Chapter 5
Five
Jonah couldn’t have heard her right. “What?”
Rachel knit her hands together, color rising to her cheeks. “I was trying to avoid you when I went in early.”
“Why?”
“I was embarrassed.”
The color in her cheeks and the twisting of her fingers made it clear she was still embarrassed.
“We’re friends, and I shouldn’t have tried to change that. You are not obligated to return the attraction.”
Her gaze, which had been fixed somewhere around his left ear, dropped to her lap, and her shoulders rolled in on themselves. Jonah wanted to swear because he could tell she’d been imagining all kinds of awful things. That he didn’t find her attractive. That he was upset she’d kissed him. That he was somehow repulsed by her offer. That he pitied her. He’d been all set to deal with this when he’d come home after Rory was born, but with everything that had happened in the last few days, it had been pushed way down his priority list. It rose back to the top as her flush deepened past embarrassment and into mortification.
He knew it was a terrible idea, but he couldn’t let her keep thinking any of that. “Rachel.”
Her voice rose half an octave. “Really, it’s fine. We can just forget it.”
With one finger, he tipped her chin up, forcing her to look at him. Her bluebonnet eyes were dark with distress, her breathing too fast and shallow. He couldn’t stand it. Everything in him needed to make her stop hurting. “I don’t want to forget it.”
His fingers skimmed along her jaw. God, her skin was soft. He moved slowly, watching every nuance of her expression, giving her every opportunity to pull back. When she only watched him, those eyes full of a cautious, yearning hope, he closed the distance between them and gently, so very gently, laid his lips over hers. Jonah kissed her as he’d wanted to for months. Like she was precious to him. Like she mattered. Because she was and she did, whether he wanted her to or not.
After a beat of surprise, she sighed and melted into him, mirroring the way he cupped her face as she kissed him back with so much sweetness and warmth he wanted to drown in it. In her. He could lose himself in this, and he couldn’t afford to. Couldn’t afford to forget. Because he felt his control slipping, and he understood that there’d been no one since John, he made himself pull back instead of diving deeper, pushing for more.
Rachel’s eyes were blurred, her expression full of surprise and relief. She weaved a little, and his focus sharpened.
“Are you dizzy?”
“Yeah. But the good kind.”
Her fingers flexed on his jaw, and he instinctively turned into the touch.
Her thumb rasped over his beard. “After the other night, I thought… Well, I thought I had it all wrong.”
“You surprised me.” An understatement, but he didn’t see the point in getting into all the arguments he’d been having with himself since then.
One corner of her mouth quirked into a wry smile that had him wanting to taste her again. “I think I surprised myself by actually going through with it.”
“What exactly were you angling for at the reception?” Jonah braced himself to let her down gently. The kiss and his attraction aside, he couldn’t be her long-term anything, and she deserved another forever guy.
She sat back, color burning in her cheeks again, but she didn’t look away this time. “I’ve never been with anyone but John. We were together from the time we were fourteen, and I can’t imagine going there with someone I don’t respect and trust. I’m not looking for forever. I don’t expect to find that again. But you made me feel again, and I was hoping that, while I was down here, we could expand the parameters of our friendship.”
That… was not at all what he’d expected. He’d thought she’d be looking for a true life partner. She was young enough to still have all the things she hadn’t yet gotten to experience with John before he died. But maybe she wasn’t ready to think about any of that. Maybe she was looking for a stepping stone of sorts.
“To clarify, you mean friends-with-benefits?”
She nodded with a little wince. “I hope you’re not insulted by that. I don’t want to use you. If it’s not something you’re interested in, that’s fine. I’m not offended. I don’t want to lose your friendship. Keeping that is more important to me than anything else.”
She wasn’t looking for a relationship. Wasn’t looking for another husband. It was, in a sense, the next phase in her healing. And she thought he was a worthy candidate for that.
Jonah absorbed that fact, humbled by her trust in him. He had his own demons, his own healing to do. The idea of doing that with her was beyond appealing. They’d become each other’s rocks. He loved the idea of becoming more, even if only for a little while. But under the current circumstances, it was a non-starter. Her safety was a bigger priority.
“I’m flattered. And if you weren’t going home as soon as possible, I’d definitely be willing to explore that, but?—”
Leaning in, she framed his face. “Jonah, I’m not going home.”
