Chapter 8
Harper
Something about getting yelled at by Kelly Evers sobered me up real quick. That adrenaline rush somehow pumped all the liquor out of my system. Now I was just butt-dragging tired. Jetlag, my near-death experience revisit, and tromping around Northern Ireland with the band had been more than enough to exhaust me. I really didn’t need the added drama of Xander’s ex.
I just wanted to change into my pjs and climb into bed. Since I didn’t have to be to work until noon, I could lounge around and do nothing—sleep in, get room service, wander around Belfast. Perfection.
Until I turned and remembered—there was only one bed. And one very big man who made more in a day than I did all last year.
Sighing, I walked over to the wardrobe in the bedroom and started searching for extra bedding.
“What are you looking for?”
There were three extra pillows—because why not have a dozen—and a single, thin, scratchy as hell blanket. Awesome.
Still, I put on a brave face as I spun around and held the blanket up triumphantly. “Just looking for this. After I change into my pjs, I’ll be all set, and you can have the room to yourself.”
“Wha—you can’t sleep out there with that thing.” Xander ripped the blanket out of my hands and, after a quick thumb rub, tossed it back into the wardrobe. “That shit is gross.”
“What do you want me to do? Sleep on the couch with nothing? It’ll look really sus if I call down for extra bedding. And I’m sure as hell not sleeping on the floor.”
“I’ll take the couch.” Xander staggered down the small hallway to the sitting room.
I laughed. Yeah, right. No way was Xander fitting on that couch. But before I could say anything he gave me a disgusted look.
“Hey, I’m not such a dick that I have to have the bed. Back in the day I slept in the back of our van while we toured. This ain’t nothing.”
I had to see this.
I stood in the doorway as Xander inspected the couch. He finally sat on one side and swung his legs over the other end, letting them dangle. He worked his way down until he could rest his head on one arm of the sofa while everything else hung off the other end.
I snorted and covered my mouth before my next laugh escaped.
He looked ridiculous. Like a giraffe trying to fit inside a doghouse.
He scowled at me. “What?”
“Nothing.” I waved a hand over my face. “Comfy?” I choked out.
I missed whatever happened next since I had to wipe my eyes. The next thing I heard was a muffled curse then a thud. When I blinked the room back into focus, Xander was sprawled out face down on the carpet.
“Oh no.” I raced across the room and knelt at his side. “Are you okay?”
“Just peachy, thanks.” Xander rolled to his side and propped himself up on his elbow. “Maybe I’ll sleep on the floor after all. This carpet is surprisingly soft.”
I sat back on my heels and frowned. “Are you going to be one of those hard-headed assholes who always have to be right and annoyingly self-sacrificing?”
“What?”
“If you won’t let me take the sofa, then we can share the bed.” I huffed as I stood up. “It’s big enough for the both of us.”
“They might’ve called it a king, but it’s not. That bed is tiny.” He stood up with a grunt and scowled down at me. “And I’m not a tiny guy.”
Since we were both standing and my eyeline only met his nipple, I smirked. “I noticed.”
“So, it won’t work.”
“Oh my god. Just get in the damn bed, will you? I swear you’re more work than Noah, and we both know how crazy he is.” I turned and stomped back down the tiny hall to the bedroom. Crouching next to my bags in the corner, I pawed through the selection until I found what I was looking for—my only pjs that promised maximum coverage. No oversized t-shirts or nightgowns tonight.
I didn’t want to make Xander feel more awkward.
Holding my silky shorts and matching top, I snagged my bathroom bag with my other hand and stomped over to the bathroom. Just before I slammed the door, I shouted, “You better be in that bed when I’m done or we’re gonna have a problem!”
I steamed the whole time I got ready for bed. While washing my face, I muttered under my breath about pigheaded alpha dicks. While brushing my teeth, I grunted with annoyance over his high handed command. While changing my tampon, I pictured him trying to fit on that tiny sofa and snorted again. Christ, that’d been funny.
And sweet.
It might’ve been a ridiculous chain of decisions—only some of them mine—that put us in this situation, but Xander really was trying to make the best of it. And he was also looking out for me—putting my needs before his. He was a great guy.
I was being ridiculous. Clearly I needed sleep. Grumpy wasn’t a cute look.
Tiptoeing back into the bedroom, I peeked over at Xander and found him wide awake, staring at the ceiling, but at least he was in the bed.
I sighed. “I’m sorry, Zee. I’m tired and stressed and took it out on you. You didn’t deserve the attitude. I’ll try to do better.”
He rolled his head so he mostly faced me and blinked a few times. “Huh?”
“My attitude.” I waved a hand toward the door and the living room beyond. “I was pissy. I’m sorry.”
“Whoa. Okay. Uh, thanks.” He stared at me for a second then shook his head. “You done in there?”
“Yeah, it’s all yours.”
He got off the bed with a grunt, pulled a few things out of his suitcase, then took off down the hall. The bathroom door closed with a quiet click.
What the hell was that about? He’d looked at me like I was a lunatic for apologizing. Shrugging, I shoved my dirty clothes and bathroom bag into a corner before jumping onto the bed.
Giving it a few test bounces, I grinned like a little kid. Then I fell back onto my side of the bed with a sigh. Pushing down the covers, I got situated and tried to relax.
If I could fall asleep before he came back, it wouldn’t be so awkward.
Of course, I couldn’t turn my brain off. My mental to do list clicked through my mind. I had to check in with Marisol and see if the accommodations had been cleared up. I definitely needed to talk to Bud and make sure the new sound tech was shown the ropes by someone who wasn’t an ass. Then I should check with Maryanne and make sure enough smaller t-shirt sizes had made the trip. Last time we’d ran out of kids’ sizes by the third show.
