Chapter 4
Harper
Oh god. Mortification swept over me. Why did Noah have to tell him that ?
I wanted to pretend that I hadn’t heard him, but the tilt of Xander’s head told me he wasn’t likely to let this one go. I shrugged, uncomfortably. “You can’t help who you fall for. And it’s not like anything’s going to happen. He doesn’t see me that way. He’s never seen me that way.”
“It doesn’t help that he’s still being photographed with the Montoya twins.” Xander stroked his beard. “I haven’t figured out what that’s about. Is he representing them? Dating one or both of them? To be honest, I haven’t really paid much attention, but I can find out for you.”
“Oh, you don’t have to—”
“Isn’t that what this whole thing is about? You scratch my back, I scratch yours?”
My teeth shut with a snap that only I heard, and some of the pleasure of having all of Xander’s focus slowly leaked out of me. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t some rando fangirl. I’d worked with these guys for years.
But Xander was different.
He had this quiet intensity that was magnetic in a totally different way from Chase. Chase had a bit of Noah’s crazy energy that made you feel like the sun was shining down on you when he paid you the smallest amount of attention. I might’ve been slightly attracted to Chase when I first started working with the band. But that’d fallen by the wayside way before he’d met his wife, Shay.
Xander was the one guy in the group I hadn’t spent much time with. Probably because I didn’t have to chase him down like I did the other three.
Sure, Xander was a fuckboy, but could you blame him? Women literally threw themselves at him on a regular basis. Because in addition to that whole rock star thing, he was crazy hot. Six foot three and muscular with longish wavy hair sometimes up in a manbun and always rocking a mad case of stubble. Combine all that with his quiet intensity, and he got more than his share of panties wet.
I cleared my throat. “Right. Back scratching. Totally.”
“You seem less sure of yourself than normal. Gotta say it’s kinda weird.” Xander wet his lower lip. “I’m used to ball-busting Harper Grey. The woman who made that promoter in Tucson cry. What happened to her ?”
“If memory serves, that was a man. And he totally deserved it. The asshole had cornered one of our sound techs and was inches away from shoving his tongue down her throat. Also, is it technically a tongue lashing when I used my knee?”
Xander laughed. “I meant what happened to ball-busting Harper Grey, but it looks like she’s found her way to the surface again. And I know Gabby was glad you were there. I’m just pissed I wasn’t. Would’ve loved to have watched you take him down. Heard he fell over just like a redwood.”
“I notice you don’t mention actually helping out in that scenario.”
“You had it under control.” Xander shrugged. “And I can guarantee, no one has underestimated you since.”
I shook my head. I didn’t know what to say to that.
Xander sat back and gave me a sidelong stare that made me uncomfortable. Like he could see everything I’d spent so long hiding from everyone. “So I guess we need to do the whole get-to-know-you thing if we want to sell this, right?”
“Okay. I guess.” Honestly I was still in shock that we were in this mess. “What do you want to know?”
“Is this what you want to do for the rest of your life?”
“Wow.” I laughed uncomfortably. “No soft rolling the getting-to-know-you phase, huh? You just dive straight into what’s the meaning of life kinda questions. Sheesh.”
“Well I kinda know the basic shit.”
“You do not. We’ve had maybe a dozen conversations in the eight years I’ve been with Black Hat Productions. And most of those were generic how’s the weather b.s.”
Xander raised his eyebrows. “You’re an only child. Your dad still lives alone in Las Vegas, gambling his life away. You went to college at Loyola Marymount University in LA, so I’m guessing you’re Catholic, but maybe not deeply religious considering the crowd you keep now. You love Tom Hanks movies and chocolate. I didn’t know about your mom, but in my defense, you never talk about her.” Xander paused and tilted his head. “How am I doing so far?”
“I’m kinda creeped out to be honest. How do you know all that? I didn’t tell you any of it.”
“What can I say? I’m a lurker.”
I laughed. It was hard to imagine Xander taking in all that information about me. “Okay, touché. And as for your original question, I don’t know. I went to school for marketing and kinda fell into this life. I did an internship for Wes back in college and we got along like peas and carrots. He’s the brother I never had. I’m detail oriented and not afraid to make waves to get shit done. I don’t have anything tying me down, so life on the road made sense at first. So yeah. I guess. I’m happy with what I’ve built so far. What about you?”
