34. I WILL BE ENOUGH
Chapter thirty-four
I WILL BE ENOUGH
Amira
I had barely processed what I was seeing before Ares had tackled a second man who attempted to use the distraction of the first one being caught to sneak up on us.
Riordan uttered a growl, a purely animal sound that rumbled in his chest under my ear. An overwhelming power began moving under our feet and through the air. The night sky darkened further, and the lights all dimmed until the warm ambience of the coronation seemed to grow cold and vengeful. The wind was suddenly frigid and gave a harrowing moan as it picked up.
It felt as if the very earth and sky had grown angry.
I should have been terrified, but I recognized the taste of this magic, even when it was swelling so heavily that it felt like I might choke on it. Even when it pressed upon my skin like it could crush my bones and shred my flesh with phantom claws.
A reminder that the very fabric of the Vale flowed in Riordan’s veins as her king.
Griffins began to fall to their knees around Riordan, ducking their heads and lowering their shivering wings in complete submission. They had forgotten, amidst all the petty squabbles and political bullshit, that just because he did not flaunt his power, did not mean he did not have it.
Orion abruptly sat up and released the assassin he had been restraining, however the man did not seem able to move anymore. His body grew painfully stiff, and his face was red like he was struggling with something invisible. He groaned in frustration as he suddenly rose from the ground and levitated upright so that he hovered in the air. Riordan stepped toward him while Orion moved smoothly back to take my mate’s place at my side, so I knew they were coordinating mind to mind. Orion curled his wings around me, his hand clenching on my arm, and I glanced up to see his face was hard with fury as he continued to scan for more threats around me.
I refocused on Riordan and the assassin as the magic holding up the assassin, those phantom claws I had sensed before, began to shred his flesh the way I’d anticipated. The assassin squirmed and growled in pain as a thousand gashes opened up on every inch of his exposed skin.
The absolute rage on Riordan’s face was nothing short of terrifying. Vicious and unforgiving.
“You came for my heart. So I shall take yours instead,” he growled roughly.
Before I could puzzle out his meaning, Riordan had thrust his whole fucking hand into the assassin’s chest, busting ribs as if they were twigs beneath his fingers.
I gasped in shock and reached up to cover my mouth but could not look away as my mate jerked his hand back to remove the screaming man’s heart. He held it up for the assassin to see for the couple of seconds the assassin had before he slumped. Dead.
Riordan dropped the body which crumpled lifelessly on the ground and then tossed the organ carelessly onto the dead man’s chest. Then he turned, menacingly slow as he scanned the rest of the crowd that was deathly silent.
“Is it clear enough now what will happen to anyone who threatens my mate?”
No one responded, but Riordan did not wait for a reply before jerking his chin toward the second assassin that Ares was still restraining on the ground.
“Take him out of my sight,” Riordan ordered.
Ares nodded and roughly hauled the assassin upright and passed him off to his men who were waiting.
There was silence as we watched the man taken away, but amidst the shock and horror was an unmistakable undercurrent of awe. For perhaps the first time, I thought the Imítheos might finally comprehend that Riordan had not merely taken the mantle of king by force. All that immense power had been passed to him, and he wielded it with remarkable grace and brutality.
Which was something that both Imítheos and Ktínos admired greatly.
I could feel Orion watching me, his eyes drilling into me like lasers trying to delve deep into my thoughts and feelings on what had just happened. But I kept my eyes glued to Riordan who should utterly terrify me, but with whom I’d never felt safer.
Someone finally moved, breaking the spell that seemed to have befallen the whole field. I turned to see the former Griffin Queen walking toward her son, weaving through all the kneeling griffins with her handmaid behind her. It was so quiet that I could hear the whisper of their skirts passing over the ground behind them.
I could not breathe as Andromeda finally presented herself before her son, still looking a touch bitter after his earlier rebuke, but she curtsied deeply. Then she rose and lifted her hands between them, and a gold crown appeared on her upturned palms. A stunningly beautiful ornament carved into the likeness of outspread wings and leaves.
“You have demonstrated beyond any doubt that this is just a formality. The Vale already bends to your will,” Andromeda said with a touch of emotion in her face.
