8. Julie
Julie
“Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.” – Leo Buscaglia
“ M orning, little J.”
I almost thought last night was a dream. Almost convinced myself of it until his low, gravelly voice scattered over my skin like the gentlest of caresses.
Oh sweet daisies, I’m about to hyperventilate like I did last night as soon as he walked out the door. And then I spent the rest of the night staring it my ceiling, remembering every detail of the evening, how perfect it was, how easy it was to talk to him, to just be with him.
That kiss …I can still feel it. It was the briefest of touches, yet it singed like a wildfire. Yes, I’m certain it was a dream. Because a reality as such didn’t exist.
Griffin couldn’t want to kiss me, right? He never saw me like that.
But he’s here. He’s walking through my coffee shop with purpose, his lips curved into a secret smile. The one that says yes, I did kiss you and I want to do it again, and I feel my little naive heart take flight.
What is happening and what do I do with it all?
“Good morning.” I put my chaotic thoughts on pause when Griffin’s at the counter already, his clean, woodsy scent wrapping around my space. “I see lavender is still working its magic on you?”
Griffin chuckles, his brown eyes dancing. “Must be, seeing as I’m about to go talk to Frank Lovehill.”
“Sweet daisies!” I gasp, clapping my hands. “Are you really? Oh, that’s amazing, Griff!” And I truly mean that.
I think Griffin would make an excellent firefighter. He always took on his role as protector seriously growing up.
“Yeah.” He lifts his hand to rub the back of his neck but drops it, poking the inside of his cheek when he sees my smile. “I hate you for pointing it out, you know.” He pouts, and I chuckle.
“How about I make you a special drink for your special day and you can hate me a little less?” I offer.
“That’s the least you can do,” Griffin jokes, his smile giving him away, and I once again love the comfortable banter we seem to fall into every time we see each other.
“Fine, I’ll throw in a croissant as well.”
“Now we’re talking.”
I tell Lia to step in to take the next order and I make Griff’s drink myself, creating a brand-new brew right on the spot. Something that speaks to me.
“Here you go.” I hand over the cup with warm brew in it and a flaky croissant, freshly baked this morning.
“Thank you, Birdy.”
There. There’s my middle name that he turned into my nickname on his lips again.
No one called me Birdy until Griffin started doing it. It was just a middle name before, just something to have like many others do, but he used it back when we were kids, and it forever belongs to him now.
No one else calls me Birdy.
I don’t let anyone do it.
I don’t think it was something I decided on consciously but more of a gut reaction after he left. Someone would say, Birdy and I’d correct them to call me Julie. Even my mom and dad.
“You’re welcome! Come back here afterward and tell me how it went.” Griffin nods.
“I hope you have something for a pick-me-up when this falls through.”
“Oh no! You’re not going in with that kind of attitude, mister! You’re Griffin Owling, you can do anything! Why are you laughing right now?” I ask when I notice him rolling his lips, trying to suppress it.
“That little stomp of your foot was very convincing,” he says and barks out that laugh.
“Oh whatever.” I punch his shoulder, wearing a smile of my own. “Get going already. Don’t waste my magical pep talk.”
“I’m going, I’m going.” He winks, walking out with a smile.
Ugh, settle down little heart … Friends. We are just friends. We can be friends without catching those silly feelings again, right?
As if to remind me that even if I wanted to I shouldn’t, Owen texts me asking when we can see each other again, and I reply saying I’ll let him know when I’m free again.
It’s not that what we have is serious or could even be confusing dating, really. We only shared all of two kisses in all the time we’ve spent together because I can’t allow more.
I can’t lie and go there with him when I’m not ready.
The problem is, after seeing Griffin again I’m not sure if I’ll ever be, but all of my inner thoughts get lost in the chaotic routine that is my work.
I get lost in the never-ending stream of customers, of creating magic in their cups, of sinking my fingers into fresh dough as I prepare it for tomorrow’s sale.
Yet, in the back of my mind, I keep sending positive energy Griffin’s way.
He needs it. I could sense it from the first day I saw him. And I don’t just mean from a week ago.
I’ve known Griffin my whole life—since we were kids—and he always lacked sunshine and whatever happened to him in the Air Force clearly hasn’t made things easier. He seems even more lost now.
I should get him some sage. It always helps me with mental clarity.
