Chapter 222
CHAPTER TWO HUNDRED TWENTY-TWO
NICOLE
“Who else hurt you?” Akio whispered, tucking some hair behind my ear.
With my head resting on his chest, I chewed on the inside of my cheek and stared at the wall opposite of his bed. While my heart felt like it was being torn to shreds from the inside out, I kept quiet. Akio had proven himself to me, but …
I wasn’t ready.
Not for the world to know.
Not for Redwood to know.
Not for Akio to know.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I tensed beside him and hoped he didn’t notice.
“Who else?” he murmured, gently rubbing my shoulder in circles. “You can trust me.”
When I opened my mouth, nothing but a breath came out. After Akio had admitted to doing this all himself, it had taken me almost an hour to really grasp that this hadn’t been his family, but had been his doing.
“I know I can trust you,” I whispered. “But …”
“But what?”
“I’m scared.”
“If you’re scared about them finding out and hurting you, then I can take care of—”
My eyes burned with tears. “No, I’m not scared about that.”
“Then, what is it?”
“You’ll think less of me,” I said. “I know you will.”
He turned onto his side and cupped my face in his hand, his brows knitted together. “You know how much shit I’ve seen because of who my parents are? How much I had to put up with? I wouldn’t even think less of you if I knew you’d killed someone.”
Still …
“You don’t get it.”
While I knew that I shouldn’t feel shame about this—because Dad had done this to me—that was all I could feel. I had never asked for this life, yet I’d accepted it because I didn’t know any other way.
“I wish I were ugly. It would make everything easier,” I admitted.
“Nicole,” Akio scolded. Well, it wasn’t so much of a scold, more like a tone change in his voice. But coming from him, it felt like a scold because he rarely raised his voice. “Who made you feel that way?”
“All the guys who’ve touched me,” I whispered. “If I were ugly, then they wouldn’t have.”
“People who do stuff like that don’t care what a woman looks like,” he said, drawing me closer. “Don’t feel ashamed over any of this because you didn’t cause it. Now, please, tell me who hurt you. Just another name.”
“If I tell you, you won’t believe me. Nobody does.”
“Yes, I will.”
I curled my fingers against his chest. “No, Akio, you won’t.”
Even if there were a chance that he would believe me, I couldn’t take it. I was just pushing, stalling, waiting for him to give up. Nobody gave a fuck about me, and Akio wouldn’t one day either.
“Nicole,” he said, his voice softer this time.
“Stop, Akio!” I cried, tears streaming down my face. “Please, stop.”
“I just want to protect you,” he whispered.
“If you knew everything that I’d done and with whom, you’d think I was nothing more than a dirty slut.” I shook my head and wiped my tears with the back of my hand. “I’m disgusting and gross and not someone that you should want to protect.”
Akio sat up, fury painted across his face. “You don’t get to tell me who I should and shouldn’t want to protect, Nicole. You don’t get to tell me how I feel about you. I don’t care how many times I have to tell you, but I love you for you. Not for what others have put you through.”
My lips quivered, and I shuffled up the bed, grasping the blankets in my hands and pulling them to my chest in an attempt to shield myself from him, to protect myself. I wanted a relationship so badly, and yet I couldn’t stop pushing him away.
“Do you understand me, Nicole?” Akio asked, his eyes softening. “I love you.”
I stared at him for a few long moments, feeling so many emotions inside me and yet none at the same time. I thought I loved him, but I didn’t even know what love felt like. I had only gotten a taste with Hannah, but that had been so long ago.
Akio grasped my face and moved closer. “I love you.”
Chin trembling, I bit down on my lower lip to suppress a whimper. “If you love me, then let me tell you what has happened to me whenever I’m ready because I’m not ready now, Akio. I’m scared and nervous, and I don’t want to think about all the bad things when I’m with you.”
After relaxing his features, Akio swallowed and nodded. “Okay.”
My eyes widened slightly because I’d expected to fight with him, just like Dad fought with me on everything. I hadn’t expected him to give in, to show me respect—though I should’ve expected that from Akio.
“Really?” I whispered.
“Tell me when you’re ready, but please,” he pleaded, taking my hands in his and pulling them between us, “don’t let that be long. Whoever is hurting you, I don’t want them to get another chance at it.”