Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
DEVIN
Zane smiles at me as I hand him Rainbow’s reins and mount Bonnie. He’s well enough to ride back today, but I’ve made him promise to get checked out as soon as he can.
He casts a glance at the cabin. We’ve spent the last few hours tidying everything away and making it secure until next year.
We might have left an hour ago, but the cleanup was interrupted by a few kisses.
More than a few. That’s as far as it’s gone.
Which is fine by me. This is new for both of us.
I don’t want to push Zane, and I don’t want to rush this either.
I want to explore what we’re both comfortable with.
“Ready?” he asks.
“Sure thing, boss,” I reply and he chuckles.
He urges Blackwing forward, and I turn Bonnie to follow him as we set off for home.
Home?
Huh.
Where did that come from? I don’t class anywhere as home.
The farm may be one of the places I’ve stayed the longest since coming to the States but that doesn’t automatically make it home.
But the people do. I push that thought away.
I might have only just discovered my attraction to men, or rather to Zane, but I’m still leaving in a couple of weeks when my program ends.
I’ve never felt attachment or the need to stay anywhere. That’s not going to change.
“What are you most looking forward to when we get back?” Zane’s question breaks me out of my reverie.
“Easy, a hot shower,” I reply, and he laughs. They come so easily now that it’s sometimes hard to remember the sullen Zane from a few weeks ago.
We talk idly on the journey back, though nothing like the deep revelations of last night.
It’s as if they belong back in the cabin, consigned to a different part of us.
I tell him more about my trip to Dollywood and how Griffin, the oldest, biggest, and burliest of all my brothers, bought a pink cowboy hat with a band that said “Princess” in diamond rhinestones across it.
“And does he wear it?” Zane’s eyes sparkle with mirth.
“Probably.” I laugh.
“Nova would like that,” Zane says. “He’d also like to see Dollywood.”
“You should take him, all go on a family holiday,” I suggest, and Zane shrugs. I’m not going to push him any further on it. But I can sow the seed.
As we get closer to the farm, Zane falls silent more often, and conversation becomes more sporadic.
“Are you feeling alright? How’s your head?” I ask, concerned in case the journey is tiring him more than it should.
“I’m fine,” he says, and it sounds genuine so I don’t ask further.
But as the farm and the town beyond come into view, I can almost feel him slipping away from me.
The quiet Zane, focused on everything he has to do, all the responsibilities he has, seems to take over.
His face loses a lot of the softness, and while he’s still beautiful, it’s a harder beauty.
I almost wish we could’ve had more time at the cabin, a chance to get to know each other better.
Nova rushes over from shutting up the feed store when we arrive in the yard late in the afternoon, and Arlene appears from the farmhouse.
“We were starting to get worried. Did it take longer?” Arlene asks. Nova takes hold of Rainbow and makes a fuss of him.
“No, but there was an accident and we had to wait a while.”
“An accident? What happened?” She swings her gaze between us, looking worried.
“I’m fine,” Zane says, and I can see her shock that it was him. He certainly didn’t act like he’d had a day’s sickness in his life, so I understand that.
“He is, but he got a concussion, so he also promised to go for a checkup,” I add, as I feel the current Zane would dismiss himself as not needing a second opinion. I can see him stiffen, proving my point, but thankfully Arlene agrees with me.
“Yes, absolutely. I’ll take you over to Miller’s point now.
Nova, you see to the horses.” Arlene takes charge, which again is surprising.
Zane shoots me a mutinous look, but I’ll weather it if it means he has a doctor look at him.
I care too. I don’t see him for the rest of the evening, though I notice when he gets back with Arlene.
I busy myself by catching up with messages on the in-crowd chat with my brothers.
After I verify that I am actually okay and still alive, I read back over their theories about what’s happened to me.
Some of them are pretty crazy, like alien abduction, Corbin asking if Foggy Basin is near Roswell.
A few of them are plausible, like rattlesnake bites.
I’m thankful I haven’t even seen one of those.
I’m not sure I’m totally happy that they spent more time on their theories than actually doing something practical, so I hope nothing really does happen to me. They’d be no help.
Once the chat has settled and I’ve called my mum so she doesn’t worry, I decide to jump in with both feet and open a new message.
I kissed a guy and I liked it.
Griffin
Whoever this is, can you give us our brother back?
Corbin
I called alien abduction!
Godwin
For real?
Me
Yeah, for real
Griffin
Finally you’ve come to your senses
Corbin
One of us! One of us!
Godwin
Need to talk?
I laugh at the responses of Griffin and Corbin, but how did my youngest brother get to be the wisest of us all?
Maybe because he had to deal with three older, dafter brothers.
Godwin has always been like that. He’s the academic of us, whereas Griffin and Corbin with their stonemasonry business are more practical.
I’m neither. I’m just a drifter who likes to drive big trucks.
Me
Thanks, Win, probably later. Right now just taking it easy.
Griffin
So, you have to spill. Who is it?
Which is rich coming from a guy who clammed up after revealing he was seeing one of Godwin’s best friends. They’re pretty serious as well, from what I’ve gleaned from the chat.
Me
My boss
Corbin
No fucking way, man
Which is accompanied by a full line of laughing emojis.
I get similar from Griffin and I cut the chat for now.
Maybe I shouldn’t have told them that part.
I don’t want to talk to them anymore. I’m tired and I need some sleep, so I stretch out, reveling in how odd it feels to have the bed to myself after just a few nights sharing with someone else.
I drift off wondering if Zane is okay and missing him after we’ve spent pretty much every minute of the last five days together.
Zane’s truck isn’t in the yard when I go out to open up the feed store the next morning.
Tomorrow I have to be back in Sacramento, and I’m glad we weren’t away long enough to miss that.
I don’t know what would happen if I missed a session.
It would probably delay me getting my license back. Nova joins me within a few minutes.
“Where’s Zane?”
“Oh, he had to run some errands,” Nova says unconcernedly, so I put the worry out of my head.
He starts to ask all about the trip to the cabin, asking for details of the repairs, whether the horses were well behaved, if I had a sore butt from riding all day.
I tell him what I can, obviously leaving out all the details about getting closer to Zane and kissing him.
He tells me about the times he went, including the first time when he was twelve.
“I used to beg to be taken with them from when I was about five.” He giggles.
“But Zane always said no. He gave in eventually, he always does.” He smiles, his elfin face lighting up when he speaks of Zane that way.
Now that I understand more of Zane’s story, I can see how hard he’s worked to give Nova a good childhood, even if he never got one himself.
Zane returns after a few hours, but he doesn’t come over to the store, and we’re busy with customers, so I don’t get a chance to seek him out until we close. I find him with the mower, bent over, tightening a bolt.
“I think I’ll start the cutting tomorrow,” he says as I approach.
“What did the doctor say?” I change the subject and Zane straightens up.
“He says I’m fine. It was a concussion and I should be okay, but to go back if I start feeling dizzy or get migraines.”
“That’s good, then.”
“Yeah.”
“I’ve missed you.” I step closer, into his space. He tenses and moves backwards. “Zane, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I—” He peers past me out towards the yard. “I just haven’t mentioned anything to Nova yet, and I don’t want him to walk in on us kissing.”
“Nova’s in the house. He went over after we closed the store. But just tell him.”
“It’s complicated,” he says, twisting the spanner in his hands.
“Is it?” I say harshly, frustrated with him. He doesn’t answer, and I sigh.
“Am I to be discarded now we’re back? What happens at the cabin stays at the cabin. Is that it?” I spit out.
I don’t wait for an answer. I don’t even want to look at him right now, it hurts too much. I turn and walk away.