Sawyer
I would rather die in this forest than repeat another year at Basgiath. Macabre but true. Even the love I carry for my parents isn’t enough to keep me chained to this place for another godsforsaken year if I leave this forest unbonded again.
By the end of this day, I’ll be a rider or a corpse. Period.
I just hope the people I’ve come to care about have better luck than I now expect from this place.
Zihnal definitely shows his favoritism around here, and though he’s never taken a shine to me, I pray he looks out for Rhi, Violet, Ridoc, and Trina.
Kind of hope Tynan meets the pointy tip of a swordtail, though.
Maybe that makes me a dick, but the last thing our kingdom needs is another bully with the ability to wield.
Statistically speaking, we aren’t all coming home today, and that knowledge has me torn up like a battle-mangled sword.
One of my edges is sharpened by the fury that I’m setting myself up for the humiliation of rejection again, but the other is chipped and jagged with the fear that I can’t save my squadmates from the same fate.
The tension of holding both emotions simultaneously is unbearable.
My ribs clamp down on my lungs as I watch my squadmates melt into the forest ahead of me, all carrying their own share of baggage.
Well, except Rhi. That woman practically skips off to her fate with a shit-eating grin.
I have zero doubt she’ll be the first of us to bond.
Confidence like hers is magnetic to everyone around her, but especially to dragons.
I lose sight of Ridoc, sharing one last look and a nod as we head off in separate directions among the trees.
The usual golden undertones to his complexion are still leaning a little green, which I hate for him, but at least he’s taking this seriously.
The fact that he survived Presentation while running his mouth like usual is all that keeps me positive when it comes to his odds.
Too fucking bad, because I really like him.
In fact, he might be my favorite in our year.
His ability to joke about everything balances out my inability to find damn near anything amusing.
I’ve tried hard not to like anyone. It hurts too much when they die… or move on without me.
There isn’t a single rider I still speak to from my squad last year. Maybe that’s why they put us in new squads when we repeat, so we won’t dwell in the misery of staring at the could-have-been of our own future every day in formation.
I tilt my head back to watch the riot of dragons as they fly overhead, and what patches of blue sky were there a moment earlier are devoured by swaths of red, orange, brown, and green scales.
The ground vibrates subtly as the dragons land within the forest, and the blue skies return, just like last year.
But I’m not doing anything like I did it last year.
I try to shake off the heavy weight of foreboding that settles in my stomach while I head eastward, keeping to the perimeter of the forest. A couple of hours later, the sun is shining brightly overhead as I reach what has to be the southern edge. I haven’t seen a single dragon.
Guess this tactic isn’t a winner.
I turn toward the forest, blowing out a frustrated sigh and fighting to get a grip on my emotions, and walk along an enormous cluster of thorn-laden bushes.
Dragons appreciate strength and stability, neither of which are qualities I’m feeling endowed with at the moment.
Now, if a member of the Empyrean is looking for an agitated, overripe first-year repeat with a growing inferiority complex, I’m their guy.
Swear to Dunne, I need an emotional blacksmith to twist all these feelings back into the unbreakable weapon the quadrant expects them to be. Definitely shouldn’t pray to Dunne about that, though, since she’d probably dismiss me on sight for not having my shit in order.
A hand reaches out of the brush and grabs my arm.
My heart stutters.
“What the—” I fling the hand off my arm and jump backward before drawing my sword.
“Oh, thank Zihnal, Sawyer!” Trina steps out of the bushes, twigs clinging to her red hair.
She has to be kidding me, right? It takes a couple of breaths to get my heart out of my fucking throat.
“That is an excellent way to get run through by a squadmate, Trina.” I sheathe my sword.
“There are no squadmates today, remember?” Her brown eyes are wide as she studies our surroundings. “It’s everyone for themselves.”
“You’re safe with me.” I can’t say the same for other cadets out to settle grudges while our professors aren’t looking. The dragons aren’t the only ones with murderous intentions.
“I know. That’s why I came out when I saw you.” She gives me a tentative smile.
“How long have you been hiding in the bushes?” I lift my brows and pick one of the branches out of her hair.
As squadmates go, I respect Trina. She’s quiet, keeps to herself, and avoids the never-ending drama that comes with shoving a bunch of twentysomethings into the quadrant with minimal supervision.
“Maybe an hour?” She wrinkles her nose. “A brown stalked by, and I knew it wasn’t mine, so I took cover.”
