Chapter 7 #2
“I’ll go.” Scorpion nominated himself. “Maddox, Wesley, Birdie, and I can go out again tonight.”
“I want to go too.” I straightened in the chair.
“No.” Scorpion shook his head. “You seem to draw too much attention and . . .”
“Danger.” I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah. But I also know these people. I could have insight.” My head darted between Scorp and my uncle. “I need to do this.”
So much was out of my control right now. I hadn’t even wrapped my brain around the fact I had found my mother, Warwick was gone, but I still wanted him, and we lost Killian and Zander. The panic bubbling in my chest, fear of being left alone with my thoughts, made me desperate.
“Please.”
“No.” Andris jerked his chin to where my hand continuously massaged. “You need someone to look at your knee and ankle first.”
“But—”
“Brexley, you will slow them down if you are hurt,” he said plainly.
Flinching, I dropped my head away, the comment cutting deeper than he meant.
I had always been the strongest and fastest in my training group. I killed fae and fought my way out of Halálház, but now I was fragile. A sprained ankle and twisted knee from something I wouldn’t have even thought twice about before.
Andris returned his attention to the group. “Devise a plan and check in with me later.” He dismissed us, the guys already heading for the door.
“Come on, girl.” Birdie helped me up. “Next time, why don’t you leave the flying to me.” She nudged my shoulder. “Is hanging around us making you think you’re fae too?”
Not fae, but what I used to be. Whatever that even was.
“You want to get something to eat? Think it’s about breakfast time.” She motioned to the minimal canteen area. What Wesley was able to get wouldn’t even feed half the dwindled group for one meal.
I felt like a failure. “No, I might get some sleep first.”
She grinned. “Is that code for finding the massive legend’s dick and riding it until you pass out?”
The walls I was trying to keep up around me splintered in thin fissures, letting pain seep through. I bit down on my lip, swallowing it back.
“No. He’s gone.”
“He’s coming back, right?”
“No.” I stepped back.
“What?”
I motioned behind me. “I should go check in with a nurse to look at my knee.” I turned, hobbling away.
“Wait, X, what happened? Where is he?”
I acted like I didn’t hear her, slipping down the hallway.
“Brex?” A different voice called my name, swinging my head to the side. My shoulders sagged at seeing him, like being near him I could let down my walls. He appeared as if he had just gotten back too, his backpack full. Ash strolled up to me. “Hey, what’s wrong? You’re limping.”
“Sprained it.” I realized I had never sprained or broken anything in my life, this frailty making me itch in my own skin.
“Hey.” His hands cupped my face, tipping it up to look at him. “What’s wrong?”
A crazed laugh came up my throat. “What’s not?”
“Fair enough.” His brows crinkled with worry. “But did something happen on your mission?”
“Yeah, I sprained my knee and ankle.”
“Well, you’re in luck. I brought many miraculous herbs and painkillers.”
His lightness caused my face to crunch up.
“What?” He tilted his head in confusion.
“I never sprained or broken anything before,” I whispered.
“Ah.” He pressed his lips together, getting my meaning.
“I may have not known what I was, but I knew who I was.”
“And now you don’t.”
Gritting my teeth to keep from crying, my head danced up and down.
“You are still the girl I met over a month ago. And like I told you then, and I will say it again, you are not alone. I am here.” He tipped his forehead to me. “Whether you want me or not, you are family to me.”
“But why? You’ve only known me a month.” Was it really just a month? I felt like I had known Ash my whole life.
“Because you’re his family. That makes you mine.”
“But—”
“No.” He cut me off. “Whatever that asshole needs to work through, he will come to the same conclusion. I’m not saying you should give him a pass, not at all.
On the contrary, I hope you kick his ass for a decade.
But Warwick does not understand love in the conventional sense.
He doesn’t know how to let someone in. I’ve known the bastard forever, and he still keeps me at arm’s length.
He protects and cares for people, not the other way around.
But he transformed with you. I’ve never seen him the way he is with you. Ever.”
“Doesn’t change anything. He doesn’t want to be here.”
“We all know that’s a lie. And eventually, he’ll see it too.”
My hands rubbed over his, my lids squeezing shut, so thankful I had Ash. He was wrong, though. Warwick was stubborn, and if he didn’t want something, he would not bend.
