Chapter 28
Harper
I stood in front of our bedroom door with so much anxiety bubbling up inside me. Despite the secret I’d been keeping from Xander, I hadn’t been able to put myself in a separate room—and I’d been the one to make the reservations. Sleeping next to his big burly body was the only thing that’d got me through the past few weeks. He was hands down the best cuddler ever—even when he was asleep.
But I knew he was a hundred percent awake right now. And waiting for me.
I also knew Wes was on his way here, so if I was going to do this, I had to do it now.
Opening the door, I found Xander sitting on a chair in the corner, working on a song I’d never heard before. He jerked upright as the sound of the door closing behind me echoed through the suite.
“Harper!” He put his guitar down and flew across the room, taking my shoulders in his big, rough hands. “Are you okay? Did you get something to eat after the show? Do you have a headache? Are you sore at all from the attack? I think I have some ibuprofen around here somewhere.”
That…wasn’t how I expect him to react to seeing me. After our spat in the meeting room with Walker when I’d pushed him away, I thought he’d be pissed and demanding answers.
This…was so freaking sweet.
I had to smile. “I’m fine. But uh, there’s a few things we need to talk about.”
“Right.” He jerked his head in a nod and took a step back. Gesturing to the bed, he winced. “Actually, that’s kinda awkward. And there’s only the one chair. Oh, wait!”
He jogged into the attached bathroom, and I watched his large body flex and move with so much confidence. God, why did he have to be so fricking attractive?
A vanity stool came into the room legs first before Xander’s attractive face smiled down at me. He dropped the stool facing the plush chair in the corner and held his hand out like a showcase model.
Of course the masochist in me chose the less padded stool with the low back and not the uber comfortable, plush chair.
Xander sat in the other chair and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I think it’s long past time we had a heart to heart. Talk out all the shit going on, and you still need to fill me in on the whole Diego bullshit. Why didn’t you call me?”
I nodded tightly and crossed my arms over my chest. “Yeah. Um, I guess because I didn’t think you’d come. The way you left things after soundcheck—when you all but threw me at Tyler—made me think you didn’t care.”
A muscle flexed in his cheek. “Of course I care about you. I-I-I…” He stared at me with this lost expression in his eyes like he didn’t know what to say or feel. “I care , Harper. I care a helluva lot.”
“It didn’t feel like that. You practically gave me to Tyler and said that horrible thing about getting me on my back with him. I felt so dirty. Betrayed. It hurt.” Tears welled in my eyes, but I’d be damned if I let them fall. “I thought we got through the whole bullshit about me wanting to be with him. I’m with you. I chose you.”
“Did you though? You’ve been avoiding me ever since Dublin. You and Tyler have been in little huddles with only each other, time and again. Today wasn’t the first time I found the two of you together. It was just the latest.”
I avoided looking at him because he wasn’t wrong. I had been talking to Tyler a lot. Only not for the reason he’d jumped to.
“I…” I gestured helplessly. “You’re right.” I know I should say more, explain myself, but I was so frozen by fear I couldn’t. I just figured out I loved Xander. I couldn’t lose him now.
Xander waited a beat, but when I didn’t elaborate, he went on. “I know we’ve talked about the shit Kelly put me through with the cheating, but that kinda wound doesn’t heal overnight, especially when the person I’m with is being sketchy. It hurt my ego to see you and Tyler together—again. Noah told him before soundcheck that we weren’t really together, and then I find him standing in your space with you giving him that look like he was everything you wanted… I’m sorry. It was an asshole move. What I said was way over the line. No excuses.” He tilted his head. “Despite the one I just gave you.”
I smiled weakly at his joke.
He leaned forward, an intent expression in his eyes. “I thought we’d agreed to be together—that this thing between us is real. If you’re feeling different, I need you to speak up. You’ve been avoiding me ever since we got to England, and I don’t know what the fuck is going on.”
“I uh, you’re right. I’m sorry.” I took a deep breath. “It’s hard to be vulnerable. I’ve always had to be strong and not depend on anyone. This is…I’m not used to having a partner.”
“As long as you want one, you have a partner with me. I’ll be your support system, your cheerleader—your fucking everything—if you’ll just let me in.”
Tears rolled unabashedly down my cheeks at the passion in his voice. “I did have a little epiphany. It’s kinda got to do with why I’ve been so skittish lately.”
“Oh really?” Despite the emotion in the room and my tears, Xander’s lips quirked like he was fighting a smile.
Like he knew what I was going to say.
“Yeah.” I rolled my eyes at the humor in his eyes and that annoyingly smug smile now stretching across his face. “But I don’t know if I want to say it.”
“Say it.”
I didn’t know it was possible, but Xander leaned even closer to me. His knee brushed mine, and my heart raced at the contact. I don’t know how I stayed away from him for so long. “I love you.”
Then I gasped. Xander snatched me out of my chair and pulled me into his lap. His lips crushed against mine as he kissed the ever loving fuck out of me. He kissed me until I forgot how to breathe. He kissed me until I forgot my own name.
I ground my crotch against his, and he broke our kiss to groan against my throat. “Christ, woman, I’ve been waiting for you to say that for what feels like forever.”
I tangled my hands in his hair and arched into his suddenly busy hands teasing my breasts. “I notice you haven’t said anything back.”