“You do know you aren’t going to bond if you spend the day hiding in the underbrush, right?” I snag the last branch out of her hair and drop it to the forest floor.
“You know you aren’t going to bond if you don’t even enter the forest, right?” she counters, folding her arms across her chest.
She’s got me there. Heat stings my neck. I fucking hate that my skin flushes at the first sign of emotional distress. “I’m trying to do the exact opposite of what I did last year, since charging into the middle of the forest didn’t exactly work out for me.”
“How is it working for you this year?” She lifts her brows.
“It’s…not.” I shrug. “Obviously.” Hopefully the others are having better luck, though if Trina and I are any measure of our squad, it’s going to be a shit day.
“Well, we still have at least six hours until nightfall to turn that around,” she says with an optimism I envy, her eyes lighting up. “I’m thinking we head into the forest together.”
“We’re not supposed to go in groups.” I shove a hand into my hair, irritation with everything regarding today getting the best of me.
“Did you go in solo last year?” she asks.
Her tone is innocuous, but the words hit like a punch to the groin, as if I didn’t do every single thing expected of me last year.
“Yes.” My voice rises despite my best efforts to keep calm.
“I did everything by the book, if that’s what you’re asking.
” I throw my arms out at my sides. “Go ahead and try to determine where I went wrong last Threshing, but I hope you’re prepared for disappointment, because I’ve been trying for twelve straight months, and I’ve got nothing! ”
By the time I finish ranting, her eyebrows have reached her hairline.
“Fuck.” I drop my hands to my sides. “I’m sorry.”
“Feel better?” She tilts her head, and a corner of her mouth ticks upward.
I blink and do a quick self-assessment. “Oddly, yes. A little.”
“Good.” She smacks my shoulder. “Look, I wasn’t asking what happened to you last year.
You’ve been pretty clear since Parapet about that subject being off-limits.
I was simply suggesting that we try the group thing, if you didn’t do it last year, considering you said you were taking opposite actions. ”
“Right.” I bow my head and breathe in deeply before lifting my gaze to hers. “I’m sorry. That makes perfect sense.”
She gestures toward the center of the forest. “Shall we?”
I blink. “You still want to team up even though I just lost my temper and displayed how undesirable I am to the fire-breathing dragons in there?”
“Yep.” She doesn’t flinch. “Not like you didn’t find me hiding in a bush.”
“Excellent point.” Neither of us is at our best today. “Let’s do it.”
We turn and walk side by side into the depths of the forest, keeping quiet for the most part. We pause when we hear branches snap, then turn as voices scream in the distance.
“Is this how it was last year?” Her voice shakes as we pass by the severed lower half of a cadet’s body.
Gods, I hope that’s no one we know.
“There were more dragons willing to bond last year, but pretty much.” I throw my arm out in front of her when a set of green claws lands a dozen feet away from us, talons flexing in the soil. So damned close.
Both Trina and I lurch to a standstill as it lowers its head in our direction, leveling a glare. It bares its giant teeth, and a deep growl emanates from its throat.
“Lower your eyes,” I tell Trina, but I keep mine locked on the green.
Bond me or kill me. Your choice.
The green’s eyes flare, but it lifts its head instead of setting me on fire.
My ears strain, listening for whatever call Kaori thinks we’re supposed to detect when our dragons appear, but all I hear are leaves crunching under the massive claws as the green walks directly over us, swinging its sharp morningstartail above our heads as it passes by.
“Feel anything?” I ask Trina.
“No,” she whispers. “You?” Her neck cranes as she turns to watch it go.
“No.” That frustration comes roaring back. Not that I expected the first dragon I encountered to be mine, but it would have been nice.
The dragon disappears among the trees, and Trina turns to me with a furrowed brow.
“You didn’t look away,” she accuses.
“I didn’t.” I start walking, and she races to catch up.
“It could have killed you for your insolence.”
“But it didn’t.” I shrug and slow my steps to make it easier for her.
“That’s pretty self-destructive.” Worry lines her forehead.
“No more so than Parapet or the Gauntlet. Like I said, I’m doing the opposite of what I did last year, and I’m sure as fuck not going to be waiting around when they collect all the cadets who have to restart next year.
I can’t do it again. I won’t.” Sunlight streams into a clearing ahead, and my heart starts to race for a reason I can’t identify.