“Now, let’s go see if we can heal your knee.” He kissed my forehead, then turned down the hall to the sleeping quarters. We entered a room with two beds. Both mattresses had been placed on the floor together. They appeared to have been slept in. Maybe not slept in, but used.
Vigorously.
The sheets and blankets were in complete disarray and twisted up. One pillow was ripped, and a sheet had some kind of stain I didn’t even want to think about.
My brow lifted.
“You have no room to talk. I heard what you did to the room at Kitty’s . . . and at Povstat.”
“Gonna tell me who slept over?”
He grinned mischievously, motioning to an empty cot for me to sit down on, not answering.
“Boy? Girl? Boy and girl?” I prodded.
He chuckled, sitting down next to me, pulling stuff out of his bag. He yanked the fae book out, placing it down between us.
My question forgotten, my focus was entirely on the book. My breathing faltered. I stared at it, trying to feel or sense something, any tiny hum or pull to it. Reaching out to touch the book, fear shook my hand, not wanting to acknowledge what I already knew.
My fingers glided over the cover, my lips pinching together.
No hum, no voice in my head, no magic.
Nothing.
My lashes fluttered, feeling Ash’s gaze on me. My eyes drifted to see him watching me intently.
I shook my head, my voice hoarse. “I can’t feel it.”
Ash reached over, covering my hand with his, placing it on the book.
“Hmmm.” His brow furrowed. “It’s like you aren’t even here. I could always feel it calling to you. Wanting you. Now . . .” His shoulders slumped. “Nothing.”
I yanked my hand away, staring at the wall, trying to let the strange loss wash off me and not settle in.
“What do you feel?” I asked.
“You mean toward the book?”
“No.” I pushed my back against the wall, licking my lips. “Toward me.” I folded my hands in my lap. “You said you were drawn to me before, could feel death and life around me.”
Ash didn’t say anything, his green eyes watching me.
“It’s gone, isn’t it? The attraction.”
He let out a huffed chuckle. “If you’re asking if I’d still love to fuck you, the answer is yes.”
“That’s not what I was asking.”
His humor quickly dissolved. Somber and uncomfortable, he looked away. “Yes. It’s gone.”
Sucking in sharply, I gnashed my teeth together. I knew it, but to hear it out loud was something else.
It was what I was which drew people to me, not really me. Like fae glamour.
“Stop.” Ash hit my leg. “I know what you are thinking.”
“How can I not?” I flung up my hands. “It wasn’t me they wanted at all.”
“Believe me, it’s still you we are enchanted by. It’s you I’m here for, with or without it. And if some can’t see it, then fuck them. You’d know who is real and who isn’t then.”
I blew out my lips, slinking back into the wall. “Thanks.”
“If you want me to prove it, this bed hasn’t been used yet.”
Snorting, I tipped my head back, quickly going somber. “I guess you’re right. We’ll see who is real.” I blinked back moisture in my eyes.
Both of us knew who I was referring to.
Ash moved the book lying next to me, staying quiet, putting it back into his bag.
“Will it come back?” I whispered.
“I don’t know. As I told you last night. Magic is a give and take. You might have taken too much.”
Still staring at the ceiling, I nodded.
“We’ll figure it out.” He squeezed my good ankle. “Okay?”
My head bobbed, still not looking at him.
He sighed, turning back to his bag.
“FUCK!” Ash bellowed, jerking me to him. “Those little assholes!”
He shoved the cotton bag at me. Peering in, my hand slapped over my mouth.
Among some remnants of mushrooms were Opie and Bitzy, asleep at the bottom. Bits of mushroom stuck to their faces, tongues hanging out.
Bitzy’s eyes cracked open, her middle finger flipping me off, a happy smile on her face. Chiiiiiirrrrpppp. Her eyes closed, passing out again.
I fought back my laugh.
“It’s not funny. I just filled the entire bag.” Ash barked out.
“Oh, come on. Don’t be upset.” I leaned toward him, rubbing his arm. “Be a—”
“Don’t say it.”
“Fun-guy.”
Ash groaned, freeing a deep laugh from my chest.
Even if it was brief, it felt good to laugh.
To feel like me.