18. Levi
18 LEVI
“It’s about fuckin’ time,” I growled to myself when I stepped out of the kitchen and found the bar empty. Mostly. Dani and Sela were heading out the door, and Xavier leaned against the bar, which meant Rob was still around here somewhere. I crossed the bar without a word and locked the door, just in case any stragglers decided they needed another drink or three.
My gaze swept over the bar, satisfied to find that the girls had done everything before they left. There was an eerie silence about the bar tonight, and I had a sinking feeling why that was—even without the weight of Xavier’s pitying gaze studying me. “She’s gone.”
He nodded, lips pursed as if he wanted to say something.
Of course she was gone. I really shouldn’t be surprised that she took off as soon as she could. After she spotted Sela coming on to me, again, and took off, I knew I needed to explain what she saw, the same way Xavier had days before. But then my mouth took over and fucked it all up. “I didn’t handle things very well earlier.”
Xavier’s perfect blond brows arched. “How not very well?”
“Horribly. There’s a good chance I fucked things up beyond all repair.”
Xavier whistled. “She seemed pretty upset when she left, but more defeated and hurt than angry.”
“Fuck.” I raked first one hand and then the other through my hair as if that could undo all the mistakes I made today. “We’re having a baby.” It was the first time I said the words out loud, and I waited for the panic to come, but it didn’t. There was fear, but it wasn’t about being a father—it was about being a good father.
“Holy shit. A baby?”
I nodded. “It was a shock, but Rob wants to do this.”
“Of course she does. She’s been a mom since she landed in New York, helping all the models who cycled through, making things easier for them. Her heart was too big for our industry.” He stopped talking abruptly and watched me. “What do you want?”
“I wasn’t sure at first, but I’ve been fooling myself for a while now. I want her, and I want this baby.” Was it too late to get everything I wanted? The fact that she took off instead of staying to fight it out wasn’t a good sign, but that didn’t mean I was done fighting.
Not by a long shot.
The only thing I needed to figure out was whether I was going to her tonight (right now) or whether she needed time to cool off. Maybe in the morning, I’d have the words I needed to say to her laid out perfectly, the words that would get her to see how much she meant to me.
“Whatever you do,” Xavier began, “don’t wait.”
I looked up and frowned. “Are you a mind reader now?”
He smiled and tapped his temple. “I know the mind of a straight man well,” he answered with a grave expression. “You want to get everything just perfect, and you want her to be in a headspace that’ll be more receptive to whatever perfect speech you come up with.”
I shrugged. “Not the way I would’ve said it, but yeah.”
Xavier smiled, but it slowly faded. “Don’t wait,” he advised again.
“Why not?” I was curious why he thought it was a bad idea.
“Because if you give her eight hours, twelve hours to get used to living without you, she will. Don’t give her time to make plans that don’t include you, time to figure out how she’s going to do it all on her own. Every minute you give her is another minute for her to remember how badass she is.”
I frowned. “I don’t want her to be with me because she needs me.”
Xavier smiled. “Look, Levi, I know she can do this without you. I know that she’s an incredible woman who’s going to kick motherhood’s ass. You know that too. But a woman like Rob—once she sets her mind on a path, well, that’s it for you.”
My heart donkey-kicked my chest at those words. Suddenly, I understood what he was saying: Once she started envisioning a world where she was without me, she wouldn’t even consider going back. “Got it. Let’s go.” I smacked my hands together, eager now to get to Rob. “Come on!”
Xavier took his time crossing the bar before he pushed the door open, staring at me with open amusement as I fumbled with locking the door. “Relax.”
I glared at him. “Easy for you to say. Need a ride?”
“Nope. I have a rental, and I’ve booked an adorable B&B, so you two do whatever it is you need to do to figure your mess out. Tell Rob that I’ll expect all the details in the morning.” He gave me a small finger wave. “Good luck,” he called out from the driver’s seat of his rented SUV, and then drove off.
Less than five minutes later, I stood on Rob’s doorstep with my fist hovering over the door, on the verge of chickening out. No chickening out. I tightened my fist and knocked, holding my breath until the door swung open and a teary-eyed beauty glared at me.
“Levi. What are you doing here?”
I gave myself a few seconds to soak in the sight of her before taking a step forward. “You left before we got a chance to talk.”
“I figured we said everything we needed to say,” she shot back between sniffles.
Her tears gutted me, but I couldn’t let myself be deterred, so I took another step forward, and another, until I was over the threshold. “You figured wrong. That was just the beginning.”
“I don’t want to fight with you, Levi.” She seemed exhausted, and there was a small part of me that felt bad, but Xavier’s words echoed in my mind: Don’t wait.
“I’m not here to fight, Rob. I want to talk. Just talk.”
She nodded and closed the door, wrapping her arms around herself as if she needed protection. “Fine. Let’s talk.”
“You were right,” I began, sitting on the sofa and tugging on her hand so that she sat beside me. “I didn’t give you any indication what I was feeling because I didn’t know.” I blew out a breath. “That’s bullshit. I knew what I was feeling, and I kept telling myself it was too soon. That I couldn’t possibly be feeling what I thought I was feeling. That I wasn’t father material.”
“You’re so hard on yourself,” she insisted quietly.
“I know myself, Rob, and I’m the last person who’s going to give me a pass.” I closed my eyes and gripped her hand tighter. “It was never about me not wanting you, Rob. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted another person. It was never about me not wanting our baby either.”
Her bottom lip trembled. “No?”
I shook my head. “It was about whether or not I felt I was good enough for you. For both of you. It was only just me and my mom, and I wasn’t sure I knew how to be what you needed. What a family needed.”
“And now you know?” I heard the skepticism in her voice, and I smiled.
“No, now I’m finally willing to acknowledge what I’ve known for a while. I love you, Rob. I love you, and I want to be with you, and I want to be a father to our baby.”
“Levi, you don’t have to say that.”
“I know I don’t have to, but since I love you, I figured you might want to know.”
Her lips slowly split into a grin. “It is nice to hear.” Her brows crinkled. “You really love me? Because you’ll have access to the baby if you want it.”
“Yeah, Rob, I really do love you. Really.” Each time I said the words, they felt more right. I felt freer. Everything started to feel kind of… perfect.
Rob said nothing for a long time, but her green eyes spoke volumes. She watched me carefully, as if she were memorizing the details of my face, or maybe she was listening to my heart. “Levi,” she sighed heavily. “I told you once before that I learned to listen to a man’s actions because they rarely lie.”
“I remember.”
“And your actions tell me that you care about me. You showed up when I was sick—growly and worried—and took care of me. You let me take over your bar just to get out of Easter Fest. You showed up for me, and you listened to me. You showed me exactly how you felt about me before you even knew.”
I nodded. “And that thing with Sela, I shut it down immediately, Rob. You need to know that.”
“I do,” she insisted. “But hormones are a messy affair.”
“So you’re saying there’s more crazy to come?”
She laughed. “I hate to say so, but yeah, probably.”
I smiled. “That’s fine. I happen to love your particular brand of crazy, and I look forward to seeing more.”
She laughed as tears trickled down her cheeks. “There’s one more thing, Levi.”
“What’s that?”
She leaned in close until we were eye to eye, cupping my face in her small hands. “I love you too. So damn much.”
Scratch kind o f perfect. This moment right here?
Pure fucking perfection.