Chapter 33 #2
“I’m still green for you, but I sure like you in Anchors blue.” He chuckles as he presses a kiss to the side of my neck.
I giggle, shaking my head at how ridiculous he can be. How ridiculously romantic without meaning to be.
I shift, prepared to release him, but he tightens his embrace, looking at me in the reflection. His chin on my shoulder.
“Not yet,” he whispers. “Just another minute.”
Another moment between the two of us.
+ + +
Our spent bodies wrap around each other as we snuggle in the hotel bed.
“I need to tell you something.” Bolan’s voice is serious, tight even, which is so unlike him. “I don’t want any secrets between us.”
I stiffen beneath his hold, swallowing thickly as I worry that he’s found out the secret I’ve been keeping from him. The innocent slip of truth I haven’t revealed yet.
However, as he prefaced this conversation by saying he had something to tell me, my skin prickles, goosebumps forming and not the good kind.
“Oo-kay.” I hesitate, shifting in his arms, attempting to pull away from him, but he holds me tighter, like he’s afraid I’ll slip away.
He rolls me to my back, positioning half his body over mine. His leg between mine. His arms at the sides of my head, brushing back my hair. The weight of his broad chest pins me in place.
The room is dark except for a sliver of light coming from the bathroom where the door is almost closed by not quite. Tulane is used to a night light and I didn’t want her to wake up and be frightened, especially in the unfamiliar surroundings of the hotel.
“When I called you last night, I really needed to hear your voice.”
I swallow the sudden lump in my throat. The prickle of tears almost instant, as if my body knows before my head can catch up that something happened. Something I don’t want to hear. Something I won’t be able to handle, especially after what we just did in the bathroom.
“It was nice to hear your voice, too,” I counter tersely, my voice quivering. I squirm beneath him, preparing to flee.
“Something happened before I called you, and I just want you to know.”
My body goes cold. I’m stiff as a board beneath him. My hand had been on his bicep, but it slips free, fingers clutching the sheets instead. My breathing starts to exaggerate.
I nod. The only motion I can muster.
“Someone hit on me.” His admission slams me in the chest, and I can’t help the strangled gargle that escapes. The rush of pain up my throat and out my mouth.
Bolan continues, the words in a speeding stream of confession. “Nothinghappenedwithher. Ididn’tinitiateanything. Didn’t hardly speak to her. Didn’t do anything.”
My breaths come faster. My heart hammering, the rattling enough to knock me over if I wasn’t already lying down. I don’t know how to respond. Instead, I look away from him, but he gently pinches my chin, forcing me to look at him.
“I want you to know because I’d never do anything to hurt you like that, Ruthie. I am not tempted by anyone but you. I—”
He cuts himself off and I’m grateful that he’s stops his tongue from saying something he’ll regret. Something I don’t want to hear in the midst of a confession about someone trying to pick him up.
“I swear I didn’t touch her. The second I got away from her, I rushed to my room and called you. You can ask Cyrus.”
Because his friend will cover for him. The situation was too familiar. The ache in my chest almost worse than I remember.
Bolan continues to hover over me, keeping me in place. “I just wanted you to know. I made a commitment to you. You’re my white. And we promised to be honest with one another. I’m still your green.”
I nod, but I don’t feel safe. Suddenly, I’m spent in a totally different way than having sex with him in a bathroom. I’m drained, but the tears leaking from the corners of my eyes cannot be withheld.
“No, baby. No, don’t cry. I swear nothing happened.” He leans forward to kiss my lips, but I can’t find it in me to respond. He takes my hand instead, lifting it to his mouth and lingering against my palm. His eyes close. “Please believe me, Ruthie.”
I lick my lips. I want to believe him. Deep down, I’m certain I do, and I attempt to tease him about the situation, but my throat constricts around the words. “You can’t help it that you’re irresistible.”
Bolan lifts his head. “But I did resist. I didn’t want her. I don’t want anyone but you. Only you.”
I nod, still struggling to find my voice. “Why didn’t you tell me last night?” Before I dragged his daughter across three states.
“I didn’t want to worry you. I didn’t want you to doubt me like you do right now. I can feel it. That distrust. And last night, I wanted to hear your voice. Knew you’d calm me down.”
And he didn’t want to tell me the truth.
But he’s telling me now.
Cliff was repentant. He’d beg for forgiveness. He’d assure me it meant nothing.
Bolan isn’t doing that. He’s only asking me to believe him, trust him, that nothing actually happened.
“Shit. I’m just fucking this up.” He lowers his forehead to mine. “I just wanted to be honest, but instead, I’m hurting you.”
“No,” I squeak. “No, I appreciate the honesty. I want the truth. Always the truth.”
“I don’t want you to worry about me on the road. I only have eyes for you, baby. Your eyes.” He rubs his fingertip over my brow and around one eye.
“Your kiss.” He presses one to my lips, the sensation featherlight.
“Your heart.” He lays his hand flat against my chest.
“I’m all yours, flower. Only yours.”
Slowly, I run my hand up his arm again, tracing along the ink before coasting over his shoulder and around his neck, tugging him down on top of me. He relaxes a little, drifting to his side but keeping me pinned to his chest.
“All I can do is trust you,” I whisper. Until he proves otherwise. “But, if you ever feel tempted—”
“I won’t. I swear.” He clutches me harder, pressing his face into my neck, inhaling my skin where I smell like him and me.
“Green, Ruthie. Always green.” He continues to hold me, smoothing down my hair and all I can do is hold on tight in return, and hope he means it.