Chapter 16 #3
The further into the thick album we get, the more pictures there are of her and Camryn.
They look so happy, so close. I can see the love they have for each other in every picture.
And for the millionth time since I’ve known about Syd, I’m so damn grateful that she had her aunt to take care of her when her mom couldn’t or wouldn’t.
We may have been at each other’s throats in the beginning, but I’ve always appreciated and been in awe of the way Camryn tailored her life to make sure Syd had everything she needed.
“Remember this day?” Camryn asks, running her finger over a picture of the two of them at what looks to be some kind of neighborhood festival.
It’s obviously warm because Cam is wearing a pair of cutoffs and a tank top and Syd is in a sundress and can’t be more than five or six.
My daughter has something painted on the side of her face.
Whoever took that picture caught the perfect shot of my girls as they twirled around, Syd with her head thrown back in laughter and Cam holding on to her with bubbles all around them.
“I think that was at the spring festival at the park, right?” Syd asks.
“Yup. There was a band playing, and you loved to dance. They had that bubble machine, and you said it was like dancing with fairies. You were very into fairies and the idea of magical portals that you could go through to dance with them.” Camryn smiles as she stares at the picture, obviously remembering the happiness of a day that shines through the old photograph.
We go through the rest of the book. Camryn and Syd share stories about most of the pictures, laughing and smiling the entire time.
Even though I wasn’t there the first thirteen years of Syd’s life, this little glimpse into what it was like with her aunt makes me so goddamned happy. I never would have thought this was where we would end up, but I couldn’t imagine being anywhere other than here, happy with my girls.
I look around Syd’s room, taking in the dark oak dresser and the desk against the wall, a bunch of her books scattered on top.
She turned one of the walls into a record display, the album covers of all of her favorite bands hanging on the wall.
I’m so fucking proud that I’m able to give this to her—to provide her with a home where she can feel safe and secure.
My eyes stop on the chair in the corner that Syd uses as a general catchall and see a stuffed animal sticking up from under one of her discarded sweatshirts.
A memory plays through my mind of where I saw the toy the first time.
I’d won it at some fair that Sami and I were at with a group of people.
Camryn was there too, if memory serves, but she didn’t hang out with us, not that she did much.
She usually ran off and did her own thing.
“I can’t believe your mom kept that,” I say, nodding toward the elephant.
Syd and Camryn look over to the chair, and Syd sets the book aside then wiggles to the end of her bed.
She grabs the stuffed animal and hands it to me. “She told me she wanted you to have it.”
My brows shoot up in surprise. I didn’t think Sami ever talked about me to Syd.
“Before she died, she told me to find you and give this to you if something ever happened to her. I don’t know why I didn’t sooner. I should have. I thought she was just doing her typical spun-out rambling. But she told me about you before she died. That’s how I knew your name.”
I take the elephant from her hands and look into her regretful gaze.
“Hey, Syd. It’s okay that you didn’t give it to me right away.
Honestly, I don’t know why she wanted me to have it.
She used to keep her stash in the back zipper.
Said none of the maids would think to look there when they were snooping for her father. ”
I want to swallow the words as soon as I say them. The last thing Syd needs to think about right now is her mom being a junkie. Even though at the time it was just weed and some pills here and there, Sami turned into a full-blown addict when Syd was a kid.
Sydney must see the look on my face. She shakes her head and says, “It’s okay. I made peace with who my mom was.”
Fuck, my kid is something else.
Camryn blows out a breath as she looks at her phone. “I hate to do this now, but I have to get to work. You okay, Syd?”
Sydney nods and smiles at her aunt. “It was nice looking through all those old pictures.” Then her gaze turns to me. “I’m glad you got to see them.”
“Me too, kid.” I stand from the bed with the stuffed animal in my hand, and Syd wraps her arms around my middle.
“I’m glad she finally told me about you,” she says.
“So am I,” I reply around the lump in my throat that’s threatening to choke me.
When we part, she smiles at me and sits down on her bed. “I have homework,” she groans out, and I smile. She might complain about her schoolwork, but my kid is damn smart and loves to learn. That part she definitely didn’t inherit from me. I probably have her aunt to thank for that.
“Okay, I’ll order pizza for dinner,” I say as Cam gets up from Syd’s bed. “I’ll even save you a slice or two,” I tell her.
“You better.”
We walk out of Syd’s room and into ours.
Well, ours as far as a few days ago when I moved all of Cam’s things in here while she was at work.
I told her I was saving her the trouble of having to do it herself, and she could thank me by spreading her thighs over my face again.
She rolled her eyes, but she still obliged.
“You okay?” Camryn asks as I sit on the edge of our bed, holding the cheap toy in my hands.
“Yeah, pup. I’m good. Feel like kind of an ass for saying that about Sami’s stash to my thirteen-year-old daughter, though.” I need to get better at shit not flying out of my mouth as soon as it comes to my head.