Riordan swayed slightly, the only sign that her words affected him, and then he bowed his head low enough for her to reach him. He had always looked like a king to me, but when he straightened with that crown upon his head, there was no questioning it. He looked like he had been born with it. Like he was made to wear it.
A cry rose, a shout of endorsement that was quickly taken up by all the guests. They began to rise, some of them eagerly approaching Riordan. He clasped hands and shoulders with Ktínos who did not seem to care that he left bloody handprints behind. It was more than I’d ever seen him allow them to touch him, and he even inclined his head to other Imítheos who were looking at him with a degree of admiration.
After a few moments, he turned toward me. His eyes flitted over me as if searching for harm even though he knew I was fine as he came toward me.
“Are you alright?” he asked once he was in front of me again and reaching for me.
Orion moved unexpectedly to grab Riordan’s wrist just before the king smeared blood on me. Then he plucked a handkerchief from the pocket of a passing servant with his other hand, ignoring the man’s yelp, and passed it to Riordan wordlessly. My eyes widened up at him, but he focused on our king who grunted his thanks and wiped his bloody hands on the stark white cloth.
My attention was shifted from Orion’s solemn profile when Riordan passed the bloodied cloth back to him and then tenderly cupped my jaw. From the way his golden eyes searched mine almost frantically, I knew he was not only concerned for my physical well-being. He wanted to know if his demonstration had frightened me because he knew how I felt about grotesque violence.
“I’m shaken, but I’m okay,” I assured him, placing my hands over his to give them a squeeze.
“We should be interrogating the assassin right away,” Orion advised Riordan quietly enough that no one would hear him. But I did not miss the eagerness in his voice, and it made me seethe with the knowledge that he was trying to steal our king away before our consummation.
Thankfully, Riordan looked confused as he dropped his hands from my face.
“You can question him tonight and give me a report tomorrow afternoon.”
“But don’t you want—”
“What I want is to finally be with my mate tonight,” Riordan interrupted him in a frustrated hiss that was still low enough that no one else could hear. “I have gone just about mad waiting to claim her, and nothing will keep me from her,” Riordan added unconditionally.
The fierce, unadulterated lust in his voice almost made me buckle at the knees.
“She was just targeted—” Orion began to protest.
“I can protect her,” Riordan insisted in exasperation, and after his demonstration, there was no doubt of that. But then he looked at me, searching for my thoughts in my expression, and I knew that the only thing that would keep him from me… was me .
Orion looked at me when he realized it as well, and I could feel his eyes burning into me, but I didn’t dare look at him. I looked straight at Riordan whose wings tensed.
“I trust you to protect me. And I… was done waiting a week ago,” I reminded him with a shy smile.
Without another word, Riordan went to one knee in front of me. The sight of him, this enormous warrior king in his golden armour and a crown, kneeling for me was enough to make my heart kick. But even more astonishing was that his kneeling made everyone else take notice and sink down too. Including the former queen and Orion who knelt more slowly next to me like he was reluctant.
Riordan reached for my hand, turning it over to place several kisses on my wrist and knuckles. He did not look remotely uncomfortable despite all the eyes on him.
“Amira,” he beseeched me, and I sucked in a breath at the visceral ache in his voice that he didn’t bother to hide. “I wish to pledge all that I am and everything that I will become to you. I wish to bind myself to you and become wholly yours in heart, body, mind, and soul for the rest of my life. Will you accept me as your mate?”
My skin was tingling with an emotion that seemed to shoot down my spine. I had never experienced such a sensation, purely an emotional arousal, but it was electric. Heat flushed in my cheeks and on my chest, and I wasn’t totally sure if it was excitement or embarrassment for my strange reaction.
“Yes,” I hissed hoarsely, hardly able to get in enough air to answer him. “I accept you,” I spoke louder.
Probably I was supposed to have some poetic things to say back to him, but the gods knew I was not that person. Luckily he rose quickly, fluid and powerful, and he kissed me before I could have said anything. And it was not a chaste brush of our lips. He didn’t seem to care anymore what anyone thought of us as he kissed me like he needed my lips to breathe.
The King’s Council had encouraged him to claim me with conviction and transparency, so I supposed they were getting their wish…
He pulled back far too soon, leaving me practically gasping for air as he turned to give instructions to Ares and Helena.
