Chapter 36
Thirty Six
Declan
Iwake up early, but the bed is cold where Raven was lying.
In both senses of the word, as it turns out.
Shit.
I thought she’d accepted things last night. Clearly, she hadn’t.
Okay, so yes, maybe I did go a little bit far with the drugging and the kidnapping and the interrogation. But I thought she understood it was a game.
She enjoyed it, didn’t she?
I made it clear it was just a scene, didn’t I?
Whether or not I did, she’s gone now.
I go downstairs to check, already knowing it’s pointless. There are no sounds, and the bed had none of her body heat. She’s not sleeping on the sofa, and her boots and leathers have gone. So has her bike when I check.
That’s that, then. She’ll be halfway back to LA by now.
Impressive that she snuck out without waking me. I genuinely didn’t think anyone could. But that’s my little hellcat: sneaky and ferocious.
I walk back upstairs, into the main bedroom, telling myself she couldn’t have found the safe. Or opened it if she had.
But Raven is that good. Did she find them? Am I totally screwed?
My heart’s racing as I slide the false wall aside and punch in the code that Mercer gave me.
Then I breathe again. The two bags of diamonds and the black box are just where I left them.
I take them out and carry them into the kitchen, setting them on the table while I make a coffee. Sit down and stare at them.
The plan I came up with on the road to Salt Lake City was already insane. Get the package, interrogate Raven to understand its value, use it as leverage on Renner. Keep Raven close. Decide right then what could and couldn’t be salvaged.
Raven’s punched two massive holes through it.
It won’t work anymore, not with her out of my reach, and able to contact Renner first. And I’ve no idea what the hell I’m going to do instead.
I sip my coffee and take stock. Again. Trying to work out the conundrum that is Hale, Maddox, Mercer, Renner, and Raven.
Simple option first.
If I give Mercer the diamonds and this black box, Hale ceases to exist and Maddox continues.
I lose Raven. Renner may or may not go to prison for the rest of his life—and frankly, I don’t really care.
I’ll have no choice but to testify. The crew will go down for Palm Springs and Rodeo Drive. The best part of their lives in prison.
And I’ll have done my job.
Raven goes with them. I never see her again, and she hates me forever.
Or I use the wallet to bargain for her protection, she doesn’t go to prison, all her crew does, I never see her again, and she hates me forever.
Simple, yes. Palatable? Never.
If I give it to Renner, I’m all-in on this. And I’ll have a lot of shit to figure out.
Even more now that Raven’s left. That was never part of my plan. She’s blown a hole straight through it with her usual flair, leaving destruction in her wake.
I pick up the black box, turning it over in my hand. I don’t know what Renner will do with it. What intentions does a man like him have for millions of dollars in untraceable, instantly liquid cryptocurrency?
Assuming this thing isn’t worthless.
After all the trouble Renner’s gone to, it’s clear he thinks it isn’t. A man like that doesn’t make mistakes, does he?
It’s a hardware wallet. Renner must know it can be replaced with the seed words. His contractor must know that too. Which means either they’re idiots, or the seed is gone. And Renner doesn’t work with idiots.
Shit. That means this box is literally the only vehicle to get to the money sitting behind it.
That’s leverage, after a fashion. Put a bullet through it, and someone loses millions.
Enough to cost Renner his head? Enough to give me something to barter with?
I press the button on the side again. The screen asks for a PIN I don’t have, that Raven didn’t have. In truth, I didn’t think she would, but I thought she’d know why it was significant. Or at least know exactly how much was on it.
She didn’t. After what I put her through last night, I’m certain of that now.
Renner trusted her to carry it, but not enough to tell her anything.
What an asshole.
Maybe that was wishful thinking on my part. Maybe Renner isn’t the kind of man to trust even Raven. He trusts Tasha, or so I thought… well, it doesn’t matter. It is what it is.
And that was the flaw in my thinking: I’d based everything on her being able to give me the information I needed.
Not only has she not, she’s left to go back to LA, having seen this house. This setup. Enough about me to know I’m not exactly what I’ve been claiming to be.
Enough to make one call to Renner and burn me.
Which would blow a second massive hole through my plan.
If she does that, she might yet force my hand. I might have no choice but to go with the simple option. Wouldn’t that be ironic?
If Renner tries to put Cole on me—he can’t, Cole’s in the hospital—but the principle is the same. If Renner goes against me, I’ll have to disappear. I’ll have no choice but to be Maddox, not Hale. My life will continue the way it was supposed to. The way it should. The way that’s lawful.
