Chapter Thirteen
Aspen
“Why aren’t you speaking to Banshee?” Haizley asked.
There was no hello, no good morning, how are you doing? As soon as the door closed on Gunner’s back, she struck. And she struck hard, hitting the bullseye without breaking a sweat.
“Because he’s an asshole.”
I slipped off the couch and moved to the counter that held the coffee maker. Dumping out the pot he made this morning, I knew I was being petty. The coffee was still perfectly fine. I just didn’t want it. Not from him.
“Aspen.”
My hands hit the counter, and my shoulders rose with the deep breath I inhaled. Could I tell her what happened three nights ago? Could I tell her I’d decided to run, but the ghost in the darkness stopped me?
Could I tell her that when he touched me, I felt guilty? That it had felt like cheating. Only not on my husband. I didn’t care about him. As far as he was concerned, the marriage was never real. He was no longer my husband. He never really was, other than in the eyes of the law.
The last few months had taken their toll. I went from never wanting to be touched by a man again, to desperate for one man to touch me. To claim me like he should have all those years ago.
“Someone was here,” I blurted out before I could stop myself.
“When?”
“The first night.” I spun around. “This is part of my session. You can’t tell Gunner. Or King.”
“Aspen, if someone found you—”
“I’m not in danger. Not from him. He told me to stay. But he’s the reason I’m unsettled.”
Haizley sat at the table and asked, “Will you tell me who he is?”
I shook my head. “I can’t.” I returned to the coffeemaker, replacing the filter and pouring in the grounds. Once I hit the button to start the process, I turned back around to face Haizley.
“He’s someone from my past.” At the look on her face, I quickly added, “A friend, nothing more, but...”
I didn’t know how to explain without giving him away. He’d begged me to stay quiet, and I trusted him. Maybe I was foolish.
“He made it clear the other night he’d like it to be more. Only I couldn’t. It felt wrong. And it’s all Banshee’s fault.”
Haizley rolled her lips between her teeth, trying not to laugh. I closed my eyes because I knew it was dumb. I knew it wasn’t really his fault, but it was. He’d made me care about him. I let my crush go a long time ago. The day he rejected me.
“How is it Banshee’s fault?” she asked, and I glowered at her.
“Are you going to make me spell it out?”
“I am.” She nodded, no longer hiding her amusement.
I turned back to the coffeemaker and switched it off while I poured two cups. After replacing the carafe, I switched it back on to finish percolating. I set the cup in front of her, ignoring her question. As I grabbed the milk and sugar, I thought about how to answer it.
Once Haizley asked a question, she wouldn’t move on until I answered. I didn’t know how to answer without telling her everything.
“Are you in love with him?”
I sat at the table and glanced at her. “Maybe.”
“For how long?”
“Since the day he stood up to my father. I tried to tell myself it was a crush. But every day of my marriage, every time my husband hit me, I thought about him. I knew he would never have treated me that way. Then I became angry with him. I’d told myself it was his fault.
I realized I was angry with him for the very reason I fell in love with him. ”
“Because he told your father no.”
I nodded, swiping a tear from my cheek. Haizley reached over and held my hand. “It’s okay to feel.”
“I don’t want to.”
She leaned back and picked up her cup. After taking a sip, she smiled. “We never want to.”
I knew she was talking about her and Gunner. Haizley had fought against Gunner and her feelings. Now she was his old lady, and she was so happy. Different from the girl who came to the hospital to check on me. More confident, if that was possible.
“He feels responsible. Like it was all his fault because he said no.”
“Did he tell you that?” she asked, and I nodded as I took a sip of my own coffee.
“He literally told me it was his fault. If he’d said yes to my father...” I closed my eyes before adding, “I’m an obligation to him. Nothing more.” Opening my eyes, I looked at Haizley and asked, “So why did it feel like cheating?”
“Because what we feel is based on what we feel. Not what someone else feels.” She chuckled at my confusion. “You love him, and whether he loves you or not, letting someone else touch you feels like betrayal.”
“I don’t feel that way about Pepper. When Banshee is close to me, Pepper is the last thing on my mind.”
“Because love and marriage don’t always go hand in hand. You can have one without the other.” She set her cup on the table. “Tell me something— why aren’t you speaking to him?”
“Because if I open my mouth, I’ll tell him who was here. And I made a promise.”
“Is that person more important to you than Banshee?”
“No.” I knew she was right. I just didn’t know if I could trust Banshee with this. Haizley didn’t understand club politics. He would be required to tell King.
“If this is causing you this much stress, maybe you should talk to Banshee. Explain why you can’t tell him who was here. He might understand.”
“Maybe.”
