18. Leo
Once Mari accepted her fate, not one of death but of being sick, she protested minimally on the drive back to Janice’s house. A bone-deep exhaustion settled into me after the day I’d had. I couldn’t think about it, couldn’t really comprehend what had happened. The plan had been to send her regrets and get her in bed ASAP, but standing in front of the students in their little dorky band uniforms, knowing how hard they’d practiced, I couldn’t let them down.
I just sort of blacked out. I would process all that later. Now, I had to take care of Mari.
With the car in park, I turned to Mari, with her cheeks bright red and brow creased in pain even as she slept on. I went around to her side of the car, opened her door, and gently rested a hand on her shoulder. Heat radiated off her through the blanket.
“Mari? We’re home. At Janice’s, I mean.”
Her pitiful murmur made my throat constrict.
I took a rallying breath and bent to scoop her up. The angle was awkward, and my back would be angry tomorrow, but her walking was not an option. She moaned and placed her burning head against my neck as I adjusted her weight in my arms. It felt nice to carry her across the threshold of this house. It felt so nice to take care of her in general.
Janice was still at the Fall Festival, meaning I fumbled my way through the dark house alone, narrowly missing corners as I navigated to the guest room. I quickly transferred Mari from the emergency blanket she’d been wrapped in to under the thick comforter. She sighed as she nuzzled her way deeper into the sheets.
I stood, hands on hips, to arch and stretch my back. It couldn’t have been that late, but if I laid down, I would instantly fall asleep. Instead, I went around the house, gathering any supplies Mari might need. I’d made note of the last dose of medicine she’d been given and set the alarm on my phone for when she’d need another.
I had just set down a glass of water on the nightstand, quietly in the soft glow of a single night-light, when Mari’s soft voice startled me.
“Leo?”
“I’m right here.” I could just see the shape of her arm reaching out. Her hand found mine, and our fingers tangled. She was still so hot to the touch; a flash of worry coursed through me. What if the fever didn’t break? What if I wasn’t helping her?
“I’m sorry about today. I’m sorry I’m so, so much.” Her voice, slurry with sleep, caught in her throat.
“Mari.” Anger swelled in me at whoever had made her feel that way. I knelt next to the bed and brushed her hair from her face. I was surprised to feel the dampness of a tear on her cheek. “You aren’t too much.”
“I am. I know I am. But I can usually handle things myself. I didn’t mean for you to get caught up in it all. I’m sorry I got sick. I’m sorry I’m so upset now. I’m?—”
“Shh. Stop. You haven’t done anything wrong. People get sick. People need help sometimes.”
She didn’t respond but attempted to stifle a sniffle. Mari never shared this side of herself. Usually too strong and motivated, full of energy and life, to be so fragile and scared. Later, she might laugh at how a virus brought her down, but right now, nothing was funny about her fear. I would have done anything to take away her pain.
I stood when she reached out for me.
“Wait. Don’t go. I’m so tired of being alone.” She said it so quietly I almost missed it. I heard the desperation and vulnerability behind it. I shut my eyes, swallowing with effort. I knew what that confession cost her. I understood too well how it felt, claiming to want that utter solitude but knowing it crushed like a physical weight in the dark of night.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said.
I walked around to the other side of the bed, shucked off my shoes and a few layers, then opened the blanket and got in. The heat from her was like a furnace, yet her body was subtly vibrating with shivers and possibly overwrought emotions.
Without hesitation, I pulled her to me and endured the heat as her muscles relaxed and her shivers stopped. Eventually, her breathing evened out, and the tension eased from my clenched jaw.
I must have fallen asleep at some point because when I woke up with a start, we were face-to-face. She blinked dreamily at me. She had the comforter covering her mouth, so in the soft light, only her eyes were visible, glassy, and not quite back to normal. But maybe better?
“I’m alive,” she whispered.
“I did tell you.”
She clucked her tongue at being wrong. Her gaze traveled around as much as it could without her moving her head. “This is unusual. Nice but weird.”
Should I have not stayed here? Had I assumed too much? Maybe I should have sat in the chair and stood on guard. But the bed was so comfy...
“What?” I asked tentatively.