I’m just no longer convinced it’s the way that’s right.
Raven’s fault. That girl has changed me. For the better, I like to think.
Maddox had nothing to live for but a job he didn’t like.
Shit, I’m thinking about myself like I’m a fictional person. In the past tense, like I’m no more.
How fucked am I?
I take a deep breath and a sip of coffee.
But anyway.
Maddox is one thing. Hale is another.
How do I get Hale out of this, burn Maddox, burn my job, stay out of prison, and keep Raven when she doesn’t trust me enough to stay until the morning?
Even if I somehow do, why would she even want me when I can’t provide for her?
No job, no money, none of the pursuits Hale is so good at given the FBI know that name, and will be watching me like a goddamn hawk?
All my hopes rested on this little black box, these bags of diamonds, and manipulating Kurt Renner for everything I could get out of him.
And not only did Raven not give me what I needed, she just blasted it all wide open.
I sigh and get myself up. There’s no reason to sit here. I have to get back to LA, try and find her, try and explain.
Ideally before I talk to Renner. Or Mercer.
The former if Raven will accept my reasons. The latter if…
Shit. I don’t even want to consider that.
She’s gone from being someone I find intriguing to someone I like, to someone I want to know in every way possible, to someone I love.
To someone I’m obsessed with.
That’s the goddamn truth.
I no longer give a fuck about Mercer. Or Maddox. Or Renner or Hale. I’ll burn them all for Raven.
If only I could figure out a way she’d accept me.
I’m still thinking about it as I hit the road for LA, six hours away.
Seven, with start-stop traffic on the I-5, and the need to take the 101 again.
Raven would be pleased.
I stare unseeing at the road ahead of me, only one thought on my mind: how to persuade Raven that she can trust me when she blatantly can’t.
Can an FBI agent and a wanted criminal really have a relationship?
I laugh aloud, bitter and sardonic.
The answer is simple: no.
Am I dreaming?
Am I risking throwing away everything I’ve worked toward my entire life just for the possibility of a woman who would never accept me anyway?
Would she have, if I hadn’t drugged and kidnapped her?
Maybe.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hell, it still does.
I could resign. Take the diamonds. Grab Raven.
And do what? Keep her in a basement forever?
Shit. I’m all out of sedatives.
All right, Declan. Figure this out.
My job, my reputation, or Raven.
My financial stability, or Raven.
Being able to look at myself in the mirror for the rest of my life.
Or Raven.
Raven. Every single time.
Okay, that decision wasn’t difficult to make after all. I’m obsessed with the girl. It might not be healthy; it is what it is.
But that’s only half of it. Why the hell could she possibly love me?
She’s never said she does.
I’ve given her no reason to trust me.
Hell, I’ve given her every reason not to trust me.
In frustration, I thump the steering wheel. The horn gives a feeble hoot in protest. There’s no one around to hear.
Am I really going to abandon everything and risk it all on one toss of the dice? No job, nowhere to live, only the money in Maddox’s bank account?
Two bags of stolen diamonds on the seat next to me, and I can’t touch them. The FBI might not know I have them, but Renner does. If they don’t hunt me down, he will.
I’m going round in circles, I know I am.
Because there are no solutions.
Fuck it. There is one solution.
I resign from the FBI. Mercer’s made that easy: she screwed the op by arresting Renner prematurely. We’ve been told to stand down. She won’t be that surprised if I take my ball and go home after seven months undercover and nothing to show for it.
Then I give Renner the black box and the diamonds. Hell, he might even put in a good word for me to Raven if I do that.
What, if I do exactly what he expects me to do anyway? Okay, maybe he won’t.
Makes no difference. I still have to do it. It’s the only way to show her she’s all that matters to me.
Then I have to tell her. Everything.
I take a breath and let it out slow.
“Hi, yeah, so… you know how you’re a criminal? Well, I’m an FBI agent. Sorry I forgot to mention it…”
That’s going to suck. I’ll be lucky not to get a beer bottle smashed over my head and a pool cue rammed up my ass.
But at least then she’ll know. At least then there’ll be no more secrets.
And what, she falls into my arms? Penniless, unemployed me? Who isn’t even the man she thought I was, but one with a completely different name?
I’m dreaming. I know I am.
I’m still going to do it. I know I am.
It’s the only way.