can get home and I can sleep.”
“I’m twenty-one now,” Kaasi announced, with the brazen confidence of youth. “You’ve given up a lot for me. I don’t want you to put your life on hold anymore.”
Her mouth falling open, Chaaru sent DP a panicked look. As if she could take on any burden except of someone caring for her. Just as shocked by Kaasi’s opening as her, DP patted the back of her hand.
“I…Where is this coming from?” she finally said.
“The other day, when I went to their house for Diwali feast,” Kaasi said, “Shanti Auntie mentioned how you could’ve married her brother-in-law’s cousin when I was eight or nine but you refused. Apparently, they’ve all been finding guys for you up until like three years ago.”
“Why the hell is Shanti bringing that up with you?” Chaaru burst out.
“That’s not the point, Mom,” Kaasi said gently.
“What is the point then if not to sing my faults to you behind my back?” Chaaru said, throwing the quilt off her lap and shooting to her feet. Anger and hurt radiated from her. “They wouldn’t stop lecturing me how important it was for you to have a father, or how I was ruining your life, instead of throwing a kind word in my face. Don’t tell me you’re joining that camp too now.”
Her voice broke at the end there and DP’s chest ached. He grabbed her hand instinctively, wanting, needing, to show her she had someone on her side. She squeezed him back with a death grip. DP shuffled closer, the earlier awkwardness melting away.
Kaasi shook his head, his own eyes filling up. “No, Amma,” he said, slipping into his mother tongue. “I would never think I’d have been better off with dad or some other random guy. Ever. Won’t you let me explain?”
Something about his tone cut through the ache of the rift with her sister and parents. Chaaru sank back into the couch, dragging DP along. It was a tight fit, with both of them being larger than average, but he was pathetic enough to relish the closeness.
Kaasi went to his knees in front of her, took her hand and kissed the back of it. “I don’t give a shit whether you marry, ever again. We were talking about…” He shook his head and tried again. “I asked why Shanti Auntie and you aren’t close, why grandma and grandpa, why they had all just abandoned you. It’s been on my mind for years. She got defensive, said some things I didn’t like, and it didn’t end well.”
Chaaru took in a deep breath, the vibrations of it rocking through DP. “Don’t fight with them on my behalf, Kaasi. They’ve been good to you all these years and that’s more than I’ve ever expected. I don’t want you to lose them. Please, leave this alone.”
“No, I can’t,” Kaasi said, roughly thrusting his hand through his hair. His lean frame vibrated with tension. “It’s not enough that they’re good to me. That’s where the argument began with Shanti Auntie. I don’t want people who treat you awfully in my life.”
Chaaru sighed. “They’re not bad people. Just never tried to understand who I was or what I was going through. Leaving your dad and dragging him through the court case went against everything they believed.”
“Even though he was horrible to you? And don’t say they just didn’t get you. Their support would have made a world of difference, no?”
“Yes, it would have,” Chaaru said. “And it broke my heart. But I had friends who stood by me,” she said, lifting their clasped hands to her mouth and pressing her cheek to the back of DP’s hand. “DP, Mona, Dominic, Kash, and Laura…I wasn’t alone.” She wiped her cheeks. “And that was a lesson I had to learn too. Enforcing healthy boundaries with my family.”
Kaasi shook his head. “I wish things hadn’t been so hard for you.”
“You are thriving today, baby,” she said, clasping his jaw, “and that’s more than enough for me. And I’m sorry for overreacting. I don’t want you to dwell on these things and get distracted when you have-”
“Stop, please.” The same stubborn-ness that was a part of Chaaru shone in the set of Kaasi’s mouth. “I might be a baby to you, but I’m also a very fine young man.” The twinkle in his eyes said he was repeating Mona’s words. “I worry about you, Mom, and I always will. And I don’t need people who don’t treat you well in my life. You deserve so much and I... hate that I can’t just magic the world to give it to you.”
Her shoulders shaking, Chaaru looked at DP helplessly. He squeezed her waist.
“I appreciate it so much that you care about me,” Chaaru said, clasping Kaasi’s hands. “Tell me what else is on your mind.”
“Will you swear to implement some of these things? Or, or…I’ll move out and get into debt and you will-”
Chaaru raised her palms. “I’ll try, okay.”
Kaasi shot up his large hand, fanning his fingers around dramatically. Apparently, he’d given this a lot of thought. “Don’t worry so much about how my life will turn out. Or at least worry less. That internship’s hopefully nailed down. One year to graduation, and I’ll work my ass off to land a good job.” His index finger shot out. “Please spend some of your hard-earned money on yourself. Go shopping with Mona auntie and not secondhand thrift stores. Book a luxury vacation this year—not one where you house-sit three dogs or wipe some grandmother’s ass. Then I want you to date again, or go on tinder,” here Kaasi’s cheeks turned red, “Or wherever you old people go to get your freak on and not feel you have to hide it for my sake.”
Chaaru sighed. “I have a life, Kaasi.”
“I want you to find someone,” Kaasi went on, as if she hadn’t interrupted. “Not-”
“Now who’s turning into an aggressive matchmaking Desi parent, huh?”
“I don’t want you to be alone because of me.” He looked so miserable at the prospect that DP’s chest ached.
Chaaru clasped his cheeks. “I will do all the other things you’ve highlighted. I promise. But Kaasi, and you have to listen to me here. A partner or a relationship…I don’t want one. I never want a person in my life who will demand I put them before you or who will tell me how to dress or eat or behave.”
“Not everyone’s like dad,” Kaasi bit out.
“I never said-”
“I’m not an idiot. This is what I’m talking about. You don’t have to pretend like he hadn’t been a controlling asshole just so I have a relationship with him.”
“I won’t listen to anyone in this matter,” Chaaru said in a firm tone. “As for being alone, you know that’s not true. I have Mona and Laura and DP and you and friends from work and dance and…I’ve built a life that I’m happy with. Do you hear me?”
Chaaru’s each word—pulsing with resolve—hit DP like punches coming at him from all directions.
After what felt like an eternity, Kaasi nodded.
Chaaru let go of him and went to the kitchen, her movements jerky. The sound of water and the tinkle of glassware filled the heavy silence.
When Kaasi turned to DP, his puppy-dog eyes seeking approval, DP hugged him tight. It looked like he was comforting Kaasi, but he was the one who needed it.
Even knowing her resistance to romantic relationships, her words were a punch to the gut. It was the wake-up call he needed. But right then, he felt like he’d lost something infinitely precious. He’d loved her for so long that there was already a Chaaru-shaped hole inside him.
He tapped Kaasi’s cheek when they pulled back. “You okay?”
Kaasi nodded and cleared his throat. He grabbed his backpack and car keys. “I’m going to study at my friend’s tonight and drive to campus from there in the morning,” he announced loudly.
Chaaru gave him a watery smile and a nod from the kitchen.
“Drive safe,” they yelled at the same time as Kaasi closed the door behind him.