That wasn’t an option. He hadn’t been clear enough. “But you’re not?—”
She interrupted him with another soft brush of her lips that had his brain short-circuiting. “I’ll be perfectly safe with you. If you need me glued to your hip while I’m here, fine. That’s not exactly a hardship. But I’m not going to leave you to handle all this alone. I can help you figure it out.”
He sucked in a breath, about to tell her why that was basically the worst idea ever, but she just laid a finger over his lips.
“You can argue all you want, but I promised to stay until Mia and Brax get back, and that’s what I’m doing, if for nothing else than to help at the bakery like I said I would. I’d rather stay with you, but that’s your call. Just as the rest of this is your call.”
If she truly refused to leave, she’d be safest with him, where he could keep an eye on her. And with her offer… He couldn’t give her more than temporary, but if that was all she was looking for, he didn’t see any more reason to fight it. She’d presented perhaps the only way he could actually be with her, and he definitely didn’t want to see her pursuing this with anyone else.
Curling his hand around hers, he pulled it away from his mouth. “Yes.”
Her eyes widened. “Yes? Really?”
Jonah uncurled her fingers and pressed a kiss to the center of her palm. “Yeah, really. It’ll be a relief, actually. I’ve spent most of the last two years trying to keep my hands off you.”
“You have?” She looked delighted at the prospect. “Why?”
“You needed a friend. Only a friend. And I wasn’t exactly in a great headspace myself. You know. You were there.”
Rachel laced her fingers with his. “We’ve both come a long way.”
“Yeah.”
“You’ve become so important to me, Jonah. Your friendship has meant so much. It’s why I wanted to take these next steps with you. You know what I’m coming from. You know what it means to me.”
He swallowed, feeling the weight of what he was agreeing to. “Yeah, I do. And I promise not to take that for granted. Not to take you for granted.”
Her lips curved into a soft smile. “I know. You’re far too noble and considerate for that.”
Turning her hand over, he brushed another kiss to her knuckles. “I’ll take care of you. For as long as this lasts.” He had to say it. Had to remind himself that this was a time-limited thing.
She leaned in, wrapping her arms around him. “I’m counting on it.”
He pulled her closer, glorying in the feel of her snugged up against him. “You’ve got more recovering to do first.”
Her soft laugh vibrated against his throat. “Can’t happen fast enough.”
“Why is it that homemade mac and cheese made by a mom is inherently better?” Rachel asked the question of the group at large, gathered around Rebecca’s kitchen table, as she scooped another half serving onto her plate.
Jonah’s mom grinned, the green eyes she shared with her son sparkling. “The secret ingredient is in the handbook.”
“My copy must’ve gotten lost in the mail. Or maybe it’s waiting for me at home.” Sam held out her plate. “Hook me up with some more of that while you’re at it, Rachel.”
Jonah arched a brow. “Taking advantage of eating for two?”
“You bet your ass I am. I’m riding this train as long as it lasts.” She shoveled in another bite and hummed a long contented note. “She’s totally right. Yours is so much better.”
Rebecca’s cheeks pinked. “Oh, now, you know I love seeing people enjoy my food. All the proposals were good for my ego.”
Cayla straightened in her chair, attention sharpening like a dog on point. “Proposals?”
Holt took another spoonful of bacon-roasted Brussels sprouts. “Brax and I might’ve both asked her to marry us when we first got here. For me, it was the meatloaf. For him it was her apple pie.” He pressed an exaggerated hand to his chest. “Sadly, she broke both our hearts.”
“The better for me to pick up the pieces.” Cayla pressed a grinning kiss to her husband’s cheek.
Enjoying the family banter, Rachel finished the last of her pasta and set the fork aside. “I really appreciate you going to all this trouble. Everything’s delicious.” And as it was the first day she’d truly had an appetite back, she’d taken advantage.
“It was no trouble at all. I wish y’all had let us come to you at Jonah’s. I don’t know what he was thinking dragging you over here.”
Not wanting him to get in trouble with his mom, Rachel intervened. “That was on me. I was rebelling against the bubble-wrap treatment and needed a change in scenery, so this has been great.”
“I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed it, and that you’re feeling up to getting out a little.”
By tacit agreement, everyone pushed back from the table, gathering plates and serving dishes. Rachel set hers on the counter. “What can I do to help?”
“You can sit your butt down,” Jonah informed her.