“Me?”
“Yeah. Is this all you thought it would be? Do you have any regrets getting into the rock lifestyle?”
“Only every fucking day.”
All the levity of my teasing fell away. “What? Why?”
“If I wasn’t me, doing what I do, my brother, Liam, never would’ve ended up an addict.”
I closed my eyes and mentally cursed myself. I hadn’t been with Black Hat when Liam had toured with his brother, but the story was well known. He’d been hired onto a tour as a guitar tech. Everybody loved the guy, but Liam had quickly fallen into the party scene. It hadn’t ended well—hospital stay, cops, headlines. I was pretty sure he’d overdosed at least once.
And it hurt me viscerally to hear that all this time Xander blamed himself. “I don’t think that’s true.”
“It is true. I have to live with the fact that I was the one who introduced him to this life. I gave him his first bump of coke. I introduced him to the kind of people he couldn’t trust. That’s all on me.”
“I know it’s hard to hear, but he probably would’ve fell into the habit one way or another. Yes, you were just the one to introduce him to it, but he’s the one who kept using. You shouldn’t blame yourself for his choices.”
Xander sat back and shook his head. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I lived for eighteen years with a degenerate gambler.” I pushed away from the buttery leather seat and leaned forward toward Xander. “I know more than my share about addictive behavior. I could tell you stories about my childhood that would make your stomach churn. Because my dad didn’t care about anything like he cared about chasing his next bet, the next sure thing. That shit is genetic and toxic. It’s an illness. And it’s definitely not your fault.”
Xander nodded, and I saw a sheen in his eyes that he was quick to blink away. But I didn’t comment about it either.
“So you wanna try again? Is this what you want to do for the rest of your life?”
Xander turned to me and smiled wanly. “I couldn’t imagine doing anything else.”
I smiled back at him. “Now that’s an answer.”
“We have reached cruising altitude,” the captain’s voice came over the loudspeaker, crushing the fa?ade of our intimacy. “The crew will be coming around in a little bit with some dinner selections. You are free to move around the cabin, but I remind you that if you are sitting, please keep your seatbelt fastened for your own safety, please.”
“Oh wow.” I looked around the cabin and took in all the people chatting, listening to headphones, or napping. “I’d kinda forgotten we were even on a plane.”
Xander smirked. “You’re welcome. So what’s your drink of choice? Lemon Drops like Ella and Shay? Or are you a Cosmo girl?”
“Sangria actually.”
“Nice. We’ll have to find some excellent sangria when we’re in Spain. I think we have like a week there.”
“I know. I can’t wait. I’m really looking forward to having some paella and sangria.”
“Aren’t you going to ask about my drink of choice?” Xander asked with an affronted expression.
“Come on. Everyone knows you’re a slut for tequila.”
His bark of laughter had everyone swiveling around to stare at us at the back of the plane. “Fucking hell. You’re not wrong.”
“From what I remember of our last European tour, you might have a hard time finding your precious tequila at some of our stops.”
“I guess I’ll have to find something else to bring out my slutty behavior.”
My cheeks heated and I dropped my gaze to my lap. Between Xander’s intense stare and the rest of the plane wondering what we were talking about, I was so flustered. I wasn’t used to having so many eyes on me. That was what the guys did—lived for, even. Me, I was very happy to stick to the shadows and make sure that everything kept chugging along.
“Harper.” Wes’ voice came from above me, and I jerked my head up to find my boss standing in the aisle in front of us. “Can we have a word, please?”
Why did I agree to Noah’s stupid plan? I was shit at lying. My dad had always known when I’d stolen money out of his wallet and tucked it away so we could make rent at the end of the month.
What came out of my mouth was a croak, followed by a weak, “Sure.”
“Wes,” Xander interjected before I could stand up. “If this is about Harper and my’s relationship—”
Wes waved a hand. “It’s not. Whatever you two get up to in your downtime is none of my business. Harper and I have a few tour details to nail down. And I’d like to talk through it now so she can enjoy the rest of the flight. Harper?”
Relief swept through me. I gave Xander a weak smile as I stood up and followed Wes to his seat toward the middle of the plane. He sat in a buttery brown leather recliner, and I took the seat next to him.
“Oh. I forgot to grab my phone.” I moved to stand when Wes stopped me.
