Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
GAbrIEL
“Is everything okay?” I ask Charley, as he’s been silent for the last ten miles.
“It just feels weird. This time last week I was wanting the weekend to not be over and dreading the thought of having to go to work the next day, wondering what fresh hell was in store for me.”
“That seems like a waste of a Sunday, that you couldn’t even enjoy a day off.”
“It seems a waste of a life,” he says quietly, and then shakes his head as if ridding himself of the memories.
“Well, after today when we’ve emptied your flat you’ll never have to think about it ever again.”
“Yeah.” He blows out a breath of relief.
I take the exit from the M40 to transfer onto the M6 that’ll take us to Manchester, and the horsebox takes a while to pick up speed again.
While it makes a decent removal van, the horsebox is not a fast vehicle.
Charley and I are in the cab. We’ve also brought along Alfie and Milly, two of my grooms as extra pairs of hands.
They’re in the living compartment, no doubt spending the journey on their phones.
Charley falls silent again but he doesn’t look relaxed. I take quick glances at him, reluctant to ask again if he’s okay. Eventually he turns to me as if he’s made up his mind about something.
“What happened between you and Celeste?”
Ah, okay. That’s what’s on his mind. I suppose a three-hour journey seems as good a time as any.
“We broke up.” I give the simple answer.
“But I thought you were in love, you were engaged to her. You told me she was the one.” His voice rises a little in agitation and he leans towards me.
“I thought so too,” I say quietly, and he slumps back in his seat.
I continue. “I believed it myself at the time. I guess I didn’t know what love was back then.
The way I was brought up by my parents, especially my father, was that duty was everything.
I owed it to my family, to my ancestors, to the estate.
As if my only role was to serve Monkswood, not the other way around.
What I thought love was was mixed in with that duty.
I thought they were pretty much the same thing.
Celeste was my father’s choice, as was I for her family.
It wasn’t like some arranged marriage, nothing was that obvious, but there were plenty of times we were pushed together.
I spent many hours being told what an advantage marrying her would be.
How it would be good for Monkswood. Always duty, duty, duty.
Until I believed it. Believed myself to be in love. ”
“I had no idea,” Charley whispers. No, I never told him that.
Charley was always my escape from duty. The one person who I felt like I could be me with, where being the heir of Monkswood didn’t matter and his friendship didn’t come with conditions.
I didn’t want any of that while I was with Charley.
“Then my father died. He wasn’t old, but none of us knew about his heart condition, not even him.
When I was left with the estate to sort out I struggled a lot.
It was time consuming and I didn’t have time to spend with Celeste, the estate, and university.
I focussed on the estate over everything, then university suffered and so did my relationship with Celeste.
I could have done with some moral support and understanding, but she just demanded more of my time than I could give.
We broke off the engagement shortly after my nineteenth birthday.
All I learned was that living just to perform my duty was a hollow existence.
No life at all. I vowed that whilst I would preserve Monkswood and its heritage, I would also live for me.
That’s why I worked on my dream, to make that happen. ”
I stop talking and glance at Charley. He’s staring straight ahead, biting his lower lip, processing what I’ve told him.
“I’m sorry. That must have been hard for you,” he says.
“It was, but in some ways I’m glad of it. Not losing my father of course. But it opened my eyes to what I might have become, a vacuous automaton.”
“I don’t think you could ever have been like that,” Charley protests.
“Oh, yes you did. You told me as much. You’re the one who saw straight through me. I just didn’t want to believe it myself.” He laughs at my words and I join in, some of the tension which had built over the last few minutes dissipating.
“I lashed out, I was hurting.”
“As you had every right to be.”
“We can blame it on Celeste if you like.”
“No,” I say strongly. “Celeste might not have brought out the best in me, but I didn’t stand up for you. I belittled our friendship in front of everyone. I was a dick. I shouldn’t have done that and I’m sorry.”
I clench my jaw, recalling the hurt on Charley’s face and how his eyes had dimmed.
