35. Mari
Who would have thought I’d be back to sitting alone in the teachers’ lounge eating a cold turkey sandwich? Well, I had. The autobiography of Mari Mitchell would be brief, depressing, and completely predictable.
It was the last day before spring break. I’d rushed through the day and had five minutes to eat before the final marching band rehearsal. The final rehearsal with Cath.
Pain threatened to swallow me whole.
No. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Giving up was not an option. Clara had been right. I always fight for what was right for my students. I wouldn’t give up yet. No matter what, I would be okay.
I would go on as I always had. I would find a way to get funding next year. I would track down every school board member and make sure Pin Dick alone wouldn’t have the power to cut the music program.
I may have put it all out there to Leo and gotten hurt, but I was still me.
I was ready to fight for my students. I would double my efforts next year. I would work harder and beg every person in Green Valley for donations, even if it meant going door-to-door.
I stood and looked around. I abandoned my pathetic food. I moved right, then froze and turned left. Then, I did it again. I was stuck with indecision, panic circling like a bird trapped in a house. Where to go first? What could I do?
I grabbed my bag and felt the weight of the gift for Leo in there. It was a small gesture, but it would convey all my gratitude for him. He may have thought how we came together cheapened it somehow, but he deserved to feel loved regardless of what happened with us.
Leo.
Had I really fought for him as I did for all other things? Or had I let his own hurt be the reason I shut down?
Cath knocked on the doorframe of the teachers’ lounge.
“Hey, Cath,” I said.
“This place was a lot cooler in my imagination,” she said.
“Really? It looks exactly like every teachers’ lounge.”
“I guess I expected a dartboard with the faces of annoying students.”
“Oh, we keep that in the closet,” I teased.
She laughed with a roll of her eyes.
I was still standing in the middle of the room, thrumming with restless energy and not sure where to direct it.
“Ready?” she asked.
“Listen. I don’t want to miss your last practice, but I have to go find Leo.”
Cath’s face fell. I didn’t want to hurt her, but was this an instance of putting myself first? I wasn’t sure. I worried my lip.
Her brow crinkled with mild disgust. “Am I in the middle of some sort of grand gesture?” she asked.
“No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know. I just feel like I need to try again. He’s so sweet and sensitive, and I think I went about things all wrong. He has done so much, and I?—”
The grossed-out look was no longer mild. She held up a hand to stop me. She stepped closer, and her features opened into wide eyes. “I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t really important. But I practiced something special that I want to show you. Can you just come to practice? I’m nervous about leaving and going on tour and everything.” Her lip quivered.
I’d never seen this side of her before, so frank and emotional. We must have really made a connection.
“Oh, Cath.”
“Please, Miss Mitchell, one last show before the road?” she asked me with brows contorted. I couldn’t have said no if I tried.
“Of course.” I shook my head. I would go to Leo after. A few more minutes wouldn’t hurt. “Let’s go.” As we walked out of the school, I wasn’t filled with the same chest-collapsing sadness I usually had as a long break spread ahead of me. There was a natural ebb and flow to life, people who come and go. It wasn’t always a reflection of me. Then there were the ones that stayed for every season and every year. That was who I hoped Leo would be for me. I felt hopeful.
“Are you okay? Feeling good about things?” I asked her as we walked.
Cath squinted and looked ahead. “I’m a little nervous about the tour.”
I bumped her shoulder. “It’ll be great. But if it sucks, come home. They’ll figure it out.”
She nodded, chewing her lip.
“Just stay away from drugs and alcohol and try to eat and sleep well. Have fun, but don’t get carried away with the glamour of it all.”
She raised an eyebrow at me. “My parents already gave this speech.”
“Okay, sorry. I can’t help myself.” As we got closer to the football field, we had to weave through the packed parking lot. “That’s weird.”
“What?” She flicked a look at me.
“There are a lot of cars here for a random afternoon practice.”
“Huh,” Cath said, unconcerned but picking up her pace. “I was thinking, I’m going to start college with major street cred. People aren’t even going to believe that I toured with The Burnouts.”
“Make sure to take lots of photos,” I said distractedly as my head turned all around to watch a majority of Green Valley walk with us to the stadium. “Okay, seriously, is something going on? I swear, if Pin Dick booked something on our last practice, I’m going to burn this place down.”
Cath’s eyebrows shot up her forehead.
“Metaphorically,” I added. “Also, pretend I didn’t call him that.”
“Eh. I’m basically graduated. I won’t tell anyone. Also, we call him that anyway.”
“Ha.”
Cath fidgeted, and her steps sped up.
“What’s going on?” The marching band was in their full regalia when I stopped before them.
“I told you, I wanted to show you something special,” she said.
I stopped and studied her. All her reticence was replaced with restless giddiness.
“Wait, did you emotionally manipulate me? With all the ‘please, it means so much’ and the wanting me to be here?” I asked, outraged.
She shrugged. “You’ll get over it.” Cath looked out to the band and shouted, “Let’s do this!”
“We should start charging for our services,” a senior said to her.
“What?” I looked at Cath, but she was scurrying to get her quads on. I stepped out onto the field and was greeted with applause. Most of Green Valley packed the stands. More than that, even the visitor side was overflowing. I spotted Clara and Nick, giving a thumbs-up. I shot her a confused look, and she just shrugged.
“Janice?” I went to take my spot, but she was already standing there. “What are you doing here?”
“Take a seat, I’m running this tonight,” she explained. “I have some making up to do.”
