22. Draven
Draven
I always thought that if I was ever near death, I would go out fighting, swinging, full of rage until the last gasping moment.
Turns out that when it finally actually happened, all I felt was love.
I was in and out of consciousness for brief flashes of time after I left the operating room and had my battle wound all stitched up.
In that void, all I had were brief, passing thoughts. Dreams, maybe.
I thought about everything.
About my father.
About Brody McGowan.
About Lily, and Dominic, and every acre of my land.
And then I felt all of it, floating away, until the only thing left was Max. The blue of his eyes, the ruddy pink of his lips.
Like he was clearer, brighter, than everything else.
What have I done?
What have I been doing?
How could I have been so lost, when it was right there in front of me?
I finally woke up the next morning, after sleeping through the night after the anesthesia and some painkillers.
And when I opened my eyes, I saw Max.
“You a dream, or here for real?” I asked, seeing him over in the seat, waiting patiently for me.
“I am real,” he said. “And that’s the first full sentence you’ve said in hours .”
He slid his chair up directly to the side of the hospital bed, leaning over and giving me a little side-hug, being gentle with his touch because of my wound.
“Oh no,” I murmured. “What did I say in my drug-induced sleep?”
“Fragments of things,” he told me. “I tried to tell you all about how the cops caught Reggie Sandlefield. You responded with things like damn right . Other times throughout the night, you said things like more rose bushes .”
“Apparently that’s what goes through my mind when I’m recovering from a near-death experience.”
Max peered at me. “You also said it’s over , a few times. And I’m done , another.”
I knew exactly what those must have been.
The dominoes inside me, toppling one by one.
Me, in the wreckage.
Finally feeling like myself for the first time.
Maybe it was more like a forest fire inside me, making way for a fallow field, ready for new growth.
I was done meant that I was done living any portion of my life in regards to my father’s company. Blood be damned, and dynasty be damned. Brody McGowan was just more of the same. Noise that I never wanted to hear again.
Revenge was nothing but a hollow, endless path. Keeping me jailed, along with my prisoners: the things I hadn’t been able to let go of for so goddamn long .
I just wanted to let go.
How could any of it have ever seemed important? How could love reshape my life, all at once?
I looked at Max again, though, and when he gently smiled, I knew exactly why all of that was the case.
“You’re my favorite thing, Baby Blue.”
He hummed. “You’re unbelievable,” he said softly. “But I can’t help it. You’re my favorite thing, too.”
I pulled in air, each breath coming in a little wrong due to my injury. “Anyone else come by?”
“Dominic was here a few times. He’s going to be pissed that he just missed you now. Left to go take a quick meeting.”
“I had a dream that he was in here, too,” I said. “Guess that wasn’t just a dream.”
Max’s eyes met mine, and I could see the hint of tears behind them.
He had dark circles beneath his eyes, and judging from the fact that he must have been in this hospital for about twenty hours now, I couldn’t imagine he’d gotten much good sleep in… over two days.
The blue of his eyes was gorgeous in the morning light coming through the window.
“I thought I was going to lose you,” he finally said, his voice low.
“I’m like a roach,” I said. “Can’t stamp me out.”
Max let out a shuddering breath, reaching for my hand and squeezing it. “Never do anything like that for me again.”
“Sorry, love, but I’d do it a million more times.”
“Fuck you,” he whispered, leaning in to press his lips to mine in a kiss. My mouth felt dry, but his kiss was the most welcome thing I’d felt all day. “Is it all right? Your wound? Does it hurt? Because I can ask the nurse for more of the intravenous painkillers.”
“Can’t feel a thing right now,” I said. “Probably will once all the good stuff wears off, though.”
A stray tear broke off down his cheek. “It’s so good to hear you talk again.”
I hummed. “First time anyone’s been glad to hear my endless string of bullshit. Remember when you hated me?”
Max shook his head. “I never hated you. I didn’t trust you, but then I learned why I trust you more than any other person I’ve ever met.”
“Too good for me,” I said. I could feel my eyes closing again, and I knew the hospital drugs were meant to make me sleep, getting as much rest as I could. “Perfect for me.”
“I’m here,” Max said as I drifted off again. “I’ll always be here.”
Hours later, when I woke up next, everything was different.
My mind was crystal clear again, the effect of all the drugs wearing off fast.
And the pain had set in.
I was discharged from the hospital. My team drove me and Max back to my property, and the weight of all that had happened finally settled in.
“Sandlefield is going to be behind bars indefinitely,” Louie, one of my best security guys, informed me as we drove back. “That’s the one silver lining of this.”
“Tell me you’ve turned off your location tags finally, Max?” I asked, turning to look at him in the back seat next to me.
“They’re off. They’re extremely off. And they’ll never be turned on again.”
“Good.”
“And… I wanted to ask you,” he said, gingerly. “Is your former friend going to be a threat? To you?”
“Brody?” I said. “Let me put it this way. If Brody hasn’t said anything yet, I don’t think it’s likely he ever will. Especially after his DUI… I don’t think he wants to step into a minefield.”
“I’m so sorry,” Max said. “You lost one of your best friends.”
“I lost Brody a long time ago,” I told him. “The grieving process has been long, and fucked up. But he’s just another reason this place feels strange to be in now. The memory of all of that… it lives on this land, still. I can’t stand it.”
“I would hate it, too.”
I reached an arm out to stroke his hair. “Do you want to go home?”
He looked so tired it broke my heart, a pain even worse than the throbbing ache in my side. “I really want to go home,” he finally said.
I nodded. “We go back to my ranch, get your things, and we go home.”
