Chapter 24 Phoebe
PHOEBE
I pretend to be asleep when Ollie comes into the bedroom.
He’s sorry he kissed me. The best kiss of my life, and he regrets it.
I wasn’t that drunk! I wasn’t that woozy in the hospital when I called him my fiancé either.
Yeah, I’m a little bit tipsy now, and at the hospital, the medication knocked me for a loop, but I could have said “sister’s brother-in-law.
” I said “fiancé” because that’s what I wanted.
Even if it was only for a few minutes until it all got worked out, I could pretend to have the life I dreamed of.
It's not that I’m a manipulative person, or an envious person, I’m truly not.
But for once, I wanted to have what others do.
I guess that does make me envious. But I’m not a bad person.
Being alone, being lonely my entire life has been hard.
Today I got to know what that felt like when Ollie dropped to a knee and proposed.
It felt so real. So right. I don’t want to lose that.
And I’m going to. It’s all going to slip away.
He’ll be busy playing and getting to know the team.
I’m sure the puck bunnies will be swarming him.
He’s kissed a woman now. And he’s incredible at it.
If that’s how he is naturally, it’s a good thing he hasn’t been out and about kissing women for years.
They’d never leave him alone. I can’t help but wonder if he’s as naturally gifted at sex. I bet he is. And I’ll never know.
When he comes into the bedroom and slides into bed next to me, I hold my breath, hoping he reaches out to wrap his arms around me and snuggle close the way we have the past couple of nights.
But he doesn’t. He lies on his back before he turns to his side, facing away from me.
It feels like there’s a brick wall erected between us in this king-size bed.
Silent tears slip out as I press my lips tightly together to keep the sobs in.
This is the loneliest I’ve ever felt in my entire life.
I thought I had my heart broken before when some of my ex-lovers left me.
I was so wrong. This is what true heartbreak feels like.
* * *
I don’t know which one of us moved first or when, but somehow, I end up wrapped in Ollie’s arms with my head resting on his chest, my ear resting over his heart.
It’s strong, steady beat soothes me. The light isn’t the moonlight I fell asleep to.
It’s the soft light of dawn streaming through the window.
This would be the perfect way to start any day…
if my bladder wasn’t screaming for relief.
There’s no holding it in. If I don’t get up now, there’s no way I’ll ever be able to show my face in Devil’s Den again.
They’ll post pictures of me saying, “Warning: Bed Wetter” throughout the employee areas.
Reluctantly, I ease out of Ollie’s arms, tears coming to my eyes when he resists and tries to snuggle me closer. Would he want to hold me if he was awake? Probably not. I use the powder room so I don’t wake him. And so he won’t hear me if I start crying again.
I’m not drunk or even tipsy. Stone-cold sober with a slight hangover is my current situation.
There’s a Tylenol left, so I take it with a swig of water.
Sleep won’t be happening, and I don’t want to disturb Ollie by tossing and turning.
I wonder if there’s anything left from our dessert last night?
Opening the fridge, I see my mug of cocoa.
He’s such a sweet man to save it for me.
I put the mug in the microwave, popping a marshmallow in my mouth while I wait for it to get hot.
I sip it slowly as I stand at the window and watch the sun rise over the ocean.
It’s so beautiful here. The ocean always soothes me.
In the summer, we’d stay at my grandparents’ house in Ocean City, and I was at the beach every moment I could be.
Some years, I even convinced them to spend weekends there in the fall and winter.
That’s how I first encountered the seals that would winter in the area and started volunteering at the stranding center.
If I had the opportunity, I’d choose to be a seal shifter.
Being able to glide through the water so effortlessly would be heavenly.
People think fat seals are adorable, and the blubber is an advantage for keeping warm in cold ocean waters and added buoyancy.
It’s not appreciated the same way on my human female frame.
“Phoebe.”
My name in Ollie’s deep, sleep-roughened voice sends shivers up and down my spine in the best way possible. What would it be like to hear him say my name like that in bed?
I can see him behind me reflected in the window glass. He’s adorably rumpled from sleep with his brown hair sticking up.
“You okay?” he asks.
Turning from the window, I nod. “Yeah, I’m fine. Did I wake you? I’m sorry.” I heft my mug. “Thank you for saving my cocoa for me.”