The day runs its course, and I might’ve overdone it on the energy syphoning today because I feel drained but it’s nothing a hot shower, hearty meal, and my special brew can’t fix. Right in that order. But before I can take another step, a knock sounds on my door.
Who could it possibly be? Everyone knows I don’t ever lock my front door.
“Birdy! Whatever you put in that cup, I need more of it!” Griffin proclaims as soon as I open the door, his smile is wide and beaming.
His hair sticking out in all directions as if he ran his fingers through it one too many times and his scent is so much stronger than it was this morning.
That woodsy smell, more potent after a day of work and it works like catnip on me. Always had.
I have no idea why I didn’t expect it to be him, but the thought didn’t even cross my mind and now I’m standing here, gaping and inhaling full lungful of him.
Twice in one day.
Maybe I am dreaming after all?
“Birdy?” Griff loses the easy smile he was wearing and replaces it with concern.
“Sorry, I spaced out for a second.” Mm-hmm, we’ll call it that, okay?
“I’m sorry, you must be tired after working the whole day.” He winces, that hand of his already rubbing the back of his neck. “I shouldn’t have just dropped by like that. Um, I’ll just…go.”
“Is that takeout from Peace Out diner?” I squint, stopping him before he has a chance to turn and flee.
“It is.” Griff holds it up. “I thought the least I could do is pay you back with dinner for that magical coffee you made this morning.”
If I didn’t know better, I would say Griffin is blushing, and it sets a tingling sensation in my stomach.
I’m sure that’s not it but try stopping my naive heart.
“Please make your way inside because you’re not leaving now.” I motion for him to come in and an amused expression takes over his features.
“Good to know food is still the way to your heart,” he chuckles.
“Always and forever,” I agree. “You can set it all up on the coffee table or the window. Whichever you prefer. I’m just gonna go grab a quick shower.”
Griffin stops dead halfway toward the kitchen. “Shower? Um”—he clears his throat—“yeah, okay. No problem.” I’m almost at the bathroom door when I hear his quiet mumbled, “Fucking hell…”
Five minutes later, my wet hair in a top knot, I’m eagerly tearing at the container as my stomach rumbles shamelessly and I blush.
“Sorry, I haven’t really eaten today.”
“Then I’m glad I stopped by with this,” Griff says, and I’m glad he didn’t try to reprimand me for not eating better or sooner. It’s like he knows it wouldn’t go over well with me.
“Me too.” I smile. “So, how did today go?”
“It was great, actually,” Griffin tells me. “Frank didn’t ask a single question when I showed up, just handed me the employee forms and started showing me around. He signed me up for a few training classes over at Santa Cruz but with my background, I apparently, don’t need that much.”
“See? I told you.” I nudge him with my shoulder, and he gives me that signature smile of his. Dimple and all.
“Yeah, but I’m still convinced it was your magical drink that contributed to it.”
“Whatever you need to tell yourself.” I laugh but it dies on my tongue the second I open the container. “Is that…” I gape at the contents of my takeout box.
“Caramelized pear, chicken, and apple sandwich on a lavender toast? Yep, it is.”
I open and close my mouth. A few times. “You should go buy a lottery ticket.”
“Why?”
“Because this was the luckiest guess ever and you nailed it!”
Griffin chuckles, unwrapping his own steak sandwich. “No guessing involved. I just got it for you and that’s it.”
“Well, you still managed to get the one thing I love the most on their menu.”
“I know,” Griffin states simply, as if he didn’t just say he knew what my favorite sandwich was.
I feel my eyebrows pulling together. “You knew?”
“Mm-hmm.” He takes a bite of his food and almost immediately a low, guttural moan follows.
The kind that wakes every part of you, setting off a chain reaction of blush, tingling sensations and wetness pooling between your thighs.
What we were talking about just now because, for the love of lavender, I can’t remember.
“I swear no one else knows how to make sandwiches like Kale does. And I’ve tried many places in just as many countries over the years,” Griffin says, and I duck my head down.
I’ve never once wanted to change something about myself but if my skin tone could stop giving me away this easily, I wouldn’t mind it one bit.
“Kale is the best!” I agree, quickly taking a bite of my own food. The owner of Peace Out diner is a good genius where I’m concerned. “How many places have you been to?”
“Too many to count. I lived at the base, so I was ready to go anytime anywhere.”
“You did?” I arch my eyebrows.
