Chapter 14
Chapter fourteen
Barrett
Isaid too much last night. I should have never kissed her. I don’t feel bad for a second about punching that asshole in the face, but everything after was out of line. It was out of line, but I’m having a hard time regretting it.
Leaving Camryn was the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a long time.
Hell, probably ever, but I knew it was the right move.
Maybe that’s why I never concerned myself with right or wrong when kissing a woman.
If it felt right, I did it. And that kiss felt so fucking right.
But I knew if we let ourselves take it where I wanted it to go, we’d be throwing ourselves into the fire that neither of us is prepared for.
That’s why I told Camryn to lock her door last night.
If I knew simply turning the handle wouldn’t let me in, there was less of a chance I’d try.
But I thought about it. A lot. I drove around the same streets for hours after I dropped Camryn at home.
My thoughts swirled with walking into her room, stripping her out of the sleep shorts and thin T-shirt she wore in the mornings.
Thoughts of tasting more than her lips. I wanted my mouth on every inch of her skin.
It wasn’t until hour two that the idea of what would happen after crept in.
Of waking up the next morning and seeing the look on her face that told me what we did was a mistake.
I had to imagine it over and over, had to imagine the awkwardness and regret in her eyes.
That’s the only thing that stopped me from knocking on her bedroom door last night.
I had to convince myself she would hate me the next day just so I could go home and lie in my own bed alone.
And I’ve been convincing myself of the same thing on the ride to the Iron Disciples clubhouse.
This run has been scheduled for about a week.
It’s the first I’ve had since moving in with Syd and Cam.
And it’s the first time I haven’t wanted to go.
I usually love getting out of town for a couple days and being on the open road.
The Iron Disciples clubhouse is fun as hell, and the guys are always up for a good time. And so are the bunnies.
So why did I have to drag myself out of bed this morning and force a cup of coffee down my throat before I made my way to the clubhouse?
Why did I wait until the last minute to leave hoping to catch a glimpse of Cam shuffling into the kitchen like a zombie with the sole purpose of getting caffeine into her bloodstream as soon as humanly possible?
Mornings spent at home were something I looked forward to.
Especially after that morning when I’d wandered into the kitchen without putting a shirt on.
I fucking loved the way Camryn’s eyes practically bugged out of her head when she saw me in only sleep pants.
At first, it made me laugh to myself, but it didn’t take long before I wanted to see how far I could push it, to see if she would break.
What that would look like, I had no idea, but every morning I made it a point to leave my shirt in the drawer, and every morning I got to see her cheeks blush so fucking pretty.
It’s a long-as-hell ride to the Iron Disciples, and when we get there, I’m bone tired. Probably has something to do with the amount of sleep I didn’t get last night.
We park and walk in, immediately greeted by Silas, the club president.
“Welcome to your home away from home,” he says to me and Wyatt, clasping us each in a back-slapping hug. “Where’s everyone else?”
“Jude’s having a smoke. It’s just the three of us this go-round,” Wyatt answers.
“Ozzy needs to stop sending wifed-up guys,” Silas laughs out. “Our girls pull out all the stops when you guys come for a visit. I hate to tell them it’s a wasted effort.” He turns to me and clasps me on the shoulder. “At least we have you to entertain them tonight.”
Any other time we’ve been here, that’s an offer I’ve never refused, but the thought holds little to no appeal. Actually, it holds no appeal at all.
“Let’s get a beer,” Silas says as Jude strides into the clubhouse.
“Silas, you fucking arsehole. How the hell have you been?” Jude grabs the man’s hand and pulls him in for a hard hug.
“You English prick. Heard congratulations were in order,” the Iron Disciple says.
“Word already traveled to Michigan that I knocked up my old lady, huh? I’m touched you keep tabs on me.”
Jude smiles wide and Silas rolls his eyes. “Get a beer, and I’ll have one of the girls make up a plate for you guys.”
Jude, Wyatt, and I are settling at the bar when a bunny I’ve had fun with a few times comes over with a plate of steak and potatoes.
“Hey, Barrett,” she purrs into my ear. Her hand trails up my thigh, and a shiver runs down my spine. Not a good one either. “Why don’t you eat up. I have a friend with me tonight.” Another girl appears at my side, and the bunny puts an arm around her waist. “This is Diamond,” she says.
