Chapter 40 Cole #2
A shivery feeling spread through me. She didn’t get it. She didn’t understand what he was capable of. He’d never back down. I had to make him pay, and I couldn’t show the slightest weakness. He’d only come down harder.
The words left my mouth before I could stop them. “You’re a fine one to talk about letting go. You cling to that old house. It’s crumbling. No one’s living in it. Tiffany’s right. You should sell. Give yourself some peace.”
A shadow crossed her face. “Dad loved that house.”
“He wanted you to sell it. Tiffany told me. He wanted it to be a family home. It’s just bricks and mortar. It won’t bring him back, clinging on to the past.”
Her lips twisted in anger. “That house means way more to me than bricks and mortar, and you know it.”
“I do know, because this hotel means way more than bricks and mortar to me.” And you should know it. “This is all bullshit. He’s going to win. I can’t even get a meeting with the guy selling it. He bought into all this bad press about me being an arsehole. I don’t know how to convince him I’m not.”
She threw her hands in the air in exasperation. “I don’t know, Cole. Have you considered being less of an arsehole?”
Softly piped elevator music drifted in the silence.
A surge of defensiveness flooded me, but she met my glare with her own unwavering defiance and determination.
Her words cut like blades because they were true.
My reflection hit me from every angle in the mirrored lift, like something tormenting, like something that I couldn’t escape.
Staring back at me was a fucking arsehole.
Online and IRL. I had no fucks to give about what other people thought, but Charlotte was my exception.
If Charlotte thought badly about me, then I cared.
She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I knew this wasn’t a real honeymoon, but I at least thought you’d brought me here because you knew I’d always wanted to visit. I thought you’d brought me here because of Dad.”
I wish with all my heart that that was the only reason. “Can’t it be both?”
“No. You brought me here because it was convenient to shaft your father. I was an afterthought.”
“I did what was best for my business. That’s what we agreed this was. You signed a contract.”
I regretted the words as soon as I’d spoken them.
It never went well when I brought up the contract.
This was all pretend. But the kisses felt real, and when I held her in my arms, it felt real.
The truth was it could never be real, because she was right about me.
I was squabbling in a hotel lobby with an old man.
I was petty and vindictive and mean. Damaged goods.
The armor I’d forged to survive my father had shaped me into something ugly. Everyone knew it.
He’d done this. This fucking bastard of a man.
Ruined everything. I could never let go.
He’d fucked me over too much. Charlotte was wrong about me.
I wasn’t unfinished clay. I wasn’t even a vase with cracks and dents.
I was broken pieces scattered all over the floor.
A blade fired in the flames by Philip Thorner.
Charlotte deserved better than my grievances and my pettiness.
She shook her head woodenly. “The contract. Right. How could I forget the contract? You know what your problem is. You say your father ruined you, but instead of rejecting him, you choose to be like him. Every day we get to decide how we show up in the world. You don’t have to be like him.
You could be like your mother. She’s within you, too. ”
I balled my shaking hands into fists at my sides.
“This was her favorite place. The one place she was truly happy. I won’t let him take it.
He’s taken too much from me already. He ruined my life.
I don’t give a fuck what it costs me. I don’t care what the shareholders think.
It’s my fucking company. I gave everything to build it.
They can’t control me. They can’t take it away from me. I’ll fucking destroy them, too.”
She cupped my face, her hands warm and soothing on my cheeks. I didn’t deserve the gentle tone of her voice. “Breathe. It’s OK. Just breathe.”
Irritation made my teeth grind. “I don’t want to breathe.”
A small smile touched her lips. “We all need to breathe, Cole. You loved your mum. I get it. You’re angry.
I’m sure you had good intentions when you went after this place, but look at what it’s doing to you.
You can’t go to war over it. This isn’t helping anything.
It’s good to be strong, but not to be mean.
There is strength in forgiveness and in gentleness.
That’s what my father taught me. I’m sorry that yours taught you so many other things. ”
My hands felt heavy by my sides. A sudden exhaustion washed over me. “Then why won’t you forgive me, Charlotte?”
She shook her head and chewed on her thumbnail. “That’s different.”
“Is it?”
She folded her arms across her chest. “You hurt me. I need to protect myself.”
I swept my arm around. “And what do you think I’m doing? I’m protecting what my mother loved.”
“No. You’re hurting what your mother loved. She loved you. She wouldn’t want this for you. Be honest with yourself, Cole. You’re not doing it for her.”
Her words fixed me to the spot. The elevator doors opened, and relief flooded me to be away from all these iterations of myself in the silver glass.
Charlotte raked a hand over her face and stepped into the corridor. She moved close, but didn’t touch me. “This has been one of the most incredible days of my life. The most incredible fortnight. I can’t do this tonight. Not on our last night.”
All those years ago, I’d broken her heart. I hadn’t meant to. It had broken mine too, but what did it matter now? Easier not to have a heart at all.
She stepped closer and tilted her chin up to me. “I’m exhausted. Let’s get some sleep and talk tomorrow.”
She swiped the keycard against the door to the suite.
It had been so intense between us earlier.
The first time I’d ever felt like she let me make love to her and not just fuck her senseless, and now I could feel her slipping away from me.
I should have kissed her for longer, made her sigh with pleasure more, begged her to dig her nails into my back harder.
I stopped her with a hand on her arm. “Do you still want to go to the Trevi Fountain with me tomorrow?”
She drew her arms tight across her chest and nodded. When she spoke, her voice was quiet and sad, which was much worse than anger. She shrugged. “Let’s see how we feel in the morning. Goodnight, Cole.”