1. Griffin #2
Shame…I think that’s what I can call this feeling plaguing me.
Suffocating me. Making me feel like I don't deserve to come out.
Shame for so many things. For hating my hometown, for leaving without ever looking back but crawling back to it like a wounded animal when I had nowhere else to go.
For despising my parents when they expressed their opinion about my choices.
For shutting them out afterward.
For that mission…damn that fucking mission.
But I need to keep moving. That’s what I promised Caleb. That’s what we all promised to each other before every mission. That no matter what, we’d keep living and we’d have to live the life one or—God forbid—more of us no longer couldn’t.
Only if it wasn’t so damn hard to do. Only if I wasn’t so lost. So uncertain of the next step.
Quietly, I keep walking without looking up, just putting one foot in front of the other across the pebbled walkways, however I know exactly where they are taking me. To our hill.
Loverly Cave is made up of the vast, cold, and angry ocean on one side, and tall, imposing green top mountains on the other.
It’s in those mountains Callum and I always found solace.
For Luke it was the ocean, he and his whole family loved surfing, and we’d indulge him seeing as he’d always come out hiking with us.
Groaning and moaning the entire way but he did it anyway.
I wonder if that grumpy fucker has changed at all in these years. Does he have a family? Did he let down his walls low enough after his teenage breakup to let someone else in?
I have a feeling that isn’t the case, and as we already know my feelings are usually right…
Within minutes I’m standing at one of the hills that has the perfect vantage point to see the whole of Loverly Cave.
At the very edge—or the beginning as some liked to say—stands the Loverly Cave itself.
It’s arch-like and huge, towering over the whole left side of the beach.
The locals believe it’s magical and if you tie the knot underneath it your union will be blessed by the universe or tiny cave creatures or whatever else they believe in.
My friends in school always said it was a load of crap, and I agreed. I’ve always agreed with them, but…is it? Nevertheless, it doesn’t matter what it can or can’t do. Not to me, anyway.
From there, the whole town sprawls out and kept going, stretching across the cold beach.
It wasn’t big—only around three thousand people lived here—but they are a loud and ruckus bunch, making it seem like every crack is brimming with life. They like to live a colorful life, and the streets of my hometown are a clear example.
Every curved street, nook, and cranny is lined with colorful buildings.
From yellow to pink, green, orange, and all the shades in between, none are plain white or beige.
That would be considered blasphemy over here.
Not that I can see them very well in the dead of the night, but in a few hours or so this crazy world will wake up.
I sit down, my hands propped on my knees as I stare out into the never-ending stretch of the ocean, the stars and the moon shining brightly onto the dark waters, and not for the first time I wonder just what am I supposed to do with my life now.
How do I fit into this world when there’s not a single colorful streak left inside me…?
I was so eager to leave here at eighteen. Angry at the world, at myself, and everyone around me. Angry that nothing made sense, and I needed it to finally make sense.
Air Force gave me some purpose. It helped to center my thoughts, but now I am out and lost once again.
Was coming back here a mistake? Maybe I should’ve gone to New York to see Luke. Maybe that would’ve been better.
But even as I considered that option, I knew it was never an actual option because my heart stayed in Loverly Cave, and even sixteen years away from here couldn’t tear it away.
Slowly, the world starts waking up, casting the sky in that beautiful shade of orange and pink, blended so perfectly, I have to suck in another sharp breath at the sight.
I haven’t watched the sunrise for a long time. Just as I haven’t watched the fire burning or the birds taking off into the sky.
Damn , it’s so similar…so beautiful and similar and now I can’t take my eyes off it. I watch it, mesmerized, until the orange coloring fades, giving way to blue, cloudy skies.
It fades. The orange always fades from my life.
But the bright sunlight has finally woken up the city down below.
Loverly Cave was built on an incline so when you are up a few streets above sea level, the scenery is absolutely breathtaking.
How had I taken this for granted all those years? How had I managed to warp my mind about it and decide I was better off somewhere else?
