Chapter 37 #2
Selfishly, I want her here, but I don’t want her dragged through even more muck, spouted by Valdez, because he’s a vengeful dick. As I’m convinced Vee would never use me, or us, to elevate herself, I’m still curious how Valdez knew about Vee as only a select few know our truth.
Whipping off my ball cap, I scratch my head. I’ve been wearing the cap almost all day. I’m still partially in my uniform. I need a shower. I’m exhausted, and I just want to hold Vee. But I can’t.
“I just think it’s best if you go home. Lay low.”
“I didn’t know I was lying high.” Her snarky reply stings as I pace in my hotel room like a caged animal.
I pause, glancing toward the window and walking toward it. The drapes are still open. The city lights glow in the distance. I press my head against the cool glass as if I can see Vee across the vast space.
“Our secret is about to be revealed, Vee.” My voice is low and rough. “I don’t want the shit that can come with a media surge flung at you.”
The phone is quiet a second, and I close my eyes, trying to envision Vee.
Maybe she’s sitting on the edge of her hotel bed, in the same spot I took her last night.
Vee and I have had sex in a lot of locations and positions, but it hits me that we haven’t actually made love. Slow and controlled. Taking our time.
I need more time.
And everything feels like it’s spinning out of control. This feeling I had entering Philly. Almost like a premonition that returning here, something bad would happen.
“I see.” Vee says eventually, but her tone suggests otherwise. She sounds subdued, almost resigned. Not understanding I don’t have a choice but to send her home.
“Look, it’s been a rough day. Let me help you book a ticket.”
“I can book my own ticket, Ross. Thanks.” Her tone shifts, sharp and tight.
A heavy pause fills the phone again before she says, “Good luck to the Anchors, Coach.”
She hangs up as I’m trying to say, “Please, don’t be like that.”
I hate that Vee’s reaction is eerily similar to Patty before she passed. Bitter. Angry. Hurt.
A wave of nausea churns through my stomach as I glance down at the now quiet phone in my hand. Vee is gone. I’d pushed her away. Perhaps I’ve pushed her too far.
Fear and guilt collide. Panic settles in next. What if I don’t ever see Vee again?
That night, I toss and turn. I don’t hear from Vee despite calling again and again, leaving messages, then sending texts. I don’t know if she got a plane ticket and went home immediately or if she leaves tomorrow. I don’t know where she is or how she’s doing with all this.
She sounded so sad, and it kills me that I’m responsible for the pain in her voice. She doesn’t understand how much she means to me.
I love her.
Of course, I want her here with me, but it’s best for her.
I hardly sleep, worried I might never get to hold Vee again. The restlessness of being in Philadelphia is back in triple force. I wake groggy, feeling like I’m hungover even though I didn’t touch a drop of alcohol. Dread is like a thick slug inside me.
In the morning, I finally answer a call from my sister.
“Are you okay? How is Vee?” I imagine my sister and my girl are instant best friends, and it warms my insides that Rena is concerned for Vee. Unfortunately, I don’t have more descriptors for Vee.
“She’s angry.” I sigh, drained and the day has hardly begun. I’m angry, too, underneath my exhaustion. Angry at Valdez. Angry at who ever talked. Angry that I might have lost the only woman I’ve loved in ten years.
“With the press?” Concern fills Rena’s voice.
“With me.” I hang my head, cupping my nape as I sit on a corner of the mattress, toes digging into the lush carpeting. God, I wish Vee was here. I wish she would answer her phone.
Rena gasps. “Ross, what did you do?”
“I sent her home. To protect her.”
Rena is quiet a minute. The silence is almost deafening. “Ross. I love you, but I don’t think Vee needs protection. She needs a man who will stand beside her. Stand up for her.”
“How the hell do you think I got into this mess?” I snap, my head lifting as well as I glare at myself in the mirror across the room. I look like I feel. Wrecked. “Fucking Valdez was spewing shit, and I went after him, defending Vee.”
The headline and photograph come back to me. The one where I’m being held back by my assistant coaches and Bolan is being held back by others. Valdez has a shit-eating grin on his face while another player has a hand on his chest.
“Did you tell her that?” Rena asks.
“I—” I didn’t. I should have started with that. Instead, I started by suggesting she leave.
“Fuck, Rena.” I sigh and hang my head again.
“Don’t dump your happy chance in the river, Ross.”
I know that, I want to snap. Instead, my irritation shows when I say, “Which river?” Certain she means the Delaware River.
“Any of them. Rivers only flow in one direction. Away.”
Fuck. I pick up my cap on the bed beside me and chuck it across the room. My sister is right, and I messed up. I want to hop on the next plane and chase Vee. Tell her how I screwed up, apologize properly, and finally tell her I love her.
Of course, I want her with me. Always.
But for now, my stomach curls again. My gut is sick because I don’t have a choice here.
I have to choose baseball over Vee because I have games to coach.
Hell, I even have another away series after we leave Philadelphia.
I can’t just leave and go after the one thing more important to me than anything else.
Baseball always wins out, but how many more times will I lose my heart?