“Yeah, I didn’t have anywhere else to be. No other home, so it worked out well for me.”
Maybe so, but that sounds so sad. He felt like he didn’t have a home, just living on the go for years and years.
“What made you decide to leave then?” My question makes him pause as he swallows nervously.
“I didn’t. I was forced to retire.” His voice turned low and somber.
“What happened, Griffin?” I knew, I knew deep in my soul that something happened. Something made him come back to Loverly Cave. I just wasn’t sure if he’d share it with me.
I’m not one of his friends. I’m not someone he shares secrets with, but I want to be.
I always have.
But I won’t push. He’ll tell someone when he was ready, I just hope it’s sooner rather than later because I can see whatever happened is weighing on him.
I’m just about to switch the subject when he utters in a barely audible voice.
“I-I lost someone. My best friend, someone I was partnered with nearly from the start. We were on a mission together and…now I’m here and he’s not.
” There are shadows in his eyes. Dark and miserable.
“I was responsible for that mission, I had a solid plan, but all seemed too calm. Too perfect and…we were having fun. We were laughing and joking with one another until Caleb decided to prove me wrong and left our formation.” He swallows hard.
“I tried to stop him. I tried! I commanded him to get back. I tried, Julie, I tried but…it was too late.”
“Oh, Griffin.” Without thinking, I drop my food and jump into his lap, throwing my arms around his shoulders.
For a second he stiffens and I’m sure he’ll push me away, shut down again and stew in his despair, but I can’t let him do that.
I refuse and so, I cling onto him with desperation I didn’t know I possessed, trying to soak up the memories swirling in his eyes and then, all of a sudden, he lets go with such elation it almost feels like he’s been holding that in for far too long.
His strong arms wind around me, tightening, as he draws me closer, deeper and draws a few ragged breaths.
“It wasn’t your fault,” I say softly.
“Yes, it was, Birdy. I should’ve kept him in line better. We shouldn’t have been messing around.”
“Do you think what happened to Cal all those years ago was his fault?”
“No, of course not,” Griffin says vehemently. The memories of their senior year fresh even sixteen years later.
“Then stop blaming yourself as well. I don’t know what happened exactly, and I won’t pretend to understand all the intricacies of your service, but it sounds like Caleb decided to risk it.
He made that choice consciously. You didn’t send him there.
It was his choice. You hear me? I love this universe.
I love this life but sometimes it throws a lightning through our path and we have to deal with it the best we can.
It’s not our fault. We didn’t ask for it. But it just happened.”
“How do I live with it then? How do I forget?”
“I don’t imagine you can forget.” I pull away just enough to look him in the eyes, my expression serious.
“But you need to keep living. Butterflies rest during the storm because it damages their wings. It’s okay for you to rest too.
When the storm passes you will have all the power for a new fight.
And to live for the both of you now. Just take it one day at a time.
There’s no need to rush, no need to suddenly have all the answers. ”
“Gosh, you really are so brilliant.” Griffin gazes at me with what I can only describe as awe.
“I try.” I smile and when I see a matching one gracing his lips, the urge to kiss it pulls me in. My heart beating one, two beats faster.
I almost start moving. Almost draw nearer when my phone dings, startling both of us and I blink.
Oh, crap…I notice our position, my hands around his neck, and his resting on my hips just above the curve of my butt. I feel him underneath me and heart goes in overdrive. I feel him . All of him.
Crap, crap, crap. How did I get here?
Quickly, I scramble off his lap, shifting back into my seat.
“Are you going to check it?”
“What?” I roll my lips, trying to act all nonchalant.
“Your phone.” He nods toward it.
“Oh, it’s okay, it’s probably just Mom sending me some new recipes.”
Griffin nods and picks his sandwich back up, taking a bite, and I do the same.
“Thank you,” he says after a few minutes. “I needed that.”
“Always.” I smile, meeting his warm gaze and we finish our meal in comfortable silence after that.
But as soon as we are done, Griffin says his goodbye, letting me know he’ll be back for another dose of that magical coffee tomorrow morning and heads out.
It was just a nice, friendly evening, Julie. Just that. No need to waste another sleepless night overthinking it. Or remembering how warm and comfortable he felt. Or how his cock felt, pressing into me through his pants.
Ugh…yeah, no chance of that.
I feel myself slipping down the path I was sure didn’t exist.