Chapter 19 #3
He kissed across my chest to the other breast, murmuring words of apology and need in a voice broken by regret and misery. His tongue lapped at the hardened point, worrying it, before surrounding it with wet heat and suction.
“Gideon.” The delicate pulls expertly coaxed desire through my skittish mind. My body was already lost in him, greedily seeking the pleasure and beauty of his.
“Don’t be afraid of me,” he whispered. “Don’t pull away.”
He kissed my navel and then moved lower, his hair caressing my stomach as he settled between my legs. He held me open with shaking hands and nuzzled my clit. His light, teasing licks through my cleft and the fluttering dips into my trembling sex took me to the edge of insanity.
My back bowed. Hoarse pleas left my lips. Tension spread through my body, tightening everything until I felt like I might snap under the pressure. And then he pushed me into orgasm with the softest nudge of the tip of his tongue.
I cried out, heated relief pulsing through my writhing body.
“I can’t let you go, Eva.” Gideon levered over me as I vibrated with pleasure. “I can’t.”
Brushing away the tear tracks from his face, I stared into his reddened eyes. His torment was painful for me to witness, hurting my heart. “I wouldn’t let you if you tried.”
He took himself in hand and fed his cock slowly, carefully into me. My head pressed hard into the floor as he sank deeper, possessing my body one thick inch at a time.
When I’d taken all of him, he began to move in measured, deliberate thrusts. I closed my eyes and focused on the connection between us. Then he settled onto me, his stomach pressed to mine, and my pulse leaped with panic. Abruptly frightened, I hesitated.
“Look at me, Eva.” His voice was so hoarse it was unrecognizable.
I did, and saw his anguish.
“Make love to me,” he begged in a breathless whisper. “Make love with me. Touch me, angel. Put your hands on me.”
“Yes.” My palms pressed flat to his back, then stroked over the quivering muscles to his ass. Squeezing the hard, flexing flesh, I urged him to move faster, plunge deeper.
The rhythmic strokes of his heavy cock through the clenching depths of my sex pushed ecstasy through me in heated waves. He felt so good. My legs wrapped around his plunging hips, my breath quickening as the cold knot inside me began to melt. Our gazes held.
Tears coursed down my temples. “I love you, Gideon.”
“Please . . .” His eyes squeezed shut.
“I love you.”
He lured me to orgasm with the skilled rolling of his hips, stirring his cock inside me. My sex clenched tightly, trying to hold him, trying to keep him deep in me.
“Come, Eva,” he gasped against my throat.
I struggled for it, struggled to get past the lingering apprehension that came from having him on top of me. The anxiety mingled with the desire, keeping me on edge.
He made a hoarse sound filled with pain and regret. “Need you to come, Eva . . . need to feel you . . . Please . . .”
Cupping my buttocks, he angled my hips and stroked over and over that sensitive spot inside me.
He was tireless, relentless, fucking me long and hard until my mind lost control of my body and I came violently.
I bit his shoulder to stem my cries as I shook beneath him, the tiny muscles inside me trembling with ecstatic ripples.
He groaned deep in his chest, a serrated sound of tormented pleasure.
“More,” he ordered, deepening his drives to give me that delectable bite of soreness. That he once again trusted us both enough to introduce that little touch of pain chased away the last of my reservations. As much as we trusted each other, we were learning to trust our instincts, too.
I came again, ferociously, my toes curling until they cramped. I felt the familiar tension grip Gideon and tightened my grasp on his hips, spurring him on, desperate to feel him spurting inside me.
“No!” He wrenched away, falling to his back and throwing an arm over his eyes. Punishing himself by denying his body the comfort and pleasure of mine.
His chest heaved and glistened with sweat. His cock lay heavily on his belly, brutal-looking with its broad purpled head and thick roping of veins.
I dove for it with hands and mouth, ignoring his vicious curse. Pinning his torso with my forearm, I pumped him hard with my other fist and sucked voraciously on the sensitive crown. His thighs quivered, his legs kicking restlessly.
