Chapter 15 #2
"It's exactly that simple. You're just making it complicated because you're you.
" Lena picked up her palette knife again, pointing it at Clara for emphasis.
"You've got two things happening at once, and they're the same thing wearing different outfits.
Jack is asking you to be vulnerable. Nora is asking you to be visible.
And you're sitting here on my floor trying to figure out how to say no to both of them without losing either of them. "
Clara opened her mouth. Closed it.
"I hate when you do that," she said.
"Do what?"
"See me."
Lena smiled — crooked, fond, a little sad. "Somebody has to."
Clara stopped at Maeve's on the way back to the dock.
She hadn't planned to — had planned to go straight to the boat, straight back to the lighthouse, straight back to the productive denial she'd been cultivating all week.
But the pub was there, and the door was open, and Maeve was behind the bar as usual and that familiar routine was comforting.
“Clara.” Maeve looked up. Set down the glass. "Sit."
It wasn't an invitation. It was an instruction. Clara sat.
Maeve poured her coffee without asking and slid it across the bar. Then she leaned on her elbows and studied Clara with those sharp eyes that had been cataloguing the emotional weather of Beacon's End for forty years.
"You look tired," Maeve said.
"I'm fine."
"I didn't say you weren't fine. I said you look tired. Those are two different things, and you know the difference."
Clara wrapped her hands around the mug. The pub was empty — mid-afternoon lull, Evan nowhere in sight, just the two of them and the faint smell of yesterday's chowder and lemon polish.
"Jack came by yesterday," Maeve said. "Fixed the wobbly leg on Table Six. Didn't stay for coffee."
"He's been doing that. Projects. Staying busy."
"I noticed." Maeve was quiet for a moment. The cloth moved in slow circles over the glass. "I told him something. About you. I wasn't sure if I should, but I'm old enough not to second-guess myself, so I did."
Clara's stomach tightened. "What did you tell him?"
"The truth." Maeve set down the glass. Met Clara's gaze. "I told him about the first month after Sam. Not the version you tell — the one where you were sad but managing, where you leaned on your art and got through it. The real version."
Clara’s hands tightened around the mug as her chest constricted with the painful memory.
“I told him you stopped eating," Maeve continued, her voice steady and matter-of-fact, the way she delivered all difficult truths — without drama, without softening, just the flat honesty of someone who believed that kindness and dishonesty were incompatible.
"I told him Tim brought soup every day for two weeks and I'd find the containers on the porch untouched.
I told him Lena took the boat out to you every other day because you stopped answering your phone.
I told him I came to the lighthouse on a Wednesday and found you sitting on the kitchen floor at two in the afternoon, still in your pajamas, drawing.
Not crying. Just drawing. Like if you stopped moving the pen, something inside you would stop too. "
The pub was very quiet.
"Why?" Clara's voice came out thin. "Why would you tell him that?"
"Because he needed to know what the stakes are.
" Maeve's eyes were gentle but unyielding.
"That boy is carrying something heavy, and I've been around long enough to recognize the look of someone who's thinking about running.
And if he runs — if he decides whatever's eating him is bigger than what he's got here — he should know what he's leaving behind.
Not to guilt him. Not to trap him. But because the truth is owed to the people who might get hurt by our decisions.
" She paused. "He deserved to know what it cost you last time.
So that if he leaves, he leaves with his eyes open. "
Clara sat with that for a long time. The coffee grew cold. Outside, the harbor made its usual sounds — gulls, boat engines, the clank of rigging in the wind.
She felt simultaneously protected and exposed.
Maeve had taken the worst, most fragile version of her — the woman on the kitchen floor, the untouched soup, the drawing that was more like breathing than creating — and handed it to the man who might break her again.
Not as a weapon. As information. As the thing you tell someone before they make a choice that can't be unmade.
"He didn't say much," Maeve added. "Went quiet. Finished Table Six. Left."
Of course he did. That was Jack's pattern — absorb the impact, find something to fix, leave before the feelings caught up.
"Thanks for telling me," Clara said. She wasn't sure if she meant it.