“Being taken care of. I forgot how nice it can be.”
This family of hers wasn’t much like a family at all. Who did she have? Who would she accept?
“It shouldn’t be unusual. You should have people lining up to take care of you,” I said.
I heard the sigh from under the blankets. How could her own family leave her all alone? Weren’t they worried about her at all?
“You should go. I don’t want to get you sick.” Her words came out muffled from behind the comforter.
“I’m telling you, immunity is my superpower.”
“Good album name.” Her eyes creased with a smile.
My heart beat like it was hit with one powerful thump on the bass drum. “Joking at a time like this.”
She blinked. Then blinked again, only this time her eyes remained shut.
I pushed the hair from her forehead. She was clammy and not back to normal temperature. “Mari? Don’t fall asleep yet. We need to take another dose.”
“Boo,” she moaned with eyes still shut.
She sat up and let me administer the medicine before falling back to be re-tucked in. I studied her, features melting into relaxation as she went back to sleep. It was too easy to take care of her. It was as natural as finding the tempo. I needed to get out of here and into my own space to remember that this was not real.
I snuck out of the room and went to the kitchen. Janice was just coming home. It was the middle of the night. My mother really did have a vibrant social life.
“How’s our girl?” she asked with a worried tilt of the head.
Our girl.
“She’s okay. This fever is intense.” I rubbed the back of my neck. My whole body felt wound tight and like I could sleep for a day straight, but I wanted to check on her again in a few hours.
“Hopefully, that means it’ll pass quickly,” Janice said.
I yawned on a nod. I could hardly stay upright.
“You were really great today, darling.”
I made a sound somewhere between a thanks and a grumble.
“It’s so nice to see you out and about again. So many people came up to me to mention you today. They said you were great with the band too.”
I blinked in surprise. She was probably used to the people in town approaching her for different reasons. At least I could be a source of pride for her for once. “They’re good musicians. Mari is a great teacher.”
“That she is. But you are good too. It’s great to see you helping Cath and this town. Mari.” She said Mari last, purposefully.
“I’m still not sure what Mari thinks I can do for Cath. This arrangement seems like...” Another way I will fail. “I just don’t see how I can help. But she’s so determined I can.” I shook my head.
My mother glanced to the side, her brows crinkling in concern. I shouldn’t have burdened her with my fears. My job was to take care of her now, after she’d taken care of me my whole life.
“We all believe in you,” she said as I was about to change the subject. “Don’t put so much pressure on it. Just try to enjoy being out and about again.”
“Yeah, okay.” But it didn’t feel that simple. I kept waiting to understand how I’d gotten caught up in this turn of events but couldn’t find any answers. The only thing in my life that made any sense was being around Mari. That felt necessary, or inevitable. “I’m just gonna take a quick shower.”
“Good night, son,” she said.
“Good night, Mom,” I said with a wink, and she smiled.
Mari
I had survived.
It was hard to tell how much time had passed. I slept on and off for what could have been a day or weeks. Probably somewhere in between.
Leo came to check on me often. He provided cool compresses for my head and forced soup down my throat—metaphorically—when I was well enough to sit up. Being conscious never lasted long, and our brief conversations faded like dreams upon waking.
“What’s it like on the outside?” I asked during one of those visits. The blinds were closed. The house was quiet. There was no way to tell what time it was.
“The world is still spinning,” he said in a deep, sleepy voice.
“You’re not sick?” I found his face in the dark and pressed my hand to his forehead.
“Nope. And neither is Janice.” He grabbed my hand from his head and brought it down, but didn’t let it go. “A few of your students were out sick.”
“Ah, ’tis the season.” I squeezed his hand, and he squeezed mine back.
When I woke again, the room was brighter, but the house was still silent. I was a new person. The fever had left, and I didn’t have any residual pain, except the general weakness that came with too much sleep and not enough food. I couldn’t find anybody at home to ask, but a text from Leo told me where the linen closet was and to help myself to whatever.
He was off somewhere, and I only felt the smallest pang of loneliness. Not that I’d expected to wake to find him holding vigil at my bedside. That would be silly.