And I caught sight of Orion’s face, so splintered and devastated with heartbreak that it made my heart ache in anguish for him.
He did not notice my stare, but I watched as he got his emotions under control before Riordan turned to him with orders for interrogating the assassin. But he still looked terribly brittle and hollow as if he might shatter apart.
It haunted me as I was led back to Riordan’s apartment to prepare for consummating my mating with the king.
“Gods, Amira, are you alright?” gasped Sofia once we were clear of the crowd and almost at the building.
“I’m fine! Really, it was over before I knew what was happening. Thank you,” I added to Ares, but he was too focused on our surroundings to acknowledge my thanks. “Remind me what happens now?” I prompted Sofia.
“Now we get you changed and wait for the king to come to you. Then I leave you,” she advised me with a grin that was definitely not very chaste of her.
“I have to change?”
“You weren’t expecting to wear this dress?” she gaped, fingering the fine silk. “He is probably going to wreck whatever I put you in and this dress was expensive.”
I gaped at her, but she was too busy ushering me through the door of the building to notice that my cheeks were flushing at her suggestion.
Ares was a few strides behind us while Helena walked ahead to check around all the corners first. I knew something was wrong when she came to an abrupt halt in the hallway with Riordan’s door.
I peered around her curiously, but I was not expecting to see Orion waiting outside Riordan’s apartment. He still looked so… brittle. Like he was barely able to maintain the illusion that he was alright.
“A moment,” he begged Helena quietly, more quietly than I had ever heard him speak.
“No,” said Ares from behind me, and I could tell that Helena agreed with him even if she looked sympathetic. But Orion was looking at me. Beseeching me . I knew I should probably heed their caution but was too morbidly curious about what he had to say to me to decline him.
I gestured to the door behind him in invitation, and he turned to open it with a key already clenched in his hand. Sofia did not look impressed when I motioned for her to remain outside, but she reluctantly agreed with a reminder that we did not have long before Riordan arrived.
Orion waited inside the dim room as I closed the door, and then he walked deeper into the chambers to get away from where I was sure they would all be listening. I went with him, and once we’d gone far enough from the door, Orion turned back to me with that devastation plainly all over his face again. A gleam of desperation in his eyes.
“Please do not do this. Don’t go through with it.”
“What?” I gaped. Of all the things I assumed he might wish to say to me at that moment, I never would have guessed that he would resort to begging me.
“I thought I could do this, I told myself I’d endure it, but… I can’t. So what will it take? What can I do to try and change your mind about this?” he insisted.
The anguish and desperation was so clear in his face and in his voice that it made me tear up for him.
“I am sorry you have been hurt by this. That was never my intention. But… I love him. There is nothing that you could do or say that would convince me not to do this.”
I watched as all his heartbreak and devastation twisted into anger so fast it was shocking.
“I know you love—” I tried to continue, meaning to bring up my hopes for a future in which we could know harmony together. But he stepped near to me abruptly, using his immense body to silence me as he loomed over me until we were nose to nose.
“You are not fit to breathe the same air as him, witch. How dare you think otherwise?” he demanded.
I should have expected it from him, but his words still cut me. Deep . It felt like he’d severed an artery.
“Is this really how you think love looks?” I demanded before I could reel in the outburst, but I couldn’t help but lash out to hurt him back. “You are so bitter and selfish that it is no wonder he never loved you back.”
I could almost see the words landing like bombs that detonated in him with a devastation equal to the words he had hurled at me. And it was in that horrible moment that I realized how alike we were. Only I had filled the craters my mother left behind with fear and distrust while he had filled his lesions with rage and anger. But we were both just trying to protect what was raw and bleeding inside. And as I stared up in regret at the desolation I’d wreaked, I couldn’t help but wonder who was the one who left the festering wounds on his soul.
“I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said—”
“You were wrong before,” he interrupted me with a deceptive calm. “Riordan deserves the best of everything. He deserves a mate who is his equal. I would rather suffer that than watch him with someone so unworthy of him.”
I stared up at him, rolling the loathsome words around in my mind. How many times had I told myself the same thing that someone like me didn’t deserve anything?
“Riordan is the king of the Vale. And you are nothing ,” Orion pressed, evidently taking my silence as a sign that he was having an affect on me.
