Chapter 10 Lily
I put the lid back on the bucket after I dump out all the paint water from tonight’s event.
My system is working so well, and I wish there was someone who was as excited about it as I am to show. I need to make posts on social media to show my process, because I need someone else to care about this.
My Lit with Lily event re-energized me, because work today really took it out of me.
When I set the bucket back in my garage, my phone rings.
It’s after 9. I know it’s not Charisse, because she’s dealing with those babies. I doubt its Porsche, because they’re on vacation right now.
I stop guessing and just look at my screen.
Javonte.
I almost drop my phone.
Why is he calling me?
I mean, I saw him today, but that doesn’t mean anything. He said hi, I said hi. That’s it.
What’s he got to say now?
And he better not be calling to apologize or anything. He’s had over a year.
By the third ring, my curiosity sets in, and I really wonder what he’s going to say.
It rings one more time, and I answer it before my voicemail picks up.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Lily, it’s me, Javonte.”
I almost snicker, because duh, you’re in my contacts. Then again, maybe he thought I blocked his number or deleted his contact.
“Hey, Javonte. What’s up?” I ask, trying to keep my voice calm and curious.
“Um... it was good to see you today.”
I don’t say anything. I don’t know what to say.
I can picture him, probably sitting on the edge of his bed, one hand on his forehead, his face all scrunched up while he tries to figure out what to say to me. I smile at the image.
He was like that on our first date. Just a bundle of nerves, like a teenager going out with a girl for the first time. Hell, he probably was almost a teenager going out with a girl for the first time.
I could see his hands shaking a little as he opened the car door for me.
He didn’t have that same persona we see on TV, the one where he’s always getting into fights and always in the news for something negative. He was just a soft, gentle giant.
And I don’t think he showed that to many people.
I shake that off.
“Do you need something?” I ask.
“I just wanted to see how you were doing. I haven’t talked to you in a while.”
I go quiet. A while and a year are two separate measures of time.
“Why do you want to talk to me now?” I ask.
He sighs into the phone. “I just miss you. My sister took me to Lit with Lily two weeks ago. It put me back in your orbit, and I never wanted to be out of it.”
I swallow.
“I don’t know what to say to that, Javonte,” I tell him honestly. “I was really hurt that night. And I was really hurt for a long time after that. I’ve worked so hard to get past you, and having you show up right now... it makes me feel... I don’t know how it makes me feel.”
I take a breath.
“I’m not going to go rushing back into your arms. I need you to know that.”
“I’m not asking for that,” he says softly.
“Then what are you asking for?”
“Time?”
He says it like a question.
I stay quiet.
“Can I take you out to lunch tomorrow? I know you have something tomorrow evening, but I want to see you. I can pick you up at work and get you back on time.”
I listen to him breathing on the other line. I should say no and hang up.
“Yes.”
“Ok... I’ll be there at 11:55. See you tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
I hang up the phone and slump down on the bench in my garage. Where is my inner Porsche when I need her? That was supposed to be a strong no.
I stare at the blank screen on my phone. I waited and checked my phone so many times after everything happened. I waited on his call like a teenage girl, always had my phone on me, jumping at every notification, hoping it was him.
It was never him.
Now, I’m right back herel.
I sigh.
I’ve missed him.
My morning dragged by. I don’t want it to be because I’m excited to see Javonte at lunch, but I am.
At 11:53, I collect my keys and purse and walk toward the elevator, moving faster than I usually do.
I bump into Edie.
“Where you going so fast?”
“Out,” I say.
She clocks me immediately.
“With who?” she asks.
“An old friend,” I say.
“Is it a tall friend? A lanky friend? A rich, basketball-playing friend?” she asks.
I frown at her. “How the hell do you know that?”
“Because he’s downstairs looking like a whole goddamn snack.”
I let out a breath. “Oh God. Here we go.”
“If you want to stay gone the rest of the day, I got you. You got anything pressing? I’ll cover for you, girl.”
“I’m just going to have lunch with him. Nothing else is going to happen. Guaranteed.”
“If you say so.”
The elevator dings and the doors open. I step inside, and as the doors close, I let out a slow breath to calm myself.
Nothing is going to happen. For sure.
But I’m still excited to see him, even though I don’t want to be.
His back is turned when I step off the elevator. He’s right at the entrance near security.
I slow down as I walk toward him.
I’m not about to run into this man’s arms. My body wants to, but my mind refuses.
He does look like a snack.
He’s not overly dressed up, but the man can wear some joggers. He’s very casual,wearing his branded sponsorship gear. His biceps look a little bigger. He’s filled out some. He’s growing his hair out a little.
