29. Barrett
29
BARRETT
What in the ever-loving fuck was wrong with me? I’d spent years alone until Marshall came to live with me. Since then, I enjoyed having him around. This went beyond me wanting to protect him, which I still did. At least he was in an impenetrable building with Reghan.
Why was I so lonely though? I was coming out of my skin. I’d even taken to sitting out front of my apartment building in a folding chair, so I could listen for an old truck. If that motherfucker came by here again, I’d shoot him. You touch my brother, you die. Either he had another vehicle or he was smart enough to stay away. I was certain he knew who I was and what I did for a living. That probably wasn’t a huge deterrent though. He took my brother right outside of where we lived, and we still didn’t know who he was.
Marshall had tried to describe him, but the man wore a mask over the lower part of his face and had a hood up. There was only so much Marshall could make out. On top of that, my brother was afraid. He didn’t need to say the words aloud for me to witness the stark fear that rode him and the relief he felt when he was with me again.
Then there was the asshole chief who’d been on my ass about Jordan. He said he didn’t have anyone tailing me, and I believed him to an extent. He hadn’t said a word about my brother leaving with Jordan. If he had someone on me, they would have noticed them and a lot of questions would have been raised. Which left a person in the building calling it in, not that it was surprising.
If I was being tailed, they would have already called in about me sitting out front with a gun in my hand. I was slowly losing my fucking mind. At least it was dark outside, and I could slip the gun into my coat if a harmless person walked by.
It had been five days since my brother left. Five days of me spiraling.
Reghan took up a chunk of my thoughts. I missed him too. We hadn’t seen each other, but we’d talked on the phone and texted. He was busy doing stuff for Jordan. I got it. I’d been running ragged trying to find the motherfucker who took my brother, but he hadn’t taken anyone since Marshall.
So, I waited.
And waited.
A truck turned onto the block. I perked up, only to realize it was a Jeep and not an old pickup. Oh, but it wasn’t any Jeep. It was my boyfriend’s.
Wait, I wasn’t sure if I could say that. Did Reghan consider me as such? We hadn’t talked about labels.
Reghan drove down the street, turned around, and parked across from me. He shut the truck off and got out, crossing the street in powerful strides, even though he could have been walking to get a cup of coffee for how casual he was. I didn’t bother putting my gun away. It rested on my thigh as I peered up into what I knew were endlessly dark eyes. I wasn’t foolish, at least most of the time. There wasn’t a streetlight over me so Reghan was cast in shadows.
“Are you my boyfriend?” I asked.
“Hi to you too.” He chuckled.
“I’m serious. What are we doing?” It didn’t come out mean or as if I was tired of him. I had far too much time on my hands, so my mind went wild.
Reghan crouched in front of me, putting his hands on my knees. “I think we’re more than that.”
“We don’t live together. Is there a step in between I missed?”
“We could.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t start. I’d have to quit my job, and you know I need that security. Plus, we hardly know each other. We haven’t spent enough time together. You don’t even know if I snore, or if I’m cranky in the morning. I could be miserable to live with.” Why was I talking him out of this? I wanted the man with every fiber of my being, and yet I sat here telling him why he shouldn’t want to live with me. It was a big step though.
“We’re apart for almost a week and you fall back on old behavior?” He stood and offered me his hand. “Come on. Let’s go inside.”
“Can’t. I’m the neighborhood watch. Nobody else gives a fuck around here unless they see Jordan, then they freak out.”
“Bear.” That damn nickname. It shot right through me, zinging around my body, frying my nerve endings in the best way. It also made me vulnerable, cut me open, exposing the real reason I was out here.
It was true I was lonely, and I wanted to catch that piece of shit. If I could find him on my own and handle him, then I wouldn’t have failed my brother a second time.
“What if he drives by when we’re inside?” I whispered.
Just then, a motorcycle stopped in front of us. Sheldon had no helmet on. He only stopped long enough to wink before wedging his Ducati between two cars to park it.
“Fine,” I relented. Reghan thought of everything. Sheldon wouldn’t let anyone by.
Putting my hand in Reghan’s, I stood, holding my gun with the other. We took the stairs to my apartment where I unlocked the door and let us both inside. The place was clean. I’d hardly been in it. Sleeping, showering, that was about it. I even took my meals outside when I wasn’t working. I heard how pathetic that sounded in my head.
Placing my gun on the counter, I shrugged my jacket off as I walked and dropped it to the floor. My body tipped and fell face-first onto the couch.
Reghan gripped my feet and dragged me down so my legs hung off the end and he could sit near my head. “C’mere, Bear.”
My voice was muffled by the cushion. “Why?”
“Because I haven’t seen you for days and want to hold you.”
“How’s Mars?”
“You two text each other all the time. You know damn well how he is, now move your ass.”
“I’m not sure I like this bossy side of you right now,” I mumbled while doing just what he said.
