Chapter Thirty-Seven
Aspen
I woke up with Banshee’s arm spread over my hips. Listening to the sound of his heavy breathing, I maneuvered myself out from under him. Turning back to the bed, I waited again to be sure he wouldn’t wake up.
I slipped into the bathroom and, as quietly as I could, showered and got dressed. It was earlier than I usually rose in the morning, but the events of the previous day had been exhausting, both mentally and physically.
I told Diesel to stay and watch over Banshee as I made my way into the hall and quietly closed the door behind me. I stopped to listen with my ear against the door before I walked downstairs into the main room.
The injuries he’d sustained meant he needed as much rest as he could get. If I thought I could convince him to stay in bed all day, I would. But I knew if we stayed in bed, neither of us would get any rest.
I smiled as I thought about last night. It had been the perfect ending to a day that was filled with fear and anguish. When I fell asleep in Banshee’s arms, all I’d felt was love.
I entered the main room and saw my brother’s men littered around the space. King had offered the spare rooms we had to my parents and my brother and uncle.
“Morning, Sugar.”
I turned my head at the sound of my father’s voice. Never again would I call him Daddy. A shudder ran through me at the thought. I sat on the stool next to him, and Joey placed a hot cup of coffee in front of me.
“Thanks, Joey. How’s Maisy doing?”
He smiled big at the mention of his little sister. “She’s doing great. The couple she’s living with wants to adopt her, and they let me see her anytime I want.”
“That’s wonderful.”
Joey moved away to the other end of the bar, leaving my father and me alone, and he asked, “Who’s Maisy?”
“His baby sister. Joey’s mother is an addict, and King told him if he prospected for the club, he’d help him take care of Maisy.”
“And helping is giving her away to strangers?”
I set my cup down and looked at my father.
“King persuaded Joey’s mother to sign over her rights to Maisy.
Joey is too young to raise her himself. He decided, along with one of the old ladies, who is a child psychologist, to let a couple King knew in town, who weren’t able to have children of their own, take her in.
This way, Joey still gets to be in his sister’s life. ”
I left out any snide comments I wanted to say about him not selling her off to the highest bidder. I really didn’t want to argue with my father this early in the morning.
“Will you take a walk with me, Sugar?”
I closed my eyes as I took another sip before setting the cup down. I nodded, and we both stood, leaving our cups on the bar. It had taken some time to get used to having prospects around again when I moved into the clubhouse. I’d been doing everything myself for so long.
When we stepped outside, my father took my hand and tucked it into his elbow. I was reminded of how many times he used to do the same thing when I was growing up.
He always seemed to know when I needed to talk. Maybe that was why I was having trouble forgiving him. What he’d done didn’t make sense. He’d always been there for me. The father that gave me away wasn’t the man I’d grown up with.
“I’m so sorry, Sugar,” he began. “There is nothing I can do to make it up to you. But I’d like to try. I missed you so fucking much. Not a day went by that I didn’t worry about whether you were safe, and where you were. I want you to come home.”
I stopped moving and pulled my hand from his arm. He looked my way, waiting for my answer. Though what he said wasn’t a question; it was more of a command. An order he thought he had the right to issue.
“No,” I said, shaking my head.
“Irene,” he groaned as he rubbed his hand over his beard.
“My name is Aspen,” I growled.
He opened his mouth, and I held up my hand. “You know what, forget it. I don’t know why I ever thought you would understand. You never wanted me to begin with.”
I spun around, ready to walk back to the clubhouse, and my father grabbed my arm, turning me back to face him.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I know you wanted Mom to have an abortion,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Who the fuck told you that?”
“It doesn’t matter who. Are you saying it’s not true?”
He looked away, shame spreading across his features. I didn’t need him to answer me. His expression said everything I needed to know.
“Exactly,” I muttered and once again turned back to the clubhouse.
This time, my father moved around me, blocking my path. He placed his hands on my biceps, holding me in place.
“Yes, I asked your mother to get an abortion. After Zeus and Diana were born, the doctor told us your mother shouldn’t have any more children. It was too dangerous. And when she told me she was pregnant, I was fucking terrified of losing her.
“So you were willing to sacrifice me,” I said, once again shrugging off his hold and crossing my arms over my chest. My heart needed protecting. My father was standing in front of me, telling me he would have let me die.
“Yes, I was, and I won’t fucking apologize for that.
You wouldn’t have survived without her, and neither would I.
Your mother is my whole fucking world. A world I can’t live in without her.
I will always choose her life over everyone else.
That includes the three of you.” He pointed his finger at me to emphasize his point.
A tear slipped down my cheek, and I angrily swiped it away. He didn’t deserve my anguish. He didn’t deserve me.