“I think we’re done for today unless there is anything else you want to discuss?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. My mind was still on whether I should tell Banshee the truth. I stood up from the table and rinsed the cups in the sink. I walked Haizley out to the porch, and that was when I heard him. His ridiculous self-righteous bullshit.
“The first time I saw her, she scared the shit out of me. I’d never felt anything even close to the shockwave that went through me. But she was so fucking young.
“Did she remind me of my sister? Yeah, she did. That’s why I said no. I couldn’t end her life the way my sister’s life ended. I wouldn’t tie her down to someone she wasn’t in love with. She had her whole fucking life ahead of her. She deserved to choose her own fate.”
“Then maybe you should have asked her what she fucking wanted.”
I spun around and stormed back into the cabin, slamming the door behind me. He was so damn arrogant. Diesel whined at my irritated state, and I fell onto the couch, letting him jump up beside me. He crawled onto my lap and nudged my hand. He knew just how to calm me down.
I didn’t know how long I sat there before the front door finally opened and Banshee entered, alone.
“You weren’t meant to hear that.”
“Shut up. I am so sick of everyone telling me what to do. My father, Zeus, my husband, Valhalla, King, you. No one ever asked me what I wanted.”
I stood up and went to walk down the hall. Banshee grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. “What do you want?” he asked. “Tell me what you want, baby girl, and I’ll make it happen. I’d give you the world if it would make you smile again.”
I closed my eyes against the words that pierced my heart. If he only knew what I wanted was him. It was all I’d ever wanted.
“Tell me what you want, Aspen.”
I looked up into his dark brown eyes. The longer he waited for my answer, the darker they became.
Desire swirled in his eyes, and I knew all I had to say was one word.
War was waging in my body. My brain told me to protect my heart, but my heart was too damn romantic.
And my pussy? Well, she was a greedy fucking bitch who was probably screaming louder than anyone.
So, I gave in. I gave my heart and my body what they wanted and told my brain to fuck off.
“You.”
I’d barely gotten the word out when he slammed his lips against mine. I melted into his arms as he lifted me from the floor and carried me to his bedroom.
He kicked the door closed, and I heard Diesel whine behind it.
“Go lie down,” Banshee growled at the door. He set me on the floor in front of him and reached for the hem of my shirt. He tore it off me before I could blink, then reached around and unclasped my bra.
The moment I was free, he groaned. “You’re so fucking perfect.” His hands cupped my breasts, lifting them, judging the weight before he bent down and took a nipple into his mouth.
I moaned loudly, unable to control the way my body reacted to this man. My hands ran through his hair, holding him to me. I arched into him, wanting to be closer. He pulled back and gave me a feral grin. With his hands on my waist, he lifted me from the floor and tossed me onto the bed.
He crawled over me and sat on his heels. His hands reached for my jeans, quickly unbuckling them and yanking them off with my panties in tow. He bit his lip when he got his first look at my naked body.
He leaned over me, pressing his lips to mine as he settled between my legs.
“You have too many clothes on, Banshee.”
“Elijah.”
“What?”
“Elijah. That’s the name I want you screaming when you come on my tongue.” He shimmied down my body, taking his time to lick and kiss every inch of my skin he could reach without flipping me over.
Stopping between my legs, he groaned long and low. He looked up at me, and when our eyes connected, he winked before dipping down and running his tongue along my lips.
My back arched, forcing my hips closer to his mouth. It wasn’t close enough. I wanted him to consume me. Devour me, make me his completely. I wanted him to claim me.
My heels dug into his back as he shoved his tongue inside me, tasting me, savoring me as though this was the only chance he had.
It wasn’t.
He could have me forever.
He sucked my clit, and I cried out in pleasure and pain.
His finger pressed in and curled up, rubbing the hidden spot that most men didn’t believe existed.
My hands pulled and tugged at his hair. I was caught between pushing him away because it was too much and tugging him closer because at the same time it wasn’t enough.
My brain kept screaming that he would break my heart.
That I was an obligation. Someone he felt responsible for.
Not someone he loved or cherished. My body didn’t care that this might be a onetime thing.
All it cared about was how it felt. My release was there, so close.
Almost at the peak as it climbed higher and higher.
“Elijah, please.”
He added a second finger and pumped in and out. “Please what, baby girl? What do you want?”
“I want to come! Please make me come.”
My breathing stuttered as his fingers sped up. His tongue lapped at my clit, circling the bud before licking roughly.
“Come for me, baby girl. Let me hear you scream.”
One more suck on my clit as his fingers rammed inside me and my orgasm hit.
I screamed out his name, arching off the bed.
My body locked up tense in a moment that felt as though it would never end, before finally releasing me from its hold.
I crashed back onto the mattress, Banshee at my side, where he whispered, “Fucking beautiful.”