“It’s not like she doesn’t know who her mom was, Barrett.” Camryn walks to stand between my bent knees and rest her palms on either side of my face. “Don’t be hard on yourself. You’re a great parent. The best she’s ever had.”
“That’s not true,” I say. “She has you, and you put us all to shame, baby.”
Camryn doesn’t say anything, just smiles down at me.
“Why do you think Sami wanted me to have this?” I ask, holding the stuffed animal between us.
“I don’t know. When Syd showed it to me, I chalked it up to one of the questions we’d never have an answer for.”
“You knew about it?”
Camryn winces. “I should have told you. I’m sorry. I was leaving it up to Syd, then I just kind of forgot about it. I’ve had other things on my mind.”
I chuckle and pull her down to me for a kiss. “I’m not mad, sweetheart. She needed to get to a place where she was willing to hand it over. And I’m completely okay with that.”
Cam bites her lip and looks away for a moment before I gently cup her cheek and turn her face toward me. “What is it?” I ask.
“Do you…” She releases a loud huff of air. “Do you feel…I don’t know…a little off or weird about the fact that we’re sleeping together and you used to hook up with my dead sister?”
My gaze softens, and I pull Cam into my lap. “Well, we’re more than just sleeping together, sweetheart. I don’t know, maybe if that was all it was, it would be different. But what we have, the future I want to build with you, I’m not going to feel bad about that. What about you?”
Cam presses her lips together for a moment before speaking.
“I know you said there was nothing really between you two, but I wonder why she held on to this thing if that were the case,” she says, looking down at the toy in my hand.
“Part of me feels like I’m somehow betraying her by being with you.
The other part knows neither of us meant for this to happen, but there was no way to stop it either.
I didn’t come here or move in with you to somehow take you from my sister. ”
“Camryn, you can’t take something from Sami she never had.
And I would never think of you as the kind of woman who would.
The circumstances of your coming to Shine were awful.
My kid lost her mother. No matter how she was at the end, she was still Syd’s mom and your sister.
I’m so fucking sorry you both went through that.
But I won’t be sorry for having you and Syd with me. ”
Camryn nods and her eyes fill with tears. “I’m not sorry we’re here with you either. But you’re right about the circumstances really fucking sucking.”
Camryn rests her head on my shoulder as I pull her closer to me.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” I say as Camryn allows her tears to fall on my shoulder.
“We can talk about Sami whenever you want. She was a big part of your life. Even though I had my own feelings about her, I’ll always be here for you and Syd. Don’t ever question that, okay?”
Camryn nods against me. “Thank you.” She lifts her head. “I guess it felt weird for me to talk to you about her because of everything.”
“Not weird. Unconventional, remember?”
She lets out a small laugh. “Yeah, definitely that. There are a lot of things I wish I could change, but being with you isn’t one of them.”
“I’ll always be grateful to Sami for having my daughter and for telling her to find me. And I don’t hate Sami. I think she had demons no one knew about.”
“I think you’re one-hundred-percent right about that.”
I turn over the toy in my hand and spot the little zipper on the bottom. “She’d hide a dime bag right here,” I say, opening the bottom.
There’s no weed in the toy, but I do see something else. My gaze shoots to Cam, who is still sitting on my thigh, her brows dipped low in confusion. I reach in and pull out something wrapped in a piece of paper. Carefully, I unwrap the paper and a small thumb drive falls onto Camryn’s thigh.
“What the hell?” Camryn asks, picking it up and examining it. “Why did Samantha have a thumb drive stuffed in there?”
I open the note and begin reading it out loud.
Barrett, if you’re reading this, then I’m probably dead.
Jesus, I can’t believe it’s come to this.
I fucked up and got involved with some bad people from the Bratva.
I’m trying to get me and Syd out of here without anyone knowing.
I don’t know what’s on here, but I overheard a conversation I wasn’t supposed to, and I think he knows.
I can’t take this to Camryn. If they find out she has it, they’ll come after her, and she doesn’t have anyone to protect her.
I know you do. God, I hope you never see this. Take care of our daughter. Sami.
“Oh my God. Barrett, it sounds like she thinks someone was going to murder her for this,” Camryn says, holding the small drive between us.
“Syd thought it was some drug-induced rambling when she told her to take this to you, but what if it wasn’t?
What if she stole this from whoever she was talking about in the note and knew they were going to come after her? ”
My mind is spinning. Camryn’s broken-into apartment races through my head. Jesus, what if she and Syd were there? What the hell were you doing, Sami?
“Do you know who she was seeing?” I ask.
“I have no idea. She didn’t exactly bring her flavor of the month around me.
I knew she wasn’t asking me for money anymore and was gone every weekend with some guy, but that wasn’t necessarily unusual for her.
” Camryn gets up from my lap and walks over to her laptop.
She fires it up then sticks the drive in the port.
“Password protected. Shit.” She turns toward me.
“Now would be a good time for you to reveal that you’re some hacking genius who can get us in with a few keystrokes. ”
“Sorry, babe. That’s definitely not in my wheelhouse. But thankfully for us, I know someone who is.”