His words stung me, they ripped me open and left me raw and bleeding on the inside. An echo of the doubt and hatred that I had harboured toward myself all my life.
Remember what I told you, Nell’s words resounded in my head once more. A raft in the midst of a tireless storm of self-loathing I could never seem to outpace. No matter how hard I tried to paddle, it seemed it would inevitably catch up and swallow me again.
But I tried not to let him see how he’d wounded me as I raised my head in determination to keep paddling.
“I hope that you find a way to heal,” I told him softly, and he scoffed at me, looking even more resentful.
“Does his image truly mean so little to you that you have no shame in tarnishing it?”
“Of course it means everything to me, but I know that is not what this is about, Orion! Not really. All this time I’ve been trying to work out what it is about me that you hate so fucking much, but now I know,” I assured him.
“Oh?” he laughed scornfully.
“It is you that feels unworthy of him.”
His derisive smirk faded instantly, and the feathers on his wings raised slightly as the tip of his tail became completely motionless. A shiver of fear shot down my spine that he might react in violence, but then he turned his face away as if to redirect his rising temper.
“I never wanted to be your enemy. I will not be made into your enemy,” I maintained more levelly. “But I spent my whole life believing what you just told me because my mother said so,” I found myself admitting. I was uncertain at first whether it was the right decision to share anything with him that he might weaponize against me.
But then he looked down at me, all the anger replaced by shock, and I was willing to bet that it was his mother who left all those craters in his heart too.
“I have had to go to war with myself to accept that I am not unworthy of basic goodness just because I am not whoever someone else thinks I should be. Someone who actually hated me, and for whom I would have never been good enough, no matter what I did!”
I felt tears cresting on my lashes and knew they would make my makeup run, but I held his gaze and refused to look away. I had no idea why I was telling him all this, but he was completely transfixed by my words.
“No one can fight that battle for you. It’s something you have to decide and figure out on your own, but you have the people around you to make it possible. And if… as part of that healing journey you need to tell Riordan how you feel then… I want you to do that,” I admitted.
A flicker of surprise showed in his eyes before they narrowed suspiciously as if he were looking for a catch.
“I know Riordan loves me, and he’s proven that there is room in his heart for both of us, so I am not intimidated by you,” I assured him. “He makes me feel like the world is at my feet, and I… deserve that. And not you or anyone else will tell me otherwise. So I am going to love and support him and give him and this kingdom all of me. And it will be enough,” I asserted sternly.
Orion looked grudgingly impressed with me, but more importantly, it seemed like he could finally breathe again. Like my words had lifted a weight from his heart.
“So, I am sorry, but I am not walking away, and neither should you. This step in my relationship with him does not need to close doors in yours,” I said significantly.
Now his shock was unmistakable as he stared at me for a long moment of uncertainty, but I was confident in my decision. I had been thinking about it a lot ever since Sofia told me about the ways in which the skiá bond changed for Imítheos males after they were mated.
“What…” he began, but he trailed off when his voice came out a little hoarse before he tried again more clearly. “What are you saying, exactly?” he asked me.
“I am saying that instead of focusing on hating me, perhaps you should be focusing on loving him.”
Orion drew in a sharp breath of surprise and continued to stare at me for another long moment as if he could not believe what he was hearing.
“You… are giving me your blessing.”
“Did you need it?” I asked, and he seemed to consider briefly before he shook his head slowly.
“I had not… thought I could ask for it. He will not… This is not what he wanted,” Orion said dismissively.
“You don’t know. You haven’t asked him,” I insisted, and he turned his face away, but he was contemplative. “Whatever you decide, all I ask is that we can respect one another. I will not be a punching bag, but if you… need to talk like this again, then I would rather we do it like this rather than trade words like daggers. Alright?”
“I… Alright,” he agreed in uncertainty before stepping back from me cautiously. He watched me as if he were still waiting for me to laugh in his face. But I allowed him to see how serious I was until he finally turned toward the door and put a hand on the handle.
“Thank you,” he said finally and turned to look at me again from over his shoulder. “And I am… I’m sorry for what I said. I have known for a while now it was not true, but sometimes I just… I am sorry,” he repeated.
I was so shocked that I could not reply before he had turned and slipped out the door without another word.