“Making up? What are you—” But a student pulled me away to a reserved spot in the stands. I was totally alone. Several people were looking at me, but I still had no clue what was happening. Good thing I was confident that I had value or all this not-being-needed thing might feel personal. I cleared my throat and sat up straighter, fighting a blush that was growing up my neck.
At Janice’s side, Cath took a microphone. That was new . . .
“Thank you, Green Valley, for coming out to support the Black Bears Marching Band. We wanted to put on this surprise performance for Miss Mitchell as a thank you for all her hard work this year and for helping me get into the Berklee College of Music.”
The crowd roared, and it shook the stands. I waved but felt even more singled out. This was amazing, but I wasn’t used to so much attention as a behind-the-scenes person.
“The benefits of tonight’s show will go to support the marching band and other art and music programs at GVHS from here on out.”
“Benefits?” I said to myself. Nobody paid to see the marching band. I usually had to bribe people to come.
“Thank you, Miss Mitchell. I will always remember my senior year and all you have done to help me. I will never forget you.” Okay, maybe I would be a little emotional, after all. This was all I had ever wanted. To help my students have the future of their dreams. “Sometimes music programs get pushed aside for other things, but Miss Mitchell has worked her ass off to make this program happen.” I cringed when she swore and looked around to see if any parents were mad, but the crowd was buoyant. “After this, it would be crazy not to have a music program, right?” The stands roared and clapped.
I glanced at where Cath had been pointedly talking. Pin Dick sat with his legs spread and arms crossed. His face was beet red with barely suppressed rage. Good luck trying to cancel the music program now that all of Green Valley knows. Ah, so that was what this was all about. The marching band sparkled their fingers in my direction, yelling out affirmations of love. My heart felt so full. I sometimes doubted that my work was making a difference, and I hadn’t been sure anybody noticed. I could fly out of this seat.
As the band started up, they played a song I recognized but not from our rehearsals. They somehow managed to work a whole repertoire under my nose. How had they even found the time?
The song was one that Leo and I had hotly debated on one of our many car rides. He thought it was a silly pop song. I thought it rocked and would be a fun cover for the marching band.
I was clearly right.
They played on, and the crowd was up and dancing and clapping. My chest ached, wishing he was here so we could share a look of understanding, so he could hold my hand and celebrate this with me.
I searched the stands for Leo. Knowing that coming out here, in front of the whole town, was the definition of a nightmare for him, especially in light of the most recent news, but hoping, nonetheless. But with every note they played, it became clear that he wasn’t here.
Then I had an idea. I turned and bent to see through the cracks in the bleachers, heart hammering with hope. I angled my head awkwardly, sure that whoever saw me thought I was having some sort of breakdown.
No, no, I wasn’t trying to crawl into the stadium to hide. I was just looking for the great love of my life. Normal stuff.
If I angled my head just right, I could find the little cove for the ne’er-do-wells.
But Leo wasn’t there. Nobody was. I was disappointed but not giving up. If anything, this amazing display by Cath and the marching band fueled my motivation to seek him out.
With my face still pressed to the cracks, booty facing the whole of Green Valley, I heard the set come to an end.
If I thought the crowd had gone wild before, nothing could have prepared me for this. The stadium shook so hard with raucous screams. My hand went to my racing heart as I looked to see what had caused the change. A guitar strummed through the air, followed shortly by the quick taps of a snare.
I stood and turned to face the center of the field. The marching band was parting to reveal a stage where students I recognized from theater were quickly scrambling to set up a band I knew well. And Leo sat at the raised drum kit. The Burnouts were set up and ready to play right here at Green Valley High School.
“No freaking way,” I said.
The crowd continued to scream as the band started to play their biggest hit.
Leo was too far away to spot me, but the instant joy at seeing him loosened the knots in my body. He was here. This was...this was insane. Leo was focused solely on his drumming. I could see his nerves in the tightness of his shoulders and the line of his mouth, but only because I could compare it to how relaxed he’d been in the studio when he played for Cath or me.
Then Vander turned to him, bobbing his head with the tempo, looking all the rock star, as he strolled up to Leo. They shared one of those smiles that made the Burnnies go wild. Vander yelled something to him, and Leo grinned to pop one dimple, then his head shot up, and his eyes immediately met mine.
This beautiful, kind, wonderful man. Here, once again for me. How could I ever think that he didn’t care when he had shown up time and time again?
He nodded to me as his hands were occupied, but it was like a straight shot of adrenaline to my heart. The teenager inside me wanted to jump up and down and squeal, “Did you see that? That’s for me!”
God, he looked so incredible. The money this raised for the band...It was one thing to have the marching band perform, but The Burnouts playing would be...I couldn’t imagine. How had I missed all of this? Maybe in the weeks of moping, I might have missed something. It didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered. Just Leo. I would show him every appreciation possible.
The song ended after an incredible drum solo that made the crowd lose their minds.
“Thank you, Green Valley. It’s great to be back.” Vander wooed the crowd. “Thank you to Green Valley High School, my alma mater, for hosting us.” Cheers went up. “We look forward to a long future for the marching band. Proceeds from this show and a portion of our album releasing this summer will continue to support the programs. Thanks for coming out tonight. We’ve got a great show. But first, uh, wait, sorry. Hang on?—”
I had burst forth from my seat, rushing the band at full speed. I ran up to Leo, and he barely had time to realize I was heading for him before I tackled him off his stool.
Somewhere behind us, Vander was laughing.