“I haven’t, have I…” Xander ducked his head and teased my nipples through my top.
I wanted, ached, to just enjoy Xander’s talented fingers and mouth. So. Freaking. Talented. But I couldn’t. I had to know. After using my hands in his hair to tug him off me, I scowled down at him. “Yeah. That’s not going to work for me. I’m not just going to lay everything out and have you not reciprocate. It’s okay if you’re not at the l-word stage yet, but you have to give me something !”
I might’ve wailed that last word. My emotions were so close to the surface.
A smug grin curved his lips before I finished, but when he saw how emotional I was, he looked at me so compassionately, rubbing a calming hand on my back. “I’m sorry, angel. That was a dick move. I shouldn’t have teased you about it.”
“No, you shouldn’t.” My breath hitched.
“I’m sorry. And I do too.”
I blinked. “Wait, what?”
Xander shook his head slightly. “I keep fucking this up.” He took a deep breath then laced his fingers with mine. “I love you, too. I love how strong you are, how confident you are in yourself and your job. I love how you let yourself be vulnerable with me. And I totally love your tits.”
I giggled uncontrollably as Xander buried his face in said boobs and motorboated me, breaking the tension of the moment.
“Christ, they’re so soft and bouncy and just fucking perfect.” He cupped my left breast in his hand and ran his thumb over the still clothed tip.
“Kinda hard to tell if you love me or my breasts at this point.”
“Ah, come on. I talked about your strength and brain first. Don’t I get credit for that?”
“Fine.” I huffed, combing a hand through his hair. A smile tugged at my lips at the light feeling inside me. Knowing I loved him and he loved me was everything . “Do you want me to catalogue your features for you?”
“Nah, I’m good. I know girls always go crazy for the manbun, beard, and my abs. Usually in that order.”
I rolled my eyes. “It was actually your hands that did me in.”
“Really?” He jostled me in his lap then held his hands between us, staring down at his palms. “These things?”
I smiled at his silliness as I cupped my hands under his. “These hands.” I ran a finger over the callouses on his fingertips. “So capable. So caring. So fucking sexy when I feel them on my body.”
Xander grinned wolfishly. “Well then, let’s get these sexy fingers on your hot body.”
I swayed toward him. The line was cheesy af, but that look on his face was everything. He looked at me like I was everything.
And then I remembered.
My secret.
The thing I had to get out before Wes showed up and took the reins again.
Everything in me went rigid.
“I, uh, as amazing as all this has been, there’s still something we need to talk about.”
“Fuck, that’s never good.” Xander sat back in his chair with a sigh. “I’m guessing there’s more to you ignoring me lately than your epiphany about my sex god fingers?”
Still straddling his legs, I nodded tightly. Damn, I couldn’t do this in his lap. Hopping off, I sat in my uncomfortable stool again. Xander looked more stressed with our change of seating arrangements. But I knew once I told him, he’d flip out. Nerves tangled in my stomach and I felt like I was going to puke, but I answered. “Yes.”
“Fuck. Okay.” He leaned forward again, resting his forearms against his thighs. “Let’s hear it.”
“Just know…I wanted to come forward and tell you—tell all of you—when I first had suspicions, but I was threatened with lawsuits, my livelihood, and reputation because I’ve signed an NDA. And I didn’t have any proof. I still don’t have any proof, but things have escalated, and I’m genuinely worried about what could happen next.”
“Wait, is this about Diego? Why he attacked you? Are you worried he’s going to come back? Because he’s in the US. And I might’ve taken some steps you most likely won’t approve of to make sure you’re protected.”
I smiled slightly. I should’ve known Xander wouldn’t back down if he thought there was something—anything—he could do to help. And I felt so guilty about not coming to him sooner. “No. But thank you. I’m fine with it—whatever it is—if it makes you feel better and doesn’t screw up my job. Assuming I still have a job tomorrow.”
“Wait, what? Why would Wes get rid of you? What the fuck is going on?”
“I think—and I don’t have any proof to back this up—but I think Noah is using.”
Xander stared at me silently, his face slowly flushing until his cheeks were bright red. A muscle flexed in his cheek, but still he was silent.
My heart raced. He wasn’t saying anything. Why wasn’t he saying anything?
So I did the only thing I could, I babbled. “He’s been so erratic lately, not himself at all. And then Alice—the drum tech—found some vials in the cases when she was packing up in Dublin. We were talking through what to do when Noah burst into the room. He said he was looking for Diego, but I didn’t believe him. He looked so guilty. And then he got mad that I accused him of stashing drugs so I—”
“ WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?! ” Xander screamed. He shoved out of the chair to pace agitatedly around our room. “You’ve known for weeks, and you haven’t said shit. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? ”
“ I COULDN’T! ” I yelled back in frustration. Then I took a breath and tried to calm down because this wasn’t helping anyone. I wiped at the tears rolling down my cheeks. “I’m worried. I don’t know what’s going on with Noah, but it’s not good, and this isn’t the kind of environment he needs to be in. He needs help. Before he turns into Diego. Or worse.”
Xander froze and his shoulders dropped, almost like he’d absorbed a physical blow.
And then I remembered.
Liam.
This was like a replay of his literal worst nightmare.
Xander whirled around without a word and raced from our room.
I did the best I could to keep up.