“Don’t get it twisted, Sugar. That didn’t mean I didn’t fucking want you. And the longer your mother was pregnant, the more I fell in love with you. The day you were born was one of the happiest days of my life. I wasn’t there when your brother and sister were born; they came too fucking early.”
He pulled me against his chest, and I wrapped my arms around his waist as I cried against him.
“Watching your mother in pain was the hardest thing I’ve ever fucking done. But when the doctor pulled you out and placed you on her chest... never have I fallen in love so fucking fast. Not even when I met your mother.”
I pulled back and looked up at him. “Then why did you do it? Why did you give me away?”
“There is not a single excuse to justify what I did. I thought I could let you go long enough to get the information on your sister, and then I would bring you home. It was the wrong decision to make, and I’ve hated myself for it.”
I looked into my father’s eyes and saw the pain and anguish.
“Can you ever forgive me, Aspen?”
My heart softened when I heard him say my name. “I want to. But it is going to take time,” I told him honestly. Because I did want to forgive him. I just didn’t know how. Haizley was helping me though.
“I’ve got plenty of that,” he said.
“Maybe you could talk to Haizley with me. Maybe she can help us work through it?”
“The shrink?” he asked, scrunching his nose.
When I nodded, he let out an overdramatic sigh and said, “If that’s what it takes.”
We were one step closer. The big, bad Kronos was willing to go to therapy with me to heal my hurt, and I wasn’t sure he would ever understand just how much that meant to me.
“But I’m not coming home. This is my home now. With Banshee.”
“For fuck’s sake,” he mumbled, and I laughed.
I heard Diesel barking, and I looked up to see him running toward us. His teeth were bared, and I quickly stepped in front of my father.
“Easy, boy!”
I crouched down on the ground and let him plow into me. I fell back against my father’s legs and smiled as Diesel looked up and snarled at him again.
“It’s okay, boy. Mama’s fine.” I nuzzled into his neck until he calmed down and when I looked up again, Banshee was walking toward us. “Did you do this?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at him.
He shrugged. “I told him to find Mama.”
“Where did you get that thing?” my father asked.
Banshee held out his hand to help me up and scowled at my father for not doing it himself. In his defense, he was probably afraid to move with the way Diesel was acting.
“Banshee got him for me right after I moved in here. Diesel helped a lot in overcoming my fears after what happened at the bar.”
My father closed his eyes. I could see he had a lot to forgive himself for. Haizley would be able to help with that. Once my parents went home, I would encourage him to continue talking to her online, or even on the phone.
Therapy had helped me so much, not just in dealing with the rape, but everything. My feelings for Diana and her disappearance. How I felt about my family and the restrictions they put on my life after Diana disappeared.
I hadn’t realized I’d held so much resentment toward my big sister and my brother and parents. Haizley helped me work through it, and I was looking forward to building a relationship with my sister.
I was positive she would be staying in Diamond Creek, seeing as her children were here. Mimic and Kytten were both heavily ensconced in the club.
“King wants us in church,” Banshee said, pulling me out of my head.
“You should go. I’ll help Tiffany and Brandy with breakfast,” I said.
“Cash called over to the diner. Joellen is putting together an order for the prospects to pick up,” Banshee said, his eyes dark. I knew he was thinking about Hash. “King wants you there, too.”
“Okay.”
We stepped back into the clubhouse, and men were milling about. My mother and sister were on the couch, both holding a baby. I assumed they were Sam’s twins until I saw Mimic and Romeo on opposite sides of the room, each with a baby in their arms.
I searched the room, and Beck, Sam, and Ellie were all seated at a table talking and laughing, their arms empty. We had four new babies in the clubhouse. Four babies that could have been seriously hurt in the attack. Not to mention Charlie, Chrissy, and Tabby.
I looked up at my father. “How did you do it?”
“Do what, Sugar?”
“Keep the children safe in the clubhouse?”
My father got a look in his eye that I didn’t recognize. “It wasn’t easy. And it didn’t always work. But we worked together and made the old ladies and the kids the priority. And when one of them was hurt... we hurt the bastards responsible, ten times worse.”
We lost five people in the attack, but Skinner lost dozens. None of his men made it out alive. Here or at the bar, according to what Banshee told me. His arms slid around my waist and he whispered, “What are you thinking so hard about, baby girl?”
I covered his arms with mine and leaned back into him. “Just thinking about how thankful I am that the attack wasn’t worse than it was. We could have lost so many more. And now, we will hurt them ten times worse.”
“Fuck yeah, we will.” Banshee pulled away and took my hand. “Come on, let’s go to church.”