Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
ZANE
I look up from greasing the mower cutting mechanism and expect to see a pair of fathoms-deep black eyes staring back at me.
But I don’t, and somehow that unsettles me more.
Not that I’ve gotten used to seeing Devin, but him not being here when I’m prepared for it creates a curious ache inside.
A customer pulls into the yard and I straighten up to go serve them, shaking my head to rid myself of the feeling.
It’s ridiculous. I can’t miss someone I don’t like.
Maybe not liking him is the wrong way to describe it.
Devin’s a good worker, and he never complains, not so far anyway, but there’s something about him that makes my hair stand on end.
Missing that sensation is like not being able to worry at a loose tooth once it’s been removed.
Better in the long run, but oddly bereft without the habit of checking it’s still there.
Today is Devin’s day to be back in Sacramento.
I can’t help wondering if he’ll actually return tomorrow.
He said earlier in the week that he doesn’t like to settle down as he doesn’t like to be tied down.
I can’t understand that; family is everything.
I’ll still keep looking for more help in any case, as he said he was only after a temporary job.
The feed store is starting to pick up, and looks like it’s going to be successful, but I still need reliable help for my plan to work.
Thinking about that, I look over at Nova.
There are no customers, so he takes himself into the tiny office and sits down with a sigh, looking dejected instead of his usual sunny self.
I watch as he takes out his phone and scrolls through it.
I know he follows a lot of nail artists and influencers, so he’s probably watching some videos.
Taking on the feed store is my way of raising money for him to go to college to become a nail technician.
I just haven’t told him yet. Perhaps I should.
When I reach the office door, he looks up suddenly and quickly puts his phone down.
“Whatcha looking at?” I ask.
“Nothing.” He shrugs and my heart breaks that he feels he has to hide his dreams from me.
“Were you looking at nail art? Ideas?”
‘Maybe.” He keeps his eyes cast down and picks at the frayed edge of his shorts.
“Do you still want to go to college?”
“I dunno.” His attention remains on his fidgeting fingers, and I know this isn’t the real Nova.
“Nova,” I say, and when he finally lifts his head I raise an eyebrow at him.
“Okay, well, yes, of course I do. But what’s the point of wanting something that I know we can’t afford. I’m going to spend my life here, flipping sacks and driving tractors. It sucks.”
I ignore the last comment as it’s my life and I happen to like it. Especially when I’m out in the fields, cutting and baling hay. But I know it’s not what Nova would choose.
“It’s been a month since we opened the feed store. Business has grown more than I’d planned. It’s still early days, but if it continues to go well, there will be enough money for you to go to college in the fall.”
He stares at me for a full five seconds.
“You mean it?”
“It’s the reason I took on the feed store.” That and some consistency. Hay is seasonal, and we were managing, but it doesn’t hurt to have a fallback.
He launches himself out of the chair and into my arms with a screech that almost pierces my eardrum.
“You’re the best brother ever,” he declares, and I hold him a little tighter as that’s all I’ve ever wanted to be. To be able to give my precious brother the life he deserves. He disentangles himself and stands in front of me, beaming his usual smile full of sunshine that always warms my heart.
“I can’t believe you’re going to pay for college.”
“I’m not. We are. You work here too, and you’re helping to make it a success. So if you work hard over the summer and it continues to do well, you can go to college in the fall.”
“Thank you.” He squeezes me again. “Oh, but if I go to college, who’ll work here?”
“I’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
“Devin?” he asks.
“Devin’s only wanting work for a few weeks.” I don’t bother telling Nova that Devin is on a week’s trial.
“Then we’ll have to find a way to persuade him to stay,” Nova says with confidence.
“You like him, don’t you?” The words slip out involuntarily.
“Yes. He’s funny. Did you know he has three brothers? Three! Imagine that.”
“Sounds awful. One’s enough,” I reply, and Nova laughs.
“No, but seriously, it sounds fun. He tells me stories about them all the time.”
I let Nova ramble on about Devin while we work.
I feel a pang that my brother is so gregarious and makes friends easily whereas I’m awkward and find it hard.
Some of the stories that Nova recounts from Devin are quite funny.
But I can’t believe that growing up with three brothers he’d ever want to leave them, let alone move thousands of miles away.
Devin seems more of a mystery than he was before.
“Are you coming out with me and Sandy tonight?” Nova asks over dinner.
“No. What if Dad needs me?” is my automatic response.
“I’ll be fine,” Dad grumbles from across the table.
“C’mon. It’s Friday night and we’re going to Pints and Pool.” Nova’s not making it sound any more appealing.
“I’m here if Clive needs anything,” Arlene adds.
“Which I won’t,” Dad says, and three pairs of eyes look back at me from around the table. Clearly no one is on my side tonight.
“Go on, you hardly ever have any fun.” Arlene starts clearing the table and I jump up to help her. Most of my time is spent making sure the farm runs well and we have enough food on the table. I don’t have time for fun.
“Please,” Nova whines.
“Let me guess. You just want a lift to town.”
“Well, you won’t let me take the truck. But no, Sandy is picking me up,” Nova says.
He’s not wrong. Nova can drive but I need the truck in case there’s an emergency and I need to get Dad to the hospital. Which is mostly true. There is Arlene’s car if needed. But I don’t like not having the truck or being dependent on anyone else.
“I just thought you’d like to come as you never go out.” Nova tries again.
“Why do I feel like I’m being guilt tripped into this?”
“You should go out and relax. It’ll do you some good,” Arlene says firmly.
I don’t agree. I don’t find bars relaxing places, and I’m still of the same mind when I follow Nova and Sandy into the bar an hour later.
Thankfully, I spot Hudson and Tig almost immediately.
Despite being born and raised in Foggy Basin and knowing almost everyone in the town, I don’t have any friends.
Hudson and Tig are about the closest. I didn’t have time for friends when I was younger.
I had a baby brother to look after. I was also working on the farm while still at school and full time once I graduated.
So I’ve never developed the skills necessary to make friends.
“Hi, Zane. How’s the feed store?” Hudson asks as soon as I reach them. I’m sure Jack and Issac can’t be too far away either.
“Yeah, alright thanks,” I reply, which is about the extent of my small talk.
“We met your new guy the other day. We played pool with him. He seems like a sound guy.”
“He’s not my guy,” I say gruffly. Why am I reminded of Devin everywhere I go?
I can’t even go to the bar in a town I grew up in without his presence haunting me, and he hasn’t even been here a week.
I grit my teeth as I imagine them all playing pool, enjoying themselves.
Probably laughing about me. Maybe it was a mistake to come here.
Perhaps I could leave now. I stand, and Nova appears from nowhere and grabs my arm.
“They’re doing karaoke,” he says excitedly. “You have to come and join in.”
“I was thinking about going home,” I reply.
“No, you can’t leave now. I’m going to sing. Please watch me sing.” Nova tips his head to one side and gives me his most winning smile. He knows I’ll never refuse him when he does that.
“Okay, I’ll stay to watch you sing,” I reply and receive a quick, crushing hug.
“You should sing too. Some Dolly. I know she’s your favorite.”
“No,” I reply sharply, thankful that he doesn’t press me and scampers away to confer with Sandy about what they’re going to sing. There’s absolutely nothing in this world that is going to make me get up there and sing in public.