Chapter 109
CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED NINE
ALEC
“You probably think less of me, huh?” I whispered over breakfast.
We had skipped school and gone back to Maddie’s place for the day.
Maddie glanced over her shoulder and pulled some milk out of the fridge. “What?”
I shyly looked back at the pancakes on my plate, feeling guilty and shitty for the way I had reacted earlier, for what I had admitted to her. I wanted her to like me, finally, after all these fucking years, and not feel sorry for me.
“You heard me,” I said, twirling a forkful of my pancakes in syrup.
She filled two glasses of milk and set them at the table in front of our plates, and then she sat next to me and placed her small hand on my bicep, squeezing gently, her gaze piercing into me from my side. “Why would you think that?”
After setting down my fork, I sighed and leaned back. “Because I’m fucked up.”
“How?” she asked. “Because someone sexually assaulted you?”
I stayed quiet, but so did she. Which confirmed that she thought so too.
“Well, if that’s the case”—she pulled her arm away—“then I’m fucked up too.”
Snapping my head in her direction, I gritted my teeth. “Who? Who fucking—”
“Spencer did,” she said without hesitation. “He didn’t just hit me and bully me. He had sexually assaulted me many more times than I could count. I thought it was normal, but I didn’t want it either. And I didn’t say anything to anyone, except Vera.”
My hands balled into fists on the table, and I flung my chair back to stand. “I’ll kill him.”
She grabbed my bicep and pulled me back down. “No, this isn’t about me. Sit down.”
“He raped you, Maddie,” I said.
“And someone did the same to you too,” she said, tugging on my arm. “Please, sit down and eat with me. I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to feel sorry for me, just like you didn’t tell me so I would feel sorry for you.”
Once I let out a soft sigh, I collapsed in my seat and glanced over at Maddie. She offered a smile and then began cutting her pancakes. I grabbed my fork and dipped another piece of pancake into my syrup. But before I could eat it, Maddie stuffed her fork into my mouth and giggled, the sound soft.
I wrapped my lips around the utensil and tore the pancake off with my teeth to eat it. She pulled the fork out of my mouth and grabbed a bite for herself, strands of her red hair falling into her face.
God, she is beautiful.
So fucking beautiful.
I had been waiting to be with her for so long, but the world had screwed me. It sucked that this was what had brought her to me, that I couldn’t find the confidence to tell her what I really wanted to on the night of the party. Maybe if I had, that wouldn’t have happened.
“I promise I’m not always an utter emotional mess,” I said, wanting her to know that I would do anything I could for her.
I would protect her with everything that I had left if Spencer decided to return. She wasn’t alone either.
“I know,” she hummed, smiling softly. “I’ve seen you on the ice.”
Dropping my gaze, I stared at the pancakes again. “I don’t know if I should go back.”
“To hockey?” she asked.
“With the guys … and that video …”
She stayed silent for a couple of moments, playing with her food. “Don’t worry about them.”
But I could do nothing but worry. They were the ones who had taken that video of me half-naked after the worst night of my life. They were the only people with access to it. So, one of them must have leaked it.
I balled my hands into fists again, chest tightening. It wasn’t fair. I’d trusted them.
Maddie gently cupped my cheek with her free hand. “If you don’t want to go back, then you don’t have to. They’re jealous they can’t win a match without you. Don’t let them break you. Don’t let them win.”
“It’s hard,” I admitted.
Because I had always dreamed of making it into the NHL, marrying my best friend’s sister, and having a family with her, staring up at the stands to see her and our family of red-haired girls cheering me on from the sidelines.
Now … that dream was so much closer … yet also gone.
Because I couldn’t find the motivation to step back on the ice.
I feared that I wouldn’t play as well as I used to, that my teammates would fuck around with me again, that my coaches wouldn’t believe me when I needed them the most. And it fucking sucked.
Tears welled up in my eyes. “It’s so hard, Maddie.”
She brushed some away with her thumbs. “I know it is, but … you should think about heading to the doctor or the hospital to get tested at the very least. You don’t know what that girl might’ve had, and I … I doubt she used a condom.”
“I already have,” I said, thinking about the worst-case scenario. “I’m sorry if … if I have an STD or if the girl got pregnant. I don’t remember anything from that night. I don’t know if she used one or not, what she looked like, anything. I’m sorry.”
I wanted to tell her that a thousand times over. I could never make up for this.
“I would never think less of you, Alec Wolfe. Not because you have anxiety or got sexually assaulted, not even if we find out that something is wrong with those test results or that the girl who did it got pregnant.”
While I wanted to respond, I could do nothing but let another tear fall.
“I promise that I’ll be by your side,” she whispered.
“Why?” I asked, partly in disbelief that she would be so supportive after what I had done to her.
“Because I wish I’d had more people on my side when it happened to me.”