Like hell that’s her real name. I discreetly move my thigh toward the bar, and her hand slides off. “Nice to meet you,” I say with a polite smile.
The bunny, whose name is escaping me at the moment, startles. She’s a persistent one, though. “I thought we could have a few drinks and then go back to your room and—”
“Not tonight, sweetheart. I’m beat, and we still have some work to do.
” It’s late as shit, but I want to get the truck unloaded tonight so we can head out in the morning.
Usually, we’d stick around until the afternoon, but I know these guys want to get back to their families, and for the first time in my life, so do I.
“Well, let us know if you change your mind,” the bunny says to me, taking her friend by the hand.
“Hey, Chrissy,” Vaughn calls. “Come show Zeke how bendy you are, sweetheart.”
The two girls giggle and head over to where a few Iron Disciples are playing pool. Chrissy hops up on the table, moving the balls, and proceeds to slide down into the splits. That’s when I turn around toward the bar and pick up my knife and fork.
“That’s her name,” I mumble to myself as I take a bite of meat. “Fuck, that would have driven me nuts.”
I look over at Wyatt and Jude, who are wearing matching expressions of confusion.
“What?” I ask around my mouthful, chewing a few more times and then swallowing. Fucking delicious.
“You would rather unpack the truck than go over there and watch the show?” Jude asks, arching his brow.
I shrug and cut another piece of steak.
“What the hell is going on with you, man?” Wyatt asks. “You’re being uncharacteristically well-behaved.”
“Do you want to go watch whatever’s going on over there?” I ask.
“Hell no,” Wyatt replies and Jude shakes his head. “But I have a woman at home. You don’t.”
Jude narrows his eyes. “Do you have a woman at home? Maybe one who’s five-seven, spits venom at you every time you piss her off—which happens to be a lot—and also happens to be your daughter’s aunt?”
“I don’t piss her off that much,” I say. “And she’s not my woman. I just…” I shake my head, thinking about how I can word the clusterfuck happening in my brain.
“You want her to be,” Wyatt finishes for me.
“Fuck,” I breathe out. My silverware clatters against the plate when I drop it and grab the beer, taking several long gulps before setting it back down.
“Yeah. I do. I don’t know, she isn’t some easy piece of ass I can get practically anywhere I go.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Two single people can have a good time without strings or—”
“Effort,” Jude supplies.
“Yeah, never took much of that,” I say. “Camryn is different though. She sees through my bullshit. Always has. But now, instead of hating me, she’s rooting for me to be a better person.
A good father. She sees that I’m trying and actually acknowledges it.
Even appreciates it. I’ve never had that before. ”
“I appreciate you, sweetheart,” Jude says, his hand moving to his chest as he gives me his best impression of a sad puppy dog.
“Fuck you,” I tell him, and he chuckles, letting his hand fall.
“I get it, even if this asshole doesn’t,” Wyatt interjects. “When you find a woman who makes you want to be a better man for her and a kid, it changes something in you. Makes it easy to be that man because you love them.”
“Whoa,” I say, leaning back. “No one ever said anything about love.”
“Maybe the possibility of love?” Wyatt prods.
Jesus Christ, does he expect me to have this figured out this second?
“Going down this path is practically the same thing as dating a single mom,” Wyatt continues. “You have to make sure it’s what you want, especially when there’s a kid involved.”
“I know that,” I grit out. “It’s my kid we’re talking about.”
“And hers. For all intents and purposes, Camryn is the closest thing Syd has to a mom now.”
“Which is why I haven’t made a move.” Well, except for last night, but like hell am I going to share that little tidbit.
“I’m just saying, you need to think about what you’re doing and how it’s going to affect Syd. Camryn isn’t a bunny or a dancer. She doesn’t seem the type to let you in her bed then let you live carefree without any sort of commitment.”
“That’s not what I want,” I tell my meddling brother.
“So you do want something more?” Wyatt asks.
“Yes. Fuck. I do. Is that what you wanted to hear? I can’t stop thinking about her, can’t stop imagining waking up next to her.
Can’t stop wanting to sit with her on the front porch and have our morning coffee.
I want to be awake when she gets home from work, just so I can rub her damn feet and hear about her day.
I want to hold her hand and kiss her in front of God and everyone else any time I want.
I want us to be a real family in every sense of the word.
Not only can I not picture that with anyone else—I don’t want it.
Not when the most amazing woman I know sleeps ten feet from me. ”