“You’re welcome. And you didn’t wake me up. I noticed you were gone and wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
He took such wonderful care of me last night, but I don’t know what to think.
Was it my friend Ollie taking care of friend Phoebe like he would for anyone because he’s a kind man, or was it my fiancé Ollie caring for his fiancée Phoebe because he’s falling in love?
He was really into our kiss last night, but then he said he was sorry.
I wasn’t as drunk as I had been earlier, but I was still feeling the berry lemonade, so I’m not completely certain if he was sorry we kissed because I was drunk and he was being chivalrous, or if he was sorry we kissed period.
Did my being drunk disgust him? I feel so stupid that I didn’t realize there was alcohol in the lemonade.
It tasted different than what I usually get at the casual restaurants I go to for happy hour with Andie, but I figured that was because we were in a fancy restaurant and they were using better fruit.
“I’m okay. I had to use the bathroom and came out here so I wouldn’t wake you. I realized I wasn’t going to fall back asleep, so I was watching the sunrise.”
“Beautiful,” he says. But he’s looking at me, not out the window. This is all so confusing. Maybe I’m still drunk?
“You should try to sleep some more. I’m used to getting up early for work,” I say. “Normally I’d have already been up for a few hours and at work—this is a sleeping-in day.”
That makes his brow furrow as he steps forward to join me at the window.
He turns to face me and leans his shoulder against the window.
The way he crosses his legs is sexy. I love the dusting of dark hair across them.
It turns me on. I guess if I’m going to develop a body-hair fetish, it’s convenient I’m in love with a Bigfoot shifter.
“Really? Why do you get up so early?”
I grin. People don’t understand bakery hours.
“To get everything baked and ready for the day. Some things we can prep ahead, but it still needs to be baked that morning. Things like cookies, we can mix and put on baking sheets and roll into the walk-in fridge so they get put in the oven in the morning and bake while we’re mixing other things. It’s a system.”
He nods. “So, you work from 5 a.m. until 2 p.m.? How early do you go to bed?”
“Ideally, I’m in bed by 10 p.m. Sometimes I nap for an hour or two when I get home from work.”
A flash of sadness crosses his face. “So you won’t be able to come to my home games when you start working again?”
I reach out to rest my hand on his arm.
“I’m going to your games. I’ll take a nap in the afternoon if necessary or get less sleep.”
“You know,” he says with a flirty smile, “I take naps before games too. We could nap together.”
I don’t trust myself not to say something inappropriate, so I give a noncommittal, “Hmm,” and pat his arm lightly.
Yeah, we’d nap. Sure. Now that I know how this man kisses, I don’t think I can go back to being platonic cuddle buddies.
The sun is up now, so I turn away from the window. “If we’re not going back to bed, what do you want to do? We can finish up the dessert leftovers and then go check on Marsha and then head to the condo. What time do you have to leave?”
I don’t know if we should talk about what happened with the kiss or leave it be since things seem okay now.
I guess leave it because I don’t want Ollie to be upset before his first road trip with the team.
If he still says he’s sorry we kissed, my heart’s going to be broken, and I’m not sure I can keep up the facade of our engagement.
If he’s happy with our kiss and wants to do it more, it’s going to be so hard to be apart.
Frustrating. I’d rather not know either way until we’re together again.
“Alvarez is picking me up at noon. So, yeah, let’s finish dessert and then head out. I’m pretty sorted to be able to pack quickly, so we don’t have to rush.”
It’s real. He’s going to be gone. It’s only been a few days, but being with him 24/7 feels so right.
I’m going to miss him. At the risk of being a horrible friend, Andie will probably be in the same boat, missing Colby, even though Andie swears they aren’t dating.
We should have stuff for the show to keep us busy.
We share the leftover cake slices and chocolate-covered strawberries but unfortunately, no more strawberry-sweetened kisses.
“Can we stop at the grocery store on the way home? I want to pick up fresh milk, bread, and eggs. I was thinking of making us French toast for breakfast?” I scrunch my nose. “If that’s okay?”
“Of course,” Ollie says. “That’s no problem.”
We check out of the room and load up my car. I direct Ollie to my favorite grocery store and can’t believe my luck when I see they have a key-making machine.