I lifted myself from the couch and straddled him, burying my face against his neck and tucking my arms between us. God, he smelled good and was so warm.
Reghan wrapped us in a blanket he grabbed from the back of the couch. “I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen. When I’m done, it will be your turn. I really want you to hear me, okay?”
I nodded against him. My breathing was slowing, my body relaxing as Reghan’s heat seeped into me. It was more than comfort, more than desire. He was everything I’d ever wanted and denied for too long.
“It’s not your fault Marshall was taken. Nor is it for any of those who were kidnapped. Marshall’s fine. He even has an appointment with Arden, the therapist Jordan has come in once a week.”
I opened my mouth to ask about the therapist, but Reghan pinched my side and told me to hush.
“I repeat, your brother is fine. I’m making sure of it. He enjoys talking with the guards. He loves playing with the dogs. If you could see him, you’d realize it was the right decision to have him stay with me. You didn’t fail him. He loves you. The stories he’s told me about the two of you, the way he lights up when he talks about his big brother, it’s beautiful.”
Tears welled in my eyes. I wanted to see Marshall like that, happy and talkative. That he told stories about us warmed my heart but also made me ache because I was missing out on it.
“This isn’t a reason for you to move in with me, nor would I want it to be. I’m telling you this so you can let go of the guilt. The man I saw outside when I pulled up isn’t the one I love, so knock that shit off right now. You’re better than that. No more sitting outside with your gun. You don’t want to give up your job, yet you could be in a shit ton of trouble if they catch you like that.”
Did he just…
He said….
Love?
That time I did lift my head. “The fuck did you just say?”
“Stop acting carelessly?”
“No, you said the one you love. You love me and that’s how you tell me? Christ, Reghan.” I moved to stand but strong hands gripped my ass and pulled me closer.
“Barrett North, if you don’t know by now that I’m head over heels for you, then maybe you are hopeless. I’ve been fighting it, thinking it was too soon. Seeing your brother in my home, listening to stories, and spending days away from you solidified how I feel. I’m sorry for saying it the way I did, but to clarify, I love you.”
There were the tears again. “Goddammit.” I furiously swiped them away. “This is some serious bullshit. I should be riding your dick while you say that, not crying.”
“You haven’t slept, have you?”
“Define sleep.” Did a nap count? What about dozing off in the chair outside until a car drove by, startling me awake?
Reghan held on to me while he stood and carried me to the bedroom, blanket and all. He sat on the edge of the bed and shifted back until he lay down with me on top of him. “Sleep. I’ve got you.”
Pressing my hands to his chest, I sat up. The room was bathed in darkness, the only light seeping down the hall from the living room. “I didn’t get to talk after you.”
He chuckled. “I’m pretty sure you did.”
“Not about that.” I gently smacked his chest. Damn thing was rock-hard. “The guilt I feel won’t go away because you said what you did, but the words were heard. It’s not a switch I can flip though. As for living with you, do you know how it’s been for me here? I hate being alone, hate being without my brother. I didn’t just lose him this week. I lost both of you. Yeah, you had work to do, so don’t apologize for not being here. But I missed you both so much and for very different reasons. When did I go from being fine on my own to wanting to be surrounded by the people I care about?”
“Life changes and so do we.”
“You’re right. I love you too, by the way. That revelation came to me two nights ago when I nearly shot a rat for making some weird fucking noise. I only realized what it was when it ran away.”
“You could have hit someone.”
“No shit. Anyway, I knew I was losing it, but I couldn’t stop. I want revenge for Mars and the other men. I want to find them. They’re alive, I just know they are, and I need to get to them, but I have no idea where to look.”
“He’ll slip up and we’ll find him and them.”
I nodded. Believing him was difficult. If I didn’t, I’d lose all hope of doing so. “When I finally settled back into the chair, all I wanted was you. Your arms around me and your voice in my ear. I wanted your touch and the way you know how to give me what I need without me having to say a word. I’ve never been with anyone like you. I was upset at first when you and Marshall left, but you were putting him first. You have no idea what that did to me. I couldn’t be upset anymore. You were protecting my brother.” Leaning down, I braced my arms on either side of his head. “I love you,” I whispered. “Please don’t hurt me.”
“Never.”
“I can’t live with you. Not yet.”
“I know. Doesn’t mean I don’t want it though.”
“Jordan’s right. It’s going to come out that we’re dating.”
“What are you going to do when it does?” he asked.
“I’m tempted to go in tomorrow and put a framed picture of you on my desk.”
Reghan laughed and, goddamn, it went right to my heart. “I think you do want to live with me if you’re willing to do that.”
I pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “I want so much with you. I’m afraid and excited at the same time. We have to catch this guy first. Right now, I have access to everything from both sides. Or at least what Jordan grants me access to from him.”
“Okay, no putting my picture on your desk yet.”
“Fine, but it would have been fun though.”
“It would have.”