Chapter Thirteen
It would be so easy.
He could almost taste Armi’s kisses, and every cell in his body thrummed with need. All he’d have to do was give Armi the slightest sign that he was willing, and they’d be naked again.
“I don’t want you to be angry with me for saying no.”
Armi looked horrified. “Of course not. That would be wrong and illegal, and God, is that what you think?” He pushed his hands through his hair, and even though he was upset, all Hayden could think of was how adorable he was.
What the hell was wrong with him? When had his strict professionalism gone out the window? Why did this man, this awkward, sweet man, capture his attention and make him see a whole different side of life?
“No. I would never think that of you.”
“I don’t want you to compromise your integrity. You said you don’t sleep with your bosses. Last night was an aberration. I understand. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”
“You didn’t push me. At all. I was totally willing, and I consented.” The taut lines of his face softened. He wished Armi could explain it because he didn’t know what the hell was going on. “But we’re adults, and we can keep the business and personal between us separate. I take responsibility for what happened between us last night, but please don’t think for a second I have regrets.”
“I just don’t want you to end up hating me.”
“I don’t think anyone could ever hate you, Armi Winters.” He put a safe distance between them, otherwise he might reach out and touch Armi. Not a good idea. Because once he started, Hayden knew he wouldn’t be able to stop. “How about a sandwich?” He grinned, and Armi laughed.
“That’s a segue if there ever was one. Sex or turkey club?”
Hayden believed he knew the answer but had to ask. “You’re okay with me still working for you, right?”
An almost frightened expression crossed Armi’s face. “What? Are you kidding me? Of course I am. You don’t want to leave, do you? Please don’t.”
“No, of course not. I really do enjoy the job. And working for you. I’ve learned so much already in such a short period of time.” Relief spread through him. “I’m glad we can move past this. Now how about I get the sandwiches and beer?”
“Yeah, sure. We can eat in here. I’m not picky.”
In the kitchen, Hayden took a moment and braced his hands on the island. It was the right thing to do. The best for both of them. He couldn’t have an affair with Armi. The office was too small and gossipy, and it was incredibly unprofessional and clichéd…
Dammit. I’m such an idiot.
Not for what happened. Never that. Hayden would carry the night with Armi like a precious memory, an heirloom to take out and reminisce about when the loneliness became too much to bear.
He’d hated having to do it, but he’d lied to Armi, saying he had no regrets. Now that he knew what it was like to be inside Armi, how perfect and beautiful making love to him was, he regretted never being able to do it again. It was going to be torture working with him, but he’d faced bigger obstacles before and managed.
And yet…Hayden could imagine himself side by side with Armi as a partner…a lover. Pain sheared a burning path through his chest. A fucking joke if there ever was one. He wasn’t good enough for a sweet guy like Armi. Kids made mistakes all the time. That was what he’d heard. You grew from them. But all he’d learned was that the weight of his stupidity followed him wherever he went. Being the kind and sweet man Armi was, he wouldn’t care, but the thought of telling him he’d had sex on camera caused his stomach to revolt. He’d never forget hearing his parents’ late-night conversations after he was supposed to be asleep. How people in town whispered about him. And them. Listening to his father cry because he couldn’t take care of his family and blamed himself for Hayden’s actions.
Nothing I can do about it.
He made a platter with the sandwiches, grabbed two beers and a bag of chips. Back in the living room, Armi jumped up to help him.
“Thanks.” Hayden set the bottles on the table and poured the chips in the empty bowl. He raised his beer to Armi. “To only good press. And to you as the owner.”
Armi shook his head. “To you. For making it possible.”
“No, you did. You need to have more confidence that you can and will.” But if there was one thing Hayden had learned, it was that pretty words couldn’t erase decades of put-downs and criticisms, and Armi’s wounds ran deep. “Let’s eat, and you can tell me everything you hope to accomplish with the team.”
“You don’t have to do this, you know.” Armi nibbled on the edge of his turkey sandwich.