He turns around and smiles wide when he sees me, and my insides melt.
There’s something about a person lighting up when they see you that just makes you feel... something.
“Hey,” he says, walking toward me and awkwardly giving me a hug.
We didn’t used to greet like that. It would be a full-on kiss, and I can see him hesitate, like he wants to do more and stops himself.
“Hey,” I say.
“You ready to go?”
I nod, and he leads the way to the car.
“I know you only have an hour,” he says as we get in, “so we’re just going to go righ across the highway to The Hideaway Cafe.”
“You know, I’ve never been there,” I tell him.
“It’s so close,” he says.
“I know. I just don’t eat out that often. I always bring my own lunch, and there’s always something to eat up there.”
“Well, I hope you like it. I’ve never been either.”
The five-minute drive is quiet. He keeps glancing over at me, and I pretend not to notice.
There’s a chemistry between us that we can’t deny.
But chemistry doesn’t build a life.
It doesn’t make you feel secure.
And it’s not love.
He holds the door open for me as we walk in, and the host at the front goes wide-eyed at the sight of him.
I look around, and it seems like there are three or four separate groups of people in the waiting area.
“Javonte,” the host says. “You need a table for two?”
Javonte nods.
“I’ll take you right back.”
The host grabs two menus and two rolls of silverware and starts walking off.
I nudge Javonte. “Must be nice.”
He shrugs. “It is sometimes. Other times it’s weird that everybody knows my first name and just calls me by it like we’re all best friends.”
I hadn’t considered that, but it makes sense.
The host sets our menus and silverware down, and Javonte rushes behind me to pull out my chair. He’s always been a gentleman, with me at least, and it’s something that I missed and didn’t realize.
Because little things like this mean a lot to me.
Being considered, without having to ask for it, really gets me.
It takes me a minute to even pick up the menu. I’m a little overwhelmed being out with him. People are staring, pointing cameras in this direction, and he’s oblivious.
“They’ve got those sweet, fruity teas that you like,” he says. “What are you gonna order, peach or raspberry?”
Everyone kind of disappears in that moment, and I look at him.
He remembers.
I smile. “I think raspberry sounds good.”
“Ooh, they have grilled salmon. Is that still your favorite?”
“I’m kind of feeling like a chicken sandwich, but wait, they don’t grill it here. Never mind,” he says, scanning the menu. “What are you thinking you want?”
I smile at him, and it’s warm and genuine and full.
“You pick for me.”
He sets the menu down and looks at me. “Is this a quiz? Are you testing me?”
I shake my head. “No. You seem to know me very well, so pick something that I’d like to eat today.”
The waiter comes over with googly eyes, and Javonte orders the salmon for me with sautéed spinach.
That is exactly what I would have ordered for myself.
I can feel myself softening, and I tighten it up.
I take the smile off my face and go neutral, giving him my HR face.
He can’t come in here, do everything right, and fix the past.
I’m not falling for it just so I can be sad and disappointed another six months from now, once we’re deep in the season and I come second or third or fifth to everything else.
“How’s work today?” he asks.
I refocus my attention on him. “Oh... I don’t know. It feels like a burden to come here every day. A burden on my life.”
“What do you mean?” he says. “I thought you liked your job. You’re good at it, aren’t you? You’re always getting compliments.”
“Being good at your job and liking your job are not the same for some people, Javonte.”
“I know everybody doesn’t get to play basketball for a living.”
“Right,” I say. “I have to mediate between adults. I have to deal with a boss who only cares about herself. I had to sit in on the firing of a single mom last week. It just isn’t feeding my soul.”
He nods, one hundred percent focused on me.
“What are you thinking?” he asks.
“Nothing really,” I say. “It kind of just is what it is.”
He looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t.
“You have a Lit with Lily event tonight, right? Where’s it at?” he asks, changing the subject.
“It’s at a pottery studio.”
He laughs. “Where do you come up with these places?”
“I really don’t know. I just need somewhere to paint, and I like to change it up. The pottery studio was open today, so they rented me the space.”
“Did you ever think about getting your own spot?”
“Sometimes. But then it wouldn’t be a pop-up.”
“It would be a lot easier for you, wouldn’t it?”
I think about all those tables and chairs, all the setup and breakdown.
It really would.
“I kind of am just a little bit lost right now,” I admit. “I don’t know what direction I want to go in. I don’t know if I want to make a big change, a small change, or any change at all. I’m just coasting.”
His eyes never leave me. This feels more right than I want to admit.