“The injured and the recently given birth are not allowed to do squat. I’m trying to enjoy it as long as possible.” Sam crossed into the living room, where the baby was nestled into a bassinet. Her face fairly radiated joy as a tiny fist waved. “Hi, sweetpea. How’s mama’s little angel?” She started to reach for Rory, but Griff intervened.
“Nope, you sit. I’ll bring her to you. You’re not supposed to lift anything heavy.”
With a bland look for her husband, Sam sat. “I don’t think the baby counts.”
“Not taking any chances.” He carefully scooped up the little bundle, nuzzling her cheek. “Hey, baby girl. You hungry? Wanna go see Mama?”
Rachel’s throat went thick as she watched the exchange, seeing their intimacy in the shared adoration over the new life they’d brought into the world. Her heart pinched at thoughts of what might have been. John had so wanted children, but she’d insisted they put it off while she got her business off the ground. And now she had none of the life she’d expected.
A warm hand pressed to the small of her back. “You okay?”
Jonah’s low voice at her ear loosed the stranglehold of grief. Swallowing once, she nodded.
His eyes searched hers, as if trying to decide whether she was lying. Knowing he’d bundle her up and whisk her off home if he decided she was, she willed back the tears and dug up a smile. That big, broad palm lingered another beat or two before falling away. The moment it did, she missed his touch. But they hadn’t discussed the idea of telling people they were anything more than the friends they’d always been, and Rachel wasn’t exactly keen on announcing their new arrangement in front of his mother, no matter how awesome Rebecca seemed.
As everyone else began to file into the living room, Jonah squared his shoulders, obviously bracing himself to get to the meat of why he’d asked for this get-together. Rachel stayed where she was, needing to be near him to offer silent support. She knew he’d been dreading this conversation.
“You should sit,” he urged.
She rolled her eyes. “You’ve had me horizontal for four days. I can stand up for a while.”
At the collective choked laughter, she played her words back in her head and felt her face catch fire. “That came out wrong.”
Jonah’s lips twitched.
“What I meant was that I’m tired of being an invalid. I know when I’m overdoing. I’ll sit down when I need to.” She waved a hand in his general direction. “You keep your bubble wrap over there with you.”
He blew out a breath. “Fine.” Shifting gears, he faced the rest of the group. “Alright. Now that we’re fed and happy, I’ll admit that I had an ulterior motive for pulling everybody together tonight.”
Rachel didn’t miss the speculative looks Sam, Griff, and Rebecca shot between her and Jonah. Wait, did they think this was about the two of them?
“I want to bring everybody up to speed on what’s actually going on with the bakery.”
Rebecca blinked, her amusement fading into concern. “What’s going on with the bakery? Is there a problem? I thought business was good.”
“Business is good. That’s not the problem. You’re aware of the theft we had during the renovation. Of the bouts of vandalism. At first, we all thought it was connected to something from Mia’s past. Then we blamed Cayla’s ex. But at this point, I don’t think any of it had to do with either of those things. I think it had to do with Lonnie.”
A murmur of surprise swept the room.
Sam’s brows drew together. “Why would this have something to do with Dad?”
“It was his bar for more than twenty years. We always kind of wondered how he was paying the bills, and I never saw any kind of accounting or books. I think he was involved in something shady. Before Brax shot the guy who went after Mia, he kept going on about a flash drive, looking for some kind of information he’d been hired to find. He clearly never found it, and things have just continued to happen. Another break-in, more vandalism. Likely would have been more of both if Rachel hadn’t surprised whoever it was the other morning. Whoever is behind all this hasn’t found whatever they’re looking for, and I think it’s just going to continue happening until we figure out who it is and what they want. Or what they’re trying to hide. So, I wanted to loop everybody in. See what y’all’s thoughts were on the matter.”
Rebecca’s cheeks had gone pale. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Seriously, man. If this is to do with your dad, who’s to say this asshole won’t try to come after Sam? How could you just sit on this?” Griff’s tone was hard.
“Everything that’s happened has been around the bakery, so there’s no reason to think any trouble would’ve spilled over on Sam since she hasn’t been here. But you’re right. I should’ve said something about all of this before. My only excuse is that I’m accustomed to running covert operations on a need-to-know basis, and I didn’t think you needed to know. I was wrong. That said, as soon as you’re comfortable traveling with the baby, I think you should head home. You’ll be safe there. I’m not letting anybody else get hurt on my watch.”