“What? Eat?” He took a bite, chewed, and swallowed. “I’m hungry.” He smirked at Armi’s huff of annoyance. He really was cute.
“No. Pretend to want to be here. I know you have better things to do on a Saturday than spend it locked in here with me, talking about work.”
Oh, Armi. They did a real fucking number on your head, didn’t they?
“But I don’t. I’m working because you need my help. I told you when I took the job that this is what I do. I don’t have a boyfriend, and I don’t particularly want one. So can we cut this out now?”
“Okay.”
“I’d like to start with some information.”
“Sure.” Armi took a bite of his sandwich and chewed it without much interest.
“Tell me about your relationship with Russell.”
Armi’s head jerked up, confusion clouding his eyes. “Russell? What do you mean, my relationship with him? He’s the general manager of the team. I’ve known him all my life.”
Time to tread delicately. “Yeah, I know. He was also very close to your father?”
“Yes. They were best friends.”
“And you’ve been leaning on him and taking his advice on running the team?”
“Yeah. Hayden, where is this going? I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”
Of course he wouldn’t. Because Armi was a good and decent person who’d never think of sabotaging someone else for his own benefit. That was why he needed someone like Hayden, who knew all about the ugly underbelly of people and life in general.
“I’m just curious why. Someone who was best friends with your father—a man who wasn’t nice to you—why do you trust him? Shouldn’t he have stopped your father from talking all that shit? Shouldn’t they both have tried to bring you into the team instead of shutting you out?”
With each word, Armi seemed to deflate, and Hayden hated that he’d brought Armi to such a low point. His phone buzzed, and he pulled it out. “Shit,” he exclaimed, and Armi glanced at him.
“Plans you forgot? Don’t worry. I have plenty to keep me busy tonight.” Armi waved him off. “Go ahead.”
Hayden’s lips twitched. “Not me, Armi. You. I put it on your calendar for today, but I guess with the article, we both forgot. You have dinner with your friend Trevor.”
“Oh, shit.” Armi shot up from his chair, dumping his sandwich in his lap and knocking over his beer. “I’m such a klutz.”
“Stop it,” Hayden scolded and took a bunch of napkins to sop up the liquid. Jesus. It wasn’t only the father who was to blame. Where was Armi’s mother in all this mess? No time to think about it. He had to get Armi ready. “Leave it to me to clean up. You have plenty of time—it’s only four thirty, and dinner isn’t until seven. Go get ready. I won’t leave before you’re finished.”
“You don’t have—”
“Yes.” He pushed Armi firmly out of the way. “I do. Now get out of here and let me do my thing.”
Shooting him a guilty look, Armi left him on his knees, picking up lettuce and tomato from the floor. It took several trips to the kitchen along with some cleaning spray to wash away the smell of food and beer, but he finally finished and returned all the food to the kitchen, dumped the bottles in the recycling, and rebagged the chips. Hands on his hips, he surveyed the space.
“Hayden? Are you still here?” Footsteps pounded on the stairs.
“In the living room,” he called out and turned. “Wow. You look…really good.”
Pink bloomed on Armi’s cheeks, and his blue eyes sparkled. A crisp, white button-down with a black stripe was tucked into dark jeans. “Thanks. My razor broke, so I didn’t shave.” He rubbed the stubble covering his jaw. “Does it look bad?”
Bad? Does Armi truly have no idea how hot he is?
“No. The opposite. Do you have a bottle of wine or something to bring with you? If not, you still have time. I can run to the liquor store for you.”
“No, his wife, Marianne, loves my roses, so I promised to bring her some.”
“Perfect. Could you show me which ones?” Hayden had no idea why he asked, but it was worth it to see Armi’s face brighten.
“I’d love to. I have some beautiful hybrid teas that just bloomed or are about to. Follow me.”
Immediately, when Armi started to speak about his roses, his whole demeanor changed. His shoulders straightened, and his voice rang with strength. If he could be like that all the time, there’d be no problem at the office.
