22. Mari
Leo had been looking at me with a quiet admiration more and more lately. How he looked at me now as I came to his side. His softened features and intense eyes told me a story I wasn’t ready to read. I’d watched him play, and it was incredible, but I hadn’t wanted him to know I was watching. There had been tension between Cath and him; they needed space to work through whatever was happening.
I squeezed his hand when I felt him stiffen.
Hands dropping to his side, he said, “I gotta go.”
I followed his gaze to the mixing room and found a man I only recognized from pictures.
It was Vander from The Burnouts. His light-brown hair was almost to his shoulders and as thick and wild as his beard. He wore round, thin-wired glasses that evoked John Lennon and a gray blazer over a half-unbuttoned white collared shirt. His gaze was locked on Leo, features unreadable.
“Wait,” I whispered to Leo. “Don’t run away. You aren’t alone.”
His nostrils flared, and he glanced behind me again. “I’m not prepared for this conversation.” Leo stooped his head, and the anxiety pinching his eyes tore at my chest.
“I won’t let anything bad happen to you,” I said. A protectiveness gripped me. As fiercely as I protected my students from Pin Dick, I would protect Leo. Just let this guy say something. He would see the full velocity of my wrath.
Leo held my stare like he was about to argue but stayed at my side. “He’s coming in here.”
“It’s okay,” I said. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it again but dropped it just as fast, not sure he wanted the visible protection.
Leo nodded and stepped closer to me, almost behind me.
Cath came to stand with us. She smiled, but through her teeth, she asked, “I’m trying not to freak out, but is that Vander Moore?” Her performance still glowed in her cheeks. “Because I might pass out if it is.”
Leo mumbled something I couldn’t hear.
“He’s just a person,” I said and lifted my chin.
“A rock star who is currently selling out stadiums, but sure,” Cath said.
Leo’s frown deepened. Cath finally seemed to notice his silent seething. “Oh. Sorry. This is probably so weird for you.”
“No, it’s great. I’m having the time of my life,” he said flatly.
“You sounded incredible,” I said to her, desperate to lift some of the tension.
“It’s true,” Leo added. “Did it feel better?” he asked.
“Yeah. That was fun.” She glanced at me, guarded like I was about to say something else. “But better to stay focused on the audition.”
I was about to tell her playing for fun was just as important as her audition, but Leo spoke first.
“We should probably get you home. It’s later than I thought,” he said, already shuffling back to the door.
“Actually, Ruby is coming to get me. I picked up a late shift tonight,” Cath explained.
“You don’t have to leave on my account,” a voice said from behind me. Leo stiffened at my side.
We turned in tandem to the newcomer. Cath had already been facing him, but her eyes widened, and she stopped blinking.
“I just forgot my phone here from earlier,” Vander added.
When none of us spoke, Vander extended a hand to Cath. “Hi, I’m Vander. You sounded great in there. Tell me you’re the new drummer?”
Cath’s jaw fell. “No. I’m Cath. I am drumming, a drummer. I play the drums.”
“I saw that. And well.” Vander gave a wide, charming smile. He’d always been the lead guitarist and vocalist in The Burnouts, and that energy was apparent in every quirk of his features and body movement. It was like he performed a character even now.
“Thank you. I’m a huge fan. I saw you three times on the Vagabond tour.”
“Awesome. Love meeting the next gen of talent.”
“I’m Mari Mitchell. I’m Cath’s teacher down at Green Valley High.” I extended my hand, and he shook it warmly. So far, he seemed nice enough. I pulled my claws in slightly.
Leo seemed to be stuck on what Cath had said. He had never looked so betrayed and shocked. “You said you’d never heard of The Burnouts,” he said to her and then seemed to regret it.
“No, I didn’t. You never actually asked me,” Cath said with a sweet smile up at him. “You assumed, and you know what they say about assuming...”
Leo’s jaw flexed, and his eyes narrowed. I was equal parts amused and worried by this interaction. It must have never come up that she idolized him. Probably because I was worried about it influencing how he treated her. But that was before I knew who he really was. And right now, he was on an uneven playing field and could use a hint of an ego boost.