Now, as my eyes take in the vast, blue ocean littered with small figures of surfers, those imposing green mountains covered in light fog, and small, quaint streets of my hometown, I know I’ll never leave again.
I close my eyes, inhaling a lungful of the salty air and as it fills every pore of my body, I feel the tension melt away from it. Slowly but surely.
Before I make my way all the way back down the hill, I can hear the town humming with energy.
Its residents up and hoovering over in the town square for their morning workout.
No doubt my parents are there as well. Trying hard not to draw any attention to myself, I slip behind a bright pink building and just stand there, watching them like a weirdo.
I deserve points for admitting I am one, but I can’t stop watching them.
These are the people I grew up around—still here, still happy, and living life to the fullest. Very quickly my eyes zone in on Sam and Nina Colson—Luke’s parents—and wait a minute…
is that Alec Colson up on that stage warming up to lead the workout?
The tall, muscular but in a surfer-kind-of-way guy with dark brown, slightly curly hair and artsy tattoos covering his arms turned slightly and…shit…that’s Luke’s younger brother, Alec.
Wow! He was just a boy, barely a teenager, when I left and now look at him! There is another guy standing next to him, this one a lot larger, with long, blonde hair tied in a bun, and if not for the ridiculously short shorts in a duck print, I’d say he’s a real-life Viking!
He must be new to LC because I’m 100 percent I’ve never seen him before and judging by the number of young girls—and not-so-young girls—lined up in the front row, wearing the tightest spandex clothing they could find, I’m going to assume these two get up to a lot of trouble around here.
I should catch up with Alec sometime, he was always trying to tag along with us, following his brother like a lost puppy and I wonder how he’s doing without Luke here.
Slowly, I take in everyone else. Fifi is still as chirpy as she was before. Mrs. Fanny Lovsil, the owner of the Tough Love gym, is still wearing her signature neon-colored adidas tracksuit—and she’s in that front row eyeing the Viking dude suggestively.
Oh God…no, just no! Fighting a shudder, I continue scanning the crowd that’s growing bigger and bigger with every minute but soon enough my eyes lend on Lily and Dean Lovinski, Callum’s parents, standing surrounded by their friends as they stretch and laugh about something.
They, like Luke’s parents, don’t look much different apart from some gray strands in their hair and deeper, well-worn smile lines around their lips. Unbidden and without permission, my eyes track around them to see where Julie, Cal’s sister, is.
I assumed she’d never leave Loverly Cave seeing as she fits right in here, but as I search more and more around, I don’t see any hints of bright, wild red hair, freckled nose, and funky skirts flashing anywhere.
Something cracks inside my chest. Something that has no business cracking.
Maybe I’ll ask Mom later if she knows where Julie went, although I still can’t picture her actually moving away. Any time someone would mention it, she got teary-eyed but maybe she finally had enough of the mocking.
Julie didn’t have it easy growing up. She was pretty different from the other kids because she totally embraced the whole hippy lifestyle from birth.
No one ever took her seriously though, and a few times Cal or I, or even Luke, had to step in and throw some punches to get her classmates off her back.
Julie never seemed to be too bothered by it though. The girl wore her smile like I did bloody knuckles. With pride, contentment, confidence, and joy.
A couple of minutes later, the workout has started and I decide to slip away again, using this blessed time where most of the local crazies are busy to stroll around town uninterrupted.
In some ways, nothing’s changed at all. Love and Peace Bar still sits at the very end of Love Street, facing the ocean. The small, cute emotional support cars still drove around town, although they did get upgraded to newer models.
I used to think it was the most idiotic idea ever. I mean, who needed to have a Love Car, a Hug Car, and a Peace Car driving around town, offering their services to those in need? Now? I’m tempted to flag one—or all of them—down.
There are a few new shops like Earth Child Boutique—Little J would probably love that name—and there’s You Know You Want It Tattoo Parlor at the end of the street.