In the bathroom, I was mortified to find my gaunt, pale face and greasy, tangled hair staring back at me. A mysterious, unpleasant odor that came with fever sweats permeated me. Leo had seen me in the disgusting condition I’d been in, and that was mortifying.
I took the best shower of my life in the guest bathroom. As I let the steam revitalize me, I thought about how this was for the best. The kiss at the Rage Room was by far the most exhilarating intimacy of my life. Which may be pathetic, but true.
Leo was a rock star. That kiss probably didn’t even make his top twenty list. None of it mattered. It was an emotionally chaotic release of tension. I wouldn’t worry about it. And I definitely was not. Now that I felt better, it was the furthest thing from my mind.
After my shower, I changed into some of my folded clothes that sat on the dresser of the spare room I’d been using. After stripping and changing the sheets, I opened the window to let in some fresh air. I had a new lease on life and needed to move around. I wandered the house to straighten up. I would never take my health for granted again. Maybe it should have felt weird to walk around like I lived here, but I felt strangely at home.
“Ah, I’m dangerous. Stay back!” I held up my hands when I discovered Clara, of all people, in the kitchen.
“Calm yourself. Leo said your fever broke,” Clara said.
“Where’s Leo? What’re you doing here?”
“Which of those should I answer first? And sit down. I promise not to get sick.”
I was still pressed back flat against the opposite wall, but eventually scooted along until I sat across from her in the breakfast nook.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
“I brought you soup.”
I glanced questioningly at the pot warming on the stove. “I’m not really?—”
“Sadie made it.”
“Oh, yummy.” My stomach rumbled loudly, and I went to scoop myself a bowl.
“I also came to fill you in on the classes I subbed,” she said.
The bowl clattered as I barely stopped it from dropping. “It’s already Monday?”
“Tuesday.”
“Whoa.” I shuffled back to the table and hunched over the soup. The relief of survival was quickly being replaced by the stress of all that needed to be caught up on. Two days of class and rehearsals. Two days of preparation for Cath’s audition. Not to mention the schmoozing and begging for funding I had planned to do at the festival.
“Leo wouldn’t let me near you, but from what I saw at the festival, you were completely out of it,” she said.
“You were there?”
“Yep. He asked me—more like made me—go check on you a few times. I tapped on the window to get you to let me in, but you were passed out, mouth open, snoring loud enough to hear through the window.”
“I am beauty. I am grace.”
She snorted and took a sip of coffee from her ever-present travel mug. I was desperately wondering where Leo was, but I didn’t want to be obvious.
The brush of his strong fingers pushing my sweaty hair off my forehead.
And also, how long had we been at the festival if I had to be checked on? I vaguely remembered it being dark when we left, but that meant we would have been there for hours.
Nothing made sense. Time wasn’t real. We were on a floating rock, barreling through space.
Too far.
“How was subbing? What did you do with my band classes for two whole days?” I asked instead of inquiring about Leo.
She fussed with the top of her travel mug, avoiding eye contact. “Not important. I kept them alive, and that’s what matters.” She waved away the question. “And don’t pretend you don’t want to know where Leo is.”
I narrowed my eyes but didn’t have the stamina to argue with her. “Fine. Tell me.”
“He’s at Devlin’s with Cath. They’re having their first practice. Janice went with them just in case a teacher needed to be there. We weren’t sure. Also, I think she just wanted to see Devlin’s place.”
“They are practicing?” A little flutter of joy suffused me, knowing that Leo took the initiative to schedule their first session.
“I thought it was weird too. Especially with The Burnouts stuff,” she said, misreading my reaction.
“What stuff?” What did a tutoring session at Devlin’s have to do with Leo’s old band?
“Well, just with how things ended. I know nobody really knows why Leo left the band, but the fact that everybody is so tight-lipped about it made me assume it wasn’t a mutually wanted separation.”
My still cloudy head didn’t understand the connection. I shook it.
“Because they’re in town recording at Devlin’s studio,” Clara said. “You didn’t know that?”
My jaw dropped. “The Burnouts are back in town? How did you know that and not me?” It was hurtful to think that Leo had shared that information with her but not me. I had imagined we’d created a sort of friendship...even if I was always getting him into predicaments and launching myself at him in fits of rage.