Another dozen issues crowded my mind, and I fought against the rising anxiety. I needed to go do things, cross something off my mile long to-do list.
And of course I had a whole new role. I’d be taking care of Wes’ usual list of duties. What would that entail? How much would slip through the cracks while I was busy getting Marisol on board?
The bed jostled, and I jumped. Turning my head, I watched Xander situate himself on the other side of the bed. He hadn’t even made a sound when he’d come in.
I rolled onto my back so he didn’t think I was a freak. But my overwhelming mental list and creeping anxiety had my heart racing. I always felt like this at the start of a tour. After a few stops, I’d find the rhythm of the road and would be able to crash the second my head hit the pillow. I couldn’t wait for that.
Because this part really sucked.
“I can hear you thinking all the way over here,” Xander’s loud whisper had me jumping again. I’d thought he was asleep already.
“Sorry,” I whispered back.
He rolled over onto his side, facing me. “What’s going on in that pretty blonde brain of yours?”
I laughed. “I can’t tell if that’s a sneaky neg or not.”
“Huh?”
“Calling my brain pretty and blonde? Blondes aren’t known for being sharp.”
“But you are.”
My heart thudded unevenly. Given the gentle expression in his eyes, Xander was being a hundred percent genuine. I smiled back at him. “Thanks.”
“So what’s keeping you up?”
I rolled my eyes. “The thousand and one things on my to-do list. Anxiety about switching roles with Wes. Concern about his marriage. Angst that I’ve totally screwed any chance with Tyler since I agreed to this. Take your pick.”
“Whoa. That’s…a lot.”
“Welcome to my world.” I snorted. “It’s full of fear and self-loathing.”
“That’s a shame. I think you’re amazing.”
My eyes widened. That was so different from a pithy statement about not being able to control everything I’d heard a million times before. Instead he’d complimented me. I didn’t know how to respond. I blinked a few times and my voice was a croak when I finally spoke. “I, uh, thank you.”
“You’ve clearly earned your role, and Wes is giving you a new one because you’ve done such a fantastic job. Give yourself a little grace.”
“Sometimes that’s easier said than done.”
“Been there.” He sighed. “Still there actually.”
“What are you all twisted up about?”
“Kelly.”
“Really?” I rolled over to face him. “I thought you were adamantly done with her.”
“Oh, I am. I just feel stupid for getting caught up with her for so long. I wonder why I couldn’t let go after the first red flag. I worry that something’s wrong with me that I haven’t had a healthy, long-term relationship.” He paused and stared over my shoulder before a grin curved his lips as his eyes met mine again. “And I really loved the memory of security holding her back in the lobby tonight. I’m gonna replay that on repeat every time she bugs the hell out of me.”
“Hey, maybe tonight was just the first of many. You might get a whole movie run time of remembered glee.”
He laughed. “Here’s hoping.”
“Well, I think you shouldn’t beat yourself up so much. You’re a great guy who eventually wised up to her bullshit. Sometimes it’s hard to see what’s in front of you when you’re clouded by what you think you want.”
“That is profoundly deep advice.” Xander nodded sagely. “See? What’d I say? Gorgeous and brains. You’re the total package.”
I groaned. “Way to make it weird, Zee.”
He paused for a second as an expression I couldn’t name flickered in his eyes. “It’s true though. You are smart. And beautiful. And anyone who can’t see that is fucking blind and a dumb son of a bitch.”
We stared into each other’s eyes for an endless moment. My heart pounded in my ears. Finally, I whispered, “I could say the same to you.”
And my words broke the moment. Xander blinked and gave a little laugh. He shook his head as he rolled onto his back. “I think that’s the first time I’ve been called beautiful. You might need glasses, angel.”
I knew he probably said it to break up the tension, but it hit me like a slap. A rejection, even though I hadn’t meant it as a come on.
I rolled over and away from Xander. Tears burned my eyes.
It was stupid to feel rejected. That wasn’t what the moment had been about.
The sound of Xander’s deep, even breathing kept me awake long into the night.
* * *
Something was prodding my butt.
I groaned and wiggled away. I had no idea what time it was, but it was definitely too early. Burrowing my head into my pillow, I tried to fall asleep again when an arm came over me and pulled me back into red hot heat as a body cuddled up behind me. A large, hard thing pressed between my clothed butt cheeks.
My eyes sprang open and my whole body tensed.
What?
Who?
I blinked a few times as the room and arm around me came into focus. Neither told me anything. I turned my head slightly and Xander Lang’s features came into focus.
And I remembered.
Noah’s stupid plan.
One hotel bed.
And his awkward rejection of me last night.
Feeling all kinds of weird, I wiggled a little bit away, but the edge of the bed was right there. And despite what Xander said last night, I didn’t want to find out how comfortable the carpet was.
So I could either try to slip out from under him and most likely fall on my face or I could wake him up.
“Xander.”
Nothing.
“Xander.” I drove my elbow back and prodded him in the chest. “Xander, you gotta move.”
“Mmm, you feel so good, baby.” His arm tightened around me, and if possible, it felt like his dick got harder. And pointier.
“Xander. Wake up.” I jabbed him again.
His hand cupped my boob.
I jumped.
And fell off the bed with a soft thud.
Xander—the ass—didn’t even wake up. He rolled onto his back and went back to making those soft little snores that had kept me up most of the night.
Muttering under my breath, I pawed through my bag and grabbed a change of clothes and my toiletries.
Eight o’clock in the morning. When I spent most of the night tossing and turning. And when I could’ve slept in another hour or two.
I muttered a few more choice words about alphahole rock stars and their pointy dicks as I stomped to the bathroom.
And I might’ve taken a small amount of joy as I slammed the door behind me.