He wanted his people safe. Rachel got that and knew he was still annoyed that she’d refused to bend to his will and go home herself. She could also see he was falling back down the this-is-all-my-fault black hole again. His hands opened and closed at his sides. A muscle jumped in his jaw, and his breathing had gone just a little too shallow. If he didn’t stop this spiral, he’d have a panic attack.
“Jonah, look at me.”
At the sound of her voice, he turned to face her, his eyes zeroing in on the ugly yellowing purple blotch on her temple, as it had with increasing frequency over the past few days. His pupils shrank to pinpricks.
Reaching up, she cupped his cheek, tipping his face toward her. “Not at the bruise. At me.”
When he finally met her gaze, she kept her voice very quiet, very serious. “I need you to actually hear me when I say this: I’m okay. You can stand down.”
His nostrils flared, his eyes going glacial, as they had when she’d been in the hospital.
She cupped his other cheek, framing his face and willing him to listen. “Stop blaming yourself. You think because you’ve got these big monster shoulders, you have to take everything on them. You don’t. I realize this is a lifetime habit of yours, but the first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem.”
He blinked and some of the hardness left his eyes as he curled his hands around her wrists. “You don’t pull punches, do you?”
“You wouldn’t like me nearly as much if I did. Now take a breath.”
She waited until those shoulders rose and fell.
“And another.”
On his next exhale, the tension ebbed and his pupils dilated back to something more normal.
“Better?”
Jonah nodded once.
Rachel released his face, but he was much slower to let go of her wrists, as if he still needed the contact to settle himself. It wasn’t until he stepped back and froze that she remembered they had an audience. Everybody stared at them with varying degrees of speculation. Rachel’s cheeks heated, and she fought the urge to step behind Jonah to hide. Well, they hadn’t discussed keeping things a secret any more than they’d talked about announcing the change in their relationship. There didn’t seem to be much hiding it now.
Holt was the one who finally broke the silence. “So, what are we going to do about this? I’m all for anything that’ll put a stop to all the disruption.”
God bless him for pointing everyone back to the business at hand.
Jonah picked up the thread of conversation. “We’re gonna try to find whatever Lonnie hid.”
Cayla leaned forward, elbows on her knees. “How do you even know there’s anything to find?”
“We don’t. But obviously if there is something, it wasn’t in the bar or we’d have found it. So the next step is going through all his stuff.”
“But his stuff is gone,” Sam protested. “You tossed it after the funeral.”
“Actually no. It occurred to me neither of us was in any mood to deal with his shit at the time, but that there might be something important in there, so I hauled it all to Nanna’s old house. Free storage. I figured we could just deal with it when we had time. Now’s the time.”
Rebecca’s usually sunny face was sober. “I want to help.”
Jonah tensed again, and Rachel instinctively laid a hand on his arm. “I don’t want you anywhere near this, Mom.”
“Come on. I was his wife. I knew him better than you. I knew him longer than you. I might recognize something you wouldn’t.”
He angled his head in grudging concession. “Nobody’s going out there on their own. Apart from the fact that it’s just smart, the house isn’t in that great a shape, and it’s a long-ass way from help if somebody were to fall through the floor or something. We can start sorting through on Sunday, when the bakery is closed. Any of you who wants to waste your weekend that way is welcome. In the meantime, I’ve gotta loop Xander in on the whole thing, in case there’s some past charges we’re not aware of or something.”
Holt folded his arms. “He’s gonna be pissed you didn’t tell him sooner.”
“He can get in line. Meanwhile, I’m calling curfew on Rachel. She needs her rest.” His arm came around her, a comfort she didn’t hesitate to lean into.
Because she really was exhausted, she didn’t argue when he started herding her toward the door. Goodbyes were said and hugs were passed out. Rebecca retrieved the bag of leftovers she’d prepared and handed it off to Jonah so she could carefully fold Rachel into an embrace.
“You’re good for him.” The murmur was quiet.
Rachel had no idea what to say to that. In the end, it didn’t seem like his mom was looking for a reply.
Rebecca just smiled and turned to give Jonah a squeeze. “Get some rest, son. You’ve been doing all the caretaking, and I can tell you’re not sleeping enough.”
He kissed her cheek. “Yes, ma’am.”
She winked at Rachel. “I trust you’ll keep him in line.”
Was this approval? Rachel had no idea. With a quick glance at Jonah, she offered a tentative smile. “I can try.”