8. Chapter 8
Chapter eight
D regu was a breath away from saying something inflammatory, Tamaka could tell. He was glaring at the bard's hand on her. She stood, severing the contact, and crossed to Dregu, resting a hand on his shoulder. He opened his mouth and she squeezed sharply.
"This is my son, Dregu," she said. "Dregu, this is Anslo."
Dregu edged closer to her, a faint growl emanating from his throat. She shook him slightly. He had been increasingly protective since their talk a month ago, but as mature and responsible as he might think he was, he was still only thirteen. "Be polite," she whispered to him.
Anslo stood, stepping forward and offering his hand. "You're the one who abandoned her, aren't you?" Dregu snapped.
The bard's hand dropped, his hesitant smile faltering.
"That is not how it was and you know it," Tamaka hissed.
"It's a fair question," Anslo said before Dregu could interject anything else. "Yes." He addressed Dregu. "We were lovers for a short while and then I left, and when I did, I was uncertain if we would ever see each other again."
"So, you would be a bad mate," Dregu said with a frown.
Anslo smiled sadly. "I don't know. I have never been anyone's mate before. I left home when I was a few years older than you, and I haven't settled in once place since then. But I can promise you that had I known you mother was with child, I would not have left her."
"Don't," Tamaka said quietly. Anslo frowned curiously at her and she pressed her lips together. She did not want him making promises he couldn't or wouldn't keep, not when he'd barely had a few minutes to acquaint himself with the situation, but this was not the discussion to have in front of her son.
For his part, Anslo's words seemed to have given Dregu pause. His jaw worked as he thought, thick black brows furrowed in such a perfect imitation of Vagar that Tamaka almost laughed.
"I am glad your mother had someone like you to look out for her all this time," Anslo said.
Dregu lifted his chin proudly. "If you hurt her, I'll fight you," he announced.
"Oh, Gods," Tamaka muttered, massaging her forehead.
Anslo only laughed. "I'm afraid you'd win. I'm a musician, not a warrior."
It was clear Dregu was slowly being won over. Anslo had an admirable way with intransigent youths, Tamaka had to admit. "Why'd you come back?" Dregu demanded.
Anslo sighed, looking up at her. "I missed your mother," he said softly. "And I wanted to see if she missed me, too."
"She told me she did," Dregu said before Tamaka could stop him.
"Enough!" she snapped. "Dregu, go to Bula's and stay for dinner. We can speak later."
Reluctantly, he nodded, then handed her the peach cookie. With a last stern frown at Anslo, he turned heel and marched out.
"I like him," Anslo said with a quiet laugh. "He has spirit."
"That is... one way to put it." Tamaka rubbed her stomach absentmindedly. "He lost his father when he was nine. He is still sensitive." She sighed. "He is very much a child even at thirteen, but he has tried to fill his father's absence more and more lately."
Anslo took her hands gently in his, his thumbs smoothing over the backs of her fingers. "He's a good lad, then."
"No. I don't want him to try to be Vagar." She breathed through her nose, trying to stave off tears. "I don't want him to lose his childhood because he feels he must be a man. I'm trying to be mother and father to him, but I'm failing, aren't I, if he feels so driven to protect me?"
"He loves you," Anslo assured her. "He's not trying to be his father. He's trying to be a good son." He pulled her to him and wrapped an arm around her back, and Tamaka rested her forehead against his neck, letting her tears fall on his collar. "I can't say my family was much like yours," he continued. "It was far worse by all accounts, but I remember what it was like to be a boy of his age. I remember how badly I wanted to please my parents, how much I wanted to be given the responsibility and respect of an adult. And yes, most days I just wanted to catch frogs in the stream and pilfer sweetmeats from the pantry, but I wanted to be grown up, too. I couldn't have handled the full responsibilities of an adult, but small ones, to practice... That is what he wants. He wants to know that you will lean on him. And as you do, for those small things, he will learn how to be a man at his own pace, with enough time left over for being a boy that he won't miss out on any of his childhood." He stroked her back slowly. "I promise. He will be alright."
"I hate how wise you are," she muttered, pulling back and wiping the tears from her cheeks. She did not normally cry so much, but she remembered being the same with Dregu when he was in the womb. Every slight inconvenience had left her teary, and Vagar had never lost his patience when she cried over a poorly cooked egg or a morning of rain on a day that was meant to be sunny.
He chuckled. "I hate how lovely you are. It has been inconvenient for my plans." She scoffed at him and he took her hand again, pressing a kiss to her palm that had her heart leaping in her chest. "You think I jest," he whispered, "but I am deadly serious."
"Don't say things like that," she warned. "I know this is a difficult situation. I don't want you here out of some sense of obligation. I don't want my child to have a father who is unhappy and resentful because he feels his life was stolen from him by an accident."
He frowned at her, hurt shining in his eyes. "Have I said even once that I feel that way?"
"Of course you haven't, and you wouldn't, but staying here is not a decision to be taken lightly," she insisted. "You haven't had time to think it through. I don't want you promising anything to me before you have taken that time."
"Please do not tell me what I should or should not think or do," he said, sounding more serious than she'd thought him capable of being. "I am younger than you, yes, and my life experience has been vastly different, but I know my mind. I came back to see if you felt the same as I do, if you wish to give us a chance, and if you do not my heart will be bruised, but I will survive. I am not leaving, though. I am staying in Seven Falls. I will help raise my child. I haven't the first idea how to be a father," he confessed with a half-smile, "but I will learn. I will not be the sort of man who walks out on his child." He pressed his lips together, frowning at her stomach. "You are not stealing anything from me, whatever you decide, but my mind is made up. The only question is whether we will be sleeping together while we care for our child, or whether I will be finding my own lodgings."
While she stood there, wondering how to answer him, he stepped back and bowed. "I will be back tomorrow," he told her. "Hopefully to woo you, but that is your decision. If you need to find me in the meantime, I will be at the tavern where we met. They have offered me a place to stay if I play there, again."
With that, he gathered his things and left, Tamaka still unsure what to say.