“You don’t need to take notes for this. I just wanted to chat about responsibilities and a few other things.”
“Okay.” I sank back into the seat as the back of my neck prickled. That didn’t sound ominous at all. We’d done this long enough we were like a well-oiled machine—anticipating each other’s needs, finishing each other’s sentences. What responsibilities could we possibly have to discuss?
“Again, I want to apologize for what happened with my wife on the phone earlier. We’ve been going through some things, and I think life on the road is wearing on us.”
I shook my head. “Like you said, it’s none of my business. I just hope that you’re okay.”
“Thanks, Harper. I appreciate it. It’s…I think my days on the road are coming to an end. And that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh,” I said weakly as another sense of doom swept over me. He was closing the company.
“I’m thinking of taking a step back,” Wes went on, all but confirming my fears. “And as such, I want you to take the lead on this tour.”
“What?” I couldn’t have heard that correctly. He was promoting me?
“I am clearly needed back home. There’s work I can catch up on at the office while my wife and I work through things. So I’ll handle the home front, and I’ll send Marisol over to take your old duties—head to locations the day before with the trucks, troubleshoot setup, and whatever else you need her for. I’ve already sent her an email. Her flight leaves in a few hours. And once we land, you’ll take the tour manager role.”
“Wow.” This was a lot to take in. “I uh, I know I’ve worked with you for years, but remind me would that involve what exactly? My new role.”
“Mostly make sure the guys show up when and where they’re supposed to. Make sure accommodation, meals, and services are satisfactory. Help with passport and immigration issues. I want you to be the contact person for all the venues, accommodations, media outlets, and vendors. If this goes the way I’m planning, you will be the new tour manager for the Tin Gods and Black Hat Productions for all future tours.”
Crazy squirrels were currently screaming for joy in my head, but somehow that didn’t feel appropriate at the moment. Oh my god.
Oh my god! I was going to be tour manager for the Tin Gods.
Me. Tour Manager. Me!
“I don’t know what to say.” By some miracle, my voice came out even.
“Well, I hope you’ll say yes.” Wes sat back and smiled at me. “I’ve worked with you for almost a decade now, ever since you were a scared little intern afraid to speak up. And look at you now. You’re going to run a worldwide tour for one of the biggest bands in the industry. You got this. I believe in you.”
“Thanks, Wes.” It felt like a verbal hug from an older brother. I got a little choked up for a second.
“And honestly, it’s nice to know that you finally have someone in your corner who supports you. I worried about you, always shouldering your burdens yourself, no one to lean on.” He moved his shoulders against the back of the recliner. “Now that I’ve had time to think about it, you and Xander make sense. There’s no one else here who I believe is worthy of you. You’re an amazing woman, Harper. And I’m glad Xander has finally seen it.”
All this sudden praise made me uncomfortable. I didn’t hear much of it growing up, and I didn’t know what to do with all these emotions coursing through me. Happiness, embarrassment, anxiety over the lie. It all tangled up inside me and left me itchy for lack of a better word.
Unworthy was the other word circling my brain.
Was I getting this opportunity because of Xander somehow?
“I, uh—”
“You don’t need to say anything. I know you well enough by now to know that you don’t like compliments and praise. Just know that you deserve this. And that I’m happy for you—both of you. I hope you two work out.”
“Thanks, Wes.”
“And if you guys break up or any of them give you a hard time, just say the word. I have zero problems putting spoiled rock stars in their place. I’m on your side, and I’ll always be on your side. No matter what.”
Warmth spread through my heart and beyond. Gah. Wes Tippman was the best man I knew. “Thanks, Wes.”
“My return flight leaves soon after we reach Belfast. But you know you can call me day or night with any questions, and obviously you can email or text too. Even though I’m partly making these changes because of my marriage, I don’t want you to ever think you can’t call me. Vanessa’s baggage has nothing to do with you or mine and your relationship. Just know that I’m in your corner and I wholeheartedly believe you got this.”
“Again, thank you, Wes. It means so much to me that you’ve picked me for the role. I swear I won’t let you down.”
“I know you won’t. You’ve been trained by the best.” He gave me a proud smile that I felt all the way to my toes. “But for now, I’ll let you get back to your man.”
Oh right. My fake relationship with Xander Lang. Sheesh. I really needed to remember that bit.