We didn’t have an actual parlor before. If someone wanted a tattoo, they’d bang on Mr. Colson’s door, and he’d do one from his home.
Luke always complained about the weird shit people asked his dad to ink on their bodies.
Maybe I’ll give that one another look after breakfast. Speaking of which, there are a few new cafés on Love Street. I sand there staring at two almost identical places with perplexing amusement.
Why is there Bagels ’n Love and Bagels ’n Peace right next to each other? That looks ridiculous to me but then I remember which town I’m in and just shake my head, deciding I don’t want to know, especially since they both sound damn good to my rumbling stomach.
Before I cross the street and go in, a different building catches my eye.
The one right next door to Fifi’s Goods.
The one that used to be a fabric store but stood abandoned for years after its owner passed away.
What was her name? I can’t remember, yet I distinctly remembered Julie standing in front of it, speaking to the empty space.
I remember Kimmy, my girlfriend at the time, muttering, “Well, she finally lost all her marbles.” I remember a lot.
Like the skirt Julie was wearing had these flowers sown into it.
Or the way her Henna tattoos covered both her arms.
And her feet. Her tiny bare feet bouncing happily around the ground when she told us how she wanted to bring the magic back.
The rest of that day was a blur. I don’t remember what else we did or where we went or what we talked about. That was all.
But now the building is no longer abandoned. It looks to be freshly painted in a bright yellow color with those crawling type of roses covering each side of the entrance and wrapping around the sign at the top. The one that reads, Sip of Love.
A coffee shop, maybe? I could definitely use some of that after the night I had. I cross the street and open the funky front door. It isn’t glass like I thought it was, looking across the street. The material seems to be like recycled plastic, but is thick and sturdy.
The windows off to each side of the entrance looks to be made of the same stuff, and underneath them more colorful flowers stick out from the overflowing boxes.
As soon as I enter, a sweet aroma fills my nose. It isn’t your usual scent of a coffee shop but somehow it smells even better. Slightly tart, fruity, and very fresh. It’s like an early summer day or a late spring day. And…cherries. It smells like cherries. The scent is infused into the walls here.
Speaking of which, they are covered in all kinds of flower art. And I mean actual dried flowers put together into elaborate art pieces that fit right in. The tables and booth are made from wood, but once again, it looks to be a recycled type of material.
It’s beautiful—stained in different shades of brown and each table carried a vase with fresh red and orange flowers in them. Those same vibrant colors I tend to steer clear off.
I’m so caught up gawking at the breathtaking interior, I don’t see how long the line to the counter is.
It looks like everyone who isn’t at the work out is here. And then I glance up at the black chalkboard menu on top and sigh.
I knew it was too good to be true.
Mushroom coffee, mud water, matcha, balance tonics, and a bunch of weird vitamin-protein-electrolyte shakes are written all over the board. The most normal option on there is herbal tea. Excuse me— handpicked with love herbal tea.
I might be embracing my hometown now, but I’m not that far gone yet. Dejected, I’m about to turn around and head out when a flash of golden orange catches my eye. The painstakingly familiar shade of orange.
Is that—I take a step to the left out of line to get a better look, and sure enough—a young woman with a gorgeous deep shade of red hair stands behind the counter. Her back is to me as she’s making a drink and I can’t see her face, but the view from the back has my heart picking up its tempo.
She’s wearing her wavy hair half up-half down, the up part in a small braid sliding down the rest. A simple, skin-molding white T-shirt is visible beneath her light-colored denim short overalls that somehow look sexy as hell. Especially with the way the bottom part sits very snugly around her ass.
She’s painfully, familiarly gorgeous from the back. Her figure with just enough to hold onto and I find myself standing there, unblinking with only two words on my mind.
Turn around. Turn around. Turn around.
I need to see her face.
It’s just a second…her body makes the move to turn…
I suck in a sharp breath…and then… fuck me.
“Birdy?”