“Well, you can thank me later.” Maeve picked up another glass. "Go home, love. Whatever's happening between you two, it won't sort itself out on a barstool."
The boat ride back was twenty minutes of silence and open water and Clara trying to organize the mess in her chest into something she could manage.
Two fronts. Lena was right — they were the same thing in different outfits.
Jack, pulling away. Nora, pressing forward. Both asking her to do the thing she was worst at: stand still and be seen. Don't run, don't hide, don't curl up small and wait for the danger to pass.
The lighthouse came into view around the point, tall and white against the late afternoon sky. Jack was still on the gallery. She could see him — a figure against the railing, his posture looser now, the day's work behind him. He raised a hand when he saw the boat.
She raised one back.
And felt the specific, terrible ache of loving someone who might already be leaving.
Dinner was pasta. Of course it was pasta — Jack's culinary range remained a running joke neither of them was laughing about tonight.
They ate at the table. Made conversation that skimmed the surface of things without dipping below — how the cable railing was coming along (fine), how her panel was going (fine), whether Tim was still recovering from the lobster bake logistics (probably).
The words were right. The music underneath them was wrong.
Clara watched Jack across the table and thought about what Maeve had said. He went quiet. Finished Table Six. Left. He'd heard the worst of it — the soup, the kitchen floor, the drawing-as-breathing — and absorbed it the way he absorbed everything. Silently. Into the bones.
She wondered if it mattered. If knowing the stakes would change anything, or if the fear that was pulling him away was bigger than the knowledge of what his leaving would cost.
After dinner, Jack washed the dishes. Clara dried. Their elbows brushed at the sink. Normal. Domestic. The kind of small routine that felt like infrastructure — invisible until it wasn't there.
"Jack."
He looked over. Water on his hands. That half-smile ready to deploy.
Clara didn't know what she was going to say. Hadn't planned it. The word had just come out, his name like a question she didn't have the rest of.
"Yeah?"
She looked at him — really looked, the way she'd been afraid to for three days.
At the lines around his eyes that deepened when he was tired.
At the tension in his jaw that hadn't been there two weeks ago.
At the hands that built things and held her and were gripping the edge of the sink right now like he needed something solid to keep him upright.
She kissed him.
Not softly. Not the easy, comfortable kisses they'd been trading like currency — peck on the cheek in the morning, lips against his shoulder at night, the gentle, habitual contact of two people who'd learned each other's rhythms.
This was different. This was Clara putting her hands on his face, her wet dish towel dropping to the floor, and kissing him like she was trying to find him underneath whatever wall he'd built in the last three days.
Like she could reach the real Jack — the one who whistled off-key and smiled with his whole face and planned September projects and said next summer like it was a promise — if she just pressed hard enough.
Jack made a sound against her mouth. Something between surprise and surrender. His wet hands found her hips, leaving damp prints on her shirt, and he kissed her back with a hunger that felt like an answer and a confession at the same time.
"Clara—"
"Don't." She pulled back just enough to meet his eyes. "Don't say you're tired. Don't say you're fine. Just — be here. Right now. With me."
Something cracked behind his expression. Not broke — cracked. A fissure in the wall, letting through a sliver of the fear and grief and longing he'd been mortaring over since Josie called.
He didn't answer with words. He picked her up — hands under her thighs, lifting her onto the kitchen counter with the strength of a man who worked with his body every day — and kissed her like he was running out of time.
Maybe he was.
They didn't make it to the bedroom.
Clara wrapped her legs around him, pulling him closer, her fingers in his hair, her back against the cabinet.
Jack's mouth traveled down her neck, her collarbone, the hollow above her sternum, each kiss landing with an intensity that was almost desperate — not rushed, but urgent, like he was trying to memorize the geography of her before he forgot it.
"Hey," she breathed. "Slow down. I'm not going anywhere."
He stilled. Forehead against her shoulder. Breathing hard.
"I know," he said. But it sounded like he didn't.
They moved to the bedroom eventually — Clara pulling him by the hand, Jack following like someone being led toward something he wanted and was terrified of in equal measure. The room was dim, the last of the evening light slanting through the window, the sheets still rumpled from the morning.