Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
He’d left her. He’d stared, uncomfortable and silent, then turned around and walked out the door. She’d laid herself bare before him, and he’d run for the hills. Well, the park office—but he flew out of the cabin as if his sneakers had wings.
The closed door looked like a gaping mouth. She wished it would swallow her whole. Maybe that would ease the tightness in her ribs.
She turned the burner off on the chili she’d been reheating and collapsed into one of the kitchen chairs.
Her legs were like overcooked spaghetti, and her head was spinning.
The chair was firm and solid. Firm and solid was what she needed.
Firm and solid was what she was supposed to be.
She was stronger than this. Rejection shouldn’t make her feel like she’d come down with an instant case of the flu.
She glanced back at the door, then looked away. She was acting like a dog eager for their owner to return. Thor plopped his head on her knee as if to emphasize her behavior. She was pathetic. What had she been thinking, taking her wig off like that?
It was too much too soon.
Aleksei had tried to slow things down between them at the lake.
He’d said he didn’t want to have the responsibility of another person in his life.
That he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
But she had pushed anyway and then taken the fact that he’d had sex with her as a symbol of some deep emotional connection.
She’d obviously misinterpreted his feelings.
He’d told her straight up that he didn’t want a commitment, and instead of listening to him, she’d let her heart read his compliments, kindness, and concern as a level of affection that simply didn’t exist. He wanted a casual relationship, and she’d gotten swept up in him like a middle schooler with her first crush.
Her neck and cheeks burned. She’d acted like a fool.
What was even more ridiculous was that she’d been so goddamn proud of herself.
She thought she was being so brave greeting him au natural, putting her bald head on display while she serenely cooked at the stove.
She’d wanted him to know her. Truly know her.
She didn’t want the wig to create awkwardness between them, in bed or out.
She’d wanted to be her true self in front of him. Open. Real. Bare.
Well, she’d certainly accomplished that.
Sitting with Thor in the too-quiet and now too-warm cabin, she couldn’t ignore the truth.
Her quest for independence had been a facade.
At the first hint of a chance at a relationship, she’d thrown her whole self in and completely ignored the deep, unspoken intimacy that standing bald in front of Aleksei would create.
The gesture screamed of her desire for a deep connection.
It screamed of expectation, and Aleksei had been clear that he didn’t want any of those things.
The urge to turn back time and make a different choice—the choice to keep her wig on—was so strong, she could almost feel the silky strands of hair on her fingers.
But there would be no turning back time. No amount of wishing something were different would change it. She’d learned that a long time ago.
She rubbed Thor’s ears and then stood, shaking her head to clear it while imagining strength flowing into her legs.
She might have been a needy fool, but at least she’d been true to her motto of living life to the fullest. She’d swung for the fences and struck out.
She wasn’t going to allow herself to feel any shame in that.
She’d get the chili on the table so Aleksei could have some dinner before he headed back to DC.
She’d vacation for the next few days solo and make the most of it.
She would take care of herself. That was what this trip was supposed to have been about in the first place.
The front door flew open with a loud thud. A gust of chilly, pine-scented air rushed into the kitchen. Thor barked in surprise, but Aleksei ignored him, rushing into the kitchen with Jaka at his side. “Where’s your phone?”
She glanced up from where she’d been setting the table and pointed calmly to the counter. She would not let him see that his abandonment had shaken her.
“It’s right there, but I don’t have service. You can normally get service up by the park office. Didn’t you try when you were up there?”
He pushed the door closed and crossed the room to the counter, his long strides making quick work of the short distance.
His face was like marble. Stern and rigid.
Instead of playing, both dogs sat, alert, sensing the tension emanating from him.
He palmed her phone, squeezing the side buttons with his thumb and forefinger.
“What are you doing?” she demanded.
“I turned it off. We’ll throw it in the dumpster on our way out. You need to pack. Now. We need to be out of here in five minutes.”
What the hell?
She wasn’t going to pack up and leave just because Aleksei said so. She’d bared her true self to this man, and he’d walked out the door. Then stormed back in, ordering her around, expecting her to leave her vacation with no explanation.
Not happening.
“You can’t be serious.”
“Unfortunately, I am,” he said as he took the silverware she was holding out of her hands and set it on the table with a clink.
Those long, lean fingers that seemed to instinctively know exactly how she liked to be touched closed around her shoulders.
She met his gaze, taking in the grim line of his mouth before reaching two orbs of flat slate.
There was no mirth or flirtatious twinkle in his eyes.
Her sexy, fun hiking companion was gone, replaced by a soldier.
He was serious.
Her pulse raced. Her heart fluttered in her chest. Icy fingers of doubt dug into her rib cage. The shift in Aleksei’s personality, the iron demands—they didn’t make sense.
Had she made a terrible mistake trusting this man?
She didn’t want to be wrong about him. She didn’t want to believe her instincts could be so horribly off, but going with him felt like one of those decisions teenagers make in horror films that the entire audience knows is going to end in disaster.
She stepped out of his grasp, backed away, and dashed into her bedroom.
She needed a minute to think. She stopped short, staring at her long blonde wig on the dresser.
Removing her wig had been a leap of faith, and she’d fallen flat on her face.
The decision about what to do next was going to be made with her head, not her heart.
To face Aleksei on equal footing, she needed her armor.
She settled her wig cap on her head and grabbed the wig from its stand. The one she’d worn in the lake was still wet, but this one was dry, the strands soft and smooth on her fingers.
“Are you packing?”
Aleksei’s voice startled her.
She whirled toward the doorway. “Why are you acting like this? Why do we need to leave? Why?”
That last word held all the other questions she didn’t know enough to ask. Questions Aleksei better damn well answer if he truly expected her to leave Ricketts Glen when he was acting like a paranoid maniac and her vacation had barely started.
“You’re in danger. Someone’s after you. I promise I’ll tell you everything once we get on the road, but we need to get out of here. Now.”
This wasn’t real. No one was after her. She was just a normal person. There was no reason for her to be in danger. What if Aleksei was lying? What if he wasn’t the person she thought he was? She’d seen his FBI consultant ID, but credentials could be faked.
Sage had begged her to let Ryker’s PI run a background check on him, but like an idiot, she’d refused. It didn’t feel right. From the first moment she met Aleksei, there had been an instant connection, as if their souls recognized each other. Running a background check felt crude, almost offensive.
“Do you realize how crazy this sounds?”
“I know. I’m sorry, but you have to believe me. You are in danger, and we need to get away from here as soon as we can. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you.”
His voice was softer now, less demanding and more pleading. His tone pulled at her, making her want to trust him, to do as he asked. His body was rigid. His eyes were dark. He looked grim and haunted. Her fingers ached to stroke the stress from his expression.
Damn her soft heart. All it had gotten her so far was reeling rejection.
Head not heart. Head not heart. Head not heart.
“I don’t know what to believe. I don’t even know whether to believe you’re with the FBI.”
Hurt tracked across his marble features and then disappeared. “What happened? What did I do to make you think I’d lie to you?”
If he didn’t recognize his rejection and understand the impact it might have on her, he really wasn’t the man she thought he was.
Before she could answer, his words cracked through the silence like thunder.
“Scratch that. I know what I did. I know we need to talk, but right now, we don’t have time.
Once you get your things together, I need you to get in your car and follow me to the park office.
We can use your phone for one quick call to my former boss before we ditch it. He can verify my identity for you.”
“How can I trust him? He could be some random person playing a part. You go. I’ll stay and take my chances.”
The words felt like dirt in her mouth, gritty and foul-tasting. She believed Aleksei thought they were in danger, but she was still stinging from his rejection, and the wounded animal within her was striking back.