“Damn it, Eva. Fuck.” He stiffened and gasped, his hands shoving into my hair, his hips bucking. “Oh, fuck. Suck it hard . . . Ah, Christ . . .”
He exploded in a powerful rush that almost choked me, coming hard, flooding my mouth. I took it all, my fist milking pulse after pulse up the throbbing length of his cock, swallowing repeatedly until he shuddered with the surfeit of sensation and begged me to stop.
I straightened and Gideon sat up and wrapped himself around me. He took me back down to the floor, where he buried his face in my throat and cried until dawn.
I wore a black, long-sleeved silk blouse and slacks to work on Tuesday, feeling the need to have a barrier between myself and the world. In the kitchen, Gideon cupped my face in his hands and brushed his mouth across mine with heartrending tenderness. His gaze remained haunted.
“Lunch?” I asked, feeling like we needed to cling to the connection between us.
“I have a business lunch.” He ran his fingers through my loose hair. “Would you come? I’ll make sure Angus gets you back to work on time.”
“I’d love to come along.” I thought of the schedule of evening events, meetings, and appointments he’d sent to my smartphone. “And tomorrow night we have a benefit dinner at the Waldorf-Astoria?”
His gaze softened. Dressed for work, he looked somber yet collected. I knew he was anything but.
“You really won’t give up on me, will you?” he asked quietly.
I held up my right hand and showed him my ring. “You’re stuck with me, Cross. Get used to it.”
On the drive to work, he cuddled me in his lap, and again on the ride to lunch at Jean Georges. I didn’t speak more than a dozen words during the meal, which Gideon ordered for me and I enjoyed immensely.
I sat quietly at his side, my left hand resting on his hard thigh beneath the tablecloth, a wordless affirmation of my commitment to him.
To us. One of his hands rested over mine, warm and strong, as he discussed a new property in development on St. Croix.
We kept that connection throughout the entire meal, each of us choosing to eat one-handed rather than separate.
With each hour that passed, I felt the horror of the night before drain away from both of us. It would be another scar to add to his collection, another bitter memory he’d always have, a memory I would share and fear along with him, but it wouldn’t rule us. We wouldn’t let it.
ANGUS was waiting to take me home when my day ended.
Gideon was working late and then going directly from the Crossfire to Dr. Petersen’s office.
I used the length of the drive to steel myself for the next round of training with Parker.
I debated skipping it but ended up deciding it was important to keep to a routine.
So much in my life was uncontrollable at the moment.
Following a schedule was one of the few things totally within my power.
After an hour and a half of tagging and groundwork with Parker at the studio, I was relieved when Clancy dropped me off at home and proud of myself for working out when it was the last thing I’d wanted to do.
When I stepped into the lobby, I found Trey talking to the front desk.
“Hey,” I greeted him. “Going up?”
He turned to face me, his hazel eyes warm and his smile open. Trey had a gentleness to him, a kind of straightforward na?veté that was different from the other relationships Cary’d had before. Or maybe I should just say Trey was “normal,” which so few of the people in my and Cary’s lives were.
“Cary’s not in,” he said. “They just tried calling.”
“You’re welcome to come up with me and wait. I won’t be going out again.”
“If you really don’t mind.” He fell into step beside me as I waved at the gal at the front desk and moved toward the elevators. “I brought something for him.”
“I don’t mind at all,” I assured him, returning his sweet smile.
He eyed my yoga pants and tank top. “You just get back from the gym?”
“Yeah. Despite it being one of those days when I’d rather have done anything else.”
He laughed as we stepped into the elevator. “I know that feeling.”
As we rode up, silence descended. It was weighted.
“Everything all right?” I asked him.
“Well . . .” Trey adjusted the sling of his backpack. “Cary’s just seemed a little off the last few days.”
“Oh?” I bit my lower lip. “In what way?”
“I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. I just feel like maybe something’s up with him and I’m missing what it is.”
I thought of the blonde and winced inwardly. “Maybe he’s stressed about the Grey Isles job and he doesn’t want to bother you with it. He knows you’ve got your hands full with your job and school.”
