18. Madison
“Madison, when are you coming home from college? I miss you like crazy, and I need my best friend.” This is only the fourth FaceTime call from Adalynn this week, but I don”t mind. We just go about our normal routines and occasionally have a conversation.
“I will be home in a couple of weeks.”
“You need to hurry up.”
“You know that you can come visit me too, right?”
“I can’t really afford a plane ticket to New York, M.”
“Forgot, sorry.” I close my textbook. I have been trying to study for the last two hours, but I am pretty sure I have retained absolutely nothing.
“Have you talked to Braydon recently?” Braydon has been a touchy subject since he moved to Nashville a year ago. I have no right to ask about him, but every once in a while, I do.
“Not really. He calls every now and then. Mostly to make sure mom is ok. He seems to be doing ok, but I am not convinced. He is still running.”
I nod, not knowing what to say since I still feel like it is my fault that Braydon is running.
“Speaking of your mom, how is she?” Adalynn and Braydon’s mom got diagnosed with cancer a few months after I left for college. It’s been tough on Adalynn, especially with her brother gone and her dad being withdrawn.
“She has her good days and her bad days, but today is one of her better days.”
“That’s good, Adalynn. What do the doctors say?”
“That she is getting better, but that it is still going to be a long road.”
“How’s your dad doing?”
“I am pretty sure he is taking it worse than she is.”
I let out a humorless laugh.
“Have you tried to talk to Braydon recently?” Adalynn asks me.
I sigh and run my fingers through my hair.
“He still won’t answer my calls. Or texts.”
“He will come around, M. He just needs a little time.”
“Adalynn, it has been a year. I don’t think he is going to forgive me anytime soon. And honestly, I don’t blame him. I would hate me too.”
“He doesn’t hate you. He hates himself because he lost you.”
“He didn’t lose me. I walked away.” Which I regret. But I haven’t told anyone that. Or even admitted it out loud.
“But in his mind, he did something to push you away. In his mind, he failed you.”
“How do you know all of this?”
“Because he told me.”
My teeth click from the force, when i snap my jaw closed.
“Give him some time. He is working through a lot right now. And while I think he needs to talk about these things with someone other than me, I am not going to force him to do anything. He will come around.”
“I guess for now we can just agree to disagree.”
“So, have you met anyone at college?” Adalynn asks with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.
“When would I have time for that?”
“Maybe if you pulled your head out of your textbook you would have more time to meet someone.”
“That’s not why I came to college, though.”
“But you are a single, smart, attractive girl. You should be meeting people. Or I guess in your case, someone to help you study.”
“I don’t like studying with anyone. I focus better by myself.”
“Of course.” Adalynn rolls her eyes at me.
“Hey, don’t say it like that. It is much easier to focus when I am by myself.”
“Just promise me you will try to meet people soon.’
“I will try, Adalynn. But I make no promises.”
“Ok. That’s all I ask. I got to go, M. I will talk to you later. I love you.”
“I love you too, Adalynn.”
The phone call disconnects, and I toss my phone on my bed. I try to study for another two hours before I ultimately give up and pick up my book. I settle into my bed and start to read. Normally I am a romance book kind of girl, but lately I have been really into thrillers. This genre is terrible for my sleep schedule, and it makes me suspicious of almost any situation, but they are fun. My phone vibrates somewhere in the mess of my blankets, but I ignore it assuming it is just Adalynn sending me a random meme. My phone vibrates four more times before I finally give in and pick it up. Brooks” name flashes across my screen.
Brooks: call me back
Brooks: please
Brooks: it’s Braydon
I hit the call button next to Brooks’ names. I hold my breath as it rings.
“What happened? Is he ok?” The words get out before Brooks has a chance to speak.
“He needs you, Madison.”
“Brooks, I thought this was an emergency. I thought he was dead.”
“He is dead a little on the inside.”
“Look, Brooks, I know that I am the one that walked away. But I have tried to call. And text. And email. He hasn’t responded. I don’t blame him; I wouldn’t really want to talk to me either. But he moved away a year ago. If he wanted to, he would reach out.”
“That’s the thing, though. He can’t reach out?”
“Why’s that? He is a big boy and knows how to use a phone.”
“Because he feels like he isn’t allowed. I don’t know how else to explain it to you.”
I sigh and roll my eyes even though he can’t see me.
“Is there any other reason you called Brooks?”
“Kind of, but you can’t tell him I told you.”
“Just tell me.”
“He has been seeing this new girl. He says he’s happy, but everyone else can see that he’s just faking it.”
I let out a breath I didn’t realize he was holding as my heart sinks. This is what I wanted, so I have no right to feel hurt. I guess a small selfish part of me was holding out hope that he would wait for me.
“Brooks, you don’t know that. He can make his own decisions.”
“But what if I think he is making the wrong one?”
“That’s not for you to decide. I have to go, Brooks. You can call me anytime if you need someone to talk to. Ok?”
“Ok. Sorry I scared you earlier. I just didn’t think you would answer.”
The phone clicks as Brooks hangs up. I toss my phone back at the end of my bed. Rolling over, I pull my comforter over my head as a traitorous tear rolls down my cheek. It was selfish of me to think that I could just break his heart, and then come back whenever I was ready. I enjoy law school, but lately I have been feeling like I made the wrong decision. Maybe Braydon really was my one true love, and I just threw it all away.