“Cath is a huge fan of Leo’s,” I said to Vander. Then, to Leo, I said, “She has your poster on her wall. It’s part of the reason we thought to reach out to you,” I said.
Now, it was her turn to seem betrayed. Well, two could play at that game, missy.
“Very uncool, Miss M,” she mumbled.
Leo, for his part, was slightly mollified but was still looking at Cath like she might change shapes at any moment.
I shrugged. “I didn’t know it was a secret. I thought Leo knew you were one of his biggest fans. He’s so incredibly talented. Nobody could blame you.” Maybe I laid it on a little thick, so sue me.
Leo and Cath both looked at me in various stages of shock but refused to look at each other. Vander chuckled quietly and looked at the floor.
“Well, this has been super weird. My ride is here. Bye.” Cath smiled shyly again to Vander. “Nice meeting you.”
He waved goodbye, and the three of us stood there for what felt like roughly three years of heavy silence.
“So Green Valley High, huh?” Vander asked me. His gaze moved to Leo for a flash, but Leo was pointedly looking anywhere but at his former bandmate.
“Yep, I teach band. All the bands.”
“Oh, you’re who took over from Janice? Is that evil crossing guard still there? Christ, she hated me.”
“To be fair, she hates everyone. And yes, she’ll be blowing her whistle at drivers until they pry that thing from her cold, dead hands,” I said.
Vander chuckled. “Did you go there when Leo and I were there? You look familiar.”
Leo shifted at my side. Whether it was the mention of their shared past, I wasn’t sure.
“I did. I was a few grades ahead. I was in the same year as your older sister,” I explained.
Dammit, I was supposed to be getting rid of this guy, not playing small-town catch-up. I put an arm around Leo’s shoulders. I’d meant for the action to display friendly camaraderie, but the second I moved close to Leo, his arm slunk around my waist, pulling me tight to his side.
“Leo is mentoring Cath. She’s incredible, as you saw. She’s applied to Berklee, and he’s helping her prepare for her audition in spring,” I said, pretending this was normal behavior for us.
Leo’s ears burned red, but he still hadn’t spoken to Vander.
“Fantastic. Well, she’s obviously going places.” Vander directed it to Leo but then looked back at me when he only got forehead.
“How’s the album going? Devlin mentioned you were recording. Must be a lot of pressure, especially after how good your first three were,” I said.
Leo glanced up at me. The first three albums were the only albums Leo had been on.
Ha. Suck it, Vander.
Vander scratched at the back of his neck but took my passive aggression well enough. “Ah, well. We’re still finding our rhythm for this new LP. You know how it goes. Hit some bumps but we’ll pull it out, yet. Hoping for some of that Smoky Mountain magic,” he explained.
“Good album name,” Leo mumbled at the same time I said it. He looked up to finally give me an authentic smile and some of the tension relaxed out of me.
Vander looked between us, brow furrowed, missing the punchline of our inside joke.
“Devlin was on his way out when I came in. He said you guys should have been wrapped up. I didn’t mean to intrude,” Vander said.
When neither of us spoke, he cleared his throat and nodded. “Right. Okay. Well, I’ll get out of your hair. Devlin’s gone into Knoxville with the family for the night. He just said to lock up the downstairs exit when you leave. Uh, see you.” Vander glanced at Leo, but Leo was still focused on me.
Dang, I started to feel bad for the guy.
“Bye, nice meeting you,” I said.
He gave a flat smile, glanced at Leo one more time, sighed, and went out.
Leo didn’t move for a few minutes. He just stared at the floor as his cheeks grew more and more red. I tried to give him space, but when I moved, his arms locked me in place.
“Are you okay?” I asked softly. It had been so loud in here just a few minutes ago, and now the silence was deafening.
He made a sound that might have been a growl or a moan.
“Yeah. Stupid question,” I said. I lowered my head to his chest and pulled him tight. He hugged me back. I should have done or said more.
I didn’t want this to cause Leo to retreat. I wanted him to talk about what happened and process it, but my experience with men told me that now came the part where he got angry and shut down.
“I’m sorry—” I leaned back to meet his gaze, and he loosened his grip to release me.