The tension in his shoulders softened. “Maybe that’s it. It makes sense. Okay. Thank you.”
I let us in to the apartment and told him to make himself at home. Trey headed to Cary’s room to drop his stuff, while I went to the phone to check the voice mail.
A shout from down the hallway had me reaching for the phone for a different reason, my heart thudding with thoughts of intruders and imminent danger. More yelling followed, with one voice clearly belonging to Cary.
I exhaled in a rush, relieved. With the phone in my hand, I ventured to see what the hell was going on. I was nearly run over by Tatiana rounding the hallway corner, still buttoning her blouse.
“Oops,” she said, with an unapologetic grin. “See ya.”
I couldn’t hear the door shut behind her over Trey’s shouting.
“Fuck you, Cary. We talked about this! You promised!”
“You’re blowing this out of proportion,” Cary barked. “It’s not what you think.”
Trey came storming out of Cary’s bedroom in such a rush that I plastered myself to the hallway wall to get out of his way. Cary followed, with a sheet slung around his waist. As he passed me, I shot him a narrow-eyed glance that earned me a fuck-off middle finger.
I left the two men alone and escaped into my shower, angry at Cary for once again ruining something good in his life. It was a pattern I kept hoping he’d break, but he couldn’t seem to kick it.
When I came out to the kitchen a half hour later, the stillness in the apartment was absolute. I focused on cooking dinner, deciding to go with a pork roast and new potatoes with asparagus, one of Cary’s favorite dinners, in case he was home for dinner and needed some cheering up.
The sight of Trey stepping into the hallway while I was putting the roast in the oven surprised me, and then it made me sad.
I hated to see him leave looking flushed, disheveled, and crying.
My pity turned to fierce disappointment when Cary joined me in the kitchen with the scent of male sweat and sex clinging to him.
He shot me a scowl as he passed me on his way to the wine fridge.
I faced him with my arms crossed. “Screwing a heartbroken lover on the same sheets he’s just caught you cheating on isn’t going to make things better.”
“Shut up, Eva.”
“He’s probably hating himself right now for giving in.”
“I said shut the fuck up.”
“Fine.” I turned away from him and focused on seasoning the potatoes to put in the oven with the roast.
Cary grabbed wineglasses out of the cupboard. “I can feel you judging me. Stop it. He wouldn’t be half as pissed if it’d been a man he caught me fucking.”
“It’s all his fault, huh?”
“Newsflash: Your love life isn’t perfect either.”
“Low blow, Cary. I’m not going to be your punching bag over this. You messed up, and then you made it worse. It’s all on you.”
“Don’t get on your damn high horse. You’re sleeping with a man who’s going to rape you any day now.”
“It’s not like that!”
He snorted and leaned his hip against the counter, his green eyes filled with pain and anger. “If you’re going to make excuses for him because he’s sleeping when he attacks you, you’ll have to make those same excuses for drunks and druggies. They don’t know what they’re doing either.”
The truth of his words struck me hard, as did the fact that he was deliberately trying to wound me. “You can put down a bottle. You can’t quit sleeping.”
Straightening, Cary opened the bottle he’d selected and poured two glasses, sliding one across the counter toward me.
“If anyone knows what it’s like to be involved with people who hurt you, it’s me.
You love him. You want to save him. But who’s going to save you, Eva?
I’m not always going to be around when you’re with him, and he’s a ticking time bomb. ”
“You wanna talk about being in relationships that hurt, Cary?” I shot back, deflecting him away from my painful truths. “Did you screw Trey over to protect yourself? Did you figure you’d push him away before he had the chance to disappoint you?”
Cary’s mouth curved bitterly. He tapped his glass to mine, which still sat on the counter. “Cheers to us, the seriously fucked up. At least we have each other.”
He stalked out of the room and I deflated. I’d known this was coming—the unraveling of circumstances too good to be true. Contentment and happiness didn’t exist in my life for more than a few moments at a time, and they were really only illusionary.
There was always something hidden. Lying in wait to spring up and ruin everything.