“You know, small towns. I found out from someone who heard from their cousin...yada yada.” She flipped her wrist out.
So Leo hadn’t told her. But it still didn’t explain why he would agree to work at Devlin’s studio. Anytime the band and his past were remotely mentioned, even in passing, Leo quickly changed the subject or got quiet. I knew he had been fired, and the NDA kept my lips tight, but he hadn’t gone into why. Was there bad blood with his former best friend? Vander wasn’t a part of his life now. Outside of Janice and the Bunco Broads, I don’t think he had friends.
And now he and his mom were at Devlin’s with the band?
“You could have stayed with me, you know. We are technically family,” Clara said gently.
I waved away her offer. She didn’t want someone like me around. “I wouldn’t have wanted to get you sick. Plus, I didn’t really have a choice. He just swooped me up to whisk me off to his country seat. I feel like Jane Bennet at Netherfield Park,” I said.
“Poor you and the hot man who’s taking care of you and tutoring your student.”
“When you put it like that, you make it sound like he’s doing it for me.” Heat burned up my neck to hear it put that plainly.
“Isn’t he?”
“Doubtful. Leo hates leaving this house,” I explained. “I bet his mom guilted him into it. She has superpowers greater than even my own.”
“Really? Is that what happened at the festival?”
“When I was so sick, he literally quarantined me in the car?”
“No, not that. The stuff with the performance band,” she said.
“What stuff?” I squinted my eyes, trying to put together the few memories I had from that day, but so much of it was a blur.
“He was everywhere. He was stomping through the whole place, shoulders hunched and on a mission. I was distracted...with my own stuff?—”
“What stuff?” I asked. “Can we use more nouns and verbs?”
“Later.” She waved away my question. I would be finding out what that was about. “Every time I looked up, there he was. He helped the kids set up their instruments and get them all tuned.”
“What?” I sat up straighter. “I just asked him to call the whole day off.”
“That’s not what happened.” She shrugged. “He even conducted them. Well, tried to. It was sort of a mess, but he did good enough. But afterward, that was nuts.”
“Oh, God.” My stomach tightened.
“All sorts of people from town went up to him and started asking him about how he was and all that. Then he was talking up several shop owners. I even saw him giving it to Ben Huntsford. He looked pissed. Leo. Not Ben. Ben looked like a kid caught pushing his sister.”
“Leo? Leonard Cooper?”
“Goofy, shy kid turned rock star, yep.”
I tilted my head and looked to the side. “Would we say goofy?”
“He was all limbs when I was in high school. I’ll admit he’s much more proportional these days.”
“He’s so hot. What are you talking about?”
Her eyebrows shot up. “Is that right?”
“I mean objectively. One look online and you’ll see all the fangirls go crazy over him.”
“Right.” She gave me a knowing look.
I countered with, “Are you going to tell me what ‘stuff’ you were up to at the Fall Festival?”
Two could play at that game. She held my gaze, opened her mouth, and closed it again. “Anyway. Leo managed to book another gig in town for spring and get some donations.”
My jaw dropped, and my heart started to race. This man. “I can’t believe he did all that,” I whispered in awe.
“I was as surprised as you are. Hasn’t been seen for years and now he’s on stage and schmoozing the crowd and acting like he was running for mayor. If a baby had been proffered, he probably would have kissed it.”
“This makes no sense.” I looked around his kitchen as though I could find the answers. “He didn’t need to do any of that. I don’t understand.”
“Somebody has it bad for you.”
“No. He . . . No,” I sputtered.
She was teasing, but learning all this made me feel weird and anxious. Leo was such a good guy. I may have painted him with the wrong brush at first, but ultimately, he wanted to do the right thing, and I’d made him do all the things he hated. It would make sense that I was falling for him just as I was making his life a living hell. Why did I do this to the people in my life? Why did I push them so hard and make them hate being around me?
I groaned and dropped my head.
Thankfully, I was a natural human-repellent. People didn’t want someone like me around, so brash and demanding. We would get through the next few months of his tutoring Cath. And honestly, after the past few days spent in the disgusting condition I was in, there was no need to worry about that inconvenient sexual tension because Leo would want nothing to do with me.