Chapter 43 #2
Over the next hour, we find out that the only time Theo lost his temper at work was when a patient came in with a splinter and wouldn’t leave until a doctor had seen him. And Mark is forced to come clean about whether or not he shagged a teacher at school.
In deference to Vandi, who’d told me the story years ago, I voted ‘yes’, but I was forced to finish my third cocktail when Mark assured us it was a wildly irresponsible rumour started by a friend.
By the time I’m on my fourth drink, I’m doing slightly better.
Theo seems to be on a mission to make Mark look bad and I’m trying not to focus on why that might be.
‘Have you ever said I love you and not meant it?’ he asks Mark, in a slightly pointed way.
‘Easy!’ exclaims Tig.
Everyone guesses yes apart from me and Yan.
The answer is no, much to Theo’s disappointment.
‘I don’t believe you,’ says Tig. ‘All guys do, because they want an easy life.’
‘Why did you guys guess no?’ asks Theo.
‘Well, I haven’t, either,’ says Yan. ‘It’s not so weird.’
Theo turns to me. ‘Nella?’
‘Mark doesn’t give a crap about an easy life, he wouldn’t be going to Venezuela if he did.’ Everyone laughs. I could leave it there, but I feel compelled to defend him. ‘But he cares about being truthful. And I think that’s admirable.’
Mark holds up his whisky as a thank you. Then, still holding my eye asks, ‘Do you believe in love at first sight?’
Everyone guesses yes.
‘Really, guys?’ I ask, shocked. ‘Because I can categorically tell you love at first sight does not exist.’
‘But you slept with Rich on the first night!’ Tig sounds personally offended.
Why I ever trusted her with this information is beyond me.
‘Thanks for broadcasting that, I’m sure it was the question on everyone’s lips.’
‘I wasn’t judging,’ she insists.
‘She totally was,’ says Pen quietly.
‘Leaving all that aside,’ says Mark, in a show of gentlemanly tact. ‘I’d like to know why you think that. I’d have guessed you were a romantic.’
‘You can’t be a romantic in my job,’ I tell him, the truth of it suddenly making me sad.
Or maybe it’s the Sloe Comfortable Screws making me morose.
‘You have to be a realist, and the reality is you can’t love someone you don’t know.
I wouldn’t trust a man who said he loved me before he knew me.
You grow to love someone. Couples who go on to fall in love after feeling they fell in love at first sight don’t realise they’ve mistaken instant sexual attraction for love. I see it with patients all the time.’
‘Interesting theory,’ says Theo, sounding sceptical.
‘No, it’s not,’ says Tig. ‘He’s just being polite, Nell. It’s a pants theory. Theo and I are living proof of love at first sight.’ She gazes at him. ‘Isn’t that right, babe?’
‘It was like being struck by lightning,’ he replies, a faraway look in his eyes.
‘I’m sure it was like being struck by something,’ says Yan. ‘A rugby ball, maybe?’
‘To the face,’ adds Pen.
‘That doesn’t stop talking,’ I finish.
Tig pouts. ‘You’re all just jealous.’
‘Don’t listen to them, my little chatterball,’ says Theo.
For a second, I think Tig’s going to give him a sharp elbow to the ribs but she just smiles.
‘Nothing wrong with being talkative,’ she says. ‘It means I can ask nosey questions like … oh, let me see … How’s Brigitta?’
‘Thanks for bringing up the painful subject of my ex,’ says Mark, pretending to clutch at his heart.
‘Might not be “ex” for ever,’ murmurs Theo.
Mark gives him an annoyed look, before glancing at me. I pretend to study the ice in my glass.
Tig doesn’t seem to notice all the furtive glances. ‘Did you sleep with Brigitta on the first date?’
‘Define date,’ asks Mark.
Tig rolls her eyes. ‘Did you sleep with her on the day you met?’
‘I’m not sure that would be fair on her to answer,’ he says.
‘Well, that obviously means yes,’ say Tig.
Mark sleeping with someone else isn’t something I want to dwell on. I’ve avoided his eye the whole time he’s been talking.
We all vote yes, but are surprised to discover the answer is no.
Eager to start a new round, I’m about to put a new question to Yan, but Theo isn’t finished.
‘You must be slipping, mate,’ he says, looking pleased with himself.
Mark purses his lips and looks to one side in an exaggerated pose of remembering. ‘We met at four in the afternoon, came off shift at midnight, and were back at hers by half past. So, technically, it was the next day.’
I could have done without this extra detail; it’s information Mark would probably have kept to himself if Theo wasn’t goading him.
Instead, his satisfied grin only winds up Theo further. ‘There’s more to love than sex.’
‘I didn’t say there wasn’t,’ Mark replies evenly.
‘I’m with Theo,’ I say. ‘Instant sexual attraction gets in the way of love. If the sex is too good, you’re more likely to stay in the wrong relationship.’
‘Great sex counts against?’ asks Mark, incredulous.
‘That’s my professional opinion, yes.’
‘So, let me get this straight,’ he says. ‘The thing that makes me a bad boyfriend is showing you a good time, not coming home with another woman’s lipstick on my dick?’
‘That’s a different thing entirely,’ I say primly, ignoring the implied swipe at Rich. ‘All I’m saying is sex is a terrible foundation to build a lasting relationship on.’
‘That’s because you think sex is just “nerve endings and friction”.’
‘When did Nella say that?’ asks Theo.
Mark ignores him and focuses on me. ‘No one’s talking about building a lasting relationship purely on physical attraction.
But if you were designing the perfect partner, yes, you’d want him to be kind and honest and generous and funny but wouldn’t you also want a man who, whenever he walked through the door, made you think: bend me over the sofa right fucking now. ’
I blink, startled by the feeling in his voice.
‘You always take it too far,’ says Theo, shaking his head.
‘I’m sorry,’ says Mark, holding up his hands. ‘I just …’ He pauses and turns fractionally towards me. ‘I don’t understand why you’re so scared of a bit of passion.’
My pulse jitters and I suddenly feel hot.
You know why, I want to say. It blew up my life when I was a teenager.
We talked about what happened, and against all odds, I was feeling better. But now it’s like he’s found a fresh bruise and is pressing it just to rattle me.
Yan steps in. ‘It might seem alien to you and me, Mark, but that stuff isn’t important to some people.’
‘I wasn’t talking about some people, I was talking about Nella.’
‘And what makes you an authority?’ asks Theo, a warning in his voice.
Mark laughs condescendingly. ‘Unlike you, mate, I’ve known Nella most of her life.’
Why isn’t Mark letting this go? All this to needle Theo?
Tig puts her hand on Theo’s arm. ‘I’m not siding with him, babe, but don’t forget Nell was with Leo,’ she says, unwittingly making it worse. ‘Walls are thin and all that.’
‘Walls are thin and phantom cats go missing,’ Theo shoots back.
Mark’s cocky smile falters.
Theo nods, like he’s got his answer. ‘Come on, Tig. Let’s go to bed.’