Chapter 17
CHAPTER
SEVENTEEN
HAEDEN
Much later, I have walked through the maze three times with Joha and Shae (who are no longer scared once we have gone through it once). Shae begins to yawn and I send the girls back with Sam and Sessah. "I should check on my son," I tell them, even as Joden shrieks loudly from somewhere deep inside the maze. He has been howling and screaming all night like a wounded metlak, and while that is rather normal for my son, I still wish to check and make sure he does not need anything.
I find Joden in the very center of the maze, where Warrek sat earlier and passed out brightly colored fishing bobbers to the kits that made it to him. He has gone now, but the older boys are still playing. As I watch, Joden shouts and pushes off one of the sturdy ice walls, flinging himself toward Holvek and Pacy and knocking them over. They all scream and laugh, rolling on the snowy ground and being, well, boys.
The moment they see me, however, they all freeze.
"Hi, Dad," Joden says after a moment. He gets to his feet and brushes snow off his clothing. "Were we loud? Sorry."
I am immediately skeptical. Joden is always loud, but the guilty look on his face is new. "It is fine."
"I should head home anyhow," Joden says, and waves at his friends. He meekly comes to my side and walks obediently next to me instead of his regular pacing and chattering. This is very much not like my son at all. Perhaps he is tired? But no, even a tired Joden is a talkative one.
This is as if a candle has been snuffed. He walks, matching his steps to mine, his expression bland.
Something is wrong.
I say nothing as we leave the maze, waiting to see if Joden will speak up. When we get to the lift that will take us back down to the village and he remains silent, I decide to speak first. "Did you enjoy this day?"
"Yes."
No mindless chatter of every detail of his day. No giddy, delighted excitement. Surely this hawl-day will draw more than a simple “yes” from my normally effusive son? I am even more concerned. "You have been too quiet lately."
Joden looks up at me in surprise. "Was I too quiet in the maze? Just now?"
"No," I admit. "You were loud. When you were with your friends, you acted like yourself, which is a good thing. That is what concerns me. Why are you quiet now that you are at my side?"
His mouth purses and he crosses his arms over his chest. "They're my friends. They don't mind if I'm loud."
"And you think I mind?"
"Well...no."
"Then who is it that you think you bother when you are loud?" If someone has told my son to be silent, I will have fierce words with them.
He thinks for a moment longer, and then Joden glances up at me. "Vekka."
I am surprised. Shorshie and Vektal's younger daughter is a sweet creature. "Vekka? What did she say?"
"Nothing." Joden scuffs his boot on the icy ground. He stabs his toe against it, and then as if a dam bursts, looks up at me and blurts, "But I'm s'posed to resonate to her, right? Her or her sister, but Talie's no fun so it's gonna be Vekka and I was talking to her the other day and then one of the elders said I was so loud I wouldn't even be able to hear myself think and if I can't hear myself think then I can't hear resonance and everyone is s'posed to resonate so I'm practicing being quiet so when I resonate I can hear it all right because I don't want to miss out on my mate?—"
I put a hand on his shoulder, kneeling in front of him as he abruptly cuts off. "Joden."
"Yeah?"
"You are far too young for resonance, my son."
"Sessah resonated young though, right? An' I figured maybe if I already knew that I was gonna resonate, it might happen earlier for me, too, and so I thought I'd better start practicing now so I can be ready to hear it when?—"
I put my hand up. "You worry over the future that is many turns of the seasons away, my son. If you resonate early, so be it, but you have time yet." I try not to laugh at the thought of my small son—barely more than two hands of age—preparing for resonance. "And you worry too much about hearing things. When resonance happens, you will not be able to ignore it."
Joden scoffs. "You and Mama did."
"You think we were ignoring it? No, my son. It would be like ignoring your arm or your leg. You are always aware it is there, always aware of the situation. Just because we did not act right away, it does not mean we ignored it." I lean in close and drop my voice. "And if I am being honest, it was the most miserable time of my life."
A tiny smile curves Joden's mouth, followed by another gusty sigh. "I just don't want to MISS it, Papa."
I squeeze his shoulder. "You will not. Trust me. And do not listen to the elders. If you are happy when you are loud, then be as loud as you like in the village, my son. Just...not on the hunting trails."
Joden giggles and then flings his arms around my waist. "Thank you, Papa."
My heart overflows, and I hug my son back. I ruffle his mane, soft and silky like Jo-see's. "Of course. You know you can always talk to me if you are troubled. I will speak the truth to you."
"I know." Joden pulls back and then his eyes flash with excitement. "Do you know how many times I went through the maze today, Papa? At least TEN times, but the last two, I went blindfolded because Pacy said I couldn't do it, and I said I could, and he said 'Prove it' so I put on a blindfold and I showed him. And then Warrek said that the maze would probably be up for a while because the ice got all hard and crisp and so we can play in it tomorrow and me and Holvek decided that if we can spin around in circles before we go inside and cover our eyes with a blindfold it'll be just like a brand new maze and?—"
I step onto the lift to bring us home and remind myself that this is what I wanted. My chattering, exuberant son, being himself. He talks the entire way back to the hut, and by the time I tuck him in for bed and his mother kisses him goodnight, he's still talking.
He will probably talk all through his sleep, too, and keep us all awake. But...I am glad.