Chapter 6 Stella #2
I cry for what seems like hours—until I can’t breathe, and my skin burns from the salt of my tears.
But I can’t seem to slow my mind; memories from the past playing on a loop inside my head.
Like a slideshow, they start at the beginning, all the happy times making my heart ache as I’m reminded of what I gave up.
The late-night kisses in the bed of his truck while we ditched our curfews, knowing our parents would be livid when we showed up late.
Him pulling the engagement ring out of his pocket just moments after we graduated, his shaky hands offering it to me with all the hope in the world.
Our first and only summer as husband and wife, where we spent our days making love and planning for the future.
Little did I know, we’d barely get six months of happiness before our world crashed down around us.
“Thank you,” I said cheerfully to the Uber driver as I pulled my weekend bag from the trunk.
Butterflies fluttered wildly in my stomach as I turned, taking in Emmett’s dorm building as it beckoned me inside.
It had been months since we’d seen each other in person, and I couldn’t wait to spend a full weekend together.
Flights from Pennsylvania to California weren’t cheap, but I was able to take on a few odd jobs in order to get a last-minute ticket, deciding to throw some clothes in a bag and surprise him.
Normally, I’d have called to make sure he didn’t have plans, but he told me earlier in the week that he was probably staying in to catch up on homework, so I figured it would be fun to just show up.
I couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when he realized I was there.
Like it was meant to be, the front entrance pushed open just as I hit the top stair.
A guy around my age stepped outside, lifting his chin in greeting as I returned the gesture.
I walked through the door as he held it for me, grateful that I didn’t have to be buzzed in.
Emmett still would’ve been shocked, but this meant that I’d get to experience his full excitement, face to face.
I could barely contain myself thinking about it.
I always heard that the first year of marriage was the hardest, and that couldn’t have been more accurate for us.
Between his grueling football schedule with games that ran straight through holiday breaks, and my classes that were extremely demanding, we barely even had time for phone calls.
My parents continued to be unsupportive of our relationship, refusing to help me pay for anything since I had gotten married against their wishes.
Student loans only covered so much, which meant I had to spend every extra minute I had working at a restaurant on campus just to pay my bills.
But it was fine. That had been our plan all along—at least until Emmett was drafted into the NFL.
Then, we’d have a little more financial freedom.
I was stretched beyond my limit most days, but I still believed that we could make it work and hoped that a couple of days together would be the perfect way to recharge my battery.
I rode the elevator to the eighth floor, finding his room with ease.
Nerves washed over me as I stopped, second-guessing my decision not to call, because what if he was busy?
What if he got done with everything ahead of schedule and decided on a guys’ night out with his teammates?
Would he feel obligated to stay back with me when he really wanted to be somewhere else?
Before I could reconsider, the door opened abruptly, Emmett freezing in place as he stared at me like I had a second head growing out of my shoulder.
His eyes were wide, mouth agape for several seconds as I sheepishly lifted my hand in an awkward wave.
“Hi,” I squeaked out, my cheeks heating with embarrassment as he finally registered what was happening. Suddenly, his entire expression morphed from utter bewilderment to pure happiness, the smile I spent every day missing blooming to life right before my eyes.
“Wild Girl,” he said, lunging forward and yanking me into his body.
The smell of his cologne was like a warm embrace, making me immediately sag against him in relief.
“What are you doing here?” I could barely breathe with how tightly he was holding me, but there was absolutely nowhere else in the world I’d have rather been in that moment.
“I couldn’t take it anymore, Em,” I replied against his chest. “I needed to see you, so here I am…if that’s okay.” He pulled back enough to look at me, his grin somehow even wider as his eyes sparkled with happiness.
“It’s more than okay, baby,” he beamed. “I fucking missed you so much.” Before I could swoon into another dimension, his lips were on mine in a passionate caress.
We sighed in unison as our tongues finally met, as though we were being fed after starving for months.
His hands landed gently on my cheeks, holding me in place like he was afraid I’d vanish into thin air if he didn’t.
But I wasn’t going anywhere…I was already home.
In an instant, we went from happy reunion to desperate touches, our bodies pressed tightly together as hands roamed everywhere. We had both been surviving on dirty texts and FaceTime sex, but now we were together, and it was clear that our main priority was making up for lost time.
Turning us, he used his foot to slam the door closed, never breaking our connection as he pulled the bag from my shoulder and dropped it to the floor with a thud.
His fingertips dug into the flesh of my ass through my leggings as he lifted me, my legs wrapping around his sculpted waist like they had a mind of their own.
The press of his erection against my aching center was unmistakable, and I couldn’t stop myself from grinding shamelessly because it just felt so goddamn good.