It was my eighteenth birthday party and the engagement party for myself and Celeste.
It was a huge event, which had been planned by our parents for months.
No expense was spared. There was a huge marquee erected on the lawn, with a bar, food and a string quartet.
Everything was decorated with balloons and flowers.
It could have been the bloody wedding itself for all the effort that went into it.
Of course that meant everyone was invited.
It was the society event of the summer in our county.
Charley hadn’t wanted to come, but I’d persuaded him that it wouldn’t be the same without him.
I hardly got to see him, though. I was kept busy, surrounded by Celeste and her family, her friends, even my school friends.
Charley only knew my mother and Immy apart from myself, and every time I looked over at him, he seemed more withdrawn.
I remember it was late, I’d drunk too much and needed some air as my head felt fuzzy.
I left the dance floor and walked outside, Celeste hanging on to my arm. A few of our friends followed us out.
“Oh look, it’s your pet,” she said when she spied Charley sitting on the edge of the fountain. “You won’t be able to follow him around like a puppy dog any more,” she directed at Charley.
“Is that what you think of me?” Charley asked, rising and squaring up to me.
“It’s kinda true. I call and you come running.” I shrugged. Charley’s face went hard and his eyes became flint.
“I’d rather be a dog than a fucking puppet. That’s all you are. A puppet for your father, this place. You’ll soon be one for her as well.” He gestured towards Celeste, unwilling to say her name.
“You have no idea what it’s like,” I ground out.
“No, I don’t. I never will. I’m not good enough to mix with your friends, am I?” He stared at me and the friends who were arranged around us. I hadn’t introduced him to anyone.
“C’mon, Gabriel, let’s go dance. Leave the dog outside where he belongs.” Celeste pulled me away. As I reached the entrance to the marquee I looked back. Charley’s face was closed down and his eyes were dull.
I’d only seen Charley once more after that night, until last week. I’d gone to Pete’s garage where he was working on a car.
“About the other night,” I started, but Charley cut in.
“I think you were right. Celeste was right. It’s about time we both grew up, isn’t it?”
“But what about our plans?”
“Childhood dreams. We’re adults now and you made it perfectly clear we live very different lives.”
He turned his back on me and returned to fixing the car.
I was dragged to the villa on a family holiday the next day.
By the time I got back Charley had left the village and Pete wouldn’t tell me where he’d gone.
I knew I’d messed up our friendship, but then I was busy with uni . . . and then my father died.
“I’m sorry too,” Charley says. “I know you came to apologise, but I wouldn’t listen. I didn’t want your apologies back then. I wanted to push you away, prove that it was true and our lives were too different to allow any friendship to exist.”
“I’ll accept your apology if you accept mine,” I say and Charley grins. I match it, my smile stretching my face until my cheeks hurt.
“For what it’s worth, I never thought Celeste was good enough for you. You deserve someone much better and I hope you find them,” Charley says. I want to say I have, but I don’t. I just keep smiling at him. For now I’m content to just have him back in my life.
We reach Manchester and Charley helps me navigate the busy streets to the block where his flat is.
It’s quite sparse, like he hadn’t really made his mark on it in the two years he’d been here.
Almost like it was just temporary. He directs Alfie and Milly to move out the few pieces of furniture he wants to take, including his lovely Eames chair and footstool.
He sets me onto kitchen appliances and the few items of food and utensils he has in the cupboards while he packs up his clothes.
It all takes us a couple of hours. I offer Alfie and Milly their choice of food, so of course they opt for burgers.
Charley shows us to a great place that isn’t one of the usual fast food chains.
Once we’re back on the road he falls asleep while I drive, and I steal quick looks at him while watching the road.
He looks peaceful, his hair just falling over his eyes, and I regret that I’m too far to brush it away.
I’m glad we managed to clear the air, though.
I haven’t felt so happy in a long time. Probably not in the last ten years.