Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
DEVIN
Yesterday, this seemed like a good idea.
But now, standing in the cool light of the early morning, an hour before I normally rise, next to a large horse which must weigh about twelve hundred pounds, I’m not so sure.
Not that I’m going to back down, I won’t give Zane the satisfaction of having me give up.
Failing, that’s a different matter, but at least I’ll try first.
The horse, who has been introduced as Bonnie though she looks anything but, shifts her feet and I take a step backwards.
“Nervous?” Zane asks where he’s holding her reins.
Yeah, a little. No, a lot.
“I’m just used to trucks, you know, with a steering wheel and pedals that I know how to operate. They don’t have a brain and independent thoughts.” I eye Bonnie again.
He smiles slightly, which softens his jaw. It looks good on him, even if it is at my expense.
“You’ll be fine. Bonnie will look after you.” I don’t believe him, but I don’t have much of a choice. He demonstrates how to mount her, getting on and off a few times. He makes it look so easy with his long legs and smooth motion. Almost elegant, maybe.
“Now it’s your turn.” He steps back out of my way.
I might be strong, but I’m not tall and not flexible like he is.
It takes me a few goes of hopping before I can get my foot in the stirrup.
I see a glint of amusement in Zane’s eyes, but thankfully he doesn’t comment.
I haul myself up into the saddle and sit astride.
Bonnie shifts her feet again and I wobble, suddenly feeling very precarious.
I know the cab of my truck is higher, but from here the ground looks a long way away. I swallow down a wave of nausea.
“You alright?” he asks.
“Yes.” I grit my teeth in reply as I wait for my stomach to settle.
“I’m just gonna lead her for a while, to let you get used to the motion,” Zane explains and starts to walk, leading Bonnie forward. Even though I’m prepared, the sudden lurch forward takes me by surprise.
“Woah,” I say, mostly to myself, but Bonnie stops moving.
“She’s been trained to stop when you say that,” Zane says. “Are you ready to try again?”
“Yes.” He leads her on again, and I grip the horn at the front of the saddle. After a few circles of the paddock, I manage to breathe properly again. I’m getting used to the motion and I quite like it. Not that I’m going to admit it.
Zane hands me the reins and shows me how to make her go left and right, how to ask her to walk, and how to stop. Then he steps away and somehow I’m expected to do it by myself. It feels different without him there just in case.
“Good Bonnie,” I say under my breath. I say it to keep her calm, but it’s meant more for me.
I press her slightly with my heels and she ambles into a slow walk, which is fine by me, and I navigate my way round the paddock as Zane calls out instructions to me.
I still half expect her to pitch me off onto the dirt, but every second she doesn’t, I gain a little more confidence and start to relax.
I ask her to go a little faster, still a walk, which is fine by me, but I think I’m getting the hang of it.
“I think that’ll do for the first lesson,” Zane says and comes over to stand next to her.
“Err, how do I get down?” All his previous demonstrations are forgotten.
“The reverse of how you got up?”
“What, hopping around hopelessly for several minutes and finally flopping myself on top somehow?” I quip back, and receive a smile. There might even be a hint of a grin. I’m sure I saw a brief flash of teeth. Too bad it disappears just as quickly.
“Bring your right leg back over, hold the saddle, and then take your left foot out before you jump down.”
I do as he says, and when my feet hit the floor, I stagger slightly and Zane is there, placing a hand on my hip to steady me.
“Are you alright?” There’s a hint of concern in his voice. I turn and look at him, his hazel eyes no longer holding their usual hostile gaze. His hand burns at my hip. He’s too close. It’s too intense. I can’t breathe.
‘Um, yes, thanks,” I mumble and he nods.
“Good, you can go faster tomorrow.” He drops his hand and turns, leading Bonnie away while I suck in a lungful of air.
The next morning, I hear him getting Bonnie ready as I come down from my room.
“Do I need to learn how to do that?” I ask as he places a blanket pad on her back.
“I was going to leave it for later in the week, when I’m sure you’re gonna stick with it.”
“You think I’m not? You think I can’t do this?” I ask, prickly, and see his mouth twitch. His jaw tilts and his eyes shine in a way that makes my spine tingle.
“Just show me how to do this?” I gesture to the saddle he’s just hoisted on top of the pad and is now cinching up.
“How about you get through today’s lesson first?”
“Why? What’s wrong with today’s lesson?” I ask as I follow him and Bonnie out of the barn and into the paddock.
At first it’s a repeat of yesterday, and I think he’s said it just to rile me up, which works far too effectively.
Once I’ve walked her around and practiced steering, Zane asks me to stop and clips a long rope to her bridle.
“What’s that for?”
“Now you’re going to go faster, and this is so I can keep her in a circle so you don’t have to worry about where you’re going.”
“Is it that bad?” I’m not so sure about this.
“You’ll be fine. Are you ready?”
“Can I say no?”
“Nope.” He clicks his tongue and Bonnie starts walking. He clicks again and she moves into the most bone-shaking gait I’ve ever experienced. I grab the horn of the saddle before she jostles me to the floor.
“Th-i-s is f-f-ucking aw-ful,” I stutter out as my insides are shaken about and my teeth feel like they’re about to come loose.
