Chapter 14
Cain
It was hard to think back on the days before Bowen had burst into my life, to remember my loneliness, to imagine a reality where I’d once thought of ending everything.
It was hard to think I’d almost missed out on the most beautiful thing in this world.
I’d almost missed out on Bowen.
It had been a few weeks since I’d taken off the muzzle and collar, and god, the way he smiled now…
It was everything. He was everything.
He was comfortable with me now. Comfortable with talking to me, asking me questions, demanding things of me, only remembering to say please after he made his imperious demands.
He was precious and adorable and so, so smart. He loved to talk, too.
We’d talked about the rain and what we’d do when it came. He needed a lot of reassurance that I would be okay, that I could handle him, and even after that night he’d woken me up to help him, he still seemed terrified that he’d hurt me.
But he wouldn’t. I just wanted him to associate something good with the rain. Something he enjoyed. I didn’t want him to ever suffer. I treasured him more than anything in my life and never wanted him to be in pain again—he’d been through enough of that in his lifetime.
I wanted to see him smile. Only smile. To hear him laugh. To fill him with all the joy he’d missed out on.
So I made him something.
He was fascinated with my bow, loved watching me use it, and wanted me to teach him that skill.
I’d tried, at first, but it was way too big for him and he couldn’t properly draw the string back to get good enough range. I hated seeing the disappointment on his face, but he pretended it didn’t bother him and asked me to teach him how to make arrows instead.
I showed him where I got the wood, how I whittled it down, where I carved the notches for the head and the fletching. I only needed to show him once, and then he was making them exactly like I made mine.
He was so quick with everything, had a voracious curiosity that was impossible to sate, but out of everything he’d come to enjoy, he loved reading the most. He’d started learning the alphabet and though he couldn’t read too well, I had all the confidence in the world that it wouldn’t be long before he was devouring all the books on my shelves.
Right now I was sitting at the table working on some arrows, and he was practicing the alphabet on the couch. He had one of the few children’s books in the bunker, and was attempting to match letters and sound out words.
I could stare at him doing this all day. All week. Forever.
But that would have to wait because I had a surprise for him and I hoped it made him smile.
Bowen was beautiful when he smiled.
I was excited to show him what I’d made. Whenever he was reading, I’d work on it, so he had no idea I’d been making something for him because he got so focused on his books that I was pretty sure the world around him faded away.
“Bowen.”
He looked up from his book, his furrowed brows evening out as those beautiful mismatched eyes found mine and he smiled.
“Come here. I made something for you.”
He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes at me, then looked all around me for what it was I’d made.
When he couldn’t find it, he carefully placed his bookmark in the book to save his spot like I’d taught him, set the book down, and hopped off the couch. He stepped in between my legs, and I took his hand, rubbing my thumb over his knuckles.
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m a lot bigger than you.”
He started to scowl, like he thought I really thought he hadn’t noticed our difference in size, but then understanding dawned and his lips twitched.
“And my bow is a little too big for you, too.”
He blinked. “So? I can still try to use it.”
I bit back a laugh. “Yes, you can, but not very well. I thought you might like having your own bow. It’ll be a lot easier to hold and you’ll get much better range.
” I reached beneath the table and pulled out the hunting bow I’d crafted for him, and the reverent expression on his face would live in my mind for eternity.
My heart pounded as I held it up for him. His lips parted in awe, his eyes darting over every inch of it. When those eyes landed on mine, wide and hesitant, I wanted to give him the world ten times over.
“This is for me? This is mine? Only for me?”
I nodded and said softly, “Yeah, only for you.”
He ran his fingers down the wood, gazing at it adoringly. And when he found what I’d carved in the side, he stilled.
“It’s my name,” he whispered, staring at it. He stroked his fingers over it again and again as the widest smile stretched across his face. “It’s my name.”
“Yeah, Bow. It’s your name.” I couldn’t help but smile back, and when he flung himself at me and wrapped his arms around my neck, I pulled him against me and tucked my face into his neck.
“Thank you, Cain. Thank you.”
Another week passed and the weather began turning colder. It still hadn’t rained since that first night; I think we were both waiting for it. Him with a lot of trepidation and anxiety, and me with a determination to make him as comfortable as possible.
Bowen didn’t seem to mind the colder weather, but I didn’t want to chance him getting sick—ever—so I only let him go out if he was properly bundled up. He glared at me and refused to dress himself but was more than happy to let me dress him.
I thought he really liked being pampered. Loved it, even, and I was glad to do it if it made him happy.
The water in the river had gotten colder, too. Too cold to enjoy anymore. We still went down there, but mostly sat on the bank beneath the trees and read, keeping each other warm.
On one of those days, Bowen saw a rabbit.
He smiled as he watched it nibble on grass.
I loved that goddamn smile.
He told me he wanted to go hunt it, but not to kill it. Just to watch it.
“Alright, Bow. Go ahead.” I kissed the corner of his mouth, right over the scars, and he turned his head and pressed a hard, close-mouthed kiss to my lips.
He was still smiling when he drew away.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, turning to follow the rabbit.
I watched him until he disappeared into the trees, flipped the page in my book, and when I couldn’t concentrate on the words, set it down and sighed.
Things were good. So, so good, and I was happier than I’d ever been in my life. Could hardly even remember what being alone felt like. That soul-deep ache, that desperate yearning for the nearness of another.
Bowen had blown into my life like a little tornado and chased all the bad feelings away. I freed him from his past, but he’d done the same for me. He’d freed me from this solitude, had given me the companionship I’d been craving for so long.
He wasn’t a monster; far from it. He was an angel.
The angry kind. But an angel, nonetheless.
“We’re lucky, aren’t we Luna?” I scratched behind her ears, watching the shifting shadows as the sun crept higher into the sky.
How long had it been since he’d gone after that rabbit?
That felt like an hour ago, and an undercurrent of worry was starting to buzz beneath my skin. Luna was fast asleep, her tongue lolling out of her mouth, paws twitching as she dreamed.
She startled when I stood up. This worry was like a rock in my stomach, and I needed to see if he was okay. What if he’d fallen into the pit again…?
No. No, he wouldn’t.
I’d taught him what to look for. He knew what the pit looked like. He knew where it was. I’d walked him down the entire length of it, shown him what to look out for, so he would never, ever fall in again.
He wouldn’t, right?
But what if he’d momentarily forgotten in his excitement about the rabbit?
I shook my head. No.
He wouldn’t.
I grabbed my machete and clicked my tongue for Luna to follow, then headed in the direction Bowen had gone.
Maybe he was playing a game. Maybe he wanted me to come looking for him, to…hunt him.
That wasn’t likely, though. He was so direct he would’ve said so, if that were the case.
At least he’d worn his shoes. I was able to track him decently through the forest, but the farther I went, the harder it was to keep the panic at bay. Where the hell was he going? He’d just kept walking and walking and now we were almost at the western cliff. That was a straight drop.
Terror clawed at me, and I started running and calling his name.
“Bowen! Bowen!”
Luna whined at my side, sensing how distraught I was. I needed to hold it together so I could find him.
I kept running, kept calling his name, praying that he was alright.
Because if someone had hurt him…there would be no mercy for them.
When I heard the gunshot, I ran faster than I’d ever run in my life as my heart tried to pump enough oxygen through my veins, even though it was crumbling to pieces.