“Holy shit,” he breathed against my lips, taking a few steps before dropping me onto the bed.
“I haven’t tasted or fucked my wife in months.
I’m going to spend all night worshiping your body and filling it with my cum, Stell.
Your cunt. Your mouth. Your ass. You’ll be dripping from every hole, even after you return to Pennsylvania. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Yes,” I gasped as he lowered his hips between my spread legs.
“Please.” My head was spinning with desire, involuntary tremors racking my entire frame while I internally screamed for him to get inside me.
But I knew Emmett. He enjoyed working me up slowly, and the more I acted like I would die if I didn’t come, the longer he would drag it out, even if it meant torturing us both.
“Well, it’s your lucky day, Mrs. Hayes,” he murmured, his lips coasting down my neck. “Because I’m backed the fuck up, and ready to give you every last dr—”
“Are we doing this thing, or what?” an unfamiliar voice filled the room as the door swung open. I went completely rigid, looking up at Emmett as his eyes rolled in annoyance. He sat up, adjusting the rock-hard erection beneath his jeans and letting out a frustrated sigh.
“Can you knock?” he asked. I joined him, pushing myself up and smoothing my hair, which I was positive looked like a mess.
“Sorry, bro,” the guy replied. He couldn’t have been much older than us, with messy blonde hair and a barrel chest. I didn’t have to put in much effort to realize that he was probably a teammate.
When Emmett and I talked on the phone, he was either alone or with his roommate, Dexter, so I hadn’t had much of a chance to meet any of the other people he spent his time with.
“I didn’t know you had company.” He was completely unfazed as he plopped down onto the mattress next to us, causing my posture to turn inward with how awkward I felt.
But thankfully, Emmett saw the change in my demeanor, so he quickly made an introduction.
“Stella, this is Zane. He just transferred from the University of Southern California last week, so I’ve been showing him around. Zane, this is my wife, Stella.”
“Nice,” he drawled as he looked me up and down, studying me for a few beats before a smirk lifted one corner of his mouth.
I was hoping he’d realize what he just walked in on and graciously leave, but he did the exact opposite, leaning back onto his elbows and getting comfortable.
I stood, because I hadn’t even known the guy for five minutes, and admittedly, I was a bit frustrated.
Technically, it was my own fault since I hadn’t told Emmett I would be coming for an unexpected visit, but it had been forever, and I just wanted time alone with him.
Zane looked to my husband. “She’s coming to the party with us tonight, right?” His expression was hopeful, and I put the pieces together that I had, in fact, interrupted some plans.
Emmett released a slow breath, shaking his head.
“Nah. You go. I’m going to hang back here.
” I could hear the disappointment in his voice, making guilt twist in my stomach.
I didn’t want to be the reason he flaked out on his friends.
I knew he would never hold it against me, but still—it just didn’t sit right.
“We can go,” I said, doing my best to sound upbeat and excited.
As much as I wanted to be in our own little bubble, we had time for that.
Going to a party for a few hours wouldn’t hurt.
Plus, it would be nice to meet Emmett’s teammates in person.
They were important to him, which made them important to me.
So, letting him rail me into the headboard would have to wait.
“Really? You mean I finally get to show you off to all my friends?” he asked, his eyes lighting up.
I couldn’t help the smile that broke free at how happy he looked.
And I couldn’t lie…him wanting to go out with me on his arm was a pretty nice ego boost. But that was nothing new. Em was always proud to say I was his.
“Of course,” I replied with a shrug. “It’s just a few hours. What could go wrong?”
We were divorced eight weeks later.
I always wondered what would’ve happened if we had stayed in that night, or if I hadn’t let the words of my family and complete strangers get to me.
I try to give myself grace because I was young, stupid, and scared of having my heart broken, but it’s not easy when I’m fully aware of everything I lost. His absence has been felt in so many ways over the years, especially when I’ve seen him in magazines and on gossip websites with other women.
I wanted so badly to be in their shoes, loving him in front of the whole world the way he deserves.
But I let him go. I was the one who sent the divorce papers and told him to move on.
That’s exactly what he did, although I never thought about the fact that I’d have to witness it after he was drafted.
That’s been the hardest part of all, and I dread the day that one of those girlfriends becomes a fiancée.
A wife. The mother of his children. All the things I would’ve been if I hadn’t royally fucked us both.
I slowly drift off, memories of all the good times completely lost to the aching emptiness I’m feeling now that I’ve seen him in the flesh.
I wait for the dreams of what could’ve been, but they never come.
I can’t hide behind my delusions anymore, and now I have to face the fact that the Emmett Hayes who used to love me no longer exists.