“Relax and let your body absorb the movement,” he calls back.
That’s rich for someone who acts like he has a rod stuck up his ass most of the time. Actually, I’ve never seen him on a horse, but he does seem more relaxed when he’s around them. I try to do as he says and relax, when all I want to do is grip on harder with everything I’ve got.
“Good, that’s better.”
I nearly get whiplash turning my head to look at him. Did he just give me praise? Actual praise? I try to detect a hint of sarcasm, but his gaze is soft, almost friendly.
Huh.
I try to relax more, to see if he’s going to say it again, but all too soon he calls a stop to the lesson. This time, when I jump down, I manage to stay on my feet.
“You’re doing really well,” he says, and I preen a little.
A warmth spreads through my chest and I catch his smile.
Then just as quickly, he shuts it down, as if he’s used up his reserves of good will for the day.
He leads Bonnie away, sucking the warmth from me and leaving an icy chill across my skin.
I don’t see him for the rest of the day as he takes Clive to a hospital appointment, but Nova grills me for all the details of my riding lessons. He also tells me about the time Zane taught him to ride.
“How old were you?” I ask.
Nova wrinkles his nose in thought. “About six, I think.”
Yeah, that figures. As I serve customers at work my mind drifts back to how Zane seems different when he’s round the horses, and I imagine what he would look like on one. I bet it’s good.
I set an early alarm for the next day, determined to be there to help him get Bonnie ready, so he can show me how to do it. I try to spring out of bed, but my body has other ideas.
Everything aches.
Muscles I didn’t even know I had, certainly not ones I’ve felt before. I manage to stagger down the stairs like I’ve aged fifty years overnight.
“Feeling it, are you?” Zane asks as I walk stiffly across the barn.
“Who knew there were muscles so deep in your butt. I can feel it right in here.” I push a finger somewhere in the middle of my butt cheek, and he follows my movement.
His eyes blink a couple of times and then he says gruffly, “I told you to relax more.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You’ve been riding forever.” He gives a grunt, which could almost be a chuckle.
“Now are you ready to learn how to saddle her?”
“Only if you’re sure I’m worthy and I’m not going to give up,” I say drily, and it earns me another grunt chuckle, but he shows me anyway.
At first it’s a bewildering mess of leather and straps and metal rings, but Zane is patient and goes through it several times until it starts to make sense about what goes where, and I make a passable job of tacking Bonnie up. Then he hands me her reins.
“What’s the lesson for today?” He doesn’t answer but heads into the next stall and leads out a black horse I hadn’t noticed. It’s already saddled and ready to go.
“We’re going for a ride,” is all he says as he leads the way out of the barn, leaving me to follow him. He checks that I mount alright, and then clips a rope onto Bonnie and attaches it to the horn of the saddle of the other horse before swinging effortlessly up.
“What’s his name?” I ask as he sits easily.
“Blackwing.” Yeah, that suits him.
We set off walking past the paddock where I’ve been having lessons and out towards the hay fields.
It’s a much more open space, and I’m glad he also has hold of Bonnie, not that she shows any sign of carting me off towards the horizon.
Now that I’m in the saddle, perversely, my muscles don’t ache as much as when I was walking.
I sneak a few looks over at him. He does look good on a horse, and it’s more than just being relaxed.
It’s like he belongs there, as if he’s settled into himself and he’s not pretending to be someone else.
I’m still pondering over this curious state when he suggests a trot.
“Oh god, okay.” I say and prepare myself to be shaken about. Maddeningly, he doesn’t seem to move at all, and I try to adopt his posture more, finding it does actually help.
“Want to try a lope?” he asks, just as I think I’m finally getting the hang of the trot.
“What’s that?”
“It’s faster than a trot, but smoother. I think you’ll like it.”
“Well, I’ve got nothing to lose except my dignity and my breakfast,” I say and get that almost-grin again, which makes my chest flutter slightly. Either that or it’s the effect of the trotting. He urges his horse forward and Bonnie follows.
“Oh. Actually, that’s not bad,” I say as soon as I get the rhythm of it.
“Told you.” He looks over and gives me an appraising look. “Much better.”
I try not to sit a little straighter at his praise and fail.
We circle a large field and then start to head back towards the farm. Suddenly the horses break stride and go back to a juddering trot. I’m wholly unprepared and lurch forward.
“Woah,” I shout and both horses stop dead. I slowly pitch over Bonnie’s shoulder and end up on my back looking up at the blue sky, the breath knocked out of me.
Zane is off his horse and looming over me within a second.
“Are you alright?” Concern is etched on his face.
I sit up and wheeze until the air can re-enter my lungs. Nothing appears to be broken.
“I think so.”
He offers me his hand, easily pulling me up onto my feet, and I brush myself down.
“I still have my breakfast, so I guess it was just my dignity, then,” I say and he chuckles.
“I did say they were trained to stop at woah.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t tell me they don’t have a breaking distance,” I reply, and his chuckle increases to a laugh.
A full-blown belly laugh. For a moment I just stare at him.
I’ve never seen him do that, and it’s a beautiful sight.
Then relief that I’m still alive kicks in and I join him, laughing until the tears are running down my cheeks.