They passed through the kitchen to the greenhouse, and Armi picked up a pair of shears before continuing on to a colorful grouping of rosebushes.
“They’re beautiful. I’ve never seen colors like this.”
“They smell as delicious as they look. Go ahead.”
Hayden leaned forward to the first bush—a lemony yellow with a tinge of red around the edges, which were like velvet under his fingers. “Ohhh, that’s a beautiful perfume.”
“Now this one next.” Armi pointed to the coral blooms with streaks of yellow and white. “What do you think of these?”
“Even sweeter. And the colors…I didn’t know you could have so many different ones in the same rose.”
“It’s what I’m trying to accomplish. I love working with them.” He frowned. “My father used to call it ‘grubbing in the dirt.’”
As the light faded from Armi’s face, Hayden again cursed the man for crushing Armi’s spirit. “Well, I think it’s an awesome hobby. My mother always corrals my father into helping her with her garden, and he pretends not to like it, but I used to see him on his own, going through the garden to make sure none of the leaves on the bushes had those black spots. He didn’t want her to do it herself and get pricked by the thorns.”
“That’s very sweet. They must love each other very much.”
“They do. They’ve been married almost forty years.”
The droop of Armi’s soft mouth tempted, and Hayden wished he could kiss all his problems away. And though his dick perked up at the idea, Hayden dismissed the thought from his mind. He’d quickly learned that as quiet and unassuming as Armi was, one touch from him and Hayden was gone. They’d end up naked.
Idiot. That’s not the visual you need right now.
He blew out a long, frustrated breath.
Armi pulled on a pair of heavy gardening gloves and picked up the shears. “That’s an anomaly in my world. Almost no one stays married. My parents divorced when I was a kid, as did Trevor’s.” He snipped and picked off the thorns, and even with his hands covered by the thick canvas, Hayden could see the tender care he took with the stems. “Do you mind holding these while I cut more?”
“Of course not.” He took the two long stems and smelled the fragrance of their blooms. He watched Armi collect more flowers until he held a dozen roses of different colors. Armi stripped off the gloves and wiped his face with a paper towel.
“Come on. I have to wrap them.”
In the kitchen with his flowers, Armi showed none of the hesitancy in his everyday life at the office, moving with purpose and care as he wrapped up the long green stems and fragile petals. There was no fumbling, and Hayden pictured that firm hand around his cock.
Christ, get a damn grip.
“Great job. It looks professional, like they came from a florist.”
“That’s done. I’d better go soon, so they can get in water. Marianne, Trevor’s wife, is really nice.”
As they spoke, Armi collected his wallet, keys, and phone. “Can I drop you off anywhere?”
“Yeah, thanks. I need to get home.”
“Tell me your address again?” Armi tapped it on his phone screen. “Car will be here in three minutes.”
Backpack in hand, Hayden trailed behind Armi, admiring the snug fit of his jeans and the broad set of his shoulders. They entered the dark car, and with Saturday night traffic, it took almost ten minutes to travel three avenue blocks and the streets uptown.
“This is me,” Hayden said as the car slid to the curb. “Thanks, Armi. I’ll see you on Monday.”
“Yeah. Sure. Have a great weekend.” Armi met his gaze, and Hayden’s heart twisted, the tightness in his chest unfamiliar.
He closed the door to the sedan and watched the taillights blend in with the other traffic.
Up in his apartment, he sprawled on his sofa. It had been hell sitting next to Armi in the car, smelling his cologne, watching his lips move as he spoke, wanting to kiss him and yet being powerless to do anything about it.
“Dammit.” His hand balled into a fist. “How could this have happened?”
It wasn’t even seven o’clock on a Saturday night. Summer in the city. He should shower, get dressed, and go out. Find someone to ease the nervous tension bubbling through him. He could almost taste the bitter orange of an Aperol Spritz.
Maybe someone out there could help him remember, because once upon a time, he’d been happy.