When I said it, I realized that it felt right to me , too.
Tennessee was the only place I wanted to be.
When we were finally back in Bestens, hours later and after a plane ride where Max was no longer afraid to fly, it was his turn to sleep.
It was nine o’clock, the sun had set, and I told him the only responsibility he had toward me now was to get a full night’s rest.
He said he’d rather sleep at his place than mine, so that’s where we went.
It was strange how a little barn house at the edge of a few acres of land felt so much better than my mansion, now. When had that happened? When had this place started to feel so welcoming, so good to me?
I helped Max get to bed, more sleep deprived than he’d probably ever been in his life.
He nodded off to sleep in under a minute. I sat at the edge of the bed, angled to one side in the only position my wound didn’t hurt like a fucking bitch, stroking his hair until he was breathing evenly and peacefully.
After I pressed a few slow kisses to the top of his head, I stood up, suppressing a groan.
I turned toward the front of the house and saw Lily, waving and smiling sheepishly from outside one of the windows.
I quietly made my way to the front door, stepped outside, and met her on the porch.
“Max texted me telling me you were hurt,” Lily said, glancing down at the wrapped area on my torso. “Are you okay?”
We went around to the front edge of the barn and sat on the two outdoor chairs there.
I told her the whole story. She covered her mouth in shock when I told her about being stabbed, and she shook her head.
“I knew Max had creepers on his page, but I didn’t know a couple of them were dangerous.”
“The prettiest people online sometimes get the worst types of attention,” I said. “Combine that with Max’s… generous attitude and him not knowing just how exact the location tags were? It was a breeding ground for bad actors.”
Lily frowned, her eyes searching my face. “I’ve been trying to… keep my distance. From whatever was going on with you and Max. Now I’m deeply regretting that.”
“It’s okay, Lily,” I said. “I wouldn’t have let you get involved, even if you tried.”
She swallowed. “I saw. Through the window. You kissing him.”
I pulled in a slow breath. “Yes.”
“I don’t like it,” she said. “Max hasn’t had a lot of relationships. He’s had short-lived things with girls, and he’s always been sweet to them. But Max deserves something real , Draven. He doesn’t do casual. And until me, you were the king of casual.”
“I understand,” I said. “But I can assure you, there is nothing casual about my feelings for Max.”
She nodded, looking down at the ground for a moment. “That’s what I was going to say next. I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way I just glimpsed you looking at him. Max has never had anything like that. All I’m saying is don’t hurt him .”
“I never, ever could.”
Guilt pooled in her eyes. “I know I hurt you, Draven,” she whispered.
She was referring to when I found out about her and Dominic.
She still didn’t know that I knew about my father’s payments.
“And I don’t blame you for a single thing you’ve done, Lily,” I told her. “I’ll never do that, either.”
“It’s over, by the way,” she said. “What me and Dominic had. I still care for him, like I’ll always care for you, but… it wasn’t right. Not after everything that happened.”
Now it made more sense why Dom had kept asking me over the phone how Lily was doing. Also made sense why he had even more incentive to visit Bestens, too. It meant that they weren’t talking one-on-one as much, anymore.
I groaned as I shifted on the narrow outdoor seat, the wound hurting in a fresh, new way all over again.
“This thing is a bitch ,” I said, standing up to try to find a better angle.
“I’ll let you go. Like I said, Draven, just treat Max right, and we’ll be okay?—”
“I know about my father paying you,” I blurted out.
Shit.
Hadn’t been planning on saying that .
It had come out like an impulse, another step toward finally being able to live a life with no more secrets, anymore.
Lily’s eyes went wide.
She looked frozen for a moment, like a spooked animal in headlights.
“And I understand, Lily,” I continued. “I understand it all.”
“It wasn’t…” she started, not finishing her sentence.
“I know he got to you after you already had some feelings for me. I know it wasn’t all a lie. But I promise you, I’m glad you were able to get that money from him, Lily. Better in your pocket than his. By far . I forgive you.”
I’d never seen her look so stricken with guilt. She came forward. Wrapping one arm around me in a hug on my good side.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “It killed me.”
“I know. And I don’t want it to be inside you, killing you like that, any longer.”
“You’re a good person,” she told me.
I puffed out a feeble laugh. “Don’t know about that. But thank you. You’re lucky I’m so fond of you, Lily.”
She smiled gently. “Whoever ends up with you is the lucky one.”
As I walked back inside alone, her words hung in the air.
Whoever ends up with you .
For so long, I didn’t think anyone would “end up with” me.
I thought I’d be a lone figure, forever.
Then I’d met Lily, who seemed too good to be true, and ended up being too good to be true, once the cracks started to show.
And then there was Max.
It made no sense that the first person who ever felt right for me was so different from me. Young, sweet, Southern, and loyal.
And yet as I looked at him, sleeping peacefully on the bed in his barn, I knew that he was the most important person I’d met.
Sometimes, the best things in life were the simplest ones.
Straight whiskey.
Riding a horse in the breeze.
Or meeting the love of your life at a time when you never should have, in a place you never thought you’d end up.
I was flying in the face of everything I’d ever known and prided myself on, just by being here.
The Lyons family dynasty that I always wanted to leave my mark on, no matter how much my family tried to push me out.
The Montana land that I thought would be the place I lived and died.
All of my future plans, evaporating into the atmosphere.
Because here is where I felt like I was at home.
For the first time in my entire life.
All roses have thorns, but with Max? I couldn’t fuckin’ find one.
I’d fallen in. And for once, I didn’t mind losing even a little bit of control.