“I’ve spent so much time thinking about what I’d say when I saw him.” He spoke low and steady, still staring just past me into a void of memories I couldn’t see. Leo wasn’t like all the other men. Maybe it was being raised by a progressive single mother or just his nature. But he always shared with me. And it was a gift. “And then I just froze. I just—” He stopped and tugged at his hair, blinking himself back to the present. His gaze moved over me. “I’m just glad you were here. I-I don’t know what I would have done.”
I swallowed down the tightness in my throat. “I wish I’d done something more.” I glanced at the stairs. “He might still be here. I could go slash his tires?” I asked hopefully.
He threw his head back and laughed. His Adam’s apple bobbed before he turned to grip my shoulders. “God, I love you,” he joked, pulling me into another hug. I froze at his words. My stupid heart went haywire at the sound of that confession. He hadn’t meant it like that. I had wanted him to laugh. I had broken his trance, and that was what I meant to do, so why was I totally unable to move past what was just a common turn of phrase? “Nah. Then he’d be stuck here with us.”
“Good point.” My arms finally remembered how hugs worked, but he was already pulling back.
He let out a sigh and ran a hand over his face. “It was so weird to see him. I thought I would know what to say. I thought it would all come pouring out of me exactly as I meant it to after all my mental rehearsals in the shower.” I smiled at his confession. “But...”
“What?” I prodded. He’d been about to say something, and I didn’t want him to retreat into his head. I liked it so much when he shared with me. I loved being given the opportunity to make him smile. I wanted to help carry his mental load. I tugged him to the couch in the studio, quickly moving some paper so we could both sit. He didn’t protest as I guided him to sit down.
“I wasn’t mad.” He swallowed, and again, his throat seemed to snag. “I just felt sad. I guess. And that is somehow worse.” He scrunched his face and looked away.
“Worse?”
“I wanted to be mad. To somehow justify the past few months. But I just thought about how much fun we had. Maybe because I had just been drumming before seeing him. It was like I jumped through time. I wanted to tell him about Cath and you and Green Valley and how weird it was to be here without him and about all the changes too.”
“You miss him,” I whispered.
“Apparently.” He nodded, again looking away to push down whatever was trying to come back.
“Have you thought about talking to him? I mean, really talking. Not the conversations in your head? I bet there are things he’d like to say too. It doesn’t have to be a knock-down, drag-out thing. People can’t read minds. We project whole narratives but don’t know what they’re thinking. Either way, it might be better to have closure. Sometimes you need to have the hard conversation, even if you’ve known them your whole life.”
“Especially then.”
“It might make you feel better.”
“Or a whole lot worse.”
“I don’t think you feel very good now, Leo. Are you happy out here? Out in Green Valley? After reaching the heights you did, it can’t be easy to be back here.”
I was terrified to know his answer. It wasn’t fair to expect that much of this new friendship, but I wanted him to be happy more than anything.
“It wasn’t easy to come home. For a long time, I wondered why I did. Lately, I’m starting to think I might know what brought me back,” he said.
The way his gaze moved over my face caused something in my stomach to flip and fill my chest with hope. My feelings for Leo had continued to plague me these past few weeks, no matter how I tried to rationalize them away.
I broke the eye contact first, glancing around the room. I saw the drum kit and suddenly remembered everything that had happened prior to the arrival of Vander.
“You sounded great too, by the way. I’ve never seen you play in person. It was...” Incredible. Amazing. Sweaty. Sexy. Riled me up faster than a GIF of Pedro Pascal winking at the camera. None of these felt like appropriate things to say. “Really cool.”
“You saw me?” he asked on a swallow.
When he played, he seemed entirely comfortable in his body. He played like he’d been taken over by a higher power. He wasn’t doing anything for anybody else. He just existed, and he deserved to feel that way all the time.
“I may have peeked for a minute or two,” I admitted.
He turned to me so that his knees nudged the leg I had tucked under me. “You liked it?” Something in the way he asked shifted the air in the room.
“Very much.” I flushed and swallowed with effort. Maybe I hadn’t been so subtle in my thoughts. “I wish I heard more.”
“You want to watch me?” he asked, his words innocent